Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Fear of oral


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Fear of oral Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Fear of oral - 6/3/2006 9:35:56 PM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		Then I apollogize, Sinergy.  I attempted to edit out my previous comments but I'm guessing my post count isn't high enough, it says I don't have permission.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Fear of oral - 6/3/2006 9:39:21 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Fair enough, timeoutgirlie.  I accept your apology.  In my mind, everybody in this place has their own path to travel, and it is not
my place to pass judgement.

Enjoy your evening.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to timeoutgurlie)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 2:30:28 AM   
Johm1902


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		I do not understand the remark “Dominant man want this” (oral sex) Imo sex has nothing to do with SM  activities, it might be a part of a relation which goes beyond D/s or M/s but I do not see why a Dominant man even should get out of his clothes when guiding and teaching his slave or she should be trained as a sex slave. To often man see this as a way to be able to have sex. Is true Dominance not about training and guiding your slave? For me this means sex might be part of it but more often it will not and certainly not doing things she is not able to do or really not willing to do. Hard limits should be respected at all times and a true Dominant will not even try to force his slave into something she really is not able to or willing to do. No discussion.
So Dominant man who force you to have (oral)sex all the time and force you to do things you do not want to are calling themselves for the wrong reason dominant, it is then just an easy way to fulfill their sexual desires.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 4:17:05 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		I hated the idea of giving oral - I wouldn't even do it in cyber play.  And I'd never done it with any of my partners.  Hard limit, totally revolted by it.

But with my current partner, suddenly and for no reason that I can see, I'm fine with it.  He's so sweet and kind and loving, and I really want to give him as much pleasure as he gives me.  Also, he never demands I give him oral, and if I choose not to that's fine, so I don't feel pressured. 

Maybe, with the right person, it will cease to be a problem for you. 

And if you can't do it - then don't.  There's so many ways to give and receive pleasure that you'll find some great substitutes. 

(in reply to Johm1902)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 4:20:20 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Seems pretty simple. On your profile, you put "No oral. It's not negotiable." Then if someone contacts you and "demands" oral, then you tell the person to bugger off (today, I'm an Englishman...don't know why) because that person wasn't interested enough in you to actually read your profile before contacting you.

Be fearful of the control freaks that contact you stating: "You're not truly submissive UNLESS you do...". My response would be "You're not truly getting this submissive BECAUSE you said...."

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 4:32:29 AM   
fellatrixkris


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Yes...
The fear like I said comes from  years of abuse.
Id be happy to never do oral, at the same time I feel like getting over the fear might help me deal, maybe it wont!!
Id like to hear from the men on this


Honestly I just can't understand, I mean I can cum just from giving oral to my Master but hey thats me! I do think that if its somthing you really want to get over, finding someone you TRUST completely is VERY important here, also someone who won't FORCE it on you and who will go slow, taking time to let you be near it, inspect it up close, lick around it...ok now im getting wet...hahaha sorry honey, just try to find someone who respects your limits and also is willing to be a teacher, lover, and understanding if you decide to NEVER do it. *hugs*

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 4:48:55 AM   
MasterStoney442


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		Ok timeoutgurlie,
I have read your profile , in there is nothing about giving oral.
 First let me say this. Being a sub the rights are there . Being a slave the rights are of the Masters desire . As a slave there are NO rights but the ones that are given by the Master/Mistress. That is the life style .
I would say that you would not say No to haven your pussy licked. But thats not the point . The point is , in a S/m /M/s Relationship Tis what ever the Master/Mistress wants to have done .
 
Yes we all Know every one has there limits ,even Masters/Mistress's. But in the end it is up to that Master/ Mistress. This life style is not game to be played . It is real. If there some thing that you do not like , That is when you discus it before you get in to the relationship .
 
I am not getting down on you at all . But I see this all the time , one who thinks that as a sub/slave they really do not know what is involved.

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 5:07:03 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		There are still men out there that really don't want, or care for oral. I don't understand this myself, but they are out there. I find it rather disconcerting when everything is going along great, lick my lips, while viewing this beautiful tower of excitement and figure it's perfect for pouncing on and they say.."wtf are you doing? I can't do that"
I guess that's what I get for occasionally dating in the vast streams of vanilla and don't get to pick off a list of what our preferences are. I'm sure there are men in the BDSM arena who don't have that as one of their major criteria when picking a partner as well. You really don't have to like, or do, every single thing sexual activity out there to be a good sub, but you do have to know, like and be who you are to find happiness.
Some people have hard limits, just list this as one of yours.
I would suggest trying to find an analyist who is familiar with BDSM and who you can connect with. You really need to work on the shy portion of not being able to open up to her/him. Lay all the cards on their table so they can help you work through it.

~Big

____________________
ahhhh I see sounds


(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 5:31:46 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		I was never abused sexually in any form or fashion....hugs egnimabrat in the hopes that regardless of her limits---that she seeks help to overcome the pain of such abuse. I don't think the real issue is "Oral Sex" but that she needs to process and heal from such a horrible experience in her past.

I embrace her honesty and adores the fact that she can freely admit there is an issue.

Egnimabrat, I would not engage in oral sex or anything that makes you uncomfortable until you've discovered the core issue and healed so that you can find freedom and happiness in all that you do.


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to pinkee)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 8:09:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Johm1902
I do not understand the remark “Dominant man want this” (oral sex) Imo sex has nothing to do with SM  activities, it might be a part of a relation which goes beyond D/s or M/s but I do not see why a Dominant man even should get out of his clothes when guiding and teaching his slave or she should be trained as a sex slave. To often man see this as a way to be able to have sex.

That's not a bad thing.  For many people, bdsm is EXACTLY a form of sexuality for them, an extension of their sexual being.

quote:

 Is true Dominance not about training and guiding your slave?

No.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Johm1902)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 8:34:16 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

enigmabrat: I have a real issue with oral sex, basically Im terrified of it, most Doms insist on it yet it isn't something I am able to do at least not yet, what should i do?


Depends - do you want to be 'cured' or understood?

Unless you have a requirement that your perspective dom be a psychologist, don't expect the 'cure' to come from him, nor should it. The terrible trauma you experienced in youth doesn't have it's 'cure' in a relationship, vanilla or alternative.

Understanding can come from a partner. As others have pointed out, oral sex isn't necessary for all men. You only need to find one. The easiest way is to do is list it as a hard limit in your profile. You needed go into the reasons. The disclosure you made here took courage. When the time is right with someone you've met you can draw upon this courage to go into it in depth with him.

Meanwhile just be honest with yourself and the people you meet. Good luck!

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 9:08:48 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hello enigmabrat,

I think it is a wild understatement to say that I am sorry to hear of your abuse, especially as a child.

That being said.. I do not think you will find the advice and help you need on this forum to clear up your troubles.  You need a professional councilor, not advice from peers or Masters.

If you really want to overcome this traumatic hurdle.. it will take time and a lot of dedication on your part to get to a place where you can perform oral without it being a re-visitation to that scar within you.

I also think there are a number of men sensitive and smart enough to understand this problem and either be patient enough to encourage counseling and not demand it of you until you are ready, or to simply not demand it of you at all (I still think counseling is in order however, even if you do not seek to find a way to enjoy oral).

I do wish you the best of luck.

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 9:13:24 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Ok here goes
I have a real issue with oral sex, bassically Im terrafied of it, most Doms insist on it yet it isnt something I am able to do at least not yet, what should i do?


Just my thought....you owe it to yourself as a person, a woman and a sub to seek professional help with this issue.  As it stands now, fear of oral is something that has control of your life.  You may decide after this time that you do not want to give oral.  But that will be YOUR choice and not something that is making that choice for you.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 9:22:30 AM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline 		i love, love, love giving oral {male or female}.... in fact i hunger for it....  HOWEVER....  i hate getting it...  i was always told by my former Master that it was a submissive act... So when a man wishes to give oral sex, i try to steer him another way....

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 11:21:28 AM   
gentlypleze


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I'm very new to this lifestyle, and have many fears.  Several months ago, while chatting with someone, I mentioned one thing that I was not comfortable with.   I couldn't explain why, because I didn't really know, but it was just something I didn't want to do.   Later in the conversation, it was that one thing that he "commanded" me to do.   

He also told me that it was "all about him".  He wouldn't work to give me an orgasm.  If it happened, that was ok, but that wasn't the goal.   To me, at the start of any relationship, whether it be in this lifestyle or not, it's not all about sex.   I know others have different opinions, though, and I respect that.
 
I'm new, and learning, but have since then learned that it's not "all" about the dominant.
I need to be happy, too.



< Message edited by gentlypleze -- 6/4/2006 12:04:02 PM >

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 12:50:55 PM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

Ok timeoutgurlie,
I have read your profile , in there is nothing about giving oral.
 First let me say this. Being a sub the rights are there . Being a slave the rights are of the Masters desire . As a slave there are NO rights but the ones that are given by the Master/Mistress. That is the life style .
I would say that you would not say No to haven your pussy licked. But thats not the point . The point is , in a S/m /M/s Relationship Tis what ever the Master/Mistress wants to have done .
 
Yes we all Know every one has there limits ,even Masters/Mistress's. But in the end it is up to that Master/ Mistress. This life style is not game to be played . It is real. If there some thing that you do not like , That is when you discus it before you get in to the relationship .
 
I am not getting down on you at all . But I see this all the time , one who thinks that as a sub/slave they really do not know what is involved.


I fail to see what point this message was intended to have, and to be honest, I'm not even quite sure that it was meant to be directed to me.  Maybe you meant to direct it toward the member who originally created this thread, enigmabrat.

In any case, I agree with what I believe to be your main point, that a sub/slave has no choice for it's all up to the will of the Dom/Master.  That said, the choice a sub/slave does have is in choosing the right Dom/Master for her, and this is what my messages to brat are all about.  She needs to decide if she will or won't engage in oral sex, and then she needs to decide on the right Dom/Master for HER based on that decision.

While I agree completely that once IN the relationship, you surrender yourself to your Master, he is just another Dom guy until you accept him as your Master and he accepts you as his slave.  BEFORE there is that commitment, even a slave has choices.

The only point I can address is what significance my preferences on "haven" my "pussy licked" has on this thread

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 5:40:06 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		OK lets say Im NOT interested in EVER doing oral,
to the Doms out there, is that something you could live with??

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 6:05:53 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		I had been with a couple of different girls in my early twenties who were afraid of oral for the same reason...though they would do it sometimes, it was just too overwhelming for them. I would suggest counseling to deal with the abuse. Otherwise it will always control you.

C



_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 6:08:51 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		well, like I said, my friend found one...




_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Fear of oral - 6/4/2006 6:30:50 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

I had been with a couple of different girls in my early twenties who were afraid of oral for the same reason...though they would do it sometimes, it was just too overwhelming for them. I would suggest counseling to deal with the abuse. Otherwise it will always control you.

C




I am in counsaling

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Fear of oral Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109