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ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn

Im sorry you have a disease that makes weight an issue for you.. but again you dont know whats wrong with him..

Say someone who was supposed to love and cherish you said.. man up dollface.. eat less .. you fat ass.. oh yeah thats all about being a supportive caring partner.. We have no clue about him.. just her.. and her ethical moral imperative to get what she wants fuck who else she walks over on the way ..

I have a husband who has stood beside me through major crisis..I shudder to think what it would have been like if my lifepartner was such as she.... thank god I found a good one

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

why the hell would this woman want to support someone who obviously doesnt give a fuck? But that being said, she doesnt seem to give a fuck about herself or her children. Just her religion and sex needs.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

why the hell would this woman want to support someone who obviously doesnt give a fuck? But that being said, she doesnt seem to give a fuck about herself or her children. Just her religion and sex needs.

Because it may not be his fault.

He could have a tumor on the thyroid.
He could be suffering from depression.

There are things that can cause both the physical and mental problems. If it turns out there's a cancerous tumor causing all this, and that once it's removed he could become his old self, and the problems could be solved then she would feel pretty horrible if she had walked six months before.

Which is why we suggest calling his physician and informing them of what's going on and making an appointment for him. So that if she does leave, she won't feel guilt afterward for not trying to solve it first.

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

Well according to her He:------> During our 12 year marriage he has gained more than 250 pounds and now weighs in excess of 400 pounds.
---------------------------> He is not interested in changing
---------------------------> but if he loves himself enough. Obviously, he does not.
---------------------------> The last conversation we had, i asked him what he intends to do about it and his reply was "nothing".

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Divorce or the threat there of might even motivate him to take action, do you want to sit there and watch him slowly kill himself?

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ORIGINAL: nashsub4fun
i am married to a very vanilla man who is not interested in the lifestyle so i get my needs met away from home. For the past few months, i have been in a long distance M/s relationship with frequent times together. i know what i am doing is no different than having a vanilla affair so that part is wrong. What i struggle with is the idea that i am not getting my vanilla/lifestyle needs met at home and trying not to feel guilty because i get ignored at home. i love my husband but am not "in live" with him and not sexually attracted to him. Not only am i not sexually attracted, but i am repulsed by him. During our 12 year marriage he has gained more than 250 pounds and now weighs in excess of 400 pounds. There is nothing there for me. If you have every known someone morbidly obese, you are aware of all that includes.....body odors, public stares, secondary health issues, etc....

He is not interested in changing and i am not interested in a divorce but i want my needs met! i have tried numerous occasions during our marriage to address this issue with him but nothing works. i've tried, crying, yelling, begging, pulling out the parent card, pulling out the "if you love me and our daughter" card, and even scripture. Nothing works. I know his weight has nothing to do with whether or not he loves me, our daughter, or his parents enough but if he loves himself enough. Obviously, he does not. The last conversation we had, i asked him what he intends to do about it and his reply was "nothing". That is when i made up my mind to search elsewhere for my fulfillment.

i struggle with the idea that i am committing adultery although some would validate it because of my husband's lack of care for himself.

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ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl


There are two issues I see here.

One, he has ballooned up to 400 lbs and he is not interested in finding out why or if there is anything he can do about it. True, there is the chance it could be metabolic or glandular disorder, but he's not interested in finding out whether that's it or not. Personally I don't feel sorry for him because he won't even bother to find out if there's anything he can do about it.

Two, you are in a marriage you are unhappy in but want your needs met even though you don't want a divorce. I'm not using the word adultery because that's a religious judgment word and I'm not going to tell someone else how to manage their relationship with their diety. But you ARE lying and cheating.

Are you telling us that you think two wrongs make a right? Do you seriously think that his not caring for himself enough to find out what's wrong makes it okay for you to lie to him? It's just me, but I think if you are going to stay with him, the least you could do is be honest with him and say something like "Honey, there is nothing left for me here. If you want us to stay married, either things have to change or I'm getting my needs met elsewhere" and tell him what needs to change. At least be honest for crying out loud.

NBMG

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
That was very well said. Honestly, if he tried and failed.....that's better than not trying at all.

But regardless, the cheating isn't justified.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

If your husband had been in a horrible accident, leaving him disfigured, would you feel you were justified to "seek fufillment" outside your marriage?

But he hasn't been in an accident. He's in a situation of his own making and he's not willing to even attempt to gain control of that situation.

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ORIGINAL: nashsub4fun
The last conversation we had, i asked him what he intends to do about it and his reply was "nothing".

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


As others have said, we don't know why he has gained weight, although, also like others, I'm betting on depression, which you know quite well can be a difficult thing for some people to admit to and get treatment for.

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The whole point is that when you marry someone, the phrase "for better or worse" is in there for a reason.  I'm not saying that people don't sometimes find the "worse" to be to much to handle. 

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What I am saying is that she is looking for justification for seeking sexual satisfaction outside her marriage and there is no justification for it.  Divorce is really not that difficult to obtain, neither is separation.

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Most people don't become obese simply because they aren't conscious of what they put in their mouth.  There is ALWAYS an underlying issue, whether it be physical or psychological.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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What I am saying is that she is looking for justification for seeking sexual satisfaction outside her marriage and there is no justification for it.  Divorce is really not that difficult to obtain, neither is separation.

I absolutely agree. I don't think the situation is justification for cheating. It is however, justification for divorce or separation.

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Most people don't become obese simply because they aren't conscious of what they put in their mouth.  There is ALWAYS an underlying issue, whether it be physical or psychological.

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What I do have an issue with is anyone cheating on their spouse and thinking they are justified for it because of any reason, whether it be weight gain or something else.

We all want sexual satisfaction and fufillment in life and have the right to seek it out, but not at the expense of someone else. If you aren't getting in your current relationship and have tried to resolve the problem but have been unsuccessful, then end that relationship before starting another one.