RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts

RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (Full Version)

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Arienos -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 11:49:16 AM)
quote: The point is that even he doesn't know what's wrong with him because he's not willing to do anything about it. He's not going to the doctor to find out what's wrong. He's not willing to even try. He's slowly killing himself by doing nothing. The real problem here is not the man’s weight; the problem is what caused and brought him to the size he is. If it were simply excessive body mass there are a number of tried and proven surgical solutions. The man’s failure to address his size is obviously another issue and I strongly suspect (Brain and body) chemical imbalances but that thinking is based on one personal experience alone. My sister put on a tremendous amount of weight quite rapidly. She went from a size 6 to a 22 in less than a year. After a lot of begging and pleading by my brother and I she finely sought medical assistance and the reason for her weight increase was discovered. It was a long painful road back and she is still in therapy three years later but she is a size 4 now and looks great. The point is there are times where people need to know they are loved before they will return to loving themselves.

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 11:49:40 AM)
Our daughter is 21 so there is no "for the sake of the children" anymore. I was married once before, she was 8 when we married and he adopted her. We never had any biological children together.

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 11:55:24 AM)
As you said, that boat has sailed. I have given up hoping he will change and as bad as this sounds....I just want everything to be over with soon and as painless for him as possible. It breaks my heart to watch him suffer. My hope is that it is a heart attack that will take him very quickly and he does not feel anymore pain. He is suffering enough. I know I'm going to catch crap for that statement.

Lockit -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 11:55:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nashsub4fun WOW! Seemed like I fired up quite a few people. I appreciate all of your comments and have a few of my own as a general reply. (Snip) So you came to a bunch of strangers because you were struggling and now you are back, sounding pretty justified, unwilling to do anything other than what you're doing and seemingly going to continue. So, why did you come here? If all you said was a response to all that was said... then maybe no one gave you what you wanted. (Justification and encouragement in what you want to continue to do, it seems.) Go for it... do it... of course you have the right because you are married to a fat man with elderly parents and you are one honorable wench to stand by them... at least on the surface. Go for it... do it... your lover's family will have no ill effects, nor will you. That better?

LoreBook -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 11:55:40 AM)
So you are too Christian to divorce him, but not too Christian to cheat on him. Is that about it? I smell more than just a little hypocrisy in the air here. The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.

thishereboi -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:04:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nashsub4fun As you said, that boat has sailed. I have given up hoping he will change and as bad as this sounds....I just want everything to be over with soon and as painless for him as possible. It breaks my heart to watch him suffer. My hope is that it is a heart attack that will take him very quickly and he does not feel anymore pain. He is suffering enough. I know I'm going to catch crap for that statement. Then why start the thread in the first place. You have made it clear that you plan on staying around until he dies and have no problem not only trashing your family, but the family of the guy you are fucking around with. So how much is he worth when he dies? Inquiring minds and all.....

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:09:27 PM)
I did not post in order to obtain any online validations. I was simply needing to get something off my chest.

Lockit -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:12:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nashsub4fun I did not post in order to obtain any online validations. I was simply needing to get something off my chest. Funny... I mean, kind of odd. When ever I am being a honorable wench... I never have to vent about it or get things off my chest. It is only when I feel like a victim, martyr or guilty about something that I can't sleep at night and need to vent.

MASTERLIX -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:15:28 PM)
OP: I think I am a little bit confused here. Even in your rant, I couldn't understand the basis of your rant. You are already having an affair because of all the reasons you gave. Are you looking for people to give you the OK? You don't need it, because you are already doing it. If you were contemplating having an affair because of all those reasons, I can understand. But the boat has sailed...not sailed because of the reasons you gave, but because you are already having an affair and mentally and emotionally gone from the marriage. So, here is my question...if you really feel the way you fee about your husband, why didn't you sit him down and tell him that because of all those reasons you gave here, that you have decided to seek your pleasure outside of the marriage? and that you have been seeing someone outside of the marriage for some time now? Then, give him the opportunity or option of staying in the marriage or leaving. Also, you said your affair is in the BDSM arena and that you have a Master now. I will tell you two things, your Master does not have integrity and honor. A real Master would not take you on as his slave when you are not honest with your primary partner. Some Dominants would. But if he is going to claim you as his property, he would do that with honor. Right now, he doesn't have one. I am ashamed of him. Two, as long as you are married, you cannot be his property as his slave, because you are already owned by someone else, at least in commitment to your marriage. The only way he can own you is if your husband gives up his right to you from the marriage and your Master now assumes such authority, power and control over you. As at now, as long as your husband doesn't know, he cannot have such TOTAL authority/power/control over you. Unless of course you are using the word "Master" like comic word. SL

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:17:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX If he is weighing in over 4 bucks, I wouldnt worry about it too much longer - he's going to die soon. That sounds harsh - but thats more often times than not the outcome of that drastic amt. of weight on someone. Maybe he gained all that weight because he doesn't want to fuck her either. He still tries and can get it up but finding it is hard to do.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:29:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nashsub4fun I have given up hoping he will change and as bad as this sounds....I just want everything to be over with soon and as painless for him as possible. It breaks my heart to watch him suffer. My hope is that it is a heart attack that will take him very quickly and he does not feel anymore pain. He is suffering enough. I know I'm going to catch crap for that statement. If you KNOW you will catch crap for that statement, then why did you say it? Here is the "crap" I have to say: Are you serious in that you would rather he die than you just get a divorce? You'd rather he die than you either honor your marriage vows or get a divorce? You may THINK his parents won't be hurt if you stay in the marriage and fuck around instead of divorcing but, you know, infidelity does have a way of being discovered and coming out into the open eventually, whether you want it to or not. If it's really his parents you're worried about, how do you think they'll feel when they find out that you were fucking around on their son? Do you think they would rather you stay married to him and fuck around instead of just being an honest woman and getting divorced? Were it me and my son and daughter-in-law in a similar situation, I would much rather he remain alive and she divorce him, rather than either he die or they stay married while she fucks around. But, that's just me. NBMG

MASTERLIX -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 12:32:56 PM)
OP: What I find interesting is that you are 5'3" and weighs about 220lbs. In so many respects, that is overweight. Maybe if you hop on the exercise routine, that might motivate your husband as well. The point I am making is that, you are in just as much health risk with your weight as your husband, even if he may be almost twice your weight. Have you checked your BMI lately? SL

JanahX -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 1:03:49 PM)
quote: 1. I have tried numerous times in the past 8-10 years to get him to see what his weight is doing to himself, his health, our daughter, me, his parents, our marriage, and his career. His parents, daughter, doctor, and family therapist have also tried. He is not interested in making a change nor finding the root of the problem. As one person commented, "how many times do I beat my had against a wall"? I had no doubt that you did. I cant really believe that so many people here actually thought you had NOT tried to get him to see a Dr. at this point. As said in your post that you have tried everything and "nothing works." quote: 2. I do not want a divorce, not because of religious reasons, but because I do not want to hurt his parents (who are elderly and we share their care), we would both lose financially, and the guilt of knowing he is living alone and getting worse would eat at me. Thats a new one - living a miserable life for sparing some guy who could give a rats ass about you parents feelings. Arnt you the martyr. Well dont leave then. Live there and be miserable together for the sake of money and to save your guilt. At this point you deserve everything you get - misery loves company. quote: 3. He checked out long a ago. One of you commented that if he checked out, he is not upholding the vows he spoke 12 years ago. Being a good provider is more than providing financially for the moment. It is providing for our future and providing emotionally now. One of you gave the example of saving me from a burger. If he cannot get off the couch without a struggle, how can he protect me physically from an intruder? He struggles to bend over and pick something up off the floor and put on his shoes. Obviously you dont care - youve already stated you are staying for what his parents want, and you want to watch him die - because if you didnt, you would feel guilty. quote: 4. This has nothing to do with BDSM and more to do with taking care of my needs. When we first married, he took care of me sexually but as the weight has pulled on, he cannot. He still wants to but toying me, and me giving him a hand job or oral just to get each other off is not fullfilling. No shit - oh well~~ sounds like you better get the kneepads out - cause you aint going anywhere. quote: 5. He bathes daily so personal hygiene is attended to. The problem is but the end of the day, as sweat has collected between the many folds of skins the odor is so foul I can smell him after he leaves a room. Buy some spray then, thats what lots of people do after they take a shit on the toilet and it stinks up the room. quote: 6. Because he check out, I do not feel the quilt many of you seem to think I should feel. I am NOT selfishly throwing a tantrum like a two year old not getting her way. I am a woman who is tired of giving everyone else around her what they want and sacrificing her own needs. It's time I threw myself in that mix. Do what you want to do, youre a grown woman. Youre an emotional masochist. People with no conscious dont feel guilt. Thats why you are able to lie and cheat on him with ease. quote: 7. The one I am having a affair with is also married and in a similar situation. Neither of us are interested in changing the other's living situation and are content with the way things are. good for you. now with that said - who gives a fuck? Why did you post here in the first place if this is just something you wanted to get off your chest. Why not just put it in you cm journal. Oh yes - because I have you tagged as an emotional masochist and you want people to tell you, what you are doing is wrong and that you are a bad person. Big fucking whoopdee-doo. quote: Our daughter is 21 so there is no "for the sake of the children" anymore. I was married once before, she was 8 when we married and he adopted her. We never had any biological children together. Well of course shes adult and out of the house - so glad you put that in your original post. So now its more than clear that youre just hanging around for him to die so you can collect. How do you like yourself these days - look in the mirror and say to yourself WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE I HAVE? I REALLY AM A GOOD PERSON. And for you to throw in any kind of religion in the topic of this thread is a FUCKING JOKE.

OsideGirl -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 1:09:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX Have you checked your BMI lately? SL BMI is bullshit. I'm not arguing that 220lbs and 5'3" is overweight, but BMI says that Master, who has 11% body fat, is obese.

JanahX -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 1:18:44 PM)
quote: I am ashamed of him. Why the hell would you be ashamed of someone elses Master? quote: Two, as long as you are married, you cannot be his property as his slave, because you are already owned by someone else, at least in commitment to your marriage. The only way he can own you is if your husband gives up his right to you from the marriage and your Master now assumes such authority, power and control over you. As at now, as long as your husband doesn't know, he cannot have such TOTAL authority/power/control over you. Unless of course you are using the word "Master" like comic word. EYE-ROLL ---- did you read that on page 565 in "THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF BDSM" - Chapter - This is the way BDSM rules are, and if you dont follow this chapter to a T - you will be banned forever.? Just wondering -

MASTERLIX -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 1:23:53 PM)
I am 5'10 and weigh about 175 and also have about 9% body fat and the BMI says I am overweight. So, I understand where you are coming from. I think my point is that, if she does check that, it would be interesting to see what it says. Maybe her and her husband will have something in common. SL

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 1:51:52 PM)
I watch BL but when I put it on each week, he goes to another room. I also will occasionally watch "my 600 pound life" and he reacts the same way.

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 1:58:26 PM)
I've tried and so had his physician but he will not do what it takes to find out what the problem may be.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 2:04:27 PM)
Nash, there is really only one thing to do here. You have an obligation to treat your husband honorably, but you have no obligation to live in misery. End your affair, and start a divorce proceeding. It really is that simple. You can't continue to live this way.

nashsub4fun -> RE: Marriage, Christianity and BDSM Conflicts (3/20/2012 2:07:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX OP: What I find interesting is that you are 5'3" and weighs about 220lbs. In so many respects, that is overweight. Maybe if you hop on the exercise routine, that might motivate your husband as well. The point I am making is that, you are in just as much health risk with your weight as your husband, even if he may be almost twice your weight. Have you checked your BMI lately? SL Thanks for bringing that up. What I failed to mention when I commented on the various ways I've tried to address this, is that one dof those ways is leading by example. Within the past 6 years I have lost-and kept off-67 pounds. I have meticulously journal everything I eat/drink as well as my exercise. The smaller I get, the bigger he gets. So, yes, I understand my weight is an issue. Tie is an issue I've battled my entire life.

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