RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

lizi -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 2:17:12 PM)
Finding a Dominant is like any other relationship between two people. If you met someone online you hoped to date, would you get on cam with him at the beginning when you barely know him? Would you perform for Mr. Vanilla because he asked for it? What do you do when you're on a date? Everything the guy wants? Or do you remain cautious and protective of yourself? Same rules apply now. Any potential Dom is auditioning for a spot in your life just as much as you are. This isn't some rule that says is you call yourself a submissive you now have to do what strange men tell you to do. You are in control of your destiny, you call the shots. You actively make decisions. The fact that you are submissive doesn't mean you're sitting on the side of the road waiting for anyone to pick you up like stray trash. When I was looking I set up the boundaries of what i was comfortable as a guideline for myself. If someone asked me something that wasn't in those boundaries, I politely declined saying that it was personal information that i wasn't comfortable sharing. Most of the time I let the guy go at that point because he wasn't going to be what i was looking for. You're finding a lot of guys now who just want to get off, if that's not what you want then hold out for something different. Don't paint the site as being all one thing, that's like saying all dogs are bad because one bit you, or all foreign cars are worthless because you got a lemon. I met my Dominant of 3 years here, we started off by writing emails, went to phone calls, and dated till we got the idea that we wanted to stick with each other.

poise -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 2:54:04 PM)
quote: A Dom's cam is something a sub is rewarded with during her training little one and will come near the end of Phase 1 little one This Dom seemed to be following the Internet InstaDom Manual. Phase 1 would probably be concluded by him wanking off, and then blocking you. Keep in mind, you get to call the shots on who and how you interact here, until you actually choose to have someone dictate that to you. Refusing to do something you aren't comfortable doing is ALWAYS an option.

OsideGirl -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 2:57:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise Keep in mind, you get to call the shots on who and how you interact here, until you actually choose to have someone dictate that to you. A very good point. You are equals until you agree to take a submissive role. Until that point, I wouldn't tolerate anyone treating me as less than and I certainly dislike people that don't know me using pet names.

JeffBC -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 3:11:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise This Dom seemed to be following the Internet InstaDom Manual. Phase 1 would probably be concluded by him wanking off, and then blocking you. Hey hey now, I liked that book! It was easy to read with lots of helpful pictures and didn't take much time to bring me fully up to speed on all relevant aspects to owning a human. Keep in mind, you get to call the shots on who and how you interact here, until you actually choose to have someone dictate that to you. ... and the choice does not end there... well.. unless someone has developed some actual mind control tech that I haven't run into. Maybe put more simply to the OP... when I tell Carol to do something she dislikes there are good, practical reasons why she obeys anyway. Within the context of our relationship that amounts to "being an adult and doing stuff you don't like sometimes". When you're dealing with dominants who are giving you "unwelcome" commands I'd urge you to be clear on what YOUR reasons are for obeying. If they sound anything like, "I'm supposed to because...." then I'd urge you to think further.

DarkSteven -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 3:58:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oregongirl So we had a few private conversations before I gave out my Messenger username. Then after the how are you small talk, he says, "That's ok as we will start with the basics. A Dom's cam is something a sub is rewarded with during her training little one and will come near the end of Phase 1 little one. Stand up and let me look at you now." Wanker. Him being able to reward or punish you should come when you have a relationship, not a cam wank. Also, you said elsewhere you've only been here a few days - this is moving faster than I'd like a newbie to move. quote: I resisted because he would not show his face. I blocked him both from my messenger and on CM site. Right move. At this point, he should be finding out about you and showing you about him. It's a mutual commitment to gauging compatibility. It's also possible he's married and that's why he's withholding his face. quote: Since I am new to this scene, what would you say is the best advice for my safety and finding the right dom for me? I think asking for references from other women would be in order, but then those could be faked also. Try to meet people at munches and play parties. It's harder to lie about yourself when there are others around and a grapevine of shared information. That said, you're detecting red flags and responding appropriately - you're not doing anything wrong. quote: I might close out my account here because I also have been asked to beat myself with a hair brush handle after two cam sessions. I don't want to assume all doms are this cruel, but I don't want to do everything a dom asks me to do, especially if I'm not collared to the dom. Whoa there. You don't have to do what a Dom tells you to do if you're not in a relationship with him. Don't blame collarme because a random person asked something of you that you can refuse. And that's not tremendously cruel in my book - I've swatted subs with much more heavy duty than that. Finally, do what a Dom asks if you want, and don't do it if you don't want. quote: Maybe I'm on the right site. Just because I'm on the submissive side, and still exploring does not mean that I am wanting the hard core treatment. Maybe a regular vanilla dating site is for me where my profile suggests that I enjoy "adventure" and seeking a self-confidence man who enjoys a woman to please him. I wonder how I would compose that profile so a Dom would be able to catch that I am indeed seeking both vanilla and submission to my man. What is the term for that? Maybe I am straight while enjoying a few kinks thrown in. Why? You're a submissive woman. Should you connect with a Dominant man, chances are excellent that you'll mesh in the bedroom, especially since you can check out each other's kinks on your profiles. With that as a given, any intelligent Dom will spend time getting to know you - your conversational style, your vanilla interests, your sense of humor, etc., and see if you're vanilla-compatible. If he tries to find out which nipple clamps you've experienced, cut your losses and move on.

oregongirl -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 4:17:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Finding a Dominant is like any other relationship between two people. If you met someone online you hoped to date, would you get on cam with him at the beginning when you barely know him? Would you perform for Mr. Vanilla because he asked for it? What do you do when you're on a date? Everything the guy wants? Or do you remain cautious and protective of yourself? Same rules apply now. Any potential Dom is auditioning for a spot in your life just as much as you are. This isn't some rule that says is you call yourself a submissive you now have to do what strange men tell you to do. You are in control of your destiny, you call the shots. You actively make decisions. The fact that you are submissive doesn't mean you're sitting on the side of the road waiting for anyone to pick you up like stray trash. When I was looking I set up the boundaries of what i was comfortable as a guideline for myself. If someone asked me something that wasn't in those boundaries, I politely declined saying that it was personal information that i wasn't comfortable sharing. Most of the time I let the guy go at that point because he wasn't going to be what i was looking for. You're finding a lot of guys now who just want to get off, if that's not what you want then hold out for something different. Don't paint the site as being all one thing, that's like saying all dogs are bad because one bit you, or all foreign cars are worthless because you got a lemon. I met my Dominant of 3 years here, we started off by writing emails, went to phone calls, and dated till we got the idea that we wanted to stick with each other. Excellent advice lizi...I'm so glad I can come here and trade information. ~smiles at you~ and thanks you very much.

Buzzzz -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 6:27:53 PM)
okcupid may work well for you. do a basic "nilla" profile and answer the questions thruthfully, they"ll figire out you are kinky, and the match % are going to weed out some.

Pballer123 -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 7:31:02 PM)
I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites.

OsideGirl -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 7:49:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pballer123 I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites. I'd tell you to fuck off. I have multiple pictures all of the same person which is proof enough that I'm real.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 8:16:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Pballer123 I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites. I'd tell you to fuck off. I have multiple pictures all of the same person which is proof enough that I'm real. That response made me LOL fur realz. That said, Oside, I could link you to multiple scammer profiles that have five or more photos of the same woman. It isn't hard to tell the difference between a woman and a scammer from how they email or chat. A man who doesn't know the difference either hasn't had women write him back, so lacks experience, or is perspicacity-challenged.

OsideGirl -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 8:33:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Pballer123 I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites. I'd tell you to fuck off. I have multiple pictures all of the same person which is proof enough that I'm real. That response made me LOL fur realz. That said, Oside, I could link you to multiple scammer profiles that have five or more photos of the same woman. It isn't hard to tell the difference between a woman and a scammer from how they email or chat. A man who doesn't know the difference either hasn't had women write him back, so lacks experience, or is perspicacity-challenged. Exactly. While there might be scammers that have multiple pictures, it reduces the number. If someone couldn't take that teeny tiny step of faith and talk to me to see if I'm real.....then, I wouldn't have been interested anyway.

oregongirl -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/18/2012 8:50:57 PM)
Well, now, I did expect this many responses when I first posted my question. lol but I am thoroughly enjoying the debate. Even though it may be a bit confusing to me like "which way to go", I still like hearing all perspectives. I guess from all the discussion thus far, I would say just be cautious be be on alert for those red flags and many of you here have given me many clues. So thanks! What a trip. But when someone like has a light bulb moment, isn't that fun! :)

DarkSteven -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 1:15:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 It isn't hard to tell the difference between a woman and a scammer from how they email or chat. A man who doesn't know the difference either hasn't had women write him back, so lacks experience, or is perspicacity-challenged. Exactly. As I said before, the mesh in the bedroom is much more a given than the mesh outside it. If I'm talking with a genuine woman, she'll welcome me asking her probing questions about why she chose to live in her current location, why she chose her current field of work, etc. A scammer will try to push things along at light speed. And their writing is horrible, and they call me Master right out of the gate. I recently got this gem "hello how are u doing , i am a slave looking for a master and really hoping to have fun and serve him .i am very summisisve and here is my im so that we can chat <fakename>@yahoo.com okay i am wating for u soon okay" I replied with "Hi, I am doing fine and I write every bit as badly as u do. sometimes I look at my crappy writing and assume I must be some kind of scammer passing myself off as an american because my writing is so bad also just like you I have no clue about the lifestyle but still pass myself off as a master like you do a slave okay"

hellionsLight -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 7:23:03 AM)
I think it's a great idea to cam - both ways - when getting to know someone online. Master and I used skyped, which is why I was comfortable with moving to a different state for the first 'meeting' we had in person. If I wasn't 'allowed' to see him, though, I would not like that. But, I'm of mind that if you know the risks, and you still wanna do it, go for it.

kalikshama -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 8:22:42 AM)
MODS! JeffBC would like his cone back. quote: Although I wish I could keep the ice cream cone. I kind of liked having that back again since I still self-identify as vanilla. Jeff - they gave the cone back to Mr. 36,000 posts Ron so if you ask nicely... [sm=bowdown.gif]

kalikshama -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 8:27:12 AM)
quote: I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites. A man who asks me for coffee is going to have much better luck than one who asks me to cam or camera.

OsideGirl -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 8:41:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hellionsLight I think it's a great idea to cam - both ways - when getting to know someone online. Yeah, but that's different than being asked to cam to prove that you're worth even talking to......

JeffBC -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 8:54:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Jeff - they gave the cone back to Mr. 36,000 posts Ron so if you ask nicely... Well yeah but in that case it makes total sense. I mean seriously... who could possibly be more vanilla than "Mr. BlowJob" himeself? Seriously, on the kink scale a blowjob can't be too many steps removed from missionary position. And, as we all know, Ron's a simple man of simple needs.. LOLOL.

GreedyTop -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 9:04:58 AM)
LOL Steven!! Jeff, but have we ever really seen Ron discuss just HOW he gets the blowjobs? For all we know, he has a chick suspended upside down, with one of those gag things that forces your mouth wide open, while he's cropping her tits! Or, he could just do it the old fashioned way ;)

JeffBC -> RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to know me (3/19/2012 9:16:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop Jeff, but have we ever really seen Ron discuss just HOW he gets the blowjobs? For all we know, he has a chick suspended upside down, with one of those gag things that forces your mouth wide open, while he's cropping her tits! Or, he could just do it the old fashioned way ;) Oh come now. Yes we know the answer to this question. It's quite clearly. *Whatever way gets him the blowjob*

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875