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mistoferin -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 10:18:04 AM)
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This is a subject that I feel I am very qualified to speak on and am quite passionate about. I apologize in advance if I offend someone with my post. I am a rape survivor. I have contemplated how re-enactment would effect me. I have experienced re-enactment. I, as a counselor, have also worked with hundreds of women who have been victims of sexual assault or sexual abuse.
Rape fantasies are common amongst women. Rape fantasies are also common amongst survivors of rape. The reality of rape and the fantasy of rape are worlds apart.
For myself, I can tell you that I am the kind of person who isn't easily effected by any short term event in my life. Rape, on the other hand, required a great deal of work on my part to get past. I have done all of the work and although I can't say that I believe that it ever totally goes away, I can say that I can think about it or relay the details without any emotion attached to it at this point. I will also say that there are still times when, out of the blue, something will trigger something and I will be right back there.
Rape play is a very sensitive area. Most of the time you have well meaning people who don't have a good understanding of all that rape encompasses attempting to "manipulate" the mind. My personal thought is that "mind" play is one of the most dangerous forms of play there is. There are far too many variables and a mistake or miscalculation can result in damage that goes far beyond a broken bone or a laceration.....damage that can sometimes never be undone even if it is something that can not be physically seen.
Re-enactment doesn't work in my opinion, because the re-enactment is a seperate event. It is entirely too possible that the mind will not make the connection and will view it as another victimization, even when one can rationally seperate the two on a conscious level. While some responses and memories can get triggered, it is just not on a parallel with the reality. Many times, while the people involved may enter into such an arrangement from a position of trust and care, will come out of it on the other side in a position of injured trust and quite possibly the destruction of any aspect of "relationship".
I can tell you that my experience was exactly that. Not only was the relationship fatally wounded, but I was left with the added bonus of dealing with the aftermath alone as I could not bear to have that man in any aspect of my presence again. Whether it was rational or not, I felt totally victimized once again. After about 20 years of hard work to move past the assault, I found myself right back at square one. I spent the next few months dealing with the constant flashbacks and nightmares. I lived alone at the time, out in the middle of nowhere. I hated to be at home...nights were the worst. I slept in my closet with a loaded shotgun. Now, I can't begin to tell you just exactly how irrational that is for me. Unless you know me very personally you would not understand, but I can say this, I am not the type of person who is easily scared or intimidated. I am more the type of person whose "flight" response seems to be out of order. This event however, caused me to have to go all the way back and start the process over.
Rape play is now a very hard limit for me. I inform every Dominant that I play with that even though it has only happened a handful of times over the years, if I hit a trigger during a scene ALL play stops at that very second. The results of ignoring or pushing past that point with me would be an extremely grievous error in judgement on their part.....and one that I can promise you that they would pay the consequence of. I have had more than just a few Dominants that I have spoken to on the subject offer to "help me" by "re-enacting"....I just say "No Thanks". My mind isn't a playground when it comes to any type of play that carries such a hefty pricetag.
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