RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT

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TxBadMan -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 11:39:47 AM)
Rape is a horrible experience for anyone to have to go through, man or woman. In my experience, and after talking with those who have gone through such trauma, all I can say is that strength is something survivors have in abundance. Even those who still go through the agony on a daily basis. I had known Tikk long before she and I ever started a relationship. She is correct when she say that I was there with her after her ordeal. I continued to be a support stone for her in the years that followed. When we began our relationship, Tikk could not stop the frenzy of panic from overtaking her at the slightest caress. Through the years I had watched the 'cancer' eat at her from the inside out, and finally I decided that it was time to do something to stop it from consuming her. Yes, I did this without her knowledge, and yes, I did this without her consent. Have I ever regreted what I did? No. For HER, it was what she needed to come to terms with the pain, the humilation, the fear, and the all-consuming anger that this had caused her. Could it have backfired on me and pushed her deeper into the darkness. Absolutly and without a doubt. But I had faith in the 'strength' that I knew she had. In addition to this I spent more than a year talking with specialists about the pro's and con's of forcing such a thing on her. In the end, I followed my own instincts and decided to trust in the strength that I knew she had in her. Do I advocate such re-enactments for everyone. Absolutly not. Did we ever partake of rape scenarios again? Absolutly not. Did this 'cure' her. Absolutly not. However, it did give her a sense of control that she had never had before. Control over knowing that she was a good person; that she did deserve absolution; that it was ok to be afraid, as long as you faced that which feared you most. For Tikk, it was the losing of her own control over her own life that sucked her down; and it was the knowledge of how she reacted the first time to that loss that consumed her. Her anger, hatred, and absolute fury during the re-enactment washed away some of the darkness; though it still simmers within her to this day. Now though, she knows that it is ok to have that within her and still be a person she can be proud of. quote: I understand. Thats why I did not say "replaced" by safe ones... because nothing relaces the bad memories. I found that I was terrified of "aspects" of the attack - such as the smell of that cologne. I'd step into an elevator and someone with that cologne would enter and for the next four floors I'd be reliving what happened. When I re-enacted mine, I asked for SPECIFIC things that had been "triggering" flashbacks for years. Your thoughts? If I may answer this Ma'am [:)] Tikk still has flashbacks. She always will. I know this, she knows this. There were time in the past years that just a word, or a certain movement from me would put her back there. I never went out of my way though to trigger such things. Her flashbacks often would have her screaming and huddling in the corner before I even realized where she had gone. I could not do that her, a second time; knowing how hard it was for her after the re-enactment. quote: Since non-consensual rape is about power and anger It is also about hatred, ego, status, and sometimes unconcern. quote: I was able to finally get fucking pissed off and fight the bastard (played by a wonderful, sweet, courageous, non-selfish individual who wore bruises for a week - smiles). Ma'am, lol, after ours, I had 3 broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, a busted nose, and needed 16 stitches down my face. I will say this though; never have I welcomed such fury from a woman as I did that day.

mistoferin -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 11:47:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calandra I know the one who did this for me had nightmares for the next month or so... he truly didn't realize how powerfully a rape victim is affected.... Yes, this is but a small example of "possible" results and what I was referring to when I wrote this: quote: Most of the time you have well meaning people who don't have a good understanding of all that rape encompasses attempting to "manipulate" the mind. The effects of such an undertaking can have a huge impact of either party. The victim doesn't have an exclusive on it.

mistoferin -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 12:07:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TxBadMan Through the years I had watched the 'cancer' eat at her from the inside out, and finally I decided that it was time to do something to stop it from consuming her. Yes, I did this without her knowledge, and yes, I did this without her consent. Have I ever regreted what I did? No. For HER, it was what she needed to come to terms with the pain, the humilation, the fear, and the all-consuming anger that this had caused her. Could it have backfired on me and pushed her deeper into the darkness. Absolutly and without a doubt. But I had faith in the 'strength' that I knew she had. In addition to this I spent more than a year talking with specialists about the pro's and con's of forcing such a thing on her. In the end, I followed my own instincts and decided to trust in the strength that I knew she had in her. I have to ask you because mine was also done without my knowledge or consent, what would you have done if the result was the same as the result of mine....the death of the relationship and a damaged human being who was now left alone to deal with it? Did you have a plan in place for if she had come out of it unable to function and much more damaged than she was going into it? I also have to ask this question....not just to you but to all of the Dominants who undertake these things. If this is someone that you love and care for, and this is an extremely violent act...and you see the person that you love and care for in extreme pain and fear that is not of the "play" variety....how is it that you can manage to keep an erection??? It would seem to me that if you are trying to help someone because you can empathize with their emotional trauma, that fact would erase any sexual aspect of the event. So, does that mean that on some level you are getting off on it?

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 12:18:11 PM)
I've read through the posts here and now I'm wondering how everyone who has done this chose to do it; Was it planned by yourself and your partner and you knew when it would happen? Or was it a (this really doesn't seem like the right word) "surprise", being that you'd talked about it at length with your partner but not actually planned a date or time that it would happen? I'm personally after the unexpected, to be entirely unaware that it's going to happen and not know if it's him or not until afterward. I'd just assumed that this is how everyone would go about it, but now I'm not so sure and curious to know if the majority felt this worked for them solely because it was a planned event.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 12:22:52 PM)
For my experience, we'd discussed specific details. We set it up so that I wasn't sure when the actual scenario was going to begin, but I knew a basic time period we were aiming for.

mistoferin -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 12:24:51 PM)
I had no idea of his plan. We had previously discussed if I thought re-enactment would be helpful to me. I had explained that although I had given it some thought over the years, I had ultimately come to the conclusion that it was too risky to ever try and that I really doubted that it could be helpful. He planned it out entirely unbeknownst to me with the help of another "well meaning Dominant".

TxBadMan -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 1:12:49 PM)
quote: I have to ask you because mine was also done without my knowledge or consent, what would you have done if the result was the same as the result of mine....the death of the relationship and a damaged human being who was now left alone to deal with it? This was something that I had consulted over with the specialists. The very real fact that it could backfire. It was sweated over, and agonized over by me for months. If the result had been different, I would have done what I had always done for her from the first time I had met her. Just been there for her. In any capacity, in any way. I understand that it is small consolation for helping to 'destroy' a person further; but I truly did have tremendous faith in her. Not so much in me, but in her, yes. She never would have been left alone to deal with it. She was not left alone to deal with it when it happened for real; and I would not have deserted her simply because my plans had gone awry. quote: I also have to ask this question....not just to you but to all of the Dominants who undertake these things. If this is someone that you love and care for, and this is an extremely violent act...and you see the person that you love and care for in extreme pain and fear that is not of the "play" variety....how is it that you can manage to keep an erection??? It would seem to me that if you are trying to help someone because you can empathize with their emotional trauma, that fact would erase any sexual aspect of the event. So, does that mean that on some level you are getting off on it? Mistoferin, Ma'am; when Tikk was raped, a shotgun and a baseball bat were used. I will not go into any more detain than that; it is her place to do so. Before you ask, no; I did not bring a shotgun into play. I did however make sure that she felt the cold steel of a pipe, and the splinters of wood against her legs. I would also like to point out that while the gun and the bat WERE used sexually on her; I did not, and never planed to ever actually use the pipe and bat. I wanted her to reach a stage where she felt both, remembered; from her experience what they had been; and I wanted her to fight back with everything that was within her for survival. It was never an intention on my part to use the 'props' that I had brought in. With that said, the minute Tikk felt the pipe on her legs, she went , well, beserk. At that moment, all I became was an instrument for her to take her rage out on. Which is what I wanted. There is nothing sexual, in my own eyes, about rape at all. I don't get excited about the possibility of a 'scene' in which it might play a part. If I had not felt that doing this was so important to her own survival; it never would have come into play or into discussion at all. I deal on a daily basis with brutality of all kinds. It's not something that I take lightly, or in jest.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 1:16:31 PM)
That may be why it didn't "work" for you... You were once again not in control and had no input and no way to stop what was happening. That would only have served to traumatize me more... And I think you made the point I made... Some need this, others simply don't. We all respond differently and cope differently. You's already told him that this wasn't something that would help you. I hate that you had to endure this, really I am.

mastrscait -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 1:22:42 PM)
First of all i have to say what courage and strength it has taken those of you that have gone through these horrific things to post here and talk freely about what you have gone through. i normally do not post, i read. Earlier today i read these posts and wanted to post, but could not find the words to do so. i had to come back, i started bothering me so much i could not think of anything else. With that said please forgive me if i ramble off in a different direction. i have a new question. In re-enacting the past , have you found that memories that you did or tried to supress came flooding back and you now find yourself battling with more demons than you had before? i will give you some background of where i am now and why i ask. A little over a year ago i was seeing a therapist for another reason(maybe or maybe not still remains) through these sessions i discovered that i had repressed this horrible thing, which to this day other than my therapist and typing this post have never discussed with any one, not even my Master. Which of course i am sure He will read this post and know soon enough. There are many things that i still do not know or remember. There are times that i have often wished that my brain would be like a water faucet that i could turn on and just flush everything out so that i could see it all, but of course the brain does not work that way. When these memories first started coming back i went through photo albums, yearbooks you name it trying to force myself to see something and remember. Unfortunately all is still not clear and remains that way. Which maybe that is where it needs to be, i don't have the answer for that either. i am a slave and i will be collared soon by Master and look forward to this day very much. He often talks of my use and possible use by others. W/we have talked of rape play and His desires. i have always fantasied about this now of course wondering if it is the past trying to show itself, i don't know. i know that during many different types of play emotions that we do not understand can arise from no where. i do have this deep fear that this could happen and just wonder if others experienced it. These are my demons and i unlike others here did not tell much about what happened, i guess i am not ready for that step yet, but anything that could be shared would be a wonderful insight and appreciated more than you will ever know. Thanks for sharing.

ErinKingTS -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 1:35:32 PM)
I was raped but not many beleave me because i was 12 and mostly because i was crossdressed at the time back then i was just cding hoping to be able to get rid of my gender idenity disorder i havent felt the need to look back at how much i was hurting he said it was going to make a man out of me

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 1:40:10 PM)
Hi cait, thanks for posting... I "thought" I remembered everything before the re-enactment. At the end of it, I remembered the orgasm and this feeling of new shame and confusion just flooded over me. I think that until I could remember it all, I couldn't finish the grieving process. I will in scenes where I submit, sometimes just "go away" deep into myself. My cubby Tops me and he knows the things I need when I regress now. I remember the first time it happened he didn't expect it and neither did I. I closed off and he thought I was in a good place and sleepy, so he patted my back a little and, thinking I'd dozed off, left the room. When he returned maybe 15 minutes later I was huddled in a corner absolutely completely frantic and out of touch with reality. I didn't recognize him as a person, just as the "one who left me alone". I can't say I was a child, mentally... more like an animal. When he realized I was not okay, he came towards me and I went on the attack.... Thank god he didn't pack his bags and run far away... Even if I go into sub-space, I experience separation anxiety. He knows that when we scene, and I achieve subspace, he'd better not break the physical contact or I panic. If he only has one finger on me, I'm okay... Poor guy has to bundle me up and take me with him to the bathroom if he hasta go... ~shakes head~ I kinda wandered there a bit, but yes, sometimes when I'm very "vulnerable" I remember things that happened in my years being molested. Details that I never knew before, etc. I have to make very sure life in the household is in order when I want to drop my Dominance and submit to cubs. We never quite know whats gonna surface. With him at my side, I can handle anything...

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 1:42:24 PM)
I am so sorry that happened to you... ~shakes my head~ rape is rape is rape... and one person victimizing another is wrong regardless of gender. If you ever need to talk, email me...

rose442 -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 2:00:17 PM)
This is a very interesting topic. Thank you for bringing it up. I do want a rape scene so bad I can taste it. But Master refuses to do it. I was raped repeatedly by my ex husband. And Master says that is a ground He don't want to tread on. And I am not sure why I want it so bad, but I do. I feel deep inside me that I need it. But He refuses. And I do understand Master's side. Rape is something very harmful to ones mind. And it takes alot to overcome it. And there would be alot to deal with if I relived it. But I still feel it is something I need to do. And I trust Master 100% to take care of me and my needs after this would be finished. rose442

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 2:08:36 PM)
wow, I didn't think about including the question what happens if your partner can't/won't help re-create it.... Maybe allowing him to read this thread will help him at least understand you're not alone in this... Don't pressure him about acting on your need though, because if he does it, he's gotta be on board 100% or it will go badly...

JohnWarren -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING sorta grey SUBJECT (6/4/2006 2:25:14 PM)
As I get a number of requests for these scenes, I have some very firm rules. I only play with I know fairly well. That means at least knowing them face to face for several months and having done several fully conventionally consensual scenes. I do require that the submissive have an be willing to use a safeword and I set aside several hours after the scene has been concluded for cuddling and reassurane. Generally, I work alone in this sort of scene but I have been able to "draft" some willing participants from a swing club in an area where I used to live. (A fictionalized account is given on my website) This kind of multiple person scene requires a lot of negotations and a nonparticipant to make sure everything is going well.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING sorta grey SUBJECT (6/4/2006 2:51:24 PM)
You mention a nonparticipant... how does that work?

Tikkiee -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING sorta grey SUBJECT (6/4/2006 2:55:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calandra You mention a nonparticipant... how does that work? Sort of like in the role of a 'referee'? I believe so, anyway.

Sinergy -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/4/2006 4:15:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gem I don't think it ever goes away, something very precious to our selves died the day we were raped/abused, however like all things in which we mourn it becomes much more tolerable, more of a dull ache on rainy days if you will, rather than the sharp deep pain of day to day living. Or at least that is the way it works for me, and others I have spoke to and interacted with. There was a posting similar to this that I responded to a year or two ago. In my women's self defense classes, I have met many women who have expressed to us that they have histories of one sort or another. Since I started doing this sort of thing in the late 1980s, I have often felt a sense that a person who had been raped or assaulted was left with the sense that a piece of their soul had been ripped away and stolen by some heartless bastard in the past. This sense pervades her or his life, and they often seem to me as if they are searching to try to get it back. Women have expressed to me after taking the class that it was incredibly cathartic and therapeutic for them. The hope that I can be a part of helping even one other person find their way is probably one of the reasons I do what I do. Just me, could be wrong, etc. Sinergy

JohnWarren -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING sorta grey SUBJECT (6/4/2006 4:52:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tikkiee quote: ORIGINAL: Calandra You mention a nonparticipant... how does that work? Sort of like in the role of a 'referee'? I believe so, anyway. That is exactly it. Because the nonparticipant is not caught up in the action, he or she is able to observe and make sure that all rules are being obeyed. For example, I noticed in one case, a participant had discarded his condom and was about to "reenter the fray." It took a few pointed words to convince him that this presented a possible threat to the lady and an absolute certain and immediate threat to him. I have found that even the mild activity of getting one's cock sucked can have deprimental effects on one's ability to maintain a unfocused awareness.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING sorta grey SUBJECT (6/4/2006 5:00:29 PM)
thank you so much for adding to this discussion... I wouldn't have considered a referee, but it makes sense, especially in a gang rape type scenario... Then again, I was raped by a single assilant who was my husband's best friend...

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