RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT

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MsterOrionII -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 5:51:55 PM)
I do not normally post on the boards but this one is different. Like was said above this hurts to read to think / know some men do this and damage women so much. I don t understand it really and sort of thankful that that is beyond me. Again as others said above I salute the ladies that have had the courage to survive and talk about it and help each other out like you have done here. Now I have another question for you. I am the father of 3 girls. As much as it hurts to think about the statics are not in my favor that one or more of my girls wont face this. What would you suggest I do for my girls to prevent this in their lives or better their chances. I did see the post about instincts and one lady that did fight back. What else is there any hard facts that increase a womans chance of prevention survival etc? Thank you in advance for any wisdom you share. ORION

heartfeltsub -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 5:57:00 PM)
Teach them to be strong, to learn how to defend themselves, to believe in their own worth and to listen to their own inner voice of warning. Teach them that they can come to you with anything and that you will listen to them and not just try to solve their problems. If they know that they can talk to you and not be judged, that increases the odds that they will talk to you about relationships that they might be in that might not be good for them. But most of all, teach them what a good man is and what he is not, so they know what to look for.

doll -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 6:16:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Teach them to be strong, to learn how to defend themselves, to believe in their own worth and to listen to their own inner voice of warning. Teach them that they can come to you with anything and that you will listen to them and not just try to solve their problems. If they know that they can talk to you and not be judged, that increases the odds that they will talk to you about relationships that they might be in that might not be good for them. But most of all, teach them what a good man is and what he is not, so they know what to look for. Sad to say, but even the men who look and act "good" can be rapists. One can't tell by how a person acts or how they present themselves to tell if he or she is a potential rapist.

doll -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 6:20:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsterOrionII I do not normally post on the boards but this one is different. Like was said above this hurts to read to think / know some men do this and damage women so much. I don t understand it really and sort of thankful that that is beyond me. Again as others said above I salute the ladies that have had the courage to survive and talk about it and help each other out like you have done here. Now I have another question for you. I am the father of 3 girls. As much as it hurts to think about the statics are not in my favor that one or more of my girls wont face this. What would you suggest I do for my girls to prevent this in their lives or better their chances. I did see the post about instincts and one lady that did fight back. What else is there any hard facts that increase a womans chance of prevention survival etc? Thank you in advance for any wisdom you share. ORION I have 4 nieces ranging in ages from 10-15 months old and with the older ones I shared my experience and tell them that they can't trust strangers or people that they know, I tell my oldest niece that just because a person is nice to her doesn't mean he is a good person and to never be alone with strangers...always have her mom or stepdad with her or at least a trusted family friend. I was raped by a friend, so you can't always weed out the bad guys from the good ones. Bless you for raising 3 daughters... I know the hell we put our parents through. Just teach them that no matter what.... IF it happened it isn't their fault and that you will always love them.

Sensualips -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 6:43:06 PM)
Tips for preventing stranger rape are pretty basic. However, most rapes and/or coercion are not strangers. I try the following with my nieces: Teach them to use common sense and not put themselves in dangerous situations. Teach them to trust their instincts or get feeling. Teach them to set clear limits and communicate those. Teach them it is okay to make a scene or make someone angry or generally be unladylike if required. Teach them if they must use drugs and alcohol, to do it with people they trust. Teach them it is okay to say no, to say no only when they mean it, and to express that no in every way - words and actions. Teach them to be assertive. Teach them to maintain a "buddy system" with female friends when they go out "partying." Men also have to be concerned about false accusations. He should communicate clearly, ask for clarification if he is getting mixed messages, and not mistake the lack of a "no" as consent. Again, avoid "seducing" a women when he is drunk or using drugs.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 6:50:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsterOrionII I do not normally post on the boards but this one is different. Like was said above this hurts to read to think / know some men do this and damage women so much. I don t understand it really and sort of thankful that that is beyond me. Again as others said above I salute the ladies that have had the courage to survive and talk about it and help each other out like you have done here. Now I have another question for you. I am the father of 3 girls. As much as it hurts to think about the statics are not in my favor that one or more of my girls wont face this. What would you suggest I do for my girls to prevent this in their lives or better their chances. I did see the post about instincts and one lady that did fight back. What else is there any hard facts that increase a womans chance of prevention survival etc? Thank you in advance for any wisdom you share. ORION Orion, There are LOTS of things you can do... thank you for asking! First and foremost, you can explain often the dangers of this world. Now I don't mean scare them to death, but make sure they don't have a false sense of security. This may sound mean, but my girl's unmentionable recently went through this stage where she felt "invinceable" so long as she could see her mother. She'd lag behind in the parking lot, or go off in the store... I tried and her mom tried to explain that she needed to still be BESIDE us. To no avail... So one night I was staying behind to pay our dinner bill at Denny's. I came out and she was dawdling. As she went between two cars, I came up behind her and grabbed her, covering her mouth. I didn't let her see me. I held her maybe 30-45 seconds, and when I let her go she was hysterical. Now we were in plain view of her mom, and her mom didn't even see this happen. She thought the girl was in the restaurant with me. Needless to say, both were newly terrified that such a thing was possible. I calmly explained that if there had been a van or car parked nearby, I could have abducted her and driven off and she might not have been missed for five minutes. This was a huge wake up call for both of them. Secondly, teach them when possible to walk in groups. If they DO have to walk alone, they should walk "purposefully" and have keys or cellphone in hand. Rapists typically look for "victim" types. If a girl/woman looks as if she'll fight back, they often look for someone weaker. Make sure that they know that being polite flies out the window if they feel threatened. Many victims of rape are scared to "make a scene" until it's too late and the attacker already has control. If their instincts start to fire, they should raise their voice, look for escape routes, and head straight for other humans if there are any. It's amazing what "Help, Police!!!" will do to an attacker's courage. Thirdly, Make self-defense classes and martial arts available - mandatory even. You can run drills where you grab them and they fight back... don't go easy on them, really allow them to fight you and if they break away reward them with praise. You are the primary male in their lives, make sure they know that YOU love them and respect their judgement. Contact your local Police department and ask if there is a local rape prevention organization in your area. They often have statistics and hints on what to do should someone attempt an attack.

MsterOrionII -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:02:54 PM)
Ok I am keeping notes here and this is mostly confirming what I have thought Thanks for all answering. Now is 10 years old to young to start or have I waited to long already?

mistoferin -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:07:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsterOrionII Now I have another question for you. I am the father of 3 girls. As much as it hurts to think about the statics are not in my favor that one or more of my girls wont face this. What would you suggest I do for my girls to prevent this in their lives or better their chances. I did see the post about instincts and one lady that did fight back. What else is there any hard facts that increase a womans chance of prevention survival etc? Thank you in advance for any wisdom you share. ORION Master Orion, You are correct in your knowledge that the odds are indeed stacked to the negative...and the statistics that are available are not reliable as sexual assault is still the most grossly under reported crime. There are many things though that you can do. Raise your daughters to be strong, independent and self reliant. Instill in them a good sense of self worth. Don't coddle them or be soft on them because of their gender. Teach them to get in tune with their instincts and more importantly teach them to NEVER second guess them. Be honest with them and don't shelter them from the knowledge of the things that "could" happen to them. My father taught me how to box by the time I could walk. He constantly taught me how to defend myself. I would suggest getting your girls involved in some type of self defense training or martial arts. As I said in my post, I fought them with everything that I had. Had there only been one of them I think that quite possibly the outcome would have been much different. Unfortunately though, my 85 lbs was no match for their combined 400. I am also a hunter and keep my skills with firearms current. That may sound rather irrelevant but hunting has given me the confidence to know that should I ever be in a me or them situation, I would not have any issues with killing someone should that need arise. A firearm in the hand of someone untrained or who does not fully understand what it is capable of is more dangerous than being unarmed. It has also given me a very deep appreciation for life and an understanding of the taking of one. Teach your daughters to define clear and concise boundaries. Teach them to keep those boundaries strong. Stranger rapes are actually quite uncommon in comparison to the numbers of rapes that are committed by an acquaintance, relative or friend. Teach them to never be afraid to say no...and MEAN it! Teach them that if anyone in their lives tries to push past those boundaries that all bets are then off and the need for being sweet and polite ends at that moment. Teach them how men should treat them....and to never settle for less. In the event of a stranger attack, teach them to NEVER allow themselves to be taken to from point A to point B. The moment of contact is the moment to fight for your life. There are many techniques that can be effective....and it's best to know them BEFORE you need them. For instance....if you can get your hand on an ear, you can sink your thumb into an eye socket in one quick movement....a move that will likely incapacitate someone for long enough to at least give you an edge and maybe alot longer. That is something that doesn't require great physical strength. Don't go quietly. The larger the scene you can make the better your odds that you will be more trouble to him than you're worth. The likelihood of not surviving increases dramatically if that attacker can get you to that second crime scene. I really could go on and on. These are just tips that I feel are important. They are not a guarantee to stay safe. Unfortunately, even when we think we are doing everything we can it is still not failsafe. I do hope this helps.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:12:35 PM)
Men, what do you do to prevent someone thinking that you're an attacker???? (If you're truly not) You move away, speaking calmly and softly. Keep your hands where they can be seen. Do NOT get angry or confrontational. Unless you've ever been raped, you cannot possibly understand the fear a woman feels in this situation. If you know this woman, ask her if she wishes you to go and leave her alone. If her answer is not a clear no, stay where you are (do NOT advance) and ask her to clarify. Don't try to convince her to change her mind. Date rapes are very common as are rapes at the hands of friends and family members. You do not want to become a statistic any more than the woman in question does and it is better to act with a calm cool head than to become angry or aggressive.

Daddyslilgirl82 -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:31:16 PM)
i was raped 3 times in my life, the first one was when i was 16 i was sodomized, it was by my first so called Dom i ever had. What happened was we were camping with my parents at Timothy Lakes in Oregon and we had gone to bed in the same tent and well he just got on top of me and did it i said no and he did it anyway. He also new how i felt about that kind of sex at the time and he took it upon himself to do it anyways. i also kept quiet about it for awhile for like a few months because i thought i loved him what a fool i was huh? Well the second time it happened with the same guy and well i had pissed him off and he threw me on the bed and tied me up and i told him i wasnt in the mood for his bullshit and he said that is tuff and he raped me again. This was the time when i first started exploring D/s and didnt know what was right and what was wrong i wasd 16 young and naive. The third time it happened it was with my 2nd Dom and i was 18 and my childhood best friend had came over and we were drinking and having a good time and he had gotten off from work to see me partying and the look in his eyes, i was like oh fuck i am so busted. He made my friend leave and i was scared to death because he had hit me and stuff before and i didnt know at the time what would happen to me. So when my friend left we exchanged a screaming match and i was thrown up against the wall and you could just imagine the rest. We went to bed and i woke up to him taking my panties off and him getting on top of me and i said no not right now i am so angry with you and he put his hand over my mouth and said dont say a fucking word and i was raped again. As to reacting any of these i havent yet i would like to because i like rape fantasies as long as they are planned not spur of the moment thing. XOXOXO slave ayana

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:38:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsterOrionII Ok I am keeping notes here and this is mostly confirming what I have thought Thanks for all answering. Now is 10 years old to young to start or have I waited to long already? Ten is about the perfect age to really impress this upon them... at this point they are becoming more social, seeking more independence and also feeling that they aren't "babies" anymore... they don't recognize the dangers unless we not only tell them, but show them.... In connection with a discussion, ask if they think they could get away "if" type questions. Then demonstrate calmly different ways they are wrong. stand behind them and wrap your arms around their torso with their arms at their sides... This might sound weird, but Miss Congeniality demonstrates "SING" Teach them to remember to hit as hard as they can like this: Pointed elbow into the Solar Plexus = "S" Stomp with the heel into the Instep = "I" Form a tight fist and slam the back of the fist into the Nose = "N" Form a fist and slam the bottom (opposite the thumb) into the Groin = "G" Now they are taught to be used together, but lets say she cannot reach every spot, pick one and hit as hard as possible then wriggle away. The important thing is not to stop fighting UNTIL she gets away. One other major note: Don't encourage your daughters to sit in ANYONE'S lap. This is a very sweet demonstration of love and affection, but in the eyes of an uncle or a cousin or family friend, etc, it causes mixed signals that might: 1.) Lower your daughters' defenses in recognizing good touch from bad touch. 2.) Encourage someone who is a predator whereas he might not have been tempted before.

Sinergy -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:54:47 PM)
Hello A/all, First off, the bad news. One in three women will be subjected to assault at some point in her lifetime. The average rapist rapes 7 times before tried and convicted, serves 4 years, and rapes again within 6 months. 3 out of 4 rapes are done by somebody the woman knows. While movies tend to focus on stranger rape, acquaintance rape doesnt make the news because it is so banal. Now the good news. 3 out of 4 times, if the woman puts up any effective resistance to the assault at all, the assailant will back off. This resistance can be as simple as using the word "no." The average rapist is 5'8, a coward who seeks to use the victimization of a woman (who he deems weaker than him) to make himself feel strong. Accordingly, the scenario he runs in his head about what happens when he assaults a woman expects her to act a certain way. Act a way he doesnt have in his head, and he will target somebody else. To further that thought. A man who assaults women seeks to beat down somebody weaker than he is. A man who assaults women with a weapon (a small percentage of assaults) needs the weapon to make himself feel more powerful than she is. This translates into the phrase "Im a helpless doofus messing with people weaker than me to feel better about myself, but I am too afraid to face her without a weapon in my hand because she might hurt me." On a related note, perhaps this thread should be changed from rape scenarios (which we are not really talking about any more) to Assaults on women, or some such. Just me, etc. Sinergy

Sinergy -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:57:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Calandra Men, what do you do to prevent someone thinking that you're an attacker???? (If you're truly not) You move away, speaking calmly and softly. Keep your hands where they can be seen. Do NOT get angry or confrontational. Unless you've ever been raped, you cannot possibly understand the fear a woman feels in this situation. If you know this woman, ask her if she wishes you to go and leave her alone. If her answer is not a clear no, stay where you are (do NOT advance) and ask her to clarify. Don't try to convince her to change her mind. Date rapes are very common as are rapes at the hands of friends and family members. You do not want to become a statistic any more than the woman in question does and it is better to act with a calm cool head than to become angry or aggressive. Nice guys thank the woman for her time and leave. The general guideline I give my students is "If the person asks for X (money, directions, etc) and you say "no" or give them to him, and he is still there, he is not there because he actually wanted what he asked for." Just me, etc. Sinergy

Sensualips -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 7:58:44 PM)
quote: Teach your daughters to define clear and concise boundaries. Teach them to keep those boundaries strong. Stranger rapes are actually quite uncommon in comparison to the numbers of rapes that are committed by an acquaintance, relative or friend. Teach them to never be afraid to say no...and MEAN it! Teach them that if anyone in their lives tries to push past those boundaries that all bets are then off and the need for being sweet and polite ends at that moment. Teach them how men should treat them....and to never settle for less. Solid.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 8:07:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsterOrionII I do not normally post on the boards but this one is different. Like was said above this hurts to read to think / know some men do this and damage women so much. I don t understand it really and sort of thankful that that is beyond me. Again as others said above I salute the ladies that have had the courage to survive and talk about it and help each other out like you have done here. Now I have another question for you. I am the father of 3 girls. As much as it hurts to think about the statics are not in my favor that one or more of my girls wont face this. What would you suggest I do for my girls to prevent this in their lives or better their chances. I did see the post about instincts and one lady that did fight back. What else is there any hard facts that increase a womans chance of prevention survival etc? Thank you in advance for any wisdom you share. ORION If it happens randomly by a stranger, the sad fact is, there really nothing any Father can do to prepare his girls, and nothing the girls themselves can do. Fighting back and self defense is obviously beneficial to teach to anyone, but it's not guaranteed to save them. IMO, teaching them to know that even people they love or care for, or have respect for may be people who could hurt them. Not in a fear mongering kind of way, but just a realistic way. Most parents teach kids to be afraid of strangers, about how strangers can have "bad touch"...what parents need to do is teach their children that this isn't just with strangers. IMO, most of the children who are sexually abused accept it because this isn't a "stranger", this is their uncle, their grandfather, their cousin, their parents best friends, even their own father or brother (obvious female family members can be predators as well, I don't negate that). When children are molested by family, or family friends, they feel that it isn't what they've been warned about. They know they don't like it, but they don't know the world around them doesn't operate this way in every child's life. How could they know every other little boy or girl doesn't get tucked into bed like this every nite, you know? Most parents I've heard from say they don't want to make their children's world so savage, they want their innocence, they don't want to tell them everyone is bad and scary and out to harm them. I say, then don't tell them that, tell them the truth, which is that bad touch comes from anyone who does things to you that you don't feel comfortable about in places that are private! If your girls are in their teens and past the stage of that kind of lesson, then teach them to be aware of their surroundings, look people in the eye often, never walk with their heads down, walk with confidence. Things like this are shown to help against a random attack. These people don't want a challenge, they want an easy target. A woman who fights back is not an easy target, they will look for signs to avoid such a woman. When ti comes to people they know, such a date rape scenario, or something like I experienced, the father of a good friend...tell your girls to be careful, to be aware of any signs. Things that make them uncomfortable should be taken seriously, let them know they're not just being 'paranoid', and if they feel like they're at risk, get away from that situation! And know for yourself that if, God forbid, anything happened to your girls, as much it's not their fault, it's not yours either. There is no 100% way you can prevent this! My parents carried guilt for many years, feeling they should've met my friend's parents and they would've somehow "known" this guy was a fucking slimeball. There's no way they could've been able to tell. I tellt hem everyday that as much as they reassured me it wasn't my fault, it wasn't their's either. Best wishes and I hope this is something you or your girls every have to experience.

Calandra -> RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT (6/7/2006 8:21:37 PM)
I worry sometimes that submissive women also give the wrong impression in social situations... Being submissive is beautiful, but not if your basic nature makes you a target for RAPE When you have to walk alone, walk with purposeful strides, don't keep your eyes down, look into shadows and be willing to challenge anyone loudly that approaches you. If this is someone you know, but who is not your Master/Mistress, then say NO.Don't allow a concept such as protocol or politeness, to override your health and safety. Anyone who would judge you harshly for protecting yourself is an idiot and not worth your time or consideration

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