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Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 6:31:09 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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Okay, I have a question concerning a specific type of rape scene. First off, I'm asking the question of any survivors of sexual assault and felt the need to re-enact it, with a consenting partner. Maybe not even re-enact it, but maybe do role play in this area.

Why was it necessary for you?
What was the ultimate outcome?
How did you find the trust to allow another person into your head enough to do it?
What (emotional and physical) safety plans did you put in place?

I ask that anyone who may want to debate this in any way other than the OP, please start your own thread and allow those of us who can discuss this to do so in safety.

If anyone wishes to discuss it in email, please feel free to post me there... thank you sincerely in advance for your compassion on this topic...

Post #: 1

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 6:49:20 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

First off, I'm asking the question of any survivors of sexual assault and felt the need to re-enact it, with a consenting partner. Maybe not even re-enact it, but maybe do role play in this area.

Mine was renacted, totally; word for word, act for act. The only difference was that the person who was with me at the time, was doing so out of love, and not a need to control and 'break'.

quote:

Why was it necessary for you?

To be totally honest, when he decided that he was going to do this, I did not have it in my head that it was necessary for me. However, he knew what had happened in my past; how it happened, and by who. He also knew the reasons why it happened. He saw that the only way I could possibly get past the nightmares was to force me to relive the act; only this time, with a person who cared about the outcome. It took me some time to understand that what he did was more than just give me back my life; he also gave me back my love and respect for myself.

quote:

How did you find the trust to allow another person into your head enough to do it?

Actually, I was 15 when I was raped, and Chris knew about it then. The trust for him was already in place. His deciding to do a in-depth re-enactment was one that he made on his own. At the time it scared the shit out of me; but I was also aware that he cared for me at the same time. It brought the realization that he was doing this for a specific reason. It did not make it any less traumatic at the time, but it did help me understand.

I know that how Chris set things up with me is not the way for most, or even many; but it worked for me. It does not remove the scars, but it does help to heal them to a tolerable level .

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 2

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 7:00:58 PM

Calandra

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Joined: 11/22/2004
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wow, thank you so much for having the courage and willingness to share.

Do you find that the re-enactment was able to (how to say this) overlay painful memories with safe ones?

I've mentioned, several years ago that I re-enacted mine and the forum where I was discussing it turned totally unsafe... the pain of that online discussion has taken time to heal and grow armor plating....

But it has left me with some questions I'm not exactly sure I know how to ask... maybe as the thread develops?

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 3

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 7:21:35 PM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

The first sub lady I dated told me she was gang raped, but she requested me to do a forced seduction like rape scene on her. I was confused as hell. I might still be I am interested in hearing some of the Sub Ladies views on this subject. She requested often and seemed to enjoy it. I was just confused because I was a newbie and I thought this was some type of abuse she requested because she might have had a bad self esteem about herself. I thought she might of liked the struggle about it instead of just laying there so I could tie her up and spank her. It did provide a challenge I will admit it was exciting with mutual consent.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 4

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 7:45:34 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
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I wasnt going to post on this topic. Partly because I have not done the rape scene yet. It is also one that hits close to home. The whole rape fantasy scenerio was one of the first that I ever enjoyed amusing myself with, but at 17 I was raped. I never really allowed it to effect me with the whole, I am the guilty party. I do enjoy knives, even though that was the <insert foul word here> person's choice of tool.

All that being said, I have since decided that not actually going through it would be allowing foul worded person a victory. Stubborn person that I am. It aint gonna happen. I do think that part of it will be put it into a safe place, if that makes any sense. The main reason though remains that my warped self has wanted this in an erotic space for longer than I can remember. ok I think I have rambled enough. Thank you for the topic. It is a really good one.

love and light
lee

edited for spelling.. I think I got them all

< Message edited by leakylee -- 6/3/2006 7:46:41 PM >

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(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 5

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 8:10:28 PM

timeoutgurlie

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Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

I very much want to do something like this with my partner, but as of now we're too new for me to want it to happen right now, though I expect (fingers crossed) that if things continue to go as they have been, it will happen with him. He knows all the details of what happened to me when I was a child and early teenager, and at this point he's very uncomfortable with the idea of having a rape scene, he's not so confident that I'll get what I'm looking for from the experience.

In my mind, I need to have this happen and enjoy it, and have control over it. This time it's my choice, with the man of my choice, because I'm choosing to do it.

Not sure how much sense that will make to anyone reading, but that's the best i can think of to describe it.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 6

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 8:11:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I have not, but the ones I've known to do it either wanted to do it as a way to reclaim their own power within that context, and/or used it as a bonding experience with the partner.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 7

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 9:04:42 PM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i have not done an actual reenactment, nor do i really have a desire to...for one, i was gang-raped, and my Dom is the only person i trust enough to even broach the idea of reenacting with, let alone a group of guys. also, what i remember is in fragments and bits and pieces, enough to cause emotional damage but not enough to actually give a full cohesive account of what all happened. instead, we've basically been slowly inching along with things that totally freak me out and cause me to have flashbacks, like knife (and other sharp instrument) play. i've always had fantasies of non-consent, but of course the fantasy is often much different from the reality, and that particular set of fantasies is one that's all tied up with emotions and guilt and such for me, so it's something i'm very, very, very, very slowly beginning to take baby steps towards understanding. He seems to think that i might find comfort in replacing, as the op mentioned, painful memories with safe ones...but really it's not something we've had the time or energy to fully tackle yet, and i don't know how i feel about it.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/3/2006 9:59:34 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello A/all,

I have certain personal issues with this topic.

On the one hand, my job involves simulated rape scenarios. So
there is the whole "taking my work home with me" aspect to it.

I am not sure how I would feel about enacting a person's scenario
out in real life. If she disassociated and got all mentally disturbed I would probably blame myself.

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 9

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 12:08:54 AM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

This is going to sound bad....

I dont see or understand how creating a "rape" scene can fix or heal an actual rape. Rape is brutal and violent it is not an act of love or kindness. It strips away parts of your soul when it happens. I just dont see how you can call a scene a rape... you dont know when rape will happen it just does.... consenting to a scene takes away all the premise of rape in itsself. Discussing it also takes away the real elements that happen in rape, fear, hurt, anguish, some more fear, disgust, the shame you feel after it happens....

I dont know why someone would want to relive that experience, I know I sure as hell dont. My past is my past, I was raped and molested from the time I was 3 till I was 12 almost 13... thats a part of my life that can stay in the closet that its burried in. I cant go back and change it, I cant take away that it happened... I cant take away the fact that my virginity was gone before I even knew what the hell it was. and I sure as hell dont want to go back to being a 3 year old child being held down and raped by a grown man.... sorry I just dont see how scenes can even remotely be involved around rape.

A scene is consentual something you agree upon before the fact and usually ( I hope ) with someone you trust and care for.... yes while rape can and does happen in some cases with people we know, someone we trusted, it sure as hell isnt consentual on any part.

Calandra sorry but this is just not a friendly topic for me... and I find all kinds of problems with it....

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 10

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 1:28:52 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Do you find that the re-enactment was able to (how to say this) overlay painful memories with safe ones

Not in the sense that you mean. The re-enactment did help me overcome my absolute terror at being touched though. Memories such as these don't often become 'overlaid' by safe ones. They just become more manageable.

Reflectivesoul, I understand what you are saying about not wanting to relive such a horrible act. I will be honest, and say though, that at the time Chris did this with me, it was for selfish reasons on his part. Naturally, I am not the voice of Chris, so I will let him add what he feels he should when he wants to.
However, with me, it did help alot in giving me a chance to finally, physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally react to what had happened to me. I fought him back, hurt him just as much as he hurt me; but in the end, it helped to cleanse some of the blackness that had been eating at my soul.
As I said though, wounds such as those never heal, they never go away. They do however, become tolerable.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 11

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 1:53:02 AM

trippingdaisy

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

i have experienced something similar. Not a complete and exact reenactment, but it still did for me what i needed it to.

Basically, i think for some (like me) that it's cathartic. It allows us to take a bad experience, a violent experience, and make it our own. It allows us to replace horrible, nightmarish memories with safe ones.

It's obviously not for everyone, but i think that everyone should have an open mind to how everyone's mind/emotions work. Whatever works for one person, may break another. It's not a bad thing, it's just nature.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 12

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 2:34:34 AM

Gem

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

I wasn't stranger raped, I was molested for ten years by my father. That said I think my answer relates to the OP.

Why was it necessary for you?>>>>

Because I was stuck in the nightmares, with demons I could no longer fight alone. The incest shaped my whole life, and was ruling it. I needed and wanted a place to fight back safely, to do and say all the things I could not as a child. To feel that I had some control over things.

What was the ultimate outcome?>>>>

I became a healthier person emotionally, and finally found stable ground mentally.

How did you find the trust to allow another person into your head enough to do it?>>>>

Well fortunately for me, I was in a rather self destructive mode, and so when I surrendered my whole being to a virtual stranger, he wanted the whole package, especially the demons. I gave it all to him, and thur 7 years he has taken the demons and fought side by side with me against them.

Some of us need a protective outlet, an alternative to traditional thearpy. The "role-play" of the rape or sexual abuse helps us because we get to take control of the situation, we can fight back, or be the "seducer", the rapist or abuser then has no more power.

When you live unhealed, it is not the abuser or rapist that you are fighting, it is the demons, the memories,your own bodies betrayl ( because sexual organs do not always know that what is happening is a bad thing, they respond to stimulation, thus do what is natural to them and release. It is a heck of a mind trip on the victim to realize that their own body orgasmed from something so hateful..it causes great guilt in surviors.)

Reliving the events out of flashback allows for your voice to be heard were before it was made to be silent.

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 13

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 2:40:57 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Gem? Could I email you on the other side?

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Gem)

Post #: 14

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 2:49:44 AM

male59sub

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

So many of us are in this scene because of things that happened to us. i was never raped but i was whipped a lot as a child by my mother. Even though that was not the total summation of our relationship, that is the one that i most need re-enacted, especially when under an increased degree of emotional stress and/or pressure. When everything is going good, the need is still there, or maybe it is just the want, but it is lessened. It is to the point that i can only get hard when in a bdsm scene. The thoughts of sex with my mother, though it never happened all the way, are overriding at those times. What a world we inhabit.

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 15

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 5:02:44 AM

Gem

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

Sure Cassandra

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 16

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 6:53:43 AM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

quote:

Do you find that the re-enactment was able to (how to say this) overlay painful memories with safe ones

Not in the sense that you mean. The re-enactment did help me overcome my absolute terror at being touched though. Memories such as these don't often become 'overlaid' by safe ones. They just become more manageable.

Reflectivesoul, I understand what you are saying about not wanting to relive such a horrible act. I will be honest, and say though, that at the time Chris did this with me, it was for selfish reasons on his part. Naturally, I am not the voice of Chris, so I will let him add what he feels he should when he wants to.
However, with me, it did help alot in giving me a chance to finally, physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally react to what had happened to me. I fought him back, hurt him just as much as he hurt me; but in the end, it helped to cleanse some of the blackness that had been eating at my soul.
As I said though, wounds such as those never heal, they never go away. They do however, become tolerable.

Each person is different in the way that they handle it.

For me, going through it once was enough and creating it again would be painful and not helpful. Talking about it is one thing.. actually doing it.. another.

I am glad that it helped you get past it. Thank you for sharing. It's interesting to see different viewpoints.

sub tara

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 17

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 7:14:13 AM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Whats so strange to me, is that people are so against and agahst at pedophilia on this site, yet here we are discussing rape re-enactments of what would be for me, age 10, for others up to age 18.

Sure sure, we're all now adults. uh huh. So its now fine. Sure it is. Me for one, I'll pass thank u very much. This is about more than finding, "healing". This is a form of twisted, you cant yet get over.

I'll be damned if I'll agree to relive violence done to me in my life.

(in reply to sweetbbwsub31)

Post #: 18

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 7:17:31 AM

MasterRobsalayna

Posts: 212
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

i have never been raped, and often feel guilt over the fact that is one of my fantasies. i have, however, been abused by a group of girls when i was young. i don't know how i feel about "reenacting" that. To be truthful, there is more anger over why it happened than the fact it did happen. Anyway, i think women that want to reenact a rape to take their power and control back are awesome and i've heard that it works. For those that don't desire to that, imho, please allow those who do their own freedom and vice versa. Everyone's path is different and no one should lord their way over another. Just my .02 for the day.

_____________________________

Master Rob's alayna
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only thing in life that i regret is living too many days regretting too many things. Life is for the living and i choose to live!

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 19

RE: Rape scenarios: WARNING VERY DARK SUBJECT - 6/4/2006 8:00:46 AM

Halcyone

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

I've learned to cope with the pain that comes from that sort of trauma by moving on, not returning to it. Not to say that the damage done has resolved (does it ever really go away? I'm curious to hear if there are any rape/abuse survivors who no longer hurt when they think of those times), but I've learned to go more than a day or two without thinking about it, or without letting it color some of my reactions to normal situations.

That said, I sometimes wonder if it would help to revisit those times with Sir, in a safe setting. Part of thinks that very little good can come of it, since I've learned to live with that part of my past bricked up, but...when I do think of what happened, it hurts. If I could recreate those scenarios and know, going into it, that it would put old ghosts to rest instead of forcing them back into every other area of my life, I probably would at least try.

Unfortunately, there's no guarantee that we'd have that positive outcome. Reading this thread though, I'm really, really, really glad to see that it has helped others.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 20

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