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New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:25:42 PM   
Joxtronian


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/20/2012
Status: offline 		What does it mean to be a TRUE dom, and what tips would you give a new guy on pleasing his slave. Sorry if this has been asked before, but it just seems that I got the wrong definition of dom&slave. Thank you in advance.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:33:21 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

> What does it mean to be a TRUE dom


I don't think there is such a thing because that would mean there is "one twue way" and there is not.

My advice would be to stop thinking of trying to be true and work on being true to yourself, your needs and desires and expectations from both yourself and your slave.
quote:


> what tips would you give a new guy on pleasing his slave


Well to me, AS a slave - if a man tried to cater to me it would put me right off, my pleasure comes from serving him not having him try to keep me happy...

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:34:20 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		A TWUE DOM or MASTER - fucks and uses their slave until they cant see straight, throws them in a cage when done and throws peanuts at it when bored.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:37:26 PM   
Joxtronian


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/20/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

quote:

> What does it mean to be a TRUE dom


I don't think there is such a thing because that would mean there is "one twue way" and there is not.

My advice would be to stop thinking of trying to be true and work on being true to yourself, your needs and desires and expectations from both yourself and your slave.
quote:


> what tips would you give a new guy on pleasing his slave


Well to me, AS a slave - if a man tried to cater to me it would put me right off, my pleasure comes from serving him not having him try to keep me happy...


Solid advice, thanks!

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

A TWUE DOM or MASTER - fucks and uses their slave until they cant see straight, throws them in a cage when done and throws peanuts at it when bored.



Good thing I've been saving up then ;) Peanuts get expensive!

< Message edited by Joxtronian -- 3/20/2012 1:38:56 PM >

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:50:12 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I prefer using mine as a footstool or ashtray when i'm bored; sometimes i will see how many golf balls I can fit inside her. I'm odd though...

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:52:35 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		As has been mentioned, there is no one true path to BDSM, it is (highly) recommended that you research and learn and discover and eventually find your own personal path.

That said, I would say a good dominant is one who:

Knows him/herself well, and has his/her emotional issues under control.

Displays good moral character (I will let the individual define what that is).

Naturally takes a leadership role in most group situations; not always strong from the top leadership but often excellent (and usually very subtle) consensus building.

Understands the nature of the term power exchange, in that it only works well when there is an *actual* exchange.

Is confident and can articulate his/her wants/needs/desires.

Is not afraid of being wrong or of having an emotional soft side, and who can apologize when the need arises.

Takes the time to research any and all BDSM practices to ensure the s-types' health and safety.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it should get you started.

Best, CP





_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 1:52:40 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Joxtronian
What does it mean to be a TRUE dom, and what tips would you give a new guy on pleasing his slave. Sorry if this has been asked before, but it just seems that I got the wrong definition of dom&slave. Thank you in advance.


True Dom
There is no generally accepted meaning to that phrase. What it means is that "you're not the right dom for her" when she says it. What's a "true dom" for one is not for the other. It also means the person using the phrase is... well... inexperienced or perhaps parochial... judgemental at the very least.

Pleasing his slave
You'll need to ask the specific slave in question. I can tell you that the word means different things to different people. Then, of course, different people are looking for different things out a relationship. To please Carol, I make her the top-most priority in my life and I wrap her up in love and safety -- and I have for quite some time now. I also have a proven track record of making non-stupid decisions... generally. Those things together are sufficient reason for Carol to decide to give herself to me as human property.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 2:02:34 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Joxtronian

What does it mean to be a TRUE dom, and what tips would you give a new guy on
pleasing his slave. Sorry if this has been asked before, but it just seems that I got
the wrong definition of dom&slave. Thank you in advance.

Unless you are planning world domination, you only have to worry about being a true dom to
whomever you are in a relationship with. Since you get to define how your relationship is
going to work, using your own definitions will be sufficient. Simply find someone who thinks
you're awesome just as you are.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 2:26:17 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise
you're awesome just as you are.

ROFL... yeah... or in my case, marry such a woman.

Then later when you find out about the whole M/s, ownership thing she says, "Well yeah, you're pretty awesome so why not?" It actually does amuse (and flatter me) a great deal that Carol sees me in an awesome enough light that the whole "not belong to herself" thing goes into the "sure why not" bin. Now I just need to live up to that view and I'm all set.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 3:42:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		First step is to have a visible profile.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 7:23:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Cashews please, the only peanuts I like are m & m peanuts.

Talk to her about what she likes, what she thinks she might like, what she doesn't like and why. Then start by doing things that turn both of you on. Don't try to do something you aren't sure you can do correctly. Hurting someone and finishing the evening in the ER is on nobody's list of a good time.

If she was single tailed once, and you don't know which end is up, then don't do it. Take classes on it, practice, practice, practice.

There are books for beginner tops. They talk about safety and how to start with very low risk.
In bondage for example, using a couple of scarves to tie someone's wrists to the bedpost is low risk. Suspension is high.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 8:39:10 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Here's another tip. Be able to crisply define what YOU mean by slave. Trust me on this. Nobody else will guess it unless you tell them.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New on the scene. - 3/20/2012 8:48:54 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Joxtronian

What does it mean to be a TRUE dom, and what tips would you give a new guy on pleasing his slave. Sorry if this has been asked before, but it just seems that I got the wrong definition of dom&slave. Thank you in advance.

Someone who no longer posts here once said:

True doms have bigger dicks.
Uberdoms are bigger dicks.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Joxtronian)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 7:02:41 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		Why would you "please" your slave? Isn't the slave suppose to please "you" which in turn pleases them?

I'm confused.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 7:19:04 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Why not please the slave? Maybe pleasing the slave pleases the Master/Mistress.



_____________________________



(in reply to hellionsLight)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 7:35:46 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Why not please the slave? Maybe pleasing the slave pleases the Master/Mistress.





Okay, that's true :)

_____________________________


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 7:41:55 AM   
CaptJosh


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline 		I have to say, when my pet is getting off, I am very pleased that I'm the one making that happen. In turn, it turns me on even more, and I do more, and even if I don't cum at a given time with her, I know my needs will be taken care of at some point, as my pet can't keep her hands off me.

I am a giving, caring, protecting type Dom rather than a disciplinarian. Though pet seems awfully fond of spankings... *chuckles*

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to hellionsLight)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 8:07:41 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight
Why would you "please" your slave? Isn't the slave suppose to please "you" which in turn pleases them?

no, slaves are not "supposed" to do anything. In addition, this viewpoint is perhaps suited to more temporary relationships but in most cases I'd say that there are lots of reasons to please one's slave. Starting right out with the fact that I'm apparently not entirely unique in loving the bejeebers out of mine. Then, of course, comes the fact that when considered over the course of an entire lifetime of owning a human, "pleasing me" just isn't much of a life's goal. It's sort of a waste of a human life. I'd hope for more for Carol.

I have yet to meet a single human no matter how "slave-ey" that could reach self-actualization and fulfilment simply by pleasing another. Typically us humans are more complex than that.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to hellionsLight)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 8:13:34 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		People who don't make their s-types happy soon find themselves s-type-less.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New on the scene. - 3/21/2012 8:26:56 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight
Why would you "please" your slave? Isn't the slave suppose to please "you" which in turn pleases them?

I have yet to meet a single human no matter how "slave-ey" that could reach self-actualization and fulfilment simply by pleasing another. Typically us humans are more complex than that.




I definitely agree with this.

_____________________________


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 20
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