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RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/25/2012 6:18:18 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Am i the only person who wants to thump the OP on the head - repeatedly - with a wooden spoon? And not in a fun BDSM manner, but a pissed-off parent kind of way.

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Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/25/2012 7:27:23 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Am i the only person who wants to thump the OP on the head - repeatedly - with a wooden spoon? And not in a fun BDSM manner, but a pissed-off parent kind of way.


Yup. He'll be back though I'm sure with another thread and another nickname trying to slide in under the radar to preach his foolishness again.

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Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/28/2012 1:00:46 PM   
CaptJosh


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Am i the only person who wants to thump the OP on the head - repeatedly - with a wooden spoon? And not in a fun BDSM manner, but a pissed-off parent kind of way.

Only a wooden spoon? I was thinking with something considerably more weighty.

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Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/28/2012 1:40:14 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I need to recover from a mind blowing hellacious blowjob, any you girls wanna give me one?

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Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 3:59:17 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
OP, why are you still here? Leaving BDSM is easy--stop participating.


Ditto

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Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 4:58:03 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Conversations with this guy never go anywhere. He's not here to learn anything. He's here to argue. He'll stick to his original points, regardless of what anyone says. He never supports his points with any facts, and everything he says gets shot down by more informed posters. Yet he continues to push his unsupportable agenda, despite all of the evidence that contradicts his original assertions.


Symptoms of someone who really does have a compulsion, just as the OP says he does, ironically.

OP: I had my own kind of compulsion, or obsession, back in my early twenties. I started seeing a therapist. I began to notice that my therapist would always move away from the subject of my obsession wherever he could. I pulled him up on it. He explained his tactic thus:

"With an obsession, it's as though there are two men inside your head, throwing a rock backwards and forwards at each other. One man is obsessed with the issue, the other one hates him for being obsessed. But neither man ever wins, because just as one man gets stronger, so does the other. If I were to join in with rock-throwing argument, *on either side*, I'd only be helping make you more obsessed".

Anyway, the solution is not to try to tackle an obsession - or certain obsessions, anyway - head-on. The thing to do is beef up other areas of your life - give them more energy, make them better and happier. That takes energy away from the rock-throwing contest. You could end up having BDSM fade away from your life, or you could end up enjoying it in a healthy way. Or some mixture of both. Either way, though, it won't matter much to you anymore.






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Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 7:34:01 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I had my own kind of compulsion, or obsession, back in my early twenties.



Let me guess. You were addicted to wanking, right? Looks like the therapy didn't work.


(Sorry, Peon. But you should have known that I wouldn't be able to resist that one. You made it so easy for me. )


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Profile   Post #: 147
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 11:52:43 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I had my own kind of compulsion, or obsession, back in my early twenties.



Let me guess. You were addicted to wanking, right? Looks like the therapy didn't work.


(Sorry, Peon. But you should have known that I wouldn't be able to resist that one. You made it so easy for me. )




Up yours, matey. Actually, I was obsessed with developing a ludicrous Bashar al-Assad moustache. Would you like my therapist's number?




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Profile   Post #: 148
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 1:44:44 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

For example at first I tried kink friendly therapists
That was your mistake. You see, a "kink-friendly" therapist is one who doesn't see BDSM as some sort of aberration to be treated. If I wanted to be "cured", then I would go to a non-kink friendly therapist.

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Profile   Post #: 149
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 3:12:05 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

quote:

For example at first I tried kink friendly therapists
That was your mistake. You see, a "kink-friendly" therapist is one who doesn't see BDSM as some sort of aberration to be treated. If I wanted to be "cured", then I would go to a non-kink friendly therapist.


Personally, I'd consider a therapist who was BDSM-unfriendly not worth his qualification. Ridiculous, in this day and age.

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Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 4:53:46 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Well, if you want to Pray the Gay Away, you go to Bachmann, right?

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Profile   Post #: 151
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/29/2012 7:11:12 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Well, if you want to Pray the Gay Away, you go to Bachmann, right?


*Sigh*. If only. Things are just so tediously moderate here by comparison - we don't have people like her this side of the pond. I mean, women who'd get chucked out of the Stepford Wives' Knitting Club for not being enough of an atheist lefty feminist.

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Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/30/2012 4:02:50 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

we don't have people like her this side of the pond. I mean, women who'd get chucked out of the Stepford Wives' Knitting Club for not being enough of an atheist lefty feminist.
  You come pretty close...




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Profile   Post #: 153
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/30/2012 7:36:41 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		God almighty, LB, *never* do that to me again. That picture is going to give me hideous sweaty nightmares!

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Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 3/31/2012 2:41:48 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Jesus.

Surely that post must be a breach of some kinda term of service?

Posting pictures of the Thatch without plenty of warning crosses a line.

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Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 4/7/2012 5:09:56 AM   
submaleuk12


Posts: 92
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

quote:

For example at first I tried kink friendly therapists
That was your mistake. You see, a "kink-friendly" therapist is one who doesn't see BDSM as some sort of aberration to be treated. If I wanted to be "cured", then I would go to a non-kink friendly therapist.


I've been really busy the last few weeks, but that's a really good post, I guess what I was trying to say is people need t be made aware of stuff like this as it's hard to find help, especially when your young.

I study psychology now so I'm aware of all the different therapies but not a lot of people are, the hostility that you run into when you decide bdsm is wrong off a lot of close minded people is like nothing I've ever experienced.

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Profile   Post #: 156
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 4/7/2012 5:14:48 AM   
submaleuk12


Posts: 92
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline 		To me being religious feels healthy, being controlled is abuse in my eyes so yeah obv it feels wrong.
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve


quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleuk12

I'm seeking help, ive already got it, the reason why I'm here is in m first post.

Why do people get so annoyed and offended when I say how I feel?



Um, go a Christian website and ask them how to overcome your Christian addiction and see what kind of reception you get.

In fact I'm not sure you're not a ringer yourself, this some new attempt at stealth conversion? Been getting some of that in here lately - if not, might be a good place for you, I'm sure there some congregations somewhere would love to make you their project.

Most people in here are here to explore their sexuality, not "cure" it. What you are experiencing is probably what is called "reversion to the norm" it' not uncommon in BDSM, although for most people they just develop other interests and spend less and less time thinking about and doing it, for some people it is just a phase, others accept no substitutes.

Find another hobby that satisfies your need for stimulation, exercise, a sport, a mental challenge, etc., at the very least it might put it into perspective, i.e., one aspect or facet of your life and personality rather than your entire identity.

It would help perhaps if you told us what exactly the problem is: you cruising public restrooms? Nailing your dick to the coffee table? What?



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Profile   Post #: 157
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 4/7/2012 5:21:42 AM   
submaleuk12


Posts: 92
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline 		Okay I'll give it a go in relation to this post, although to say I'm not articulate is way off the mark.

To you lot it isn't but to most people control and abuse is unhealthy, if someone looks at porn at a young age, which all males do and get hooked on bdsm, even though they feel it's wrong, where do they go to for help?

If they ask on a website such a this they are going to get bombarded with by controlling people or people who see it as right, me personally I find bdsm distressing and I'm not the only one so for people like that it seems really taboo and people get really angry when they ask for help,

I feel that's really wrong.
quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

I'll skip away from everything else and focus only on this one line. This seems to be a thought that arises a lot in this thread.

"I'm not advising no one on anything, I was asking why is there not help for people who don't like bdsm, is that still such a taboo subject? "

The reason there isn't help for people who dont like BDSM is... why would one need "help" for NOT liking BDSM? Are you in fact asking for help TO LIKE BDSM? Or should I say wow, you dont like BDSM, let me help you not like BDSM. Do you understand where you are going awry with this line of reasoning?

I think part of the problem for the poster is, you are very inarticulate. And because you are not adept at expressing yourself in writing, we are having trouble understanding you. There's a lot of double negatives in your phrasings. To me double negatives turn things into a positive. If you are not advising no one, are you in fact advising everyone? Your thoughts are in facts confused.

Please try not to be offended. I mean you no harm. Its just that when I try to really delve into exactly what you are trying to say in a concise way, your wording and thoughts evaporate.

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Profile   Post #: 158
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 4/7/2012 6:22:59 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		There is a big difference between a consentual relationship in a power exchange relationship and a non-consentual one with someone who is controlling and domineering.

There is a big difference between domineering and dominant.

Notice above I referred to a "power exchange".

I don't think power exchange is something you understand.

You paid someone to dominate you.
She had the props and the demeanor, but you, yourself were not able to actually transfer your power over to her.
You just paid her and she tried to give you what she thought you wanted.

So, regarding power exchange: I think in your situation, it was more like you feel she took it and now you feel broken.

Again, it wasn't the BDSM that caused the breakage.
It was that you felt the draw to BDSM but weren't emotionally equipped for the difference between a porn scenario in which it was happening on the screen and you could fantasize to, and something actually happening to you.

If you go to a book store and wander through the romance section, you will see a lot of books that are of the "bodice ripper" type.
For most of the women who buy them they are all fantasy.
They know that there is joy in simply having fantasy be fantasy and never try and take their bodice-ripping interests to another level.


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Profile   Post #: 159
RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. - 4/7/2012 11:44:59 AM   
SirLangsdorff


Posts: 289
Joined: 12/12/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleuk12

For example that's the sort of stuff I needed.

Bear in mind many people come on here very confused, including myself at the age of 16, help like this should be offered in my opinion.

Keep in mind these are my opinions, not those of CM, or the staff or maybe anyone here who has responded. But you state you are 16. I'm not saying that 16 year olds cannot be interested in BDSM. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that it sounds like you are saying you are looking for exclusively BDSM related relationships at such a young age. To me that sounds odd. Maybe I'm fucked up in how I think.
BDSM, for what it's worth, is hugely portrayed porn sites as being tied up and forced sex. I'm not saying that's wrong and if you enjoy that so be it. BDSM, where I live, has very little to do with sex. It's hot, it does get me horny and I love sex.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM is the meaning of bdsm. If that's what you're addicted to, then I'd say quit joining bdsm sites and refrain from these relationships.
Like I said that's my opinion and I may get thrashed for saying it, but the age factor, as legal as you might be in the UK, is still, imho, too young to try finding exclusive relationships based on bdsm values.

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Profile   Post #: 160
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