RE: Help to recover from bdsm..

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Killerangel -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 12:01:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Okay I'll give it a go in relation to this post, although to say I'm not articulate is way off the mark. To you lot it isn't but to most people control and abuse is unhealthy, if someone looks at porn at a young age, which all males do and get hooked on bdsm, even though they feel it's wrong, where do they go to for help? If they ask on a website such a this they are going to get bombarded with by controlling people or people who see it as right, me personally I find bdsm distressing and I'm not the only one so for people like that it seems really taboo and people get really angry when they ask for help, I feel that's really wrong. If someone is having trouble with BDSM they aren't going to come to a BDSM site for help. How can you not see that? If I had a porn obsession why in the hell would I go to a porn site to find help for it? You however keep coming here because YOU are hooked and you can't stay away. No one here is being controlling or angry except towards your inane idea of coming here to speak against something that isn't right for you. Then stay away please, and more power to you for recognizing you have a problem and being strong enough to keep it out of your life. How can someone even control another over a freaking website....the idea is ridiculous. As far as people getting angry when help is asked for, I've never seen that happen here, however I have seen it happen loads of time that people do get help when they ask for it. In fact, people tried helping you with suggestions and such in your earlier threads here. Take your obsession and compulsion to come back here over and over and just leave without coming back under yet another username to preach things that don't seem to affect anyone here but yourself. If people have trouble with this stuff they aren't going to be here, try going to more fruitful pastures instead of telling the people who are here because they want to be that they should be having problems. It's not happening.

Killerangel -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 12:06:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirLangsdorff quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 For example that's the sort of stuff I needed. Bear in mind many people come on here very confused, including myself at the age of 16, help like this should be offered in my opinion. Keep in mind these are my opinions, not those of CM, or the staff or maybe anyone here who has responded. But you state you are 16. I'm not saying that 16 year olds cannot be interested in BDSM. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that it sounds like you are saying you are looking for exclusively BDSM related relationships at such a young age. To me that sounds odd. Maybe I'm fucked up in how I think. BDSM, for what it's worth, is hugely portrayed porn sites as being tied up and forced sex. I'm not saying that's wrong and if you enjoy that so be it. BDSM, where I live, has very little to do with sex. It's hot, it does get me horny and I love sex. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM is the meaning of bdsm. If that's what you're addicted to, then I'd say quit joining bdsm sites and refrain from these relationships. Like I said that's my opinion and I may get thrashed for saying it, but the age factor, as legal as you might be in the UK, is still, imho, too young to try finding exclusive relationships based on bdsm values. I don't think he's 16, in the statement you quoted he seems to speaking of his past. HIs profile says 29.

slavehearttt -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 12:17:03 PM)
OP - responding to your original post. Help to recover? People within the lifestyle and/OR bdsm are people who are well adjusted, happy, mentally healthy and comfortable people in their own skin...they don't need help "out." From what i have read here, is that you are none of those, and at 16 getting into this, the "help" you are pissed off about that you didn't get, should have been in parental supervision. Obviously it wasn't there, so take responsibility for yourself now, as an adult, stop blaming, and get help for yourself OFF a BDSM/lifestyle website because it is obvious BDSM isn't the culprit, there were already underling issues mentally for that medium to have brought out anxiety, depression etc...Defensiveness is only a means to cover up other issues. Just my humble opinion, and as always when i read i concur with what DarkSteven said (pretty simple actually), as well as what many others have stated here. You aren't going to change people and/or their ways, beliefs or opinions, you control only yourself, so i'd suggest you start there. :)

LanceHughes -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 12:49:28 PM)
Yep, I think the 16 year old reference is to when he became attracted - not addicted - to BDSM. You all KNOW - in your heart of hearts - that you were all born BDSMers. The parallels to being gay are strong and obvious. At NO time did someone come up to me and say "Today's the day, Lance. You get to decide if you're gay or straight." And in exactly the same way, no one ever came up to any of us, myself included, and asked, "Do you want to be vanilla or BDSM for the rest of your life?" My heart goes out to the OP. He is well aware of the societal disapproval of WIITWD (what it is that we do) and feels - by that pressure - that he needs to be cured. Once again, I'll say "the parallels are obvious." However, he is running into are kink-friendly professionals who are trying to help him accept his gayness.... er, BDSM proclivities. Those professionals are ahead of the game in understanding the "born BDSMer" just as they understand the "born gay." The parallel would be: BDSM is to abuse as gayness is to _________ ? Pedophilia. BOTH of those misunderstandings are slowly being removed from the professional fields. (But gayness is about, oh, I don't know, maybe 30 years ahead of the mainstreaming of BDSM.) MY BOTTOM LINE FOR THIS YOUNG MAN (1/2 my age) IS: Take a deep breath and learn the difference between abuse - which NONE of us tolerate - and BDSM. Then understand that who you are is who you are.... no cure AND no need for such a "cure." OKAY? ------------ P.S. to those that have been asking "Why be on a BDSM site to help you with your addiction to BDSM?" Folks, he's NOT addicted, he's attracted and feels it's wrong.... that's why he stays here. He's subconciously staying here in the hope that someone can help him understand his "wrong" feelings. He asks a couple of times, "Are you all addicted?" etc.

Alecta -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 1:04:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Why is there so little out there? Surely if bdsm is to be accepted, people who want to get out of the scene should be treated with as much respect. After all there is help for sex addiction, alcohol, drug addiction, why so liitle for bdsm? What do people think? Short answer, hun, BDSM isn't an addiction. It is more like... liking a certain colour, beverage or type of music. An addiction is something that you are uncontrollably compelled to put yourself through for one reason or another. Drug addicts, for example, are compelled to keep taking the drugs even when they consciously make the decision that they don't want to. BDSM is only an addiction if you find yourself uncontrollably seeking it out. Are you hurting yourself uncontrollably even when you've made the conscious decision not to? Then no, it's not an addiction. It's just something you liked and wanted more of, not a big deal. Actually, the responses you've been getting are pretty polite on the most part, considering you've basically logged into a forum of people who like purple and said purple is a disease :p

submaleuk12 -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 4:25:06 PM)
Got to disagree with that, it's due to recreating a trauma from a young age. It's certainly not the same as being gay. Just reading some of the interests of people, humiliation, cutting, domination, in any other walk of life people being put through that would suffer from PTSD, yet here it's almost sneered at. quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Why is there so little out there? Surely if bdsm is to be accepted, people who want to get out of the scene should be treated with as much respect. After all there is help for sex addiction, alcohol, drug addiction, why so liitle for bdsm? What do people think? Short answer, hun, BDSM isn't an addiction. It is more like... liking a certain colour, beverage or type of music. An addiction is something that you are uncontrollably compelled to put yourself through for one reason or another. Drug addicts, for example, are compelled to keep taking the drugs even when they consciously make the decision that they don't want to. BDSM is only an addiction if you find yourself uncontrollably seeking it out. Are you hurting yourself uncontrollably even when you've made the conscious decision not to? Then no, it's not an addiction. It's just something you liked and wanted more of, not a big deal. Actually, the responses you've been getting are pretty polite on the most part, considering you've basically logged into a forum of people who like purple and said purple is a disease :p

submaleuk12 -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 4:40:59 PM)
Also people who say why come on a bdsm site where else am I going to ask about it?

immoral -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/7/2012 6:17:56 PM)
when youve quite finished attempting to fulfill your desire to be humiliated reviled and laughed at i suggest you jog on and find some other way to pleasure yourself., you may feel the need to be sick or bad but i personaly have always had these leanings i was born this way there was and is no childhood trauma.ihad a wonderful ubringing , and im very happy with how i am thanks......and im not sick bad naughty ill unstable insane or warped...i dont even manage a decent paraphilia i have no fetishes whatsoever....its all just rather nice..... sorry to be so normal now stop being silly and go out and do some real people things outside of masturbating online...feed the ducks or something. itll do you goodto get some equilibrium.

submaleuk12 -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 4:24:19 AM)
Why don't you fuck off,

Madame4a -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 4:31:34 AM)
It is not due to recreating anything.. I have no childhood trauma to recreate... I was born this way, just as I was born a dyke..."what people are put through" .. is not at all going to cause PTSD -- quite the opposite.. in some situations, its going to cause extreme pleasure among other things... you are so off the mark here it isn't funny...and you're not going to work it out here or likely get a lot of agreement as to where to go? Find yourself a therapist... you're so clearly not ok with this you should probably figure out how to pretend you're not interested or figure how to deal with it .. and yes, I see you've done that, but my guess is, therapy only works if you put in the effort and your authentic self... I've met people who are not ok with who they are.. I tend to stay away from them... and it occurs to me that, and I'm sure someone has pointed this out, if you don't like it walk away... and that's what most people do.. I'm guessing you've got a problem in that you do like it, you try to walk away and you can't. Because you're not ok with it (and I can't think why), you're refering to it as something to recover from... its like trying to recover from homo-ness.. it ain't going to happen buddy... I'm sure someone has already pointed this out to you.. but really this isn't the place to do your preaching.. you may not get too much support or agreement here... quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Got to disagree with that, it's due to recreating a trauma from a young age. It's certainly not the same as being gay. Just reading some of the interests of people, humiliation, cutting, domination, in any other walk of life people being put through that would suffer from PTSD, yet here it's almost sneered at. quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Why is there so little out there? Surely if bdsm is to be accepted, people who want to get out of the scene should be treated with as much respect. After all there is help for sex addiction, alcohol, drug addiction, why so liitle for bdsm? What do people think? Short answer, hun, BDSM isn't an addiction. It is more like... liking a certain colour, beverage or type of music. An addiction is something that you are uncontrollably compelled to put yourself through for one reason or another. Drug addicts, for example, are compelled to keep taking the drugs even when they consciously make the decision that they don't want to. BDSM is only an addiction if you find yourself uncontrollably seeking it out. Are you hurting yourself uncontrollably even when you've made the conscious decision not to? Then no, it's not an addiction. It's just something you liked and wanted more of, not a big deal. Actually, the responses you've been getting are pretty polite on the most part, considering you've basically logged into a forum of people who like purple and said purple is a disease :p

SirLangsdorff -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 10:06:26 AM)
Let's come at this from another angle. Your username suggests you are a sub, you are male and you live in the UK (Not sure what the 12 means unless this is the 12th submaleuk you've created). Anyway, by what definition of the english language do you think you are a sub, explained in detail?

Killerangel -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 10:38:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirLangsdorff Let's come at this from another angle. Your username suggests you are a sub, you are male and you live in the UK (Not sure what the 12 means unless this is the 12th submaleuk you've created). Anyway, by what definition of the english language do you think you are a sub, explained in detail? This raises a pertinent point, OP...why call yourself something you find to be bad? You're calling yourself a submissive which implies you are active in the BDSM world. Why identify yourself with something you 're trying to talk people out of? If your experiences with BDSM are so traumatic why are you putting yourself firmly into the category of belonging? Why not call yourself maleuk12?

immoral -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 11:21:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Why don't you fuck off, i think my point here is beautifully illustrated-

Alecta -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 1:50:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Got to disagree with that, it's due to recreating a trauma from a young age. It's certainly not the same as being gay. Just reading some of the interests of people, humiliation, cutting, domination, in any other walk of life people being put through that would suffer from PTSD, yet here it's almost sneered at. I didn't compare it to "gay"--but actually, it is very similar to being gay. A small percentage of people are gay or into BDSM because of past trauma. HOWEVER this is only a symptom of something that's larger and wrong with them, where BDSM or homosexuality is a mental escape. Again, small percentage. And these people tend to be easily spotted and helped without question. I'm willing to wager your therapist experiences have not gone well because you are NOT one of that percentage and yet you insist on being treated as one... It won't work and anyway, that's not your problem. Your myriad proposed psychological problems only arose after you decided that your being into BDSM is disgusting and unbearable to yourself. It is a response no different than if you decide that liking pork is disgusting and unbearable etc. It comes from the same place and is the same sentiment. Yes, you still like bacon and it drives you crazy and now you're asking to be cured of your "addiction" to bacon... which isn't even true because you only like it, not suffer uncontrollably for it, and apparently is poison because you, inexplicably, think pork is wrong... clearly your problem here is that you think pork is bad, of course the therapists you go to are going to try and understand and fix you of the fundamental bizarre notion that pork is bad.-- Does this mean they need you to think pork is the best thing in the world? No. We are equally accepting of people who choose not to have pork because of religious beliefs and health concerns and people who simply do not like pork. Everyone is different. We are not all like you. We are not all the same as each other. Some people have a hard time being in charge. Some people have a hard time not being in charge. Some people find bungee jumping the most exciting thing they can possibly do, others think it's passe. Yes others cry and piss themselves from fear of it. If the person who likes the rough treatment goes through it, it is fulfilling for them. If someone who isn't into it goes through it, it is reasonably therefore to assume they would be traumatised. We sneer here not at people going through experiences, nor at their reactions, but at their inability to be mature sensible people about it. Like the guy who wants everything for nothing and treats woman like shit complaining about why he can't get a woman. Like the guy so desperate to make the rest of an inconsequential forum believe that he is some kind of big shot that he creates some kind of elaborate lie that he thinks is brilliant! Except anyone there recognises the magazine where he ripped that fantasy story off from. Like the boy who decides that it is the fault of pork that he doesn't like sausage, but that he must be addicted to pork because he does like bacon, and therefore the rest of us pork "addicts" should be supportive of getting him off this vile and evil substance while we personally continue to choose to wallow in it... you get the idea.

SirLangsdorff -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 4:29:48 PM)
Not to get off topic, but I'm not sure how much I would take in the fact I'm gay because I was traumatized. That would mean I could be "fixed". But yes I was raised by people I would rather not be raised by. Still they made me into what I am today. Therapy is implied to help people cope, not to heal them. I think that's religion. [8D]. Otherwise, great posting Alecta

hausboy -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/8/2012 4:38:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Why don't you fuck off, why don't you take your own advice?

submaleuk12 -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/9/2012 7:00:01 AM)
Ill say it again then, fuck off, I do honestly think people who need to control others to get their kicks are a bit backward. quote: ORIGINAL: immoral quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Why don't you fuck off, i think my point here is beautifully illustrated-

susie -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/9/2012 11:30:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Would people not find the links offensive? I have spoke to pro bdsm people who have, yet to me they are just trying to surpress knowledge, which if more people especially submissive people knew about they wouldn't let themselves be controlled. Being a submissive where on earth is the fun in NOT being controlled? How boring

Alecta -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/9/2012 12:39:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Ill say it again then, fuck off, I do honestly think people who need to control others to get their kicks are a bit backward. I see your problem. You're not a submissive, you're a masochistic top who got himself into a bad trip because he mistook masochism for submission. Saying Dom/mes are people who need to control others to get their kicks is like saying men need to love sports to be a man. It's not true, as a generic, and although there are those who are like that, it is not the definition of all. More to the point, to come up with such a statement suggests very sadly that your entire sum of experience and interaction with the BDSM world has been through porn and fantasy (Pro sessions included). Yes, there are those who get odd on being controlling-- but there are those who get off on being controlled, as well. You don't seem to think badly of them? Actually, for majority of lifestyle Dom/mes, it isn't a blind need. For most lifestyle Dom/mes, being in charge does not give us our kicks, it is simply the way things should be. Being able to be in charge doesn't mean we necessarily HAVE to be. And it certainly doesn't mean we want to be in charge of just anyone or that we can't get satisfaction of any kind otherwise. Just because you're a sexually virile male does not mean you want to get with everything and anything in a skirt! Most Pros will say putting people under their control turns them on because that is what most people who pay for Pros want to hear. It's marketing.

crazyml -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (4/10/2012 5:32:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alecta quote: ORIGINAL: submaleuk12 Ill say it again then, fuck off, I do honestly think people who need to control others to get their kicks are a bit backward. I see your problem. I think that your take is definitely worth considering. But I don't think we should rule out any of the other potential leads wrt to the "OP's Problem". I think there's mileage in "attention seeking sock puppet", for example.

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