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Masticator -> RE: Help to recover from bdsm.. (3/25/2012 3:15:46 PM)
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You said:
quote:
I want to know why people who want to get over bdsm is such a taboo subject....
All I posted here is why are people not offered help if they want out of it, like with alcohol etc and reaction is and anger of people is unreal.
And I'd like to kindly point out that:
1- People did try to offer you help by assisting you in figuring out what went wrong with your attempts to seek help. Someone, for example, calmly mentioned that a trained professional would not behave in a way you would be able to perceive as "offended" when mentioning you wanted to attempt to treat your inclination toward BDSM. They advised that you seek alternative professional assistance.
2- If you had not provided the links to some sort of assistance yourself, you probably would have been advised to do an internet search to find whatever information there was available. I'll discuss those search results more later.
3- People are not behaving in a super offended and angry way. You say the anger of people is unreal. I think you mean something different but you are correct: It is unreal, it is not happening. They are merely engaging in a discussion with you to learn more about what is going on or to call you out on what they believe is absurd, attention-seeking, or condemning dialog you've brought up. Even in those cases they do not seem offended or strongly emotionally invested what so ever.
Some people might be defensive. This is a tricky emotion to observe and assign a catalyst for. You seem to be assigning "offense" as why they are defensive. But other people may have alternative motives like--- being tired of people questioning their lifestyle, insecurities, unresolved doubt about the morality themselves, etc etc. My point is... we just don't know WHY. And it's silly/ineffective to attempt to draw a conclusion about why with such little evidence to document.
and finally 4- It is clearly not a taboo subject to "overcome" BDSM inclinations. No one here has attempted to shut you down. They attempted, initially, to understand you and offer you help and support in what ways they were familiar with. No one here is concerned whether an individual finds BDSM to be a bad life choice for their own life. They probably wouldn't even be THAT offended if you thought it was bad for them personally too. They're used similar attitudes and are probably beyond becoming offended. Most people in the BDSM lifestyle have a strong sense of autonomy and wish that everyone would simply tolerate other's choices. Most people would not be threatened by another person concluding BDSM wasn't a good choice for their self alone.
I can say for sure, myself... I do not feel offended, I do not think the topic is taboo. And I accept anyone's choice to remove themselves from the lifestyle (this or any) if for WHATEVER reason, it is something that doesn't uplift their quality of life and instead brings them any form of pain or discomfort. I am not threatened or disturbed by this at all. It seems completely reasonable to me.
Additionally, I think that "the Internet" in general is an excellent place to search for help. If I wanted to remove myself from a concerning Activity... I would, using logic, not solicit the individuals who were NOT having an issue with that activity for advice on how to leave said Activity. Nor would I assume that population of people to have much beneficial knowledge for me on the topic. I might, generally inquire something like "Has anyone ever heard of someone deciding Said Activity is bad for them? What did those people do about that concern? What would you do if you were concerned?" Those kinds of opinion and experienced based questions would be the maximum level of valuable information I'd expect to get from the Said Activity Participators.
It would be akin to visiting a porn store if I had a porn addiction or feared one and then attempted to make inquiries about how to remove myself from porn through consulting the clerk or porn actress. Clearly, those people are not going to have useful information. I would conclude it was absurd of me to expect that they would, NOT demand, why those people didn't have the information I wanted. And lastly, I did a simple, hasty search of "BDSM help" and found QUITE a bit of information that might assist me in recovery from BDSM. I also found BDSM support. This tells me that help with leaving the BDSM lifestyle is totally accessible. And if morality were an aspect of my concern... I'd head to church and if I chose a conservative or moderate church, they'd all probably agree and have LOTS more support and help with leaving the lifestyle. It makes a LOT more sense to go to a Church for support than the practitioners online forums.
I think your questions have been adequately answered. I hope that you have peace of mind now and can move along with your life successfully. If you want to provide information to people who MIGHT be concerned about BDSM as a potential detriment to their life, why not make up a website with a variety of information about BDSM. If your concern is lack of information, take initiative and collect all the information and research you can and provide it to others for free.
You clearly have plenty of free time on your hands. If you spent your time away from collarme.com forums you could create the website within a week or two. Furthermore you could probably host it for free.
I hope this was helpful and again, you have peace of mind.
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