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RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 12:57:43 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Maybe if he saw how hard i was busting my ass to pick up and keep things nice and make it a functional home, he'd feel guilty enough messing it up, to help more or be less messy, not by what i said, or how i said it but because when you realize just how fricken hard someone worked and how tired they are from that effort, you feel bad messing it all up again.

When i point out to him how he's always filling in my hard work with messes, or how he needs to uphold his end of things more, he always turns the blame on me an points out my pack rattiness or my clutter, and how come it's ok for my stuff to be cluttered and how come i can't manage my own clutter, and if I started keeping at the very minimum my own clutter tamed, he can't point at any one but himself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
Maybe the working hard in this situation is having the two of you find a solution together and stick to it. You've had a lot of good suggestions on all of your other threads on those topics and you got some great suggestions on this thread to for this topic. Use them and get your noses to the grindstone. It seems like you'll have to get him on board with you too in order to keep things on track. Sometimes being the good example makes people want to do better and actually makes them feel guilty too - then they do better themselves.

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Post #: 41

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:04:19 PM

Iamsemisweet

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One of the reasons my first marriage lasted as long as it did was because we hired a cleaning person every other week. Before we did that, it used to piss me off to come home from working all day, only to have to clean and pick up after my lazy ass husband. He also would not allow my sons to have to dirty their hands cleaning either. So, having a maid was cheaper than therapy.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 3/23/2012 1:13:23 PM >

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Post #: 42

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:09:02 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere
I think it's a strange concept that people should need help from other people in order to keep their clothes and eating utensils clean. Do the cleaners hire cleaners too? I understand very rich or very busy and important people delegating certain tasks so they can carry on with their very important lives, but 99% of people can and should take care of themselves. We've become a society of people who want others to do every step of our day for us.

Like many things on these forums or in life there isn't one way of doing things and just because you have an opinion doesn't mean it fits the rest of humanity. If people choose to delegate things they don't care for then they can do that. It's not a reflection of their character because they don't embrace wanting to clean. Some will just do it, some will find a different solution, what's the difference how they get it done? It's like saying we should go back to the days of grinding our own wheat for flour, who the hell cares how people take care of themselves as long as they do? In Toppings case, my answer to her was predicated on the fact that her money is limited but her time is not and she tends to avoid things she finds hard to do. If someone doesn't have a lot of free time but has extra money, why does it matter how their clothing and eating utensils get clean?

quote:

Then there's the matter of slaves hiring maids, which to me is downright bonkers.

Why this would be a strange thing means once again that you aren't really understanding that the world of people around you is full of others with different viewpoints and different sorts of lives. No slave has to conform to what you think the definition of slavery is, just to their own definition and the person they are with. Why would it be bonkers for someone to live their life according what they have decided is how they wish to live it? Do slaves not have full time jobs and expendable income? What the heck does someone's kink orientation have to do whether they can or should make certain choices in managing their lives? It's whatever they say it is.

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 43

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:22:19 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I remember in the group home that's the system they had, if you didn't pick up your room once you went to school the morning house staff did and you paid to get it back, same if you left it where it didn't belong, long enough that they picked it up for you.

I remember once a lot of my crap went into storage cause i was regularly not cleaning up and the confiscated it all and i had to pay 5 dollars a bag to get my crap, and they'd only give it to me one bag at a time, so i put the bag away, completely before getting a new bag. if you didn't they'd just re confiscate that bag, they never threw it away, they kept it as long as it took you to get your act together. It works/worked well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

One suggestion I have is something my sister does. She has 5 boys. They all have regular chores besides picking up after themselves and like most kids they leave things around and make messes without cleaning it up. She goes around at the end of the day, picks up whatever she sees that isn't in it's place, and the kids have to pay her to get it back. At the end of the month anything she has that wasn't paid for to get out of hock, gets tossed or taken to Goodwill.

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Post #: 44

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:30:08 PM

soul2share

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Maybe HE needs to move out and take care of his own messes. Personally, hearing your stories about him and the way they are worded indicates some resentments are harbored on both sides, and he isn't going to change one iota. So, either suck up his faults and live with him, or tell him to get out until he can act like an "equal" in any relationship.

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Post #: 45

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:36:28 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I need to stop collecting fabric lol, i swear i will use it and never do, i need to use up what i have before new stuff, but the fabrics i like are just so cute and addicting to buy!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

I need to go through my yarn collection. I got one storage bin in Grandma's old house and 2 in my closet with more overflowing in the bedroom. I need more storage bins to clean out my clean and get the overflow under control.

BTW, anyone need baby afghans? I am selling them $20 each! LOL! (I need to stop buying yarn for now.)

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Post #: 46

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:41:26 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I did reach a breaking point in our last fight, after he'd put a full take out cup of soda on the ground that he was done with, rather than throw it out and it spilled and made a big mess, and he didn't even say he was sorry or offer to clean it up, that if he wasn't going to be a better help mate around here, he could just move out. I am tired of the co nstant struggle to get some help here, and i just cleaned the side of the bed less than a week ago , picked up all the powerade bottles he threw on the floor, and picked up all the stuff that had accumulated there, mopped up a spill he'd not noticed, and he's got it full of powerade bottles and trash, and now spilled soda. it was the last straw.

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

Maybe HE needs to move out and take care of his own messes. Personally, hearing your stories about him and the way they are worded indicates some resentments are harbored on both sides, and he isn't going to change one iota. So, either suck up his faults and live with him, or tell him to get out until he can act like an "equal" in any relationship.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/23/2012 1:42:29 PM >

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Post #: 47

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:43:06 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I remember in the group home that's the system they had, if you didn't pick up your room once you went to school the morning house staff did and you paid to get it back, same if you left it where it didn't belong, long enough that they picked it up for you.

I remember once a lot of my crap went into storage cause i was regularly not cleaning up and the confiscated it all and i had to pay 5 dollars a bag to get my crap, and they'd only give it to me one bag at a time, so i put the bag away, completely before getting a new bag. if you didn't they'd just re confiscate that bag, they never threw it away, they kept it as long as it took you to get your act together. It works/worked well.

It does work well in some situations. For kids, they have to go earn the money then to get the stuff back, sometimes that means doing extra chores at home to get money over and above their usual chores. So they have to work more than usual, and don't even get to keep the money because they then have to use it to get their stuff back. The threat of having it thrown away adds a timely aspect to things where the kids have to get their act together and get it back, rather than letting it slide forever or risk losing it. With kids, if you let something like a shirt sit for six months before getting it back there is a likely chance it won't fit anymore, and what's the point of getting it back then? The lesson is lost if you don't want the stuff back. So in her case I think it works better to have a time limit.

I'm not sure how it would work for you and your guy, if it would at all, maybe you could adapt it somehow. I don't know. It just has worked well for her and I thought I'd share it as it might work well for someone else.

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Post #: 48

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 1:54:07 PM

outhere69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

The word LAZY comes to mind.

Really? I'm going to start having someone to clean, because my body's getting too beat up to work full time and maintain the house. I just need the floors and bathrooms done. I can handle the rest (it's a small condo.)

(in reply to servantforuse)

Post #: 49

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 2:06:22 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Oh, i agree, i was just saying they never got rid of our stuff, which is maybe why sometimes i wasn't so hot to trot to get it back lol, cause i knew it'd be there. My neighbors /kids are not fazed at all if you take their stuff, one time around Christmas their mom packed up everything, even the Christmas presents and put them in the garage, cause the kids wouldn't clean up their room or help out and yes that meant they didn't even get to play with the christmas stuff and she even threatened to throw it out and it had no effect on them.

Me, my parents started packing up my stuff and i ran in screaming no, wait, hey stop i'll pick it up ok?

Maybe i could start quietly picking things up and just putting them in storage neatly and if enough of his stuff starts going out there an he wants it bad enough he can go dig it out an put it away? Maybe once this room starts having no stuff in it but mine, it'll get the point across or something lol.

He's into martial arts and needs a place to practice and keep his gear, I have also told him if he wants a martial arts practice studio type place, he will have to help me clean out our storage and deal with everything first, and then when it's done he can get a bob, and some matts for the floor and we can set him up a practice space, so he has a dedicated space that's his and only his, to do his kata's and what not, and he said ok, and now won't help, so i'll offer than incentive again.

At one point i threatened to charge him for every can an bottle i picked up because he was to lazy to put them in the bin we have till we take them for recycling, an he scoffed an said yeah right, so i changed it to, i picked them up, i bagged them i took them to the recyclers, i did all the work i keep all the money. THAT he agreed to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

[
It does work well in some situations. For kids, they have to go earn the money then to get the stuff back, sometimes that means doing extra chores at home to get money over and above their usual chores. So they have to work more than usual, and don't even get to keep the money because they then have to use it to get their stuff back. The threat of having it thrown away adds a timely aspect to things where the kids have to get their act together and get it back, rather than letting it slide forever or risk losing it. With kids, if you let something like a shirt sit for six months before getting it back there is a likely chance it won't fit anymore, and what's the point of getting it back then? The lesson is lost if you don't want the stuff back. So in her case I think it works better to have a time limit.

I'm not sure how it would work for you and your guy, if it would at all, maybe you could adapt it somehow. I don't know. It just has worked well for her and I thought I'd share it as it might work well for someone else.

quote:

etting it back then? The lesson is lost if you don't want the stuff back. So in h

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/23/2012 2:21:01 PM >

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Post #: 50

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 2:08:50 PM

Iamsemisweet

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I think I want someone to clean too. I am in the process of moving in with my love, and between us we have 5 dogs. I certainly could use some help dealing with the floors. Good thing I am busy, important, and have more money than time, right servantforuse? Once I am all moved in, I think I will look into that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: outhere69

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

The word LAZY comes to mind.

Really? I'm going to start having someone to clean, because my body's getting too beat up to work full time and maintain the house. I just need the floors and bathrooms done. I can handle the rest (it's a small condo.)

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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Post #: 51

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 2:19:21 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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A cleaning service is not going to deal with day to day clutter and mess, unless you have them in daily. Who can afford that?

You need to accept that you live with a slob, b/c it's been my experience that messy people don't change. I love and live with a messy man and I just accept him how he is. The last thing I would do is make his messiness an issue between us.

He has his own spaces which he is allowed to keep as messy as he wishes. One is a separate room that the door can be closed on so I don' t have to see it. I routinely get in there to take trash, dirty dishes and recyclables out, other than that I vacuum and dust a few times a year. The space he uses in the living room is set up so that most of the crap (I call it crap, but it's important hobby stuff to him) can be moved into the laundry room with ease if we have guests.

I keep the rest of the place clean and he helps b/c of my back. I've learned it helps him to have warning of this, like: "I need to get the living room vacuumed this weekend and I will need you to move furniture and such for an hour or so. So think of when you are up for that."

I have tons of hobby stuff as well and it helps to have a big house with good storage areas. It took some time to get the storage in place but really that is key if you have a lot of crap.

I know you live in a small space so I suggest downsizing as much as you can.

As for him being messy, accept it and accept him. And I agree, sounds like some residual resentment there. You are both slobs, you just have to deal with that.

You don't work at a regular job, keeping a small space clean should be a snap. Try cleaning on hour in the morning and one in the afternoon. This is what I do, as I have fibro and can't clean for hours.

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Post #: 52

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 2:27:53 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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We only have a 1 bedroom, and a pantry, if he'd keep his mess and crap into a room i could just close the door on and not filthy up and mess up our shared spaces i'd say hallelujah, and have at it.

We don't have tons of stuff, if it was kept clean an put away just about everything could fit and not be a problem. it's just getting to that point, but i have already started on it. I cleared out the dishes that didn't belong in here, picked up some clothing an put it in the wash, threw away a bunch of junk magazines that were sitting around, and threw out 15 coupon mailers that were trash, and closed three drawers in the dresser that were open an holding crap. for most people, specially seeing how messy it is in here, they're over whelmed an it's like big fricken deal, but for me it's a big deal lol. I do a burst of something, sit down rest catch my breath have some water an get up in another 20 mins and get more done.

Yes, i have a lot of resentment for the lack of help and how he refuses to deal with his depression and the other issues like lack of love life that causes, but that's another therapy thread discussion for now lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

He has his own spaces which he is allowed to keep as messy as he wishes. One is a separate room that the door can be closed on so I don' t have to see it. I routinely get in there to take trash, dirty dishes and recyclables out, other than that I vacuum and dust a few times a year. The space he uses in the living room is set up so that most of the crap (I call it crap, but it's important hobby stuff to him) can be moved into the laundry room with ease if we have guests.

I keep the rest of the place clean and he helps b/c of my back. I've learned it helps him to have warning of this, like: "I need to get the living room vacuumed this weekend and I will need you to move furniture and such for an hour or so. So think of when you are up for that."

I have tons of hobby stuff as well and it helps to have a big house with good storage areas. It took some time to get the storage in place but really that is key if you have a lot of crap.

I know you live in a small space so I suggest downsizing as much as you can.

As for him being messy, accept it and accept him. And I agree, sounds like some residual resentment there. You are both slobs, you just have to deal with that.

You don't work at a regular job, keeping a small space clean should be a snap. Try cleaning on hour in the morning and one in the afternoon. This is what I do, as I have fibro and can't clean for hours.

quote:

ut, other than that I vacuum and dust a few times a year. The space he uses in the living room is set up so that most of the crap (I call it crap, but it's importan

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/23/2012 2:34:42 PM >

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Post #: 53

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 2:36:52 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere
I think it's a strange concept that people should need help from other people in order to keep their clothes and eating utensils clean. Do the cleaners hire cleaners too? I understand very rich or very busy and important people delegating certain tasks so they can carry on with their very important lives, but 99% of people can and should take care of themselves. We've become a society of people who want others to do every step of our day for us.

Then there's the matter of slaves hiring maids, which to me is downright bonkers.

1) Master would prefer that my attention be on him when he is home.

2) My time is worth more than the $120 I pay a month.

3) I'm serving Master the way her prefers to be served, whether you think it's "downright bonkers" or not.

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RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 2:40:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Right now my rooms are diastrous. Clean, but disastrous.

My office is organized, and I wish my personal spaces had the same nice storage!

There is a world of difference between clutter and SQUALOR, Chris. Leaving spilled things on the floor, dirty dishes, empty drink bottles, that is not being messy, that's just being a selfish pig. Didn't you have issues with vermin not too long ago? Pests are attracted to that kind of thing. Do you WANT to live that way?

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Post #: 55

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 3:08:04 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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We have the occasional rat or 4 once in a while, because we're out in the country, my mom gets them too and her house is clean. No, i don't and i want to have a cleaner house, clutter wise, and not having things spilled and piling up.

We keep our soda cans and our bottles until it's time to take them to the recyclers, they're supposed to be in a trash bag or a receptacle nice an neat but we usually end up letting them sit around on household surfaces, like a table for a while before they get into the bin to store them. Or we have enough so we just take them strait to the recyclers once we pick them up. m You need about 4 or 5 bags worth to make it worth while money wise to take them in.

I am trying to change that they just get left laying around, and other dis organizational messes, that once i clean up a space on the floor today, a bin is going in for the water bottles and powerade bottles.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Right now my rooms are diastrous. Clean, but disastrous. My office is organized, and I wish my personal spaces had the same nice storage!

There is a world of difference between clutter and SQUALOR, Chris. Leaving spilled things on the floor, dirty dishes, empty drink bottles, that is not being messy, that's just being a selfish pig. Didn't you have issues with vermin not too long ago? Pests are attracted to that kind of thing. Do you WANT to live that way?

quote:

rty dishes, empty drink bottles, that is not being messy, that's just being a se

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Post #: 56

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 3:22:19 PM

SadisticMs2

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Just so you know....a cleaning service WILL NOT DEAL WITH YOUR CLUTTER. Most require you to put all the clutter away and THEN they will do things like clean the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. They will not do your week old dishes or pick through 18 bottles of shampoo, hairspray, etc.

Only you are able to really go through all your crap and decide what to do with it. You just don't seem to want to.

Regardless of if your partner helps or not - he's working, you do not. Like it or not, that does put the burden of keeping the home clean on you. You admit that you keep buying things you don't need, and obviously you don't have the space to store it and have no immediate use for it, and you can't pin that on him.

If money is tight, I can point out a few issues. You're paying to store a bunch of stuff that's probably NOT even worth what you're paying over a year or two's rent of the storage space. You're buying a bunch of craft stuff but not making it up "because it's too cute not to".

How much money would you save if you stopped buying crap you don't need and paying to store the crap you don't need?

No doubt enough to pay for a maid service once a month.

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Post #: 57

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 3:29:56 PM

littlewonder

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Sounds to me like it's not just him but both of you causing this problem. He needs therapy for his depression and probably meds and you both need to hire a hoarder type counselor who will come into the home and teach you both how to keep it clean not just physically but mentally. They will teach you what such squalor will do to a person and the way they view the world. You two really really need to find someone like that.

If you both can't do these steps then you both will be living like the hoarders in about 10 years like you see on the tv shows.

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Post #: 58

RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 3:37:04 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Well she said she would come in, help throw away trash , pick up what need picked up, and fold clothing an put things away, that was out but she wants 300- 400 dollars to do the job. I told her thank you very much but we just can't afford that.

We have a huge work shop with two huge rooms, one of which is devoted to storing things mine an my parents, on our property,we don't pay to store things.

You're entittled to your opinion, but I do not feel that because he works and i don't he gets a pass on house work and tidying and maintenance of our place, and he doesn't feel that way either, he's just to lazy to help out. We both believe laziness aside, that it's a couples job to handle together as a couple.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2

Just so you know....a cleaning service WILL NOT DEAL WITH YOUR CLUTTER. Most require you to put all the clutter away and THEN they will do things like clean the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. They will not do your week old dishes or pick through 18 bottles of shampoo, hairspray, etc.

Only you are able to really go through all your crap and decide what to do with it. You just don't seem to want to.

Regardless of if your partner helps or not - he's working, you do not. Like it or not, that does put the burden of keeping the home clean on you. You admit that you keep buying things you don't need, and obviously you don't have the space to store it and have no immediate use for it, and you can't pin that on him.

If money is tight, I can point out a few issues. You're paying to store a bunch of stuff that's probably NOT even worth what you're paying over a year or two's rent of the storage space. You're buying a bunch of craft stuff but not making it up "because it's too cute not to".

How much money would you save if you stopped buying crap you don't need and paying to store the crap you don't need?

No doubt enough to pay for a maid service once a month.

quote:

u know....a cleaning service WILL NOT DEAL WITH YOUR CLUTTER. Most requi

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RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 3/23/2012 3:40:17 PM

LadyHibiscus

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So, you are saying that he's TALKING about working but too lazy to work around the house, and he admits it. Which part is his, exactly?

It sounds like even SMALL things like throwing away his trash will make a big difference. Work on that. I am reasonably certain that after work breaks he is not allowed to leave his mess at his workstation or in the break room.

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