LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
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Ok, the group home thing has obviously caused you to develop an over attachment to "your" stuff. It can be tough to get over, but it must be done.
As for craft things....unless you are going to do the craft immediately, it doesn't matter how "cute" something is, pass it by.
As a single mother, I struggled constantly with getting my son to pick up after himself to no avail. The house was always a mess, and I was completely overwhelmed.
Over the last year, I was a bit of a "couch surfer" and lived with friends. The first had a total of 20 dogs and cats. The house smelled and the dogs would steal food right out of your hands. I regularly vacuumed the house, the aunt regularly did the dishes, but I would not clean up after the dogs, who mostly weren't housebroken.
Then I moved in with another friend. I knew he had some hoarding/cleaning issues, but we discussed it and I helped to get the house somewhat in order. The kitchen took me two days to clean and make presentable. Once I was living there, the landlord said he would re-furbish the whole house. He completely re-did the bathroom, new floor, walls, toilet, shower, sink. He was going to put laminate flooring throughout the house, do some serious re-modeling to allow for a stackable washer/dryer unit. It was a small house, but he was re-doing it to my specifications (within a budget) and it would really be nice when completed.
As some will remember, my room mate had a cat. A dirty cat. A mean cat. My room mate, who had some psychological issues, including clinical depression could not manage to get him fixed, and he was spraying everywhere. He agreed to work with me to improve the cat's behavior. He agreed that together we would organize the house, i.e. keep the dishes done, put things away, etc.
No sooner was the bathroom completed than his cat went in and sprayed on the shower wall. Closed the new, 6 panel door and he sprayed on that. My room mate's response? "Gee, that's too bad." Even if I told him the cat did it or he saw him do it, he made no move to clean it up or to reprimand his animal. When the cat sprayed on the door and some of it hit my new designer handbag, his solution was that I should hang it higher so he couldn't reach. When I bought a "nearly new" couch and love seat that went into storage until the re-model was completed, my room mate commented that it wouldn't stay nice for long in our house. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I was not going to live that way and told my room mate that I was going to move out. When the landlord heard this, he said that all re-modeling was going to stop. My room mate didn't understand that the landlord wasn't going to invest good money just so his cat could piss all over everything. He also doesn't grasp how lucky he is that the landlord doesn't kick his ass out.
I now live alone. I found a small cottage that consist of a living room/kitchen combination and a loft bedroom. That's it, two whole rooms. I had previously lived in a large two bedroom house with my son, so I had a lot of stuff. Of course, it was stored in a friend's garage, where a pipe burst and a good portion of my things were either destroyed or covered with mildew and in need of serious scrubbing.
I hired movers to move the heavy stuff and put it in place (sort of in place anyway). I have a serious back injury, fibromyalgia, constant kidney issues AND a thryoid problem. Standing on my feet for more than 10 minutes brings on serious pain, let alone standing to mop floors, clean or anything else. Moving furniture will have me bedridden for at least a day.
But you know what? I struggled through it and I moved the furniture to how I wanted it. I screamed in pain as I moved my bed to a different place in my bedroom. I limped as I emptied boxes, folded the empty boxes and either put them out for recycling or stored them. I've been here just about a month and nearly everything is unpacked, except for the boxes containing my books because I don't have anywhere to put them yet.
I make sure the dishes are done before I go to bed at night. I sweep the hardwood floors at the very least every other day (or use my swivel sweeper). Clothes go in the hamper, getting carried upstairs after I shower. I took the time to put things away when I moved in. I didn't throw out "my" stuff, but I did pick and choose what stuff I needed, including keeping a 50 year old 32 cup coffee maker that was my mom's. I don't even drink coffee, but have moved that coffee maker with me for the last 15 years after my mom died.
Funny thing. My house now is always basically neat and tidy. I pick up after myself and the only thing I don't do every day is make my bed because my current health conditions have me napping during the day. Clothes get put away the same day I bring them home from the laundromat. They are hung in my closet or folded and put in the drawers so when I get dressed I can find things without making more of a mess.
If I was living with someone who spilled things and then left them, and it is was MY place (or in your case, your parent's place), they wouldn't be living there long. You have spent a good 5 pages talking about how he is "too depressed," "too lazy," "too tired" to pick up after himself. You, yourself can't manage to get up off your ass after drinking something to throw the bottle away. You have SEVEN baskets of laundry that no one can manage to put away. Five pages of how you live with someone who won't lift a finger to pick up after himself and is so damned depressed you don't even have a love life.
You live in one freaking room Chris. When I was living with my last room mate with the cat, I was constantly sick because of the filth. Within a week of moving, I stopped coughing and my health improved (at least a little). My psychological outlook has improved because I'm not looking at messes all over the place and feeling overwhelmed about trying to pick up after other people.
The way you grew up, you weren't taught basic life skills. Perhaps your disability makes learning them more difficult. But living in squalor like you are is impeding your health, both physically and mentally. Living with someone who is suffering from severe depression like you describe is imeding YOUR life and well being.
You can pick one thing each day that you are going to completely clean, like putting all the laundry away and straightening out the dressers/closet. Once it is clean, it is less work to keep it that way, and move on to the next thing. The problem is that you really don't know where to start and are so overwhelmed by the current mess you can't bear to get started. Surely you must have one friend who can come over and help or at least keep you company? Play music, like you said and let it help motivate you.
Your partner is obviously not going to help you clean, nor is he going to get help for his depression. You need to decide if you are so desperate to be in a relationship that you want to live like this. If you are, then this is going to be as good as it gets unless you resign yourself to trailing behind him and cleaning up his messes. If you aren't, then you need to kick his lazy ass to the curb and work on yourself. The latter would be a healthier choice for you, but I have my doubts that you will be able to do it.
With your disability, you should still be in regular counseling, occupational therapy type things. Speak with your case worker and explain that you need some help getting your shit together and see if there isn't someone who can come and teach you some organizational skills.
Part of being an independent grown up is being able to care for yourself. That means you need to learn how to keep house and cook relatively healthy meals for yourself. It also means having the maturity to know if someone in your life is inhibiting your ability to do that.
I'm deleriously happy living on my own. Any mess that is in my house is of my own making and if I have any friends come over, they will not leave a mess or they won't be invited back.
When there is clutter all around you, it clutters your mind as well. When living with a severely depressed person, it will bring you down, rather that you bringing them up. Is this truly how you want to live your life?
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RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? - 
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