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RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 8:58:28 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

never meet in public, always a room haha yes third place as such, reverse lookup is not a good one i know his business name and such loll honestly i have said his name to him and he denied said was a business partner but age, address and his car parked out front of " business partners" house on google maps lollin look i know its bad yes ??? ~sucktastic~

ty am bad with the hmu, fwb, ltr, letters for words ha!


What. The fuck. Seriously? What the heck is wrong that you don't see the problems in what you typed up there? I'm wondering if you are here as a troll because honestly no one could be this clueless.

You're hard to understand in your postings here, but what you have written that I think I get is that you have been seeing someone in hotel rooms out of the public eye, he's denied his name to you (not sure i understand that), and you've googled his home and seen his car in front of the 'business' partners house? He's married. How is it that you don't see this?

Ok ok, let me try something different. Does it matter to you what he's up to? Do you care if he's married? What are you looking for with him? A relationship? Are you ok with the weekly meetings and want to keep things like that? See, if you are fine with the meetings and want that then continue. If you are unnerved by the secrecy on his part and in fact would like more of a regular relationship with him where the two of you get to be seen in public then this isn't going to work and you'll have to force the identity issue. It's really all up to what you want to get from him.

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 8:59:31 PM   
seeksroommate


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/7/2012
Status: offline 		no never been to his house, seen credit card we dont go out together

(in reply to ShibsStories)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 9:00:48 PM   
seeksroommate


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/7/2012
Status: offline 		heyyyyy now am not a troll please jeezzzz'i had a year in the lifestyle before i met him here on cm
he is a very nice person and i do enjoy the time we have together but would like more from the relationship
that is why im here to figure out well is it even possible to move forward from this point

< Message edited by seeksroommate -- 3/23/2012 9:02:30 PM >

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 9:01:35 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

no never been to his house, seen credit card we dont go out together

Even if he isn't married, you're a piece on the side. If that's enough for you, who cares what his name is. If it isn't, then even seeing his long form birth certificate won't solve this problem.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 9:02:29 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

ty lizi true
this is what i need well and a few others cleared up with him before i can decide to move on or stay, i have enjoyed our time together and mostly assumed because he is a business owner at some point he had been burned. but for me to give myself completely i need full disclosure

ty all for your responses


Ok, this answers my questions then of what you would like to have with him.

Really the only thing I can see then is pushing for disclosure on his part. I'm pretty sure it won't be anything that will make you happy so be prepared to leave him at that point or have him leave you. It's better that way. What could you possibly get from someone who is misleading you on purpose when you say you would like a relationship?

If you need full disclosure please remember that with the next person and start off on the right footing. Best of luck with things...

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 9:14:16 PM   
ShibsStories


Posts: 132
Joined: 1/2/2012
Status: offline 		He sounds very married and you are very much the kinky piece on the side.
You will never get what you want with him.
If after a year he has not introduced you to the people in his life, it is doubtful he ever will and thus you will always be outside of his life.
And it sounds like you want more.
If you have self respect you will understand you deserve more.

o and ps- your a kinky female- plennnnnnnty of fish in the sea, every ratio is in your favor.
Go have some fun!

_____________________________

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Audio BDSM story =D

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 9:39:05 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

hello all
well kinda in a weird spot i guess, i have been with M for over a year. i have always known or felt the name he gave me as his well wasn't. as we have spent a bit more time i've brought it up a few times loll ok once more but only at that time his last name changed. idk i honestly care for this man just where do i stand if he cannot be honest about who he is? so do you ask for proof? am still unsure what i should do?


I thought I'd backtrack a little and offer my own experiences, maybe it'll help for the future.

I went out with a man that presented himself as a certain person and he gave me a name. We progressed to making a date, he met me on the first date with his driver's license in hand and handed it to me before he'd even said hello. He was working for the DHS (Dept of Homeland Security) and had used a fake name with me at first, however didn't want to continue with it after we'd met in real life. I was a bit unnerved but continued with that date and continued on with other dates as he was completely honest when it came time for face to face and plus, I could understand where his job with the government meant he needed to be careful. We parted after a few dates from other things unrelated to the name switching.

I met a man who gave me his correct name but as it turned out, lied to me about being married. We didn't continue with things at my behest.

I met a man who lied to me about his physical characteristics and had given me some very old pictures of himself that were not representational of his physical self any more in quite a significant way, we did not continue.

I met a man who lied to me about his physical characteristics in a smallish way, when we met I saw how what he said online and what he was in actuality was slightly different. We did continue.

I met a man who was honest about being married from the start, we hit it off and continued with things between us for a while until something else put an end to things.

It's really all up to you. For myself, I don't necessarily judge on the situation as much as if the guy is honest with me and in what manner. If I have to discover the lies myself it won't go well- I'll most likely leave immediately. If I am aware of the situation from the start from you telling me what is going on, I may choose to continue with things. For me it matters you see of if you tell me what the situation is, or what degree the lie extends to - a big one or small. It really comes down to what is acceptable to you.



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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 9:51:56 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		What do you care at this point? You say you want to move forward - are you kidding me? Youve been seeing this guy in hotel rooms for OVER A YEAR, and Im assuming youre paying for it, since you claim youve never seen his credit card. And even if he is paying, Im sure its with cash - am I right?

Also he's never even taken you out to dinner or anything - never met his friends, never confirmed thats really where he works - and at someones HOUSE none the less.

Do you REALLY think hes going to MOVE FORWARD with you??? I mean really? Do you?
Reading your profile - I hope you do a better job screening your roommate than you did this guy.

Youre 36 years old - I find that hard to believe.

Look if youre as desperate as your coming across, just keep sleeping with him - and dont check into anything. You already know the answer.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 10:34:07 PM   
mynxkat


Posts: 240
Joined: 5/7/2011
Status: offline 		Dude is married, and doesn't want his wife to find out. Are you okay with being with a guy that lies to you about this, and lies to his wife about being unfaithful to her? Are you okay with this being all there will ever be to the 'relationship'? Are you okay being with a man who is ashamed or scared to be seen in public with you? I hope to hell you guys are using protection for sex, because there's no telling how many gals he's slept around with, or is sleeping around with now.

If you decide you are ok with this, then in your shoes I'd make it clear to the guy the next time you meet him that if he wants to keep seeing you, he has to come absolutely clean, right NOW about his marital status and anything else he's lied to you about. Oh, and make him pay for the hotel rooms.

If you decide you're not, just text him or call him and tell him that you'll not be seeing him again. Whether you tell him why is entirely up to you.

Either way, get yourself tested for STDs, once right away and again in a couple of months.


(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 10:57:45 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
RedMagic1
for

You stand smack dab in the middle of
"Next time don't intentionally ignore
red flags so you can feel feelings for a man" land.


http://www.collarchat.com/m_4071217/tm.htm

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/23/2012 11:03:19 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		This story feels awfully familiar. Anyone remember someone who posted here a few years ago who had been with a man for like 5 years or something and still didn't his name?

I'm just flabbergasted about these kinds of "relationships". I mean, do you just simply not wanna know? I mean, you obviously can't be that into him if after a year you still don't know his name and have made no real tangible attempts to find out.

So ask yourself....am I just into him for the sex?


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 12:48:54 AM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

never meet in public, always a room haha yes third place as such, reverse lookup is not a good one i know his business name and such loll honestly i have said his name to him and he denied said was a business partner but age, address and his car parked out front of " business partners" house on google maps lollin look i know its bad yes ??? ~sucktastic~

ty am bad with the hmu, fwb, ltr, letters for words ha!

i would get the heck away. There are real and worthy Masters out there, don;t settle for less. Are you going to trust this man with your bank account someday?

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 3:46:04 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

hello all
well kinda in a weird spot i guess, i have been with M for over a year. i have always known or felt the name he gave me as his well wasn't. as we have spent a bit more time i've brought it up a few times loll ok once more but only at that time his last name changed. idk i honestly care for this man just where do i stand if he cannot be honest about who he is? so do you ask for proof? am still unsure what i should do?


Lying over names... Gawd. Okay, I've had guys I've topped and guys who have been my subs (both of us expected the relationship to be temporary because of distance) that I refused to give my last name to, my street address, etc. There was no point and I had no plans to introduce the men to my kid or my mother. My relationships were D/s and I left the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect out of it, as well as kept my clothing on.

My point is, if it were age he was waffling on, it might be some weird pride thing. With names... Trust issues or else he's married or has a vanilla lover.

Once I trusted my boy enough to take him as mine, and yes, I had been to his home and met his best friends, sister, mother, and his adult daughter, both of us knew each other's full names. I took it a step farther than that...before becoming fluid bonded, both of us went and got a full panel for STDs done and gave each other full access to the details. Yep, his doctor and I talked and he had that option with mine. I had filled out HIPPA paperwork to give him the right to know all of my medical information.

If something bothers you, talk to your Dominant. He should be able to suck it up and dig out his driver's license...your hearing him referred to by different names is enough to damage anyone's trust and personally, if I had been in his shoes, I would have straightened this out with my sub before he/she even had to ask. Why let suspicion erode trust.

When you ask him, have someone to turn to for aftercare if the answer is something you really didn't want to hear.

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 6:21:34 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		Yes, before Master and I started a relationship, we sent picture and cammed.

_____________________________


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 8:41:31 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Sunny Quote of the Day


LOL, thank you, wonton one.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 9:06:07 AM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline 		As RedMagic1 said, if you're content to be his bit on the side it really doesn't matter much. Another possibility is that even if there were more it doesn't matter. I know of one woman to whom this would be an ideal situation, to her knowing that she doesn't know who her Dom really is would be a huge turn on.

So ask yourself, are you in either of those two categories. If you are, then just let it go and enjoy yourself. If not, then ask for the DL, and end it if he balks at showing it to you.


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 9:51:50 AM   
subbyinlosangele


Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

i know seems the more i felt let it go just idk, couldnt maybe i need to look at it see if there is more. he is M so to question him now is not an easy thing but i think if he brings up tattoo again im gettin a peep at his drivers license with his permission i don't do sneaky




Hard for me to fathom how anyone would get a tattoo for someone whose name they didn't know. From your description, it sounds like he regards your relationship as a weekly, fun, friends with benefit thing. That's OK, but it seems like you are deluding yourself that it is something more than it is to him.

Personally, if I were you, and found out that someone had been lying about their name for a long time, I would kick them to the curb.

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 10:11:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thirty six years old and still clueless. Fuckall, some of the shit I read on here just baffles me.

Just because its a power exchange/kinky relationship does not mean you toss all common sense out the window for christsake.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 10:12:30 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not even sure the name thing matters. Look, he's been completely upfront with you about what you mean and what place you have in his life. The two of you have no life outside of a hotel room, a phone call, and maybe email. Watch his actions, they've been consistent and all on a certain level that never goes any deeper. He's shown you consistently that you are a side dish in his life no matter what the frequency is that he chooses to see you.

It doesn't look like he'll be giving up his side dish any time soon, but things are also probably never going to change. He's got it all where he wants it. As everyone keeps point out...how does that sit with you? You've said you want more, well, that doesn't look possible so your choices are stay or go because I think a year is pretty indicative of how things will be.

For myself this type of thing wouldn't work. The deceit says nasty things about him, if I were a side dish I'd at least like to know it and base my actions on the knowledge of what exactly was being offered to me.

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 10:14:40 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Yes, before the man and I ever met we exchanged driver's license photos. (I understand that's a no no these days due to identity theft).

Since we met online and he was thousands of miles away from me in Alaska, it was an important step for both of us in terms of: Are you who you say you are? Same age? Same weight? Same person you portrayed yourself to be online?

This was a major step in laying down a good foundation of mutual trust. Neither of us viewed it as a "test."

We both saw it as a way to get from fantasy online to the beginnings of a real relationship. Because in real relationships people know who each other are. They go out of their way to show they are trustworthy and of good character.

I don't care how many times a week you meet in a hotel room, if you don't know who he is, honey child, you DON"T KNOW WHO HE IS.

You don't have a relationship (JMO), you have an extended fantasy.

And I soooo get where you can't talk to him about it "b/c of the already existing dynamic." Uh huh, he's just too masterful to be truthful.

Learn some important relationship basics from this, please: One, establish trust before you start having "feelings" (read: having sex). Two: People looking for an instant M/s dynamic are looking for a fantasy. Three: Don't enter into *any* kind of a relationship, vanilla or kinky or even just friends, before you get to know the person well.

Go slow emotionally until you see you get back what you are giving. This can be very hard for some people to do. A good therapist can help you learn.





_____________________________



(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 40
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