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RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 1:23:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
No one said I don't. The thing is; there may be reasons for his giving two different answers.

While I agree it's pretty absurd to be having sex with someone that you don't trust enough to give them your last name, it is not my place to judge the actions of others unless they are a part of my life. Maybe this guy just has some serious trust issues? I don't know for sure. Maybe he's in Witness Protection. Maybe, he's a fugitive.

Or, maybe, it's just as I proposed earlier and he just recently had his name legally changed and accidentally went with the "old familiar". The point is; I don't know the reason. While I agree with the advice being given to this young lady, on the whole, sometimes, there are other considerations.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

I'm actually with you on this, Michael.  Had we been talking about a 'new' situation or some such..... OK.  All I am saying that is, in a year, it's probably time to reveal such things.  Wouldn't you agree?


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 1:34:40 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm actually with you on this, Michael.  Had we been talking about a 'new' situation or some such..... OK.  All I am saying that is, in a year, it's probably time to reveal such things.  Wouldn't you agree?



Whole-heartedly. I won't meet anyone in anything other than a public place unless I have reasonable faith that certain information has been revealed.

If a lady looks very young, I will demand to see the photo on her license and the part that tells me her age. I will ask to see the full name (not the address, SS number or DL number).

I haven't allowed a lady to come to my house (know my address) until we've been dating for at least a month in years .

I spend a fair amount of time getting to "know" the person to some degree before even agreeing to meet them publicly because I won't waste my time or their's.

All that being said; I have a bit less "worry" in this type of situation because of my gender. By-and-large, females aren't rapists, they aren't going to be able to over-power me, etc.

My safety advice to ladies is much more detailed than my safety advice to men.

Again, I'm not convinced this is necessarily about safety, at this point.

There's a very real chance that this guy is married with 29 children and running around on his wife. It would appear that this young lady has already vaulted that moral hurdle and is concerned out of some form of ... I'm not sure of the right word ... "selfishness"? "Curiosity"?



Peace and comfort,



Michael

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 1:38:16 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe the guy's real last name is "Hitler" or "Hess" or "Dahmer" or "Bundy" or ...

Maybe it's something as innocent as "Gingrich" or "Santorum" and some people might apply a stigma to those?


What the hell does that have to do with the fact she doesnt know anything else about him either? The only thing she seems to know about him is his sex habits.

And as far as your point in being attacked in a hook up situation - there are common sense precautions that can be taken. Yeah - bad shit like that happens, but there are things you can do to lesson those chances. Kinda like people need to apply common sense and look both ways before crossing the street. - If people just want to act reckless then thats on THEM.

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RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 4:42:30 PM   
seeksroommate


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/7/2012
Status: offline 		Potential Master, Domme, Domm, Sub, Slave any potential relationship

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 4:56:18 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate
well kinda in a weird spot i guess

Yeah, I guess too. I cannot imagine getting involved with someone who was a total mystery to me.

Here's the bottom line. My name is just a name. It contains no secrets and there's nothing special about it. Here... "Jeffrey Hayes". Notice how underwhelming that was?

It cost me nothing to write that here on a public forum. How much less to tell it to someone I'm meeting face to face. All of that makes me wonder why your master's name is so different than mine.


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(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 5:01:49 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Can't imagine why a sex partner's name might be important....


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/24/2012 7:44:05 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

Potential Master, Domme, Domm, Sub, Slave any potential relationship


After a year of at least weekly meetings in hotel rooms that have involved an exchange of fluids, this is still just a "potential" relationship?

Obviously, this man has done some things that make you question his honesty and integrity.  What is incredibly bizarre is that you are questioning this now, basically because he is talking about you getting a tattoo from what I can gather over what you wrote.

The idiocy that because someone labels themselves "M" means that questioning them is difficult is more of a personal issue with being able to assert oneself and very little to do with the "M" in question.

IF all you wrote is how things have occurred, you really are pretty oblivious to reality and pretty desperate just to be a relationship, good/bad, honest or dishonest.  Anyone who can't provide their correct full name, address or introduce you to other people in their life after a year is hiding you.  Nothing we can say will help you since after a year of meeting in hotel rooms, you haven't been able to figure these things out for yourself.

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 12:48:07 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		Okay. I missed the part about the tattoo. That makes things a lot simpler (in my mind).

From my point of view, a tattoo on your body that has your partner's name is something you give to your partner for a 10th anniversary; not before. At that point, you have a reasonable expectation that your relationship is going to "go the distance". Even if it does fail, at some point, in ten years' time, you will have some kind of good memories about the person that looking at the tattoo won't make you want to remove your arm (butt cheek/bewbie/foot/shin/thigh ... Sorry. I just went to Coney Island for a second).



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 4:51:31 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Yes, well certainly not knowing his real name could put a bit of a kink in getting his name tattoed on your body, huh?

Honestly, the whole situation is just so out there.  I can't imagine meeting with someone a minimum of once a week for a year and never questioning that you never do anything in public, only questioning his honesty and integrity because he wants you to get a tattoo.

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 5:12:02 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Yes, well certainly not knowing his real name could put a bit of a kink in getting his name tattoed on your body, huh?

Honestly, the whole situation is just so out there.  I can't imagine meeting with someone a minimum of once a week for a year and never questioning that you never do anything in public, only questioning his honesty and integrity because he wants you to get a tattoo.


Yeah, I said, earlier that he was probably married but that she had already cleared that moral mud puddle.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 6:30:56 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		FR
This sounds like a fantasy, like something
you'd read in a bdsm story. The mysterious
Dom, the hotel room meetings. Not saying
some wouldn't try and pull it off in real
life.
If it's true he's almost certainly married.
If it hasn't moved outside of hotel room
encounters and she's still unsure of what
his name is or where he lives it isn't
likely to go any further.
So be content with the sex with Mr
Mysterious or move along.
It is what it is. But I don't really see how
one can be owned by someone that you
don't know the most basic facts about.


_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud




(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 6:46:17 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I meant in a very general way; that men, also have security concerns in new situations. I did not mean to apply it to this particular situation.


Yes, I used to have a regular play partner who was a lawyer. He insisted on seeing my driver's license before we played for the first time. He reciprocated with his, and I sent the info to my gf. The name on his DL matched the name of the owner of that address according to country property records.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 7:12:21 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Potential Master, Domme, Domm, Sub, Slave any potential relationship


Yes, I always ask for last names if it's not revealed in their non-collarme email or internet footprint (facebook, etc.)

Some interesting things I've learned from plugging in last names into various public records (3 separate men):

1. He did not in fact own a condo so that part of owning property but living with his parents because his mother was sick was untrue.

2. He had two domestic violence convictions, two different women, 12 years apart.

3. A woman reported him for domestic violence while they were married, they got divorced shortly thereafter, and she reported him again around a year later. My lawyer friend in my last post has access to more complete records than I do, and found additional unsavory charges involving other people.

#2 and 3 had displayed tempers over the phone and after I discovered the DVs, chose to not meet.

I was also more cautious after being continually lied to by #1, whose mouth said "I love you" but whose actions screamed "you're nothing but a fuck buddy." I've had many pleasurable FWB relationships, but they never created dissonance by telling me they wanted to marry me

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 7:43:34 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

.................... " business partners" house on google maps lollin look i know its bad yes ??? ~sucktastic~




sucktastic indeed!! Someone has a tag line on cm "Advice is what you ask for when you're hoping for another answer" or something like that. What does your gut tell you?

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 3:07:08 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksroommate

Potential Master, Domme, Domm, Sub, Slave any potential relationship


Well, what you've got isn't a potential relationship. From what you've described, you're quite clearly this guy's booty call. If he were a potential relationship partner you'd have been to his house long ago, met his friends and probably family, be on his Facebook etc, and (barring some crazy double-life situation out of a movie) his identity wouldn't be in question in the first place.

(in reply to seeksroommate)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 3/25/2012 3:14:06 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Ya, M cooked for me at his place the weekend after we met and I cooked for him at my place the next day.

I don't use Facebook, otherwise we'd have friended each other there, but we did update our fetlife statuses a few weeks after meeting.




< Message edited by kalikshama -- 3/25/2012 3:15:12 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 4/3/2012 10:27:39 PM   
unicorndreams


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/20/2011
Status: offline 		Speaking from experiance, he is most likely married :( I have experianced this myself :( I was lied to in the same way for a year, I hope for you this is not the case....I was in love with him for 3 years, we spent 3 years together after he finaly told me, and divorced his wife...But was based on a lie.

I wish you a lot of luck

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 4/3/2012 11:15:05 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Agrees with the married part. But to Me, honesty is the best policy, so I would sit him down and ask..flat out. If he has an issue with this, run for your life, as DS said earlier. Seriously, maybe it isn't an issue if the man is married(as I know some people who don't care if the man is married), but he should be straight up honest with you.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 4/4/2012 8:48:50 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL I found it funny myself but for a different reason. Once, after a robbery I started dating one of the detectives working on the case. I have never been one for details other than those I NEED to know and just talking about the case, the robber was my primary focus, not the police. And when the officer asked me out I looked him over, knew I liked cops and said yes. We dated for a full month before I found out his first name. And I only found it out because I had my sister introduce herself to him and say "and your name is..?" while I was out of the room.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's not every day that MP will notice something on My computer and have the kind of reaction that he just did. 

"What do you mean she doesn't even know his name?!!!"

(Sorry, that was just kind of funny to Me.)



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: have you ever had a potential prove who they are? - 4/4/2012 8:55:39 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		My (now ex) husband and I met while we were in the military. Everybody called him by a diminutive of his last name. After I accepted his marriage proposal, he insisted that I call him by his first name

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 80
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