Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Difference between SM and D/s


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Difference between SM and D/s Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 5:50:18 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors.... 
The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue.... 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:01:43 AM   
CollaredProperty


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1


Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors....
 
The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue.... 


yes D/s and M/s are different.

Dominant/submissive "This is USUALLY{disclaimer, i said usually not always}  a 24/7 playstyle but a not a lifestyle, it is a type of  power exchange in how they react to each other in their relationship. Also subs are considered OWNED play partners.

Master/slave This is USUALLY (disclaimer, i said usually not always) a 24/7 lifestyle not a playstyle. 24/7 M/s is "always on" they live their life as Master/slave every our of every day. Also slaves are considered OWNED property.

someone once asked me what the difference was between a sub and a slave and i said this

" to a sub her Dominant is a part of her world.....to a slave her Master is her world"

now take this tongue n cheek these are simply my viewpoint, and we A/all know everyone will have a different opinion.


_____________________________

slave susan
Under A Collar Of Consideration By Master L
Moved to Tulsa Oklahoma
"BDSM SLAVE ONLY, ALPHA TYPE, PASSION FOR EXTREME EDGE PLAY, IT IS NOT ABOUT SEX FOR ME, IT'S ABOUT TPE"

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:02:01 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1


Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors....
 
The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue.... 
In my opinion, they are certainly two completely different things. Sadism and Masochism do not have to have anything to do with M/s or D/s or vice versa. M/s & D/s are primarily mental aspects while S & M are more physical, although there are certainly some mental undertones.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:09:18 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1


Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors....

 

The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue.... 
In my opinion, they are certainly two completely different things. Sadism and Masochism do not have to have anything to do with M/s or D/s or vice versa. M/s & D/s are primarily mental aspects while S & M are more physical, although there are certainly some mental undertones.


Yeah, what he said *grins*.
 
Level

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:17:37 AM   
PhoenixLM


Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CollaredProperty

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1


Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors....

 

The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue.... 


yes D/s and M/s are different.

Dominant/submissive "This is USUALLY{disclaimer, i said usually not always}  a 24/7 playstyle but a not a lifestyle, it is a type of  power exchange in how they react to each other in their relationship. Also subs are considered OWNED play partners.

Master/slave This is USUALLY (disclaimer, i said usually not always) a 24/7 lifestyle not a playstyle. 24/7 M/s is "always on" they live their life as Master/slave every our of every day. Also slaves are considered OWNED property.

someone once asked me what the difference was between a sub and a slave and i said this

" to a sub her Dominant is a part of her world.....to a slave her Master is her world"

now take this tongue n cheek these are simply my viewpoint, and we A/all know everyone will have a different opinion.



Intresting as I have found that D/s as a lifestyle not a playstyle the issue here is that subs maintain limits and rights seprate from thier owners. in M/s the owner and slave share limits making it appear to be a no limit situation.

Where S/m is for topping and bottoming (activities) I know slaves who top and owners who bottom.. I also know "vanillas" that get kinky and would tell you they are not lifestyle they are kinky and like it that way. In my not so humble opinion BDSM is a very large umbrella that it all falls under. Asking yourself is this an activity? If it is an activity like reading, biking, watching a movie, it pretty much is exempt from being a lifestyle. 

D/s or M/s is how you interelate within the relationship on a day to day basis not what they do to spice up your sex life. S/m is spicing up your sex life.

But like I said this is my opinion.


_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to CollaredProperty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:18:41 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CollaredProperty

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1


Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors....

 

The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue.... 


yes D/s and M/s are different.

Dominant/submissive "This is USUALLY{disclaimer, i said usually not always}  a 24/7 playstyle but a not a lifestyle, it is a type of  power exchange in how they react to each other in their relationship. Also subs are considered OWNED play partners.

Master/slave This is USUALLY (disclaimer, i said usually not always) a 24/7 lifestyle not a playstyle. 24/7 M/s is "always on" they live their life as Master/slave every our of every day. Also slaves are considered OWNED property.

someone once asked me what the difference was between a sub and a slave and i said this

" to a sub her Dominant is a part of her world.....to a slave her Master is her world"

now take this tongue n cheek these are simply my viewpoint, and we A/all know everyone will have a different opinion.


I believe that the OP was talking SM rather than M/s... but I could be wrong.
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to CollaredProperty)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:23:52 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, D/s and SM are different relationships.  D/s is a relationship between people who live thier lives in a state of power exchange, dominant and submissive.  The relationship can or cannot include SM. 

SM is a description of play, usually sexual in nature, but not always.  While it does require the persons involved to assume the role of dominant or submissive, it is for the length of the play only.  Once the session is complete, the power exchange ends.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 6:31:49 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Bondage
Dominance
Sadism
Masochism
 
4 completely different aspects.
 
Dominance/Dominant
submission/submissive
 
2 completely different aspects
 
Master
slave
 
Again, 2 completely different aspects

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 7:30:38 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		They are all variations on a theme with most people putting their favorite flavor on a pedestal with the others on lesser mounts.

This sounds like an argument on religion where people always claim the "good ones" but the bad ones "aren't really religious"...

What if a 24/7 D/s couple had vanilla sex on sunday, does that really make them 24/6? 

(in reply to Tikkiee)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 7:39:01 AM   
PhoenixLM


Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

They are all variations on a theme with most people putting their favorite flavor on a pedestal with the others on lesser mounts.

This sounds like an argument on religion where people always claim the "good ones" but the bad ones "aren't really religious"...

What if a 24/7 D/s couple had vanilla sex on sunday, does that really make them 24/6? 


uhmmmmmmmm d/s isn't about sex.

Just my opinion and the way, I live but if it were all about the sex then boy am I missing out.

_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 7:57:32 AM   
HollyS


Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same...  


Everyone's got their own spin on this, but I think most people would say that they are different.  D/s or Dominance/submission involves power exchange where one person submits his/her will to the other.  For people who are service-oriented, a D/s relationship might include things like serving a formal dinner, giving massage, making a drink, and other sorts of butler/majordomo responsibilities.  Whether or not sex is involved is a seperate issue.

S/M is sadism/masochism, which involves the giving and receiving of pain and/or humiliation.  A masochist doesn't necessarily give up power simply because they allow someone else to inflict pain on them -- they might be of the "Is that as hard as you can hit?" variety.  A sadist enjoys inflicting pain for pain's sake and gets off on seeing someone else suffer.  A masochist enjoys taking pain for pain's sake and gets off on being made to suffer.  Again, whether or not sex is involved is a seperate issue.

Some D/s relationships involve elements of S/M and vice versa.  There are as many combinations of relationship as there are shades of color in the spectrum -- finding what works for you regardless of label will likely serve you and yours best. 

~Holly

_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:20:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me S&M are kinky activities people do that involve pain, or what people traditionally interpret as pain.

D/s is an authority based relationship dynamic.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:27:10 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash
 M/s & D/s are primarily mental aspects while S & M are more physical, although there are certainly some mental undertones.


Once again, I agree and defer to ScooterTrash's response. 

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:27:36 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I think there is a difference between sadomasochism and D/s relationships.  To me, D/s (and M/s) are relationships that have a defined authority structure.  SM is something people do for fun; it can be with your partner or with someone you just met.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:30:20 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		If a sadist makes someone do housework to torture them and a dominant canes a woman to test her submission, has the sadist become a dominant and the dominant a sadist?

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:32:53 AM   
JassWolf


Posts: 59
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline 		I am dominant in a D/s relationship that aims to become M/s. However, neither of us would label ourselves masochist or sadist.

JW

_____________________________

The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? -- Thoreau

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:36:49 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		SM is what you do.
D/s is what you are.

(in reply to JassWolf)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:38:16 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		I started to write my thoughts on this, but I really couldn't add anything to what Scooter said so well.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:38:39 AM   
HollyS


Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

If a sadist makes someone do housework to torture them and a dominant canes a woman to test her submission, has the sadist become a dominant and the dominant a sadist?


*grins*  I love questions like that.  I'm going to assume that the motivations of the people you've listed are exactly as you've stated:

A sadist "making someone do housework to torture them" is inflicting pain for pain's sake -- they aren't enjoying the act of domination, they're enjoying watching the poor bottom suffer while scrubbing the floor (likely while wearing rice-filled knee pads or something!).  It's the motivation that makes the difference.

Similarly, a "dominant who canes a woman to test her submission" isn't caning her because seeing her sub in pain is terrific fun.  He's doing it to see if the sub will hold to protocol and obey even when he/she doesn't want to.  The Dom is enjoying the exercise of power rather than the infliction of pain for pain's sake.  Again, motivation is the difference.

All IMO, of course.  Your mileage may vary.

~Holly

_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:41:55 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

If a sadist makes someone do housework to torture them and a dominant canes a woman to test her submission, has the sadist become a dominant and the dominant a sadist?


Not sure if this is a rhetorical question or not but I'll add my two cents anyway...

A sadist can also be dominant (they can also be submissive or neither).  Dominance and sadism can co-exist very well.  However, just because a dominant canes their submissive does not make them a sadist in my opinion.  Inflicting pain on someone or having pain inflicted on you does not make you a sadist or a masochist.  Being sexually aroused or receiving pleasure from the act makes you a sadist or a masochist.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Difference between SM and D/s Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094