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RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:51:58 AM   
shyfem


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

SM is what you do.
D/s is what you are.


What I desire is a D/s relationship that includes elements of SM as well as sexual activities.
 
I want it all
 
~shy
___________________________
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**I changed my avatar to one I didn't see anyone else using, also it looks a little like my Figaro

< Message edited by shyfem -- 6/4/2006 9:11:45 AM >

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 9:11:24 AM   
understud


Posts: 102
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		lables, day in and day out lables...The definitions can be appliacble  to anyone at any time. People may drift in and out  of one definition to another. As long as you are happy about what you  identify as; why should it matter the precice correct and approved defination  of any given activity at any given moment; and just who's buiness is it anyway .  This lifestyle/playstyle is very dynamic. and in constant flux.  If a person  must  choose a lable pick what is most appropriate for the majority of the relation ship and tell the lable police to go pound sand.I have a lable..its called a human being, that means I can change my mind lol. And in this country for now atleast submit as I see fit. Lables ugah... have fun be safe and enjoy...

_____________________________

If you don't love and respect yourself; how the hell can you love and respect anyone else

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 9:20:13 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		yes, there is a huge difference between D/s, and S&M. to define the difference simply, D/s is about who you are, while S&M is about what you do. D/s describes a relationship dynamic between a person (or persons) of submissive nature, and a person of Dominant nature. S&M simply describes physical activities that fall under the sadomasochism umbrella. a D/s couple may certainly engage in S&M activities, but they are not defined by those activities. and there are many, MANY D/s relationships where S&M is not a factor at all. also i think some fail to realize that physical punishment and discipline may be aspects of a relationship without any S&M undertone.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 9:49:45 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: understud

lables, day in and day out lables...The definitions can be appliacble  to anyone at any time.

 
Totally false. When someone comes up to me and says something like. "I adore S/m! I love it all!"
 
That's music to the ears of a sadist like myself. If they actually mean they are into D/s and they want to do my dishes or something, that first crack of the whip is going to come as quite a shock to them. One is about power the other is about pain and there are lots of folks who aren't in any way, shape or form, into pain. The two terms 'often' but do not 'always' go together.
 
Analogy: I need my wall painted so I put an ad in the paper for a painter and 10 people show up at my house in coveralls ready to work. What I want painted on my wall though, is a mural. I should have advertised for an artist, not a painter. If I want a target, I need to advertise for someone into S/m not D/s. Now, one of those 10 people in coveralls may, in fact, be an artist and get themselves hired, but my odds are a lot better if I start off on the right foot knowing exactly what I want and which term to use to get it.
 
Arming yourself with knowledge is key and knowing what's what is the first step to connection and communication. The lines get blurred between D/s & M/s, between submissive/slave etc. but the demarcation between S/m and D/s is not blurred and the terms are not fungible.
 
Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 6/4/2006 9:51:24 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to understud)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 10:27:16 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Bita,

While we don't always see eye to eye, I think your posts are usually well thought out and insightful, which is why I read them.

You missed the boat on this one though.  It is clear Understud didn't mean that everyone at any time is a masochist, he was saying that people drift in out and out of different labels.  You took one poorly written sentence totally out of context and I think if you read his post again, you will see that.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 10:49:37 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Well, I reread his post and given the content of the OP and the context of this thread, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I think some people do engage in both S/m and D/s, but I don't think most drift in and out of S/m and D/s.. M/s and D/s, yes, but they are two different animals and that's what my post was pointing out. I think his post would have been perfect in a thread regarding the difference between D/s and M/s and would have agreed completely with him. He asked in his post why should it matter which label you choose.. and as I pointed out, telling a sadist that you are a masochist when you are not can come as quite a shock. Consenting to a sadist can be a painful experience.. so it's important to know the difference between S/m and D/s if you don't want pain.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 1:20:24 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Celeste,

You must be having hot flashes or I am starting menopause cause one of us is way off base.  Understud was saying labels are static and people aren't.  I don't see where he was saying lie or not be true to yourself and in fact I think that was the point he was trying to make, BE true to yourself.    Do you like to cause the exact same level of pain each time you hurt someone and do you only use one implement and never vary your technique or does it change based on your whims and has it varied over time? 

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 1:52:52 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		That there are varying pain levels within S/m doesn't make it something different. It's not D/s because yesterday I used 10 ga needles and today I used a doe skin flogger.  It's still S/m. As I said, we'll have to agree to disagree. 

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 1:58:30 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		I wonder if it would help to remember Sadomasochism is a word.  A single word.  It's doesn't need to be split up the way one does describing relationships with a D/s and M/s (Dominance/submission or Master/slave) basis. 

Perhaps if we could get people to SAY Sadomasochism or SM or even Sadism AND Masochism or just S&M? 

It gets WAY to confusing to think Sadomasochism (SM) has anything to do with either D/s or M/s; but I think the confusion could come from the abbreviation.  Like others said:

Simply put, SM (or Sadomasochism or Sadism AND Masochism or S&M (those are all ways to type the same thing) is an activity (like BDSM is an activity) within this lifestyle...while both D/s and M/s are the lifestyle.

At least...that is how I understand it. 

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 2:03:36 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		I have a 29 Mercedes roadster with a boss 302. Although the potential for stupid amounts of speed is possible I never had it over 65. Same with my Corvette. I like fast Hot Rods but don't hot-rod them. I practice M/s but have no sadistic play, the potential is there but I don't do it. I will organize fantasy play and during Lokiwood am going to organize a great deal of S&M play. I am organizing an extreme captive play scene right now that involves a lot of S&M, fantasy, B&D, etc… aspects. Many things are not my bag but do not preclude me from indulging someone else’s fantasy.

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Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 8:29:06 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Hell, I don't drive SLOWER than 65!  I once had a 1200cc Triump Trophy balls to the walls lane splitting in rush hour traffic.  It wasn't my fault at all, I couldn't let the young punk on the Ducati 916 think he was crazier than the old fool on the touring bike...

You really haven't been over 65 in them?  Crazzzzzy!!!

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/4/2006 9:38:59 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Me and mine love S&M and we engage in it. As for the D/s I'm in charge and he knows it, though we are not an official D/s 24/7 365 day a year couple, I say we are doing this and he says Yes Ma'am.

~Lashra

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 12:39:08 AM   
SirMichealspeach


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		D/s to me is the power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive.
He/She who owns is the D
he/she who is owned is the s

one can be in a D/s scene and only be partners for the length of that scene but one still Dominates(controls) the scene and the other submits and takes whatever the D does.
SM is  a form of D/s play.
Master and i are always D/s, whether We are watching tv, hanging on the computer, shopping, whatever... He is always my Master and He is always in control.
I think  most Dominants have a Sadistic side. To give pain just for the sake of seeing  if the sub/slave can and will take whatever they wish to do to them.
i beleive that ocassionally using SM as part of a session tends to reinforce the D/s aspect of the relationship. reafirms who is exactly the one in control.
just my opinion of course.
eve
Sir Micheals peach

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 1:03:48 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		If you read the history there was a time when B&D and S&M were very seperate and the two camps didn't mix much at all.
Both sides enjoying thier section/style of kinky play but even if you enjoyed both you did BD with the BD folks and SM with the SM folks and you simply didn'tt mix the two except maybe in very private times at home with someone who you knew enjoyed both. Over the decades they grew together and were placed under the BDSM label.

Meanwhile on the other side of the tracks there were only Masters and slaves, no submissives no Dominants, no Tops and no bottoms, over time people found that those labels didn't really suit them and started to include D/s and Top Bottom labels as well. The trend in comming together as a larger inclussive community has lead to people contending that the DS in the middle of BDSM is there incussion into that larger community. I saw the explination in the late 90's battered around a bit.

These labels are concepts abstract thoughts that are being debated and talked about so that the community of people who participate in BDSM D/s M/s etc can communicate and when someone says what is M/s the definition is known the way we know what an automobile is when someone uses that word.

BDSM has become the umbrella term for people involved in nay aspect of power exchange or sadomasocism. So while D/s is a part of BDSM it is not the entire thing like and engine isn't an automobile, even though an engine of some sort is a required part of an automobile.

In the case of SM and D/s the annalogy would be SM is to D/s as engine is to frame both are a part of a larger whole construct but they are not the same thing, and without either of them you have no automobile.

In Leather

Archer


(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 5:53:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer
If you read the history there was a time when B&D and S&M were very seperate and the two camps didn't mix much at all.

I still think they don't mix much.  I call discipline "the forgotten D in bdsm" and I really don't see bondage and S&M mixed together much.

quote:

. The trend in comming together as a larger inclussive community has lead to people contending that the DS in the middle of BDSM is there incussion into that larger community. I saw the explination in the late 90's battered around a bit.

I know and I find that confusing and unnecessary muddling.  It's what makes people get confused when they see Ds relationships that don't do any kinky stuff, or makes them think that if they are submissive they SHOULD like pain or bondage and such.


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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 6:02:56 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1


Is there a difference between SM and D/s....or are they completely two separate things...I was speaking to someone who told me they are one in the same.....from my reading and research ...I found them to be two different relationships....with similar underlying factors....
The discussion made me think...so I thought I'd post it and get some others thoughts on the issue....



It depends on which "group" of people you are talking too.

For gay leathermen in the 1970s and 1980s (and still today for many that I know) SM is the term they use for everything.

I think as things moved into a broader world and onto the computer words become argued more and their meanings developed further. Having come into things in the early 1990s then I learned to see them as different things.

My experiences also tell me they are quite different. I can SM (what I consider the harsher physical activities or sensations) activities in top mood and not in any dominant headspace for example. Fox is a good slave but he is not a masochist in any form.

One good clue when you are getting to know someone, in my opinion, is to gauge how much your ideas and definitions overlap. If you believe Ds and SM are different then might you be happier with someone of the same opinion?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 6:28:31 AM   
trippingdaisy


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		From how i understand it, it's different. In the simplest of terms: A masochist doesn't necessarily have to be submissive, even if they are temporarily submitting to pain. A sadist doesn't have to be a top. Neither does a Dom have to be a sadist, or a sub/slave be a masochist.

Just because they tend to coincide with one another often, doesn't mean it's all the same. :) It's all a matter of personal context within a relationship.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 6:29:42 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Personally I feel d/s has been wrongly labelled as, well a label.  Dominance and submission ...ergo one dominates/controls and one submits/relinqusihes control *is* it... and B&D, S&M, Fetishes, M/s, top/bottom, can not exist without it, requiring a dominant/controlling party and a submissive/controlled party..and yes, even S&M top/bottom.  D/s is NOT under the umbrella of BDSM ...it *is* the umbrella. 

Whether your scene be 24/7 or once a week on Friday's when the kids are in bed, or every third Saturday of the month when the local kink club puts on a party or 24/7 online only.  Ya kick is the d/s ...everything else is the fantasy, the how you fit *d/s* into your world ... it's Cinderalla's slipper, it's SleepBeauty's tomb, it's John Wayne's swagger, it's barbarians at dawn, it's a woman in heels, it's a man in a dress ... whatever works for you to get that fix. 

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 9:19:07 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
....  Understud was saying labels are static and people aren't. ... 


I don't agree with this completely.  Labels can be and are rather fluid when considered in the context of people instead of one's individual's perception of a any specific label.  Consider a multitude of labels like, Master, Slave, Submissive, Dominant, Top, Bottom, Friend, Lover, Partner and the list goes on.  The varitions and permutation that each indivdual will have on any given label can be rather different from person to person.  From this perspective, labels are not static that all.  They change dependent on the particular individual's perspective that one is considering.  However, our own perspective of a given label is much less fluid and can be often considered static.  But, labels come from people.  People will change and with that change so could one's interpretation of a given label.  It just happens slower.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Difference between SM and D/s - 6/5/2006 1:00:44 PM   
MissDeb


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline 		It is My firm belief that there are at least seven levels of submission and an equal number of levels of domination {some would say nine}.  One of these levels is Sadism and masochism' another is Master and slave; while yet another is Dominant/submissive and then there are varying levels in between.  While all may fall under the BDSM overall umbrella ... all are different; almost as much as all of these answers are different ...

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 40
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