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RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 6:44:40 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks. I ask because I don't want to be "owned" immediately by a Dominant to experience/gain skills in the art of submission. I would rather have a "relationship" if you will that is like a trainer/trainee.

Another thing that seems to not be mentioned here is the attitude that a Dom is the ONLY ONE benefiting or should BE ENJOYING a relationship/training session with a sub? A sub is not entitled to any enjoyment? I believe the best relationships work if both parties are invested, not just a mindless sub who obeys without any inner desire or need? I guess if that's the requirement to be a sub, then I am not that.

Just because I have a story in my profile and a blog, why is the assumption made that I am trying to direct traffic there? If I wanted just that, I would have said, "hey COME READ MY BLOG!!!!!" I hate when people make ignorant assumptions with no knowledge. I write because I like writing, period.


Princess Donna, you said what I am seeking best:
I enjoy training subs and the reason why is (and NO ONE MENTIONED IT) is that people come to the reality that they are sub (or Domme) and yes saying I will be in your service does not give someone basic training. It only becomes their reality that they are WILLING to. Training is fun and watching people grow in their traits is also fun.
And its not that I don't want further contact, I just don't want IMMEDIATE "I must own you and all your thoughts have to go through me", that's not what I "seek" at this time in my life.

I seek exploration, learning, teaching, mutually benefiting experiences.




Well why not get your panties in a bunch at everyone who was trying to answer your question. I'd actually be embarrassed to let on that everyone missed my point as that would mean I did a horrible job at getting it across and I'd feel really lame. You did say you liked writing, I'd think that if everyone was so far off the mark that you were right in supposing that perhaps you left some important details out.

If you want to be sexually submissive and you can't find a man wiling to have the type of relationship that you are saying you want, then you you would have to have every venereal disease known to mankind and be upfront about it. I can't see why this hasn't been snapped up by the first man you ever talked to about it. Men aren't known for their great resistance to women doing what they want sexually.

I can't really see the use of gaining the arts of sexual submission...are there any? Really? Dontcha just do what the guy says?

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 7:05:28 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks. I ask because I don't want to be "owned" immediately by a Dominant to experience/gain skills in the art of submission. I would rather have a "relationship" if you will that is like a trainer/trainee.


As far as I'm concerned, sexual submission is really easy. As tng said, "Do as you're told." What part of this requires training?

quote:

Another thing that seems to not be mentioned here is the attitude that a Dom is the ONLY ONE benefiting or should BE ENJOYING a relationship/training session with a sub? A sub is not entitled to any enjoyment? I believe the best relationships work if both parties are invested, not just a mindless sub who obeys without any inner desire or need? I guess if that's the requirement to be a sub, then I am not that.


I read this a few times and am still not sure I understand. Right, we're not saying here that the Dom is the only one who benefits. Are people saying this elsewhere? Perhaps you should start a new thread with this thought a little more developed.

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 7:13:53 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

I am seeking further training from a local Dominant who does NOT seek a further relationship. I simply want to learn to service, serve and obey a strong Dominant Master who is creative and intelligent and sane!

Is this even possible?

Oh, it's possible. A whole bunch of guys claim to do this, as if they are providing a service to anyone, Dom or sub. The real question is whether it's a good idea.

Essentially, you're looking for a no-strings hook-up. Yup, you can find guys ready to do that. If that's really what you want, enjoy. Keep in mind they've probably been around, if you catch my drift.

But if you're looking for something of value in the D/s M/s world, you're kidding yourself. Why on earth would I want someone to train a sub/slave for me, instead of shaping her to my needs and requirements myself? And why on earth would I want a girl who's been passed around?

I'm not criticizing you, or judging you. I'm just saying be aware of what you're doing, and of what you're not doing. If it's still want you want, at least for now--go forth and do 'em.

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 7:15:40 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I find that creative and intelligent and sane men like relationships


Well put.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 7:45:01 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i can attest to LadyPacts abilty to provide training and further education my wife even complements Her on how much i have improved since i started with Her so yes it is possible to have a Domme to train or mentor and not have as a relationship

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 8:01:41 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the
ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks. I ask because I don't want to be "owned"
immediately by a Dominant to experience/gain skills in the art of submission. I would rather have a "relationship"
if you will that is like a trainer/trainee.


Sexual submission has a nice ring to it, but the nuts and bolts of it is really as simple as offering yourself for his use.
While you would be hard pressed to find a submissive who didn't find pleasure in this, the main focus is on pleasing him.
The trick though, is finding someone who inspires you to want to give of yourself in this manner, because truly, not just
any man will do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah
I believe the best relationships work if both parties are invested, not just a mindless sub who obeys without any inner
desire or need?

A mindless sub without the desire or need to please is not a sub. It's that simple. And yet, the scenario you offer sounds
just like that. You want to physically be with a dominant for no other reason than to experience being sexually submissive.
Where is the inspiration in that? Maybe what you are looking to experience isn't submission at all, but some of the kink
associated within many D/s relationships. Most would call this being a bottom, and there is nothing wrong or unusual about that.
Why not try googling for any local bdsm events/munches in your area? It's another great way to interact with others.
Best of luck!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/3/2012 11:28:32 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise
The trick though, is finding someone who inspires you to want to give of yourself in this manner, because truly, not just any man will do.

~laughs~ You DO have a way with words. Yup, that's the tricky part all right.

In a different world poise... in a different world...




_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/4/2012 12:59:40 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks. I ask because I don't want to be "owned" immediately by a Dominant to experience/gain skills in the art of submission. I would rather have a "relationship" if you will that is like a trainer/trainee.


People *might* have missed your point because you communicated it very poorly.  You honestly need to be trained in how to have sex?  Being "sexually submissive" is nothing more than letting your partner be in charge sexually, i.e. him: "suck my dick," you: "yes sir" and you proceed to do it.  Sexual submission is not rocket science unless you are sexually inept and need someone to teach you how to do it.

quote:


Another thing that seems to not be mentioned here is the attitude that a Dom is the ONLY ONE benefiting or should BE ENJOYING a relationship/training session with a sub? A sub is not entitled to any enjoyment? I believe the best relationships work if both parties are invested, not just a mindless sub who obeys without any inner desire or need? I guess if that's the requirement to be a sub, then I am not that.


I've seen no one mention this at all.  Essentially and realistically, no one does this just because some self proclaimed dominant told them to.  People do it because it gives them enjoyment, so yes it is very much a two way street.

But you are not looking to "invest" in a relationship at all, you just want someone to have sex with, so no "investment" needed.

quote:


Just because I have a story in my profile and a blog, why is the assumption made that I am trying to direct traffic there? If I wanted just that, I would have said, "hey COME READ MY BLOG!!!!!" I hate when people make ignorant assumptions with no knowledge. I write because I like writing, period.


Perhaps so, however, it also means you profile says absolutely nothing about you at all.  Nothing about what you are looking for, other than directing people to your blog.  So honestly, how would anyone know what you want at all?  A more realistic approach would be to write something about you (as a person), what you are looking for in a partner (essentially a fuck buddy who is dominant), and as part of the bit about who you are, mention you enjoy writing and list your blog.  Just a suggestion if you are truly looking for some kind of partner.

quote:


Princess Donna, you said what I am seeking best:
I enjoy training subs and the reason why is (and NO ONE MENTIONED IT) is that people come to the reality that they are sub (or Domme) and yes saying I will be in your service does not give someone basic training. It only becomes their reality that they are WILLING to. Training is fun and watching people grow in their traits is also fun.
And its not that I don't want further contact, I just don't want IMMEDIATE "I must own you and all your thoughts have to go through me", that's not what I "seek" at this time in my life.



Why would a dominant (or any man really) enjoy the type of "training" you are looking for?  Really?  Gee, because they get no strings sex on command.  There is no "basic training" in having sex, again, unless you really have no idea how to suck a dick or spread your legs.

quote:


I seek exploration, learning, teaching, mutually benefiting experiences.


Let's be honest here.  What you seek is a fuck buddy.  Someone who will order you to have sex with them and you get to fufill your kinky desire to obey.  I realize that you will think I am being rude, but you are living in some fantasy world where you think being "sexually submissive" is something that takes practice, skill and training.  It doesn't.



(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/4/2012 7:02:34 AM   
eglatarian


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/14/2012
Status: offline 		Any training by someone who is not your master or Dom should be viewed as adding to your general experience. This concept is not all that unusual and I have encountered it many times in the SF bay area and LA. When I lived in Europe it was not unheard of to send a submissive to a professional Dominatrix to be educated in a specific art. The real issue here is to find a Master that is willing to undertake this endeavor without some hidden agenda. Many male Doms are really not dominant in the true sense of the word and would exploit this opportunity to simply get what they wanted; not at all fair to someone that wishes to learn. Training or education, can be demanding for both parties, more so from the mental perspective. My submissive partner and I have been together for 8 years. It took me the better part of 3 years to educate her as to what my expectations were and how to provide what I desired. Such training is not one sided as I learned a great deal about what she needed in such a relationship. it is also important to realize you can never get 100% of what you desire from a single person so expectations should be tailored. Doms and subs all have their strong points and these should be capitalized on. My partner's previous experience were with Doms that had fairly simple needs; basically get naked and do what you are told. My needs are far more complex and I fully expect a sub to think and contribute to the experience.

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/4/2012 8:34:42 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

My partner's previous experience were with Doms that had fairly simple needs; basically get naked and do what you are told. My needs are far more complex and I fully expect a sub to think and contribute to the experience.


As my mind boggles at what could take three years to cover, I'd really like to hear more about this if you care to share.

(in reply to eglatarian)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/4/2012 2:34:39 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

LadyPact,
Can I ask you a direct question then? What do you "get out" of training others if you aren't "owning" them in the end. That seems to be the only scenario people see as at all rewarding, which I disagree.

thanks.

We must have been typing at the same time yesterday.  Sorry about that.

For one, it's fun.  When people are learning something new, it tends to keep things fresh and excited for Me.  The couple that I'm working with that I mentioned in the beginning of the thread are having a great time with learning new things and it's enjoyable for Me to watch them explore with what they like and what they don't like. 

They both are enjoying putting more formality in their dynamic.  When the submissive does well in his service for the week, he gets rewarded.  He did mess up one week, so we showed him why it wasn't a good idea to disappoint.  I happen to enjoy casual S/m play (not sex) anyway, so it's fun for Me from that aspect, too.

It's definitely a positive watching them grow together. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/4/2012 3:18:55 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		from the submisive point the disapointment of the Domme is the worst punishment of all as Her pleasure is the most importaint thing

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/4/2012 4:12:32 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		It seems to me that what you seek is some sort of limited play partner type situation that is not a full-fledged committed relationship. And those exist. So just look for people who are looking for that. What you learn from a play partner may or may not help you with your next partner or your next relationship. I would not call a play partner relationship "training" per se.

I think from reading this thread, the idea of someone else training someone seems to fit best when someone is already part of a couple, and then trained by another Dominant in conjunction with the existing relationship. I am at a loss to know what training would mean outside the context of a relationship (i.e., whether you were being trained by your own Dominant or another Dominant for purposes of making you a better submissive within your existing relationship the concept of training seems to fit best with some form of relationship in existence). What I don't see fitting into this framework is "training" by someone who you are somewhat involved with, but somehow this "training" is supposed to apply to other BDSM situations (with whom? for what purpose?)

Anyway, I go back to my first statement. If you want a play partner, yes, such arrangements do exist (although I would still say that a properly negotiated play partner arrangement still resembles a type of relationship). I find that most of BDSM, which involves the building of trust, almost impossible to do without an underlying "relationship" even if that relationship is not a monogamous, fully-committed one.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/5/2012 7:09:42 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		There's probably something I should let you in on about relationship advice on collarchat, here are the two most common responses on collarchat on anything having to do with a relationship and as far as I can tell what question you're asking often doesn't factor into the equation.

#1. Heckle you for being new.

#2. Dump them.


Personally I think it's a sensible idea on your part to be looking to get at least a little experience as opposed to oh say step one jump into a serious relationship. People tend to find that the kinks they're into in reality can be rather different from their fantasies. Getting a look at different D/s dynamics may give you a lot of knowledge that's not terribly applicable to your eventual Mr. right. But it'll give you a better idea of what you are and are not into. Which will give you a much better idea of who is the Mr. right for you.

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/6/2012 8:30:32 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks.


Well, that's fine. There are lots and lots of dominant guys on this site and in real life that would be very happy to let you practice giving blowjobs on them.

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/6/2012 10:25:42 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks.


So, you're not really looking for training. You're just looking for "play-dates". That's perfectly fine and lots of people do this. Just use common sense and make sure you negotiate safe words, limits, phobias etc.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 4/6/2012 10:27:57 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/6/2012 10:45:21 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

ok, well everyone missed my point. PERHAPS I should have been more specific. I mean "sexually service"/learn the ways of sexual submission, not cooking and cleaning and domestic tasks. I ask because I don't want to be "owned" immediately by a Dominant to experience/gain skills in the art of submission. I would rather have a "relationship" if you will that is like a trainer/trainee.

Another thing that seems to not be mentioned here is the attitude that a Dom is the ONLY ONE benefiting or should BE ENJOYING a relationship/training session with a sub? A sub is not entitled to any enjoyment? I believe the best relationships work if both parties are invested, not just a mindless sub who obeys without any inner desire or need? I guess if that's the requirement to be a sub, then I am not that.

Just because I have a story in my profile and a blog, why is the assumption made that I am trying to direct traffic there? If I wanted just that, I would have said, "hey COME READ MY BLOG!!!!!" I hate when people make ignorant assumptions with no knowledge. I write because I like writing, period.


Princess Donna, you said what I am seeking best:
I enjoy training subs and the reason why is (and NO ONE MENTIONED IT) is that people come to the reality that they are sub (or Domme) and yes saying I will be in your service does not give someone basic training. It only becomes their reality that they are WILLING to. Training is fun and watching people grow in their traits is also fun.
And its not that I don't want further contact, I just don't want IMMEDIATE "I must own you and all your thoughts have to go through me", that's not what I "seek" at this time in my life.

I seek exploration, learning, teaching, mutually benefiting experiences.




I am firmly of the opinion that the "ways of sexual submission" cannot be taught. You are either sexually submissive, or you are not.

Likewise you are sexually dominant, or you are not.

The problem is, people assume you have to be one or the other, the reality is (again, JMO) most people are somewhere in the middle.

This doesn't mean you can't or won't have a more (or less) submissive response with a specific dominant partner. (And that dominant partner may very well have a more or less dominant response to a specific submissive partner.)

This is why chemistry is so important in sexual relationships.

When you say you want to be taught the ways of sexual submission, does this mean you want someone to force you to obey? That's possible, although many, and I would be one, don't think that someone who needs to be forced to obey all the time is submissive. And I did insert that all the time since I am well aware many people (I am one of them) like forced consent.

In my mind, a forced consent sexual situation is not at all the same as being forced to obey all the time.

In any case, the whole "taught to be submissive" or "taught to obey" idea is not one I buy into. As some others have made clear, you obey or you do not.

Since you are looking for play dates I would highly recommend you learn how to properly negotiate a session, and have some hard and fast rules for what you won't do with someone you don't know well. Oh, and get references. Meeting someone at a play party where you know some of the people so you can at least have a clue who you are meeting with is ideal.

Best, Chatte






_____________________________



(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/7/2012 8:37:49 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings Chatte,

Is your sig line supposed to be...couldn't give a rats arse....or is it...could give a rats arse ? It does sound better with....couldn't...just my thought.

Frank.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/7/2012 8:53:21 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: katielalah

I am seeking further training from a local Dominant who does NOT seek a further relationship. I simply want to learn to service, serve and obey a strong Dominant Master who is creative and intelligent and sane!

Is this even possible?

It isn't impossible, but, as you have probably already noticed, it is not as easy as you might think.

The kicker is your word "sane." Once you remove all the men using the profiles of this site for interactive pornography, most of the single, sane men are looking for a relationship of some sort. Kink is not that different from vanilla. Remember that men are less likely to initiate divorce, and more likely to be unhappy afterward. Just because there are a lot of male horndogs on CM does not mean that the kind of man you describe is among them.

Would a bisexual female submissive think you looked hot? If you want sane plus no strings attached, your best best may be to go with a guy who gets his emotional stability from a primary relationship with another woman, and is looking to explore beyond that (probably including her some or all of the time).

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to katielalah)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... - 4/7/2012 2:56:08 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Oh geeze, okay sparky here we go.

I *could* say, I don't give a rat's ass....meaning the amount I care is as significant as a rat's ass.

Likewise, I can say, I could give a rat's ass, meaning, the amount I care (about your opinion) is equal to a rat's ass.

Okay, now, is it possible to agree a rat's ass is insignificant (not to mention, not that attractive?).

But, really I thank you for your *attempt* to try and correct me. And yes, I have to point out you *attempted* to correct me, because I'm a bitch like that !!


_____________________________



(in reply to FrankAr)
Profile   Post #: 40
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