Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw?????

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Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 5:38:05 PM

BigDaddy723

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Its something I have come across so many times now that I've lost count. So now I am bringing it here. I want you guys and gals to weigh in. Why do you think cyber-relationships are becoming popular or at least why you think so many people are giving them a try? Why is it that they do/do not work? And being that I function more on the tactile side of things in a relationship, what do you get out of it?

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 5:44:37 PM

searching4mysir

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It's easier to keep a cyber relationship a dirty little secret from your spouse.

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 5:56:20 PM

kalikshama

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</thread>

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 5:56:42 PM

poise

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I don't know that the intent of a cyber relationship is to live happily ever after,
until pixels do they part. Perhaps you are seeing many that are enjoying a
relationship via the only medium that's currently accessible to them, and have plans
to eventually get together in the physical world when they are able to.

Of course, I can be a bit gullible at times ...maybe they are all cheating on their spouse.

< Message edited by poise -- 4/4/2012 5:57:25 PM >

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:03:50 PM

BigDaddy723

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valid point

But even as the only medium available, in my experience, as well as a lot of people I have talked to. They don't even make it to the eventual physical meeting. And knowing that people still enter into them. Why??

(in reply to poise)

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:07:12 PM

poise

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There are relationships that start in the physical world that don't last either,
but most people won't let that stop them from pursuing another one.

I've never had a cyber relationship myself, but I can readily envision them
being successful stepping stones for many.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:10:37 PM

OsideGirl

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It's easy to have a cyber relationship match your fantasy, face to face 24/7 relationships not so much. While you may convince yourself it's 24/7.....it's not...and thus it's easier to maintain.

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:15:34 PM

BigDaddy723

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I know that I am bias. But I think that that physical/ in person, relationships are more fun. Plus in terms of the B/D D/s type relationships the gratification is more instant.

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:18:40 PM

LadyPact

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I'm going to make My standard point here. There are some of us in situations where cyber (such as during military deployment) is the only viable option.

Excluding those areas where we literally are talking about not possible, in many cases, it boils down to "it's safer". During cyber, nobody has to really get out from behind their computer screen, nothing has to really 'happen', and anybody can turn off the electricity at any time. For some people, that's good enough.

For others, that might be the doorway while they are working up their courage. They want do these things, but they aren't quite ready to make their leap into the world. It may be a stepping stone.

Yes, searching4mysir is correct as well. There are some who are getting their piece on the side through the virtual world. Not a wonderful tactic, in My view, but it's always good to know. Better to know up front.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:41:47 PM

DesFIP

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For many people, this is the only way to get their needs met without losing something else.
It can also be a safe way to explore and learn for people who are the type to stick a toe in the water as opposed to jumping in.

However considering the fact that the brain is the most important sex organ, then why shouldn't a relationship that touches your mind be enough for some?

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 6:48:18 PM

LPslittleclip

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as LadyPact has said sometimes it is a mater of distance and imposibility to meet in real time or a way to help with understanding and help with changes in the dynamics of the relationship.

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 7:20:56 PM

xssve

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I don't know, it's there - I'm in an LD cyber relationship, we don't have cyber sex, just talk, but we exchange fantasies sometimes, sort out things like limits, and basically get to know each other.

It's a relationship, we share each others up's and downs, and I'd have never met her if it weren't for the internet.

After all, Eloise and Abelard was one of history's great cyber relationships - if anything, the unrequited aspect of it can take it to whole new dimensions.

I think possibly if you use it to keep your distance from people it may not be the best thing for you, but I'm sure it's better than talking to 50 cats.

And you can indulge in truly epic virtual sluttery without risking cooties, a big plus for this generation, not to mention self consciousness about your physical appearance, rape, abuse, waking up in strange places with strange people you don't remember meeting, etc., etc.

I think it can run the gamut from begin able to talk and flirty wit somebody you might never have met otherwise, to being like a virtual porn star.

I do feel sometimes that there's a bit of an ethical issue, w/regards to ignoring real people in favor of cyber love - kind of like taking calls when somebody is trying to talk to you, but so far it's mostly been a hypothetical problem.

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 7:37:44 PM

WalkofShame

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Cyber relationships can give you the interaction one needs, without the demands that in person relationships may have, like time and money commitments, etc. in my view.

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Take me where I cannot stand
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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 7:45:49 PM

TNDommeK

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There was a couple that met on WoW (world of warcraft). They had a cyber relationship for a few months, met each other, then married. They said it was love at first site. So maybe cyber works. For Me, with My male subs, it is a link that keeps us interacting while they may live far away. But as far as having an actual relationship like that, I don't think I could do that. But hey, to each their own.

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 7:47:33 PM

BigDaddy723

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It appears to me that some of the responces seem kind fo defensive. I am not downing cyber relationships, I just don't understand them.
I would like to also say LadyPact your example of our men and women who are in the armed forces is a great example, but, Most of those cases when they return home will resume then "traditional" relationship. Also I would like to point out that in my example I am not asking about triditional relationships that for one reason or another become long distance/ cyber relationships.

For example I used to converse with a guy who lived a few hours away. We had talked about doing the long distance/cyber thing. I insisted that we meet up for lunch. Nothing more, nothing less. And he continues to avoid it unless I "own" him

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 8:13:04 PM

LadyPact

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Well, that is fair.

When clip was deployed for a year, we didn't really have much of a choice about it. Of course, at that time, there was an in-person dynamic already established.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 16

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 9:21:06 PM

littlewonder

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For some people it seems to work because:

1. They're married and it's less like cheating to them.
2. They're afraid to leave their homes.
3. They're not very good with social etiquette and therefore not very good at relating to someone as a partner.
4. They're not who they say they are so it's all fun and games.
5. It's an easy way to con people out of whatever it is they want.

Give me time...I'm sure I can come up with more reasons.

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Everything has changed

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Post #: 17

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 9:50:03 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

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From: West Virginia, USA
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quote:

Why do you think cyber-relationships are becoming popular or at least why you think so many people are giving them a try?

It is easier to find fellow kinksters on the internet than in r/t, until someone knows the ropes enough...to even know how to look up the term "munch group". Some of us live in very small towns, there is no local scene. The internet is a gateway to finding others and, yanno, meeting strangers from the internet can be SCARY.

It's unfortunate, but part of getting to know someone as a friend before stepping into a r/t relationship with them...involves being influenced by their dominance or submission. Not talking cybering here, nor even online roleplay. We influence each other, and begin our relationships even before meeting up. Some of us meet up and continue the process. Emotionally speaking, I owned my boy before we met in person.

Maybe some friendships are made with unsuitable partners, but the relationship part was unintentional...and took on a life of it's own. I never would have chosen someone three hours away when neither of us can relocate at this time, nor in the near future. Yet here I am; he is either at my house or I am at his and the price of gasoline is killin us, lol.

If he had lived in Alaska or even India, he would still have been mine and the miles in between would have caused some suffering that both of us would have had to deal with. Some people are worth the price we have to pay for having them in our life.

For someone new to this, online relationships can be a good way to find out how others might treat them in r/t. They can learn more about themselves and what they need, as well as what they cannot live without. Long long ago in a galaxy far far away, lol, a man I knew online made me subspace just from talking with him. No cybering, etc. It gave me a healthy respect for subspacing and emotional aftercare.

I have known fem subs who were deeply attached to men they knew only online. People can become attached to each other simply through communicating, whether in r/t or online. If someone wants to use online to dip their toes in the water, to see if they enjoy feeling submissive or dominant toward another person...good that they are getting their curiosity satisfied if nothing else.

quote:

Why is it that they do/do not work?

For the last group... Incompatibility. More opportunity for deceit. Someone testing the water and finding that it's too hot or too cold and then bailing out, **poof!**.

quote:

And being that I function more on the tactile side of things in a relationship, what do you get out of it?

How I feel toward my sub...is part of who I am and I cannot turn it off and on like a light switch. If I had to be apart from my boy for weeks or months at a time, yep, I would definitely start cybering with him. What would I get out of it? Quality time with someone I love.

Hands on is best, but the mental and emotional aspects of domination are also...compelling.

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 18

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 10:21:15 PM

camille65

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From: Austin Texas
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We were in a cyber relationship for almost five years before meeting. In the beginning it was assumed by both of us that this was just for fun, purely a mental thing (constructing written fantasies) that slowly developed into very definite feelings. There was 1900 miles between us, and I was slowly getting out of a bad marriage so truly I wasn't seeking anything permanent or real for that matter.

At the time I simply wasn't in a good place for a live relationship, but as that changed our feelings deepened and I ended up moving to him. Including that cyber time (which I do) we've been together 12 years.

Before we happened upon each other I had many casual cyber relationships, you can't get much more 'no strings attached' than online! It can be an easy way to explore things, hone ones writing skills and if it appeals to you it really can be a lot of fun.

It can also lead to a lot more than just... fun. :)

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/4/2012 11:02:52 PM

domincalifornia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

Its something I have come across so many times now that I've lost count. So now I am bringing it here. I want you guys and gals to weigh in. Why do you think cyber-relationships are becoming popular or at least why you think so many people are giving them a try? Why is it that they do/do not work? And being that I function more on the tactile side of things in a relationship, what do you get out of it?

I don't know that they are anymore popular than they have ever been. There have always been, and will always been, a certain percentage of people who enjoy exchanging email messages but have no desire to physically meet. Some are married. Others are playing out a little fantasy in their head and using the correspondent, more or less, as a prop. If it's not your thing, it's fairly easy to weed out such people and not waste time with them.

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 20

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