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Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:11:25 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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How do you typically reject people's emails?

Do you find that they respect your wishes? Please explain...

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:14:14 PM

snappykappy

Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
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if they reject they reject

i take it just like auditioning for a film or theatre which i do

and i am only in competition with myself for the parts

have to have thick skin and just go on to the next

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:17:17 PM

Calandra

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Joined: 11/22/2004
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but the question was "how do YOU reject?"

do you try to be kind? maybe criticise something about them as justification?

I'm baffled by all these people who say they are bombarded by unwanted repeat mailers who want to force the issue...

(in reply to snappykappy)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:19:17 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

How do you typically reject people's emails?

Do you find that they respect your wishes? Please explain...

Hmm, do they respect my wishes? 9.5 times out of 10, no, they do not. Hmm, well, my profile states, in the opening lines I might add, that I am not looking to form a relationship with anyone. And yet, those who email me know that I recently split with Chris, so they assume that I must be ready to hop along to the next.

Don't figure.
As to how I reject their emails; sometimes I just delete after reading. If I am feeling really bitchy, I will point out their obvious lack of reading/comprehension skills.
I don't use the block button simply because I will not give someone the satisfaction of knowing that they 'got to me'.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:21:06 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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I tell them that I see boys from my island...which is true.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:23:38 PM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Hello Calandra,

Interesting question. In the end, of course, people will reject however they see fit.

I used to not respond at all, especially if it was someone who was being rude, but my former owner showed me how that was quite ungracious, when in 9 cases out of 10 the person who sends you email, is usually being quite kind and courteous. He was, as usual, right. If someone said hello to me on the street, I would simply say hello back. It is just courteous.

Now, I try to always send back some sort of thank you for the kindness of their initiation, and try to briefly explain that I am not in a position where I can serve. Depending upon what was said in the initial email from the person, I will usually keep it as brief and gracious as possible. Sometimes I will say a bit more, depending upon my mood and the tone of the email.

I have always tried to employ the theory that it takes just as much effort to be kind as cruel... so unless they are really being awful in a message sent to me, I try to 'play nice'.

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:28:38 PM

PrincessinLatex

Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
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I typically "reject" them with no reply at all.

I used to send out "thanks but no I'm not interested" emails but after almost always dealing with the "whys" and the nastiness afterward. . . .I think that no response is indeed a response.

They can take that "rejection" as they see fit.

***99% of the time they aren't respecting my wishes by emailing in the first place. I'm pretty specific in what I look for so I shouldn't be getting very many emails at all.

P

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:36:31 PM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
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I thank them for their note, and politely let them know I am not intrested in stepping outside the bounds of my relationship, then wish them luck finding what they are looking for... sometimes they still want to talk, if they don't cross any line, then I treat them just like anyone else I just meet, with polite intrest, if however after my first response, they write back with rudness, I ignore them

Most people who have sent me notes have all been very nice and not pushy

~dancer

(in reply to PrincessinLatex)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:37:22 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I'm baffled by all these people who say they are bombarded by unwanted repeat mailers who want to force the issue...

I get thank you notes for my rejections, actually.

I think a lot of the difference is being on the other side of the fence, as it were. It's very apparent from postings on these forums that sub females must constantly deal with Doms who think persistence will prove their "masterlyness" (my new word

) or are either outraged that their masterlyness is unrecognized, or, worse, outraged at just more evidence that it doesn't exist. Which, as contantly pointed out, is only proven by the rude outraged reaction they sent.

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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:42:23 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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I was writing a post earlier with some of the hints that I personally have used.

I made a brief list of things that I don't like about some of the emails I receive.

I then opened notepad and typed out specific, courteous responses to each issue and saved it.

Whenever I'd go though emails, I'd open the reply window and give a salutation, thanks for their interest, copy and paste whichever paragraph(s) were applicable, and then I'd close with a wish that they find "what they are looking for" or if I really felt strongly against what they were looking for, I'd wish them luck in finding a "positive, happy relationship".

I almost NEVER get a response, but when I do, it is almost always positive. A genuine thank you for being kind, or a request for friendship if I wish, etc. Some of my best friends are people that I initially felt no connection with.

I also believe that it costs nothing to be kind towards someone. honey truly does draw flies better than vinegar. and that emailer you're treating like shit, just might be best friends with "Mr. Right - who's newly single and lookin'" LOL

(in reply to PrincessinLatex)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:46:57 PM

snappykappy

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very good responses from all who have responded to this question especially the one which takes more energy to reply negatively than positively

also from reading a lot of forums here one does get a lot of things answered to ones questions which they are wanting to find some sort of answer to

i also use the supermarket approach

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:48:27 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
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I have had a submissive profile as well... and had no problems handling myself respectfully but firmly in dealing with pushy Doms...

it's trickier maybe, but able to be accomplished...

(in reply to Misstoyou)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:49:24 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
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LOL, I actually had this one young man, who, while I was still with Chris, wrote to me telling me how wonderful a slave I would be, how fullfilling it would be for me to serve to him, and wanted to know how soon he could have my phone number so that he could start my 'training'. I replied to him that my training would start as soon as he learned to read. He wrote back, quite insulted, and informed me that he knew how to read, and that I should work on my manners some. I wrote back to him that he obviously lacked reading skills, since he had not understood the first sentence in my profile that stated I was with someone.
Two days later, he wrote back and not only apologized to me, but also wrote to Chris and apologized to him. He still remains, to this day, a very valued and trusted friend

I admit that I have a very short fuse when it comes to both male and females who write to me, expressing their desires for something that I clearly state I am not interested in.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:49:35 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
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I get almost no emails so it's no problem for me to send nice "No thank you" replies. I haven't had any who pursued the issue. Guess there are some who do actually read profiles?

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:49:44 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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If they are remotely courteous and have offered an actual note (as opposed to just ‘Hi’ or just ‘I want to know more about you’… with an address included or worse yet: ‘you’re beautiful do you chat?’ I try to always respond…generally as puella explained.

If they are half-way across the world and are younger than my son, or if they approach me as blatently sexual, I tend to ignore them.

This IS the internet. These sites attract all kinds. Don’t most women get droves of utter drivel every day here? I just can’t see replying to rudeness.

Still…when the rare letter DOES come, with information about the person and an earnestness in BDSM and full of genuine kindness and good will; I reply in kind.

If I’m not at all interested I might say

“I’m sorry, I don't think our interests match
“I’m sorry, I prefer older/younger partners
“I’m sorry, I prefer real-time to online…we are just too far to consider real-time…
I try not to make it about 'them'. I see no point in saying things about height, weight, looks, obvious intellectual ability, or ‘Domliness’ or even experience. And, you’re right, sometimes they don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. If not, I just ignore them……..or use that Block Button.

JMO

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:50:57 PM

PrincessinLatex

Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
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quote:

I also believe that it costs nothing to be kind towards someone. honey truly does draw flies better than vinegar. and that emailer you're treating like shit, just might be best friends with "Mr. Right - who's newly single and lookin'" LOL

I truly don't want to seem like a stick in the mud. . .but I do believe that a *lot* of men think that since I'm a fetishist, I'm all about playing with every and anyone. They probably see the latex outfits and think "She must be easy."

Typical emails that I get:

"You're hot/sexy/pretty"
"Will you shit in my mouth?"
"I'll be your maid if you get me a rubber maid's outfit."
"I don't know anything about rubber. Will you teach me?"
"I know I'm not what you are looking for, but. . . "
"I want to be your rubber doll but I can't afford to buy latex."

I truly think that these "gentelment: do not merit a response. In the past I've tried to direct them to rubber lifestyle sites or suggest venues to attend to no avail. They wanted to idle chit chat about "what I'd do to them while dressed in rubber." I'm thinking I'm attracting a whole different type of freako than everyone else is maybe. . .

P

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:53:28 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
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Well I learned quickly that you cannot write everybody back. I write back people who I have no interest in if they wrote a somewhat personal message and put some effort in their profile. I will also write back some that piss me off outside of the common clueless ones.

I always thank them for their interest and elude to any specific comments they made. If I have a specific reason I will tell them the reason. Outside the country, outside of my desired age range things like that.

I would say I get replies in thirds. One third write back thanking me for replying. One third never write back One third write back either bitter, abusive or take a no thank you as just a starting point.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:58:15 PM

Littlepita

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I am polite most the time and am usually respected back. If not I just ignore them and they move along to someone else.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to lisa1978)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 2:59:56 PM

Calandra

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I also get "hello, how ya doing?" emails

I simply say "hello" back

I always smile because I imagine their frustration seeing that they got a response and their face falling because it gives nothing back to them...

I've discovered something though... poor male subs are so sure no one will respond that they almost always come back with something more once I've responded. I see "hello Ma'am" almost like a submarine "ping" to make sure someone's really out there.

A friend once mentioned that people who reprimand or flame an emailer may just be giving the person what they WANT. If the mailer is into being humbled or humiliated, you're giving them their kink by going ballistic on em... ~chuckles~
Now we wouldn't want that would we?

(in reply to Bearlee)

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RE: Rejections... - 6/4/2006 3:01:25 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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Princess latex does make a point. After a while, you can read into the responses you get. I mean , when you join collarme and if you have a picture, you could end up with a hundred emails on day one. Even if you had enought time to respond to each one and give them the "thanks but no thanks response" , you will still get some responding back to your rejection.

When your a sub, you really don't get as many emails to respond to a dom. But I have receive emails that help to explain why they have not had much luck finding someone. Messages like

"Hey..."
"So how Openminded are you?"
"I see we live close, How about coming over"*** my favorite one.

(in reply to PrincessinLatex)

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