Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

**Betrayed Trust**


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> **Betrayed Trust** Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
**Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 7:24:28 PM   
Tearanny


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline 		...

< Message edited by Tearanny -- 10/28/2004 10:09:04 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 7:28:51 PM   
slavewithnoname


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/24/2004
Status: offline 		...... thank you.

_____________________________

~I do not submit as a slave because I feel weak or insecure... I do it because I am strong enough to be that free.~

(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 7:30:02 PM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline 		Great rant.

Take care and good luck in your search,





Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 8:39:26 PM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		While I'm going to assume that you made this post under good intentions. . . I found a few points troubling.

quote:

Im searching to complete my life with two submissives in a live-in situation. All that I have found is lost wounded souls too frightened to take what they soo despartly need. Afraid because they were burned so badly by who they thought was the one to lead them to their own inner truth. Instead they learned that there are dishonest lying fuckers everywhere, in every world.


I'm sorry to hear that all you have found are lost souls. . .however, do you not find it at all odd that those are the only types you encounter? And once again, I think an unfair image of submissive men/women and slaves are being depicted. These types of passages make it seem as though they are helpless beings incapable of rational though and are just out there like deer in headlights waiting to be taken advantage of. Most that I have encountered are quite the opposite. They are capable of risk analysis and do not need a masked hero standing behind them at every turn. Just seeing many of them post here shows me that. Instead of blaming (pointing fingers) at other dominants for the reason you don't have your two live in slaves. . .perhaps it is time for introspection. A lot of times answers can be found by looking inward instead of projecting outward.

quote:

To the fakes and liars I say you better watch yourself...True Dominants like myseslf will be waiting and watching for you to slip up, and when you do...We will be there!! To hold you accountable for your actions


That sounds good in theory. . .but PRACTICALLY, what can be done? Voting them off the BDSM island? And further, who is to state the conditions and terms that another ADULT person gets sanctioned? Will there be a concil of elders? Or will the rouge mercenary style samurai dominant go around monitoring and enforcing the action of other dominants?I have a lot of people who disagree about how I partake in BDSM. . .but realistically. . .I don't think any one of them can do a damn thing about it.

Just my two cents

Jules



_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 9:11:34 PM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		while this slave has been abused, used, burned, hurt or however Y/you wish to put it, she is very happy with Master SirTigerman because He has done so much for her.

Master has shown this slave: love, kindness, compassion, caring, non-judgment, given her a shoulder to cry on when she needs one. He has listened to her ramble like a babbling idiot, He has held her when she needed to be held, gentle yet strict, understanding,an ear to bend when she needed one and a kind word or act of support when she needed one. He has been her pillar of strength when she felt she could not do it, always encouraging her, never putting her down, in fact He has asked her if she has safewords, which He very much believes in. He has never pushed her to do things He knows she is not ready for, or that brings back bad memories, He has shown her that while love does sometimes hurt that it doesn't always have to, He has shown her that she has it in her to be a good slave, that she IS a good slave, He is proud of her and she is proud to be His slave.

when she was there visiting Him for the first time, He held her when she cried, rubbed her back when she was sore and when she had a migraine He was very understanding and told her to rest for a bit in hopes that it would soon go. He held her hand when W/we walked, told her He loves her, that He is proud of her for coming as far as she has since W/we met, that she is allowed to feel, and speak her mind as long as she is respectful.

this slave hopes she hasn't offended anyO/one by posting this, but she wanted to show that even those of us slaves/subs who are hurt, used, abused and burned from bad experiences can and will overcome our fears given time and the right kind of guidance, love, discipline and punishment, when punishment is needed.

this slave loves her Master SirTigerman with every fiber of her being. her body, heart, soul and mind belong completely to Him, even if He does allow her to play with local Dom/Domme's while W/we are separated by 3000miles.






Attachment (1)

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 9:16:24 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with Jules. Why do some continue to act like subs/slaves are children that can't take care of themselves? Most of the time the reason these subs got burned is because they ignored the red flags that popped up.
I have had my share of getting burned in past relationships. Somehow I have survived.
It may make it a bit harder for a sub to trust after being burned, but if you are real, they will see it.

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 9:19:55 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules

That sounds good in theory. . .but PRACTICALLY, what can be done? Voting them off the BDSM island? And further, who is to state the conditions and terms that another ADULT person gets sanctioned? Will there be a concil of elders? Or will the rouge mercenary style samurai dominant go around monitoring and enforcing the action of other dominants?


Can we start with the the SSC Mantra? Anybody found relying on it in lieu of rational thought and personal responsibility, or using it as an excuse to condescend to another, is immediately banned!!!!

Well, it's a nice fantasy, anyway.

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 9:33:30 PM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		Hallo Cariad,

Good for you for getting back onto your horse and riding proud! I'm always happy and encouraged by hearing stories with happy endings. (or a happy ending in progress!) The best to you and yours.

Jules

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to cariad)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 9:41:43 PM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		Estring,

Not only do I truly think that all of us as ADULTS have control over most of what happens to us I think the whole "accountablility" issue was misplaced in the original post.

I can logically assume that the submissive people that she encountered were in some BDSM or D/s "arena" identifying themselves as such. If they were honest from jump street and said that they were shell shocked and that they weren't looking for any type of relationship except for maybe a friendship. . .perhaps she wouldn't have barked up the wrong tree by trying to forge a slave/owner type deal in the first place with these individuals.

I don't know what it was about the original post that didn't sit well with me. . .maybe it was just the whole premise of the post.

Suz,

And here I thought *I* was the only one that didn't subscribe to that whole SSC thing!!!! I think that it is just WAY to subjective to be useful. Who is to define what is sane? Who defines what is safe? I think we all have different thresholds for it to hold universally. And you are right, to "lean" on or to rely too heavily on dogmas/mantras such as SSC typically relieves people of carrying on their own independent rational though.

Take care

Jules

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/27/2004 10:46:12 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Is it abuse to kick someone who wears a *kick me* sign? I have to wonder.

Honestly, when I talk to people who are new and trying to figure things out, the first thing I always try to teach is if you don't respect yourself, don't expect others to respect you. This also holds true of being easy prey. If you come across as easy prey,,,, well...

Don't get me wrong. I am just as sickened by the users and the predators as anyone else, but in the long run, I believe the best thing that can be done to any submissive or slave is to teach them a sense of self-worth. Once you are aware that you are WORTHY of a good, true, real, honest, legitimate, ect type of relationship, and that it is *OK* to question those who are you are looking into getting into one with, you lessen your chance of being used and abused.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 12:32:39 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You know I could stamp my foot.. and bitch and moan about all the do me subs .. the guys/girls who are just looking for a free ride.. who take advantage of unwitting tops. The ones who cry and manipulate those pussywhipped buggers who are just so glad to have someone actually want to be in their collar. The girls who get into polys because some big bad dommely dom makes their panties wet and set up creating havoc and broken relationships because they havent got a clue. The others who enjoy creating drama and watching things crash and burn. The subs with mental health issues, eating disorders, emotional problems and so forth and so on.. I could tell you about the money thats gone missing .. the toys that have been lost....the credit card bills that were run up .... but honestly why bother..

Caution .. Good Sense... Getting over the dominant tendency toward White Knights and big horses.. lessons learned and the tolls paid.. we each are adults and we each make our choices as we see fit.

just because your submissive doesnt give you a free pass to stupidity. If it smells like a dead fish, looks like a dead fish.. its probably a dead fish.. if you choose to call it Master.. well shame on you...I am not going to accept responsiblity for the poor choices that other adults make on their own behalf.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 10/28/2004 12:35:17 AM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 3:39:11 AM   
Tearanny


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline 		At no time did I say that subs are innocent children unable to think on their own...I started in this lifestyle as a sub, found it was not for me, we all evolve. My experience the past 2 weeks has been: I have had 2 interviews with 2 female submissives, both with SERIOUS trust issues. That is what spawned this rant along with: I have a sub in my stable that was treated like she had always wanted to be treated, always fantized about, a newby in the scene, took it slow, thought she had found love, the Dom came to see her three hours away once a week for over six months. Quite far from wearing a kickme sign. He finally asked her to move to his area only to find after he moved her..(.she found out 3 months later actually). He had lied and was married with 3 kids. Complete heartbreak. So I ask you, what red flags did she ignore? None that I see, and we talked about the situation in depth. And as far as making them accountable: Oh gee, I dont think voting them off the island is quite appropriate but how about confronting those that do lie and play games in this way? Im sure they wont care, but it would make me feel better and Reputation goes a long way. I will not be wearing a ninja suit anytime soon, I just felt the need to speak to people that experienced similar situations. It was a thought...a rant, I got it off my chest. So sorry if it offended a few out there.

(we are adults of differing experience and opinion, sharing these experiences and opinions do not make us lesser people, in fact thoughts should be respected, not judged even if they are differing, respect adversity. After all, we are all diverse from the main stream of thinking.)

(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 3:59:28 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

He finally asked her to move to his area only to find after he moved her..(.she found out 3 months later actually). He had lied and was married with 3 kids. Complete heartbreak. So I ask you, what red flags did she ignore?


I dont know your subs specific circumstances.. however these are the questions I would have asked.. did she have his home address? did she have access to his home, work and cell phone number?, did she get lifestyle references?, did she know his friends?... bdsm dating is DATING.. if he doesnt introduce you to his best friend, mother and take you to his place inside of three months.. then he is hiding something.. three hours away is not too far for her to travel.. did she make that offer.. did he always have a reason she couldnt stay with him.. shrugs I dont know.. but in my experience there are always red flags.. its just sometimes you dont see them until your looking backwards.

For me when I am talking to someone who is about to embark on this rollcoaster ride.. I always tell them.. be wary.. and be aware... its a lesson everyone has to learn.. its a hard one.. Take your time....the rush is heady but the fall is hard.. and if a person will simply step back and take several deep breaths.. sometimes it can be avoided. Ask for references.. you date vanilla people by gettting set up more often or not.. through friends and relatives.. they are your reference material. Dont expect anything .. Act as your own best advocate.. like your vetting a potential partner for your baby brother or sister, best friend whatever.. use all those tools that you have and trust your gut... We are too often enthralled by the rush.. do things we would advise no one we loved to do.. we have to be responsible for ourselves.. before we can be responsible for others actions..

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 10/28/2004 4:02:41 AM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 5:22:27 AM   
Tearanny


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline 		She had his home address, however he put her up in a nice small house. She had said ahead of time that she didnt wish to lose complete independence. So that was the first mistake on her part.

As far as friends and family, his parents are dead, she had met all of his coworkers. He is a district attourney and not one person bothered to say, hey honey do you know he is married with 3 little ones. His best friend is a fellow DA, and he was right there with him lying. *2nd mistake, trusting lawyers I suppose. *attempt at humor*

He wanted her to move down to his area so that he could help her find a good job in her field of nonprofit management. And he did so. But see he had no problem getting her the job and part of his concealment was for the job!

He was the board president where she was employed as the executive director. Believe me the jerk had all the bases covered.

As far as numbers: He had an office phone in his house that only he answered, (work purposes to his wife). He had his cell, and ofcourse at work noone would say a word. So that is the dooping of one young lady. She covered all the bases that I could see...that anyone vanilla or not would cover. I dont believe she is to be faulted.

He was an extremely intelligent and dangerous man as far as Im concerned...there are those extreme asses in the world. And he then threatened her job when she broke it off with him...things have worked out: She still has her job and he is no longer president of the board. So things are working out for her. And now she is ready to try again with someone who is worth having. My point is this:: it is not always the subs fault when they are preyed upon. Things happen, and its up to them to pick up the pieces and add callus around their heart and try again.

We all get hurt, as subs and as Dom/mes, we are sometimes taken advantage of whether it be by our own ignorance or another vast deception. Blame to the victim is much like closing the gate after the cows are gone. Lessons are learned as painful as they may be...pointing the finger doesnt help anyone, its comparable to going: ha ha I told you so. Deconstructive.

I know she will find love again, and trust again, but it will take a while, as it should.


(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 5:28:45 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		it sounds like growing pains, Her growing and learning that the world isnt always a rosey place , its trulllly what Y/you make of it . Accountability.



**The mind is its own place,and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven**





_____________________________

**The mind is its own place,and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven**


(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 5:36:22 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline


"Because of the assholes that have lied, promised the world and delivered nothing but pain and baggage. "


this is where i believe Youve lost the "edge"where You went from trying to make a point to losing Your self-control IMHO the trully best quality a Dom/me can posess




_____________________________

**The mind is its own place,and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven**


(in reply to Tearanny)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 6:25:39 AM   
duktigflicka


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		Not to be rude, but there seems to be an awful lot of blaming the victim in this thread. I know many subs who have unwittingly got themselves in an abusive relationship and it strikes me as absolutely horrible for someone to take the attitude that it's their fault because they should have known it was going to happen. Moreover, many subs have suffered crushing blows to their self-esteem and self-worth and so entered into abusive relationships because they thought they deserved it, or even sadder - that's all they've ever known. Please have a little understanding.

(in reply to aliljaded1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 7:03:36 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		There are still quite a few unanswered questions about this scenario:

Did she ever ask if he was married or otherwise involved with someone else?
Did she ever get involved with the local scene in her new area and check his references?
I understand that she accepted his gift of a house because she wanted to maintain some independence, but she never once set foot into his home? In 3 months?
Is the dominant's wife involved in BDSM?
Is the dominant's wife aware that he was seeing this other woman? Were they poly?


I'm wondering if the dominant was being deceitful, or if this submissive was seeing only what she wanted to see.

If the dominant was being deceptive, then eventually people will become aware of his reputation and steer clear of him. Regardless of the dominant being deceptive or not, it seems as though he made some poor decisions.

The negative comments in a lot of these posts stem from a lot of similiar tales told by weeping slaves who were horribly "abused" by some evil predator, only to find out that the submissive made some HUGE errors in judgement. We are adults and we do have the ability to conduct research about the people we plan to be involved with, rather than leap blindly into a situation.

Finally, why is it that so many of these posts regarding deception seem to center around dominants? I have run into more than a few submissives that are deceptive, manipulative, collar hoarding, sugar-daddy-seeking "predators". I've encountered some of them, been burned, and yet... I get up, dust myself off, and learn from the mistakes I have made.


~Thorns



_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to duktigflicka)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 7:14:33 AM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		I don't think that it is blaming per se. I think it is more along the lines that every adult individual should have the tools and experience to navigate their way through life and perhaps sticky/shady situations at times. Bad things and unfortunate situations happen to all of us. . .not just submissives. ALL of us (I'm assuming) have gotten duped at one time or another.
A more adult view is that this sort of thing happens. . .keep your eyes open and watch out. The
quote:

Because of the assholes that have lied, promised the world and delivered nothing but pain and baggage
isn't very effective as a liljaded1 pointed out.
And instead of trying to place "culpability" for this squarely on some dominant person's shoulder (which of course none of us are privy to what really happened) it would be a LOT more constructive to try and find out why it is that some of the victims succumb to these type of relationships (i.e. low self esteem, environmental factors etc) so that they don't find themselves in a similar situation in the future.
Having a raving pack of vigilante dominant people looking to "save" someone is hardly the solution I think.

Jules


_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to duktigflicka)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: **Betrayed Trust** - 10/28/2004 7:58:57 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		w/ all due respect , i simply pointed out what seemed obvious to me . ive been involved in relationships that were horrible as well as the "ones that got away". ive found in my 34 yrs of life that not all people tell the truth ... and not A/all people want to hear it. the problem i found w/ Her advocating for this sub was ...She wasnt . She was ranting and when She started bashing she lost control. (IMHO) when someOne is looking for SomeOne or Thing and they want it soooo bad they tend to dismiss the warning signs. and There are ALWAYS signs good or bad .


*trust the gut and never go wrong*

_____________________________

**The mind is its own place,and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven**


(in reply to duktigflicka)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> **Betrayed Trust** Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078