quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
I've always attracted natural subs. But, it's always started as a vanilla relationship, which
is mostly what I want beyond kink/bdsm anyway. And never discussed, like "hey, I want
to control you sexually". Just happens - but I've never taken it very far

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
My question is this: is it realistic for someone like me to be with a woman who is already in "the life", meaning, they already knowingly and consciously realized who they are sexually (which includes kink/bdsm), and have enjoyed that already?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
I think this applies to the subs and slaves here. I don’t want to waste experienced subs/slaves
time if I'm not in the right league or something like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
My question is this: is it realistic for someone like me to be with a woman who is already in "the life", meaning, they already knowingly and consciously realized who they are sexually (which includes kink/bdsm), and have enjoyed that already?

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
What I can absolutely tell you is that poise won't do online parcheesi with me.
Make of that what you will.

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Find a partner you enjoy being with, talking to, having fun with, who enjoys many of the same life's pleasures as you do.  If going to concerts is a big thing with you, hopefully you can find someone who likes to go go concerts with you.  If you enjoy movies, finding someone who also enjoys watching movies is a plus.  If you do online gaming, then finding someone who also does online gaming will make it all the more fun.  The kink stuff is an added bonus, not the end all and be all of a relationship.

By the way, posting the same topic in more than one forum is against TOS.  Expect one of your posts to be deleted.  If it's this one you may never see my answer. 

quote:

eet other

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
I've always attracted natural subs. But, it's always started as a vanilla relationship, which
is mostly what I want beyond kink/bdsm anyway. And never discussed, like "hey, I want
to control you sexually". Just happens - but I've never taken it very far

So, you have no trouble attracting natural subs (whatever that may mean) but have yet to
actually take control of them in the bedroom? What is it that's stopping you from taking charge there?
Are the things you want to do to them things you may not have enough experience in, and you
have a fear you may harm them in some way? There are workshops available that you can learn
an awful lot from. Also see if there are events/munches you can attend in your area. It's a great
way to meet others with the same interests, and discuss some of your concerns.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
My question is this: is it realistic for someone like me to be with a woman who is already in "the life", meaning, they already knowingly and consciously realized who they are sexually (which includes kink/bdsm), and have enjoyed that already?

There are an awful lot of men who are just like you, or have been exactly where you are now.
It is very realistic that someone who has already experienced some of the kinkier aspects of sex
will find interest in you, assuming you have the qualities they are looking for in a man.
(meaning, interest outside the bedroom should mesh well first)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
I think this applies to the subs and slaves here. I don’t want to waste experienced subs/slaves
time if I'm not in the right league or something like that.

Granted, there are an awful lot of women out there that will say you aren't Dominant enough
if you don't do X Y and Z, but there are just as many women out there that are looking for a
relationship with a man, not with a high ranking BDSM'er to the nnnnth degree.

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I think there is alot that you can relate to in this post from Kana.
Especially his realization that most women actually CRAVED having men take what they wanted from them sexually.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3910109/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3915687

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

LOL. Honestly you sound how I would describe my self... or would have a while ago anyway.

"I honestly don't know," is the answer. I know that several subs here think I'm an OK guy. Several others don't. I've always assumed that even ones who might otherwise think I'm perfect would want some sort of trapeze sex that I wasn't particularly able to provide but I'm beginning to really wonder at that preconception. Intuitively, I found my way here and it is home enough to keep me here. It's hard to believe that my compliment hasn't also.

In my experience, despite the simplifications and "BDSM checklists", in the real world people... women included... subs and slaves included... choose partners for highly complex reasons.

What I can absolutely tell you is that poise won't do online parcheesi with me. Make of that what you will.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
thanks, it's good to know there's others who've been through it and survived

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I don’t really care if she's experienced or not, but I probably wouldn’t be a good match for someone who wants kink/bdsm in all or most realms of their lives.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
thanks, it's good to know there's others who've been through it and survived

*chuckles* huh??? wha???

Dude... I haven't been through anything... I'm still muddling along pretty much same as always. I have a LONG way to go before I'm "through" LOL. Sure, I've learned some things here and there. Carol is slowly corrupting me. When I fail to be appropriately caveman-ish she's been known to grab her hair, wrap it around my hand, then club herself senseless so I can drag her back to the cave. Super-dom I am not. Any woman who was looking for someone out of a vampire book is probably not going to find me suitable.

But perhaps that's an answer to your question right there. If you find the right woman, she won't be measuring you to see if you fit the dom shoes of her dreams. Instead, she'll be helping you to achieve your dreams... whatever they are. Do I think that some of the women I've met here are of a mindset to do that? You know... take on a fixer-upper-dom if it were the right dom? Yes, I do. Actually, in my experience, I've known women to do some pretty fucking amazing things for the man they love. Carol spent 15 years working on my sexual issues... and ended up having to give herself to me TPE style in order to get any traction on them. You gotta figure that giving yourself away as human property (something she never had any desire to do) is pretty radical. I can't imagine why the women here are any less willing to stand and deliver for the right man.

Carol adds: She was from the vanilla world. Now she's a TPE slave... not because she wants to be but because it's what I want. She thinks you should find someone you like wherever you do then treat them well enough that "sure I'll do anything" seems like a sensible statement.

quote:

I can't imagine why the women here are any less willing to stand and deliv

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I don’t really care if she's experienced or not, but I probably wouldn’t be a good match for someone who wants kink/bdsm in all or most realms of their lives.

I think you're confused as to what it means to those of us who are always who we are. I'm his, even when I'm hassling my kid to clean up his room. I'm also his when I'm visiting my elderly father. And when I'm making dinner.

Most of us look just like ordinary people. Damn few of us wear only chains 24/7. Nor do we play all the time. Him being dominant just means that if he decides he wants to grill a steak instead of me making chicken pot pie, then that's what we're having for dinner. It means if he says never serve him brussel sprouts again, that's a vegetable he's never going to eat. If he says we have to go to the hardware store before we go to the grocery store, that's what we're doing. But nobody seeing us looking for mouse poison is going to automatically assume we're kinky. Nor is anybody watching us discussing chicken or pork chops going to assume that.

24/7 means he can make any decision he wants to, and if he wants me to decide where to go to dinner, he can do that too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
wow, that's very deep!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


My question is this: is it realistic for someone like me to be with a woman who is already in "the life", meaning, they already knowingly and consciously realized who they are sexually (which includes kink/bdsm), and have enjoyed that already?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I don’t really care if she's experienced or not, but I probably wouldn’t be a good match for someone who wants kink/bdsm in all or most realms of their lives.

I think you're confused as to what it means to those of us who are always who we are. I'm his, even when I'm hassling my kid to clean up his room. I'm also his when I'm visiting my elderly father. And when I'm making dinner.

Most of us look just like ordinary people. Damn few of us wear only chains 24/7. Nor do we play all the time. Him being dominant just means that if he decides he wants to grill a steak instead of me making chicken pot pie, then that's what we're having for dinner. It means if he says never serve him brussel sprouts again, that's a vegetable he's never going to eat. If he says we have to go to the hardware store before we go to the grocery store, that's what we're doing. But nobody seeing us looking for mouse poison is going to automatically assume we're kinky. Nor is anybody watching us discussing chicken or pork chops going to assume that.

24/7 means he can make any decision he wants to, and if he wants me to decide where to go to dinner, he can do that too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

FR~
Get your black belt in BDSM then we'll talk!

Seriously though, there's no degree of experience or training or some other intangible form of measure that makes people compatible or not, it's about the chemistry between you, and what you specifically wanting, matching up with someone who wants the same.

Make a list of what you want, talk about it with people, then refine the list every time you think of something else or decide to change your mind. it's a long process, and is only half the job. When you do find the right sub sandwich for you, you'll throw half your list out the window and know she's exactly what you want.

Treat it just like any vanilla relationship, except when it comes to the sexy parts, get use to talking to her first about the kink stuff you're looking for, it's a pretty simple process if you're good at the intuitive process. Just be you, best foot forward and all that.