What's with this great divide? (Full Version)

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Karmastic -> What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 4:52:27 PM)

I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?



supragenius -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 4:54:41 PM)

just b wot u are man thats all any of us can do :D

peace out
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?




Bucephalus -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 5:12:06 PM)

My view is live and let live. If being a switch works for someone and their relationship with another(s), so be it. What does effect anyone outside their personal circumference? I know I'm much happier being on top rather than the bottom, and doubt I could be comfortable in that role in a D/s relationship. I've felt like I *had* to be the 'bottom' in a previous (vanilla of course) relationship, and it really didn't suit me. It sort of made me feel like shit because I wasn't able to feel confident about being me in that situation. I don't think a switch should be condemned for enjoy it both ways, much like a bisexual shouldn't be condemned or called confused in what they want. You like what you like. If it happens to be both, more power to ya. Now, that said, I do think a switch does have the potential to be more empathetic toward each role, having likely experienced both sides of it. They are able to see things in both lights.



Baroana -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 5:15:32 PM)

Some people like to switch. Others are strongly D or strongly S. It takes all kinds.



JeffBC -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 5:26:58 PM)

I guess I'm not sure I even recognize this continuum you're talking about. I don't think I fit into any of the boxes you've described. Or, more accurately, I think I'm pretty much everywhere on that continuum all at the same time.

My own assessment is that people's performance in a role mirrors that whole "99% perspiration, 1% inspiration" line. Carol may naturally have a worldview that lends itself to obedience... that's the 1%. The 99% perspiration is actually obeying. I have a fairly dominant viewpoint pretty much all the time. But you can bet that if I decided that obedience was the best route then I'd be wanting to do a good job of it.... much like Carol.

Really, when all is said and done, I get in relationships with people, not with labels.



poise -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 5:35:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that,
and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you
don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly
resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall?


Great divide my ass! I feel, if anything, mimicking the behaviors of someone else won't give
you greater insight into that person, unless of course you're pretending to be Helen Keller.
The other half of this very happy union is a man, not a role, and as much as I love men,
there is no greater joy for me than being a woman he is proud to call his own.

I suppose I fall in the "whatever gives this union the greatest joy" category.




Lucifyre -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 6:53:53 PM)

meh,

Bi Switch....I am not confused, just greedy ;)

Lucifyre



DesFIP -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 7:01:43 PM)

You went wrong when you described it as playing a role. It isn't. Submissive is my authentic self, I am not dominant. Hell, I'm not even capable of topping. And I pity the poor person who would sub to me, to be asked anxiously if it hurt too much, are they okay, and so on. Every two minutes.

Beyond that, if you aren't wired to enjoy pain play, then it's just going to hurt.

Now, I do recommend trying out on yourself any new equipment just so you understand what can go wrong. You only need to be tied legs together with ankles rubbing once to realize it's a bad idea, and from then on to make sure the ankle bones don't hit. Or to see how hard to press with a wartenburg wheel to draw blood. But that's a technical thing, not going to teach you how endorphin play makes you nonverbal in subspace if you don't go into subspace as a result of pain.



JanahX -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 7:05:36 PM)

I have zero desire to top in any scene - and if I did - it wouldnt be pretty because it would be done (topping) out of anger. People are not all wired the same way - I definitely am not.



caelestis -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 7:15:15 PM)

What is "better" is really relative to the particular people involved in any relationship.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 7:35:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role?

I used to be a dyed in the wool 100% submissive. Then, somewhere along the way, I started to be curious about & feel like switching. I did so and then I found out that it didn't work so well. The Dom I had at the time kept trying to control things, including me, which went over very shittily. Then I found that, over time, I was becoming more Dominant and not wanting to put up with that controlling me crap, so here I am, a Domme. And I'm happy being one.

NBMG



Focus50 -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 10:05:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?


Your "other side" implies you're talking two halves of the one whole - and it just ain't...!

I'm a Dom, I don't switch - and that's *my* truth. For those who think you have to submit to appreciate your domliness; well that's their truth - and a whole lot of bunk to me.

Same as my hetero needs. A female complements that aspect of my sexuality and that's all the inside info I need to know. You sayin' we fellas need to spend time in a dress and heels, maybe some lippy etc, so we can be real men, too? pffft...!

And just so I'm clear.... There are those who are all Dom/me and those who are all sub. So no, a switch doesn't have all the insight to both as you may think. No-one can be 200% of a whole. Switches have *some* insight and what you get is generally what you've got for them to respond to. The (admittedly few) switches I've known r/l sure weren't showing any signs of domliness when I was talking to them.

So who's really most comfortable in their own skin? Not them (perhaps?) - and not you, it seems to me.... What you have here is a personal issue, not a lifestyle philosophy! Hmmm, two issues, from the sounds of that bi comment....

Focus.



Bhruic -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 10:23:29 PM)

My personal opinion is - and common sense dictates - that someone who explores both sides of a coin has more understanding of the whole coin than someone who only looks at one side.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 10:29:27 PM)

I don't think this is one-size-fits-all. Some people are better off and benefit from experiencing both sides of the dominant/submissive spectrum, and others don't need it. Neither way is superior or correct in the grand/general sense. I don't even think that one who experiences both is necessarily always more empathetic. It's an individual thing, some will benefit from it and some will not.

For me personally, I've never needed to try being dominant or in charge, because that's just not who I am in relation to the man I love. I understand him perfectly well, not because I've ever tried to be him, but because he is my Master, the one I love, and we have an intimate connection facilitating plenty of communication and intense empathy. Switching just isn't necessary, nor desired. And him? Likewise, he understands perfectly well the effects his leadership has on me, for those same reasons. He doesn't need to be me to understand me, either.

So it's all relative. It matters only on the individual scale.



Focus50 -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 10:33:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

My personal opinion is - and common sense dictates - that someone who explores both sides of a coin has more understanding of the whole coin than someone who only looks at one side.


Just trying to imagine your screen pic in heels, dress & lippy.... [:-]

Or maybe that's why dictators have a bad rep.

Nuthin' to see here, folks - move along! [8D]

Focus.



JeffBC -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 10:37:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
My personal opinion is - and common sense dictates - that someone who explores both sides of a coin has more understanding of the whole coin than someone who only looks at one side.

Honestly, were that possible, I would completely agree with you. But for Carol and I, these aren't roles. I can't be Carol and she can't be me. We could pretend to swap roles, but little understanding would come from play acting.



myotherself -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 11:04:09 PM)

I don't see a switch as being 'better', just 'different'.

I'm a slave. I never want to be put in a dominant position in my relationship. Hell, I get enough of that at work - I don't want to bring it home too!

Because I know that I'm 100% slave, I know that I would only be completed by someone who is 100% dominant.

Now before anyone starts casting stones, I have dated a couple of switches - guys who were mostly dominant but who also wanted to change roles once in a while. One guy tried to do that with me, with disastrous results. I couldn't top him, and when it came time for him to take the lead again, I struggled to follow him.

Another went elsewhere to get his sub needs filled, and that broke us because of the 'monogamy' thing my brain is wired for.

Neither of these guys were bad people or 'fakes'...quite the opposite. But they weren't the other side to my particular coin.

I'm very much a 'live and let live' kind of person, but I'm also not going to compromise my own relationships for the sake of being 'politically correct'.



Whenready -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/13/2012 11:26:18 PM)

I can't help feeling this is apples and oranges. I'm dominant. I check toys on myself before I try them on someone else. That seems to be common sense. I odn't see that as subby but health and safety. Nor do I think myself "into the role". I'm the dom - she's the sub. Simples. It's about who WE are not which badge she's wearing - tho if the pin just happens to go through the nipple.....



another1harder -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/14/2012 1:08:59 AM)

I believe in testing, but I also believe in Einsteins insanity expression, insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.



tj444 -> RE: What's with this great divide? (4/14/2012 3:35:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

where are you getting this shite from? switches are "better"??? wtf? imo switches are inferior,.. they cant make up their friggin mind what they are.. jmo..

I am not interested in switches or subs or bi-sexual men..

me thinks you have been gazing at your navel too long.. go out and enjoy the sunshine.. [:D]



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