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RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/15/2012 9:24:27 PM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Isnt this the exact same thing you basically asked in your last post about this very same matter?

And I see in your profile that you dont mention that you have a girlfriend of any kind. Do you happen to mention to any respondents that you are a dishonest person and that you keep trolling for other people (without their knowledge) while you are currently in a relationship?

I cant see why you are having any problems finding anyone - that alone should make women want to flock on you like flies on shit -


Holy shit, first off, you and anybody need to back the fuck off, serious! Stop making assumptions from the LITTLE bit I posted. My profile is OLD from before I had a relationship, I never change it. I just kept this for the message boards, so back the fuck up.

Second to anyone saying im selfish, or making it all about me, or not accepting her, please get the hell out of here with such nonsense. Im into BDSM and im going to hate or not accept someone whos not? C'mon, how stupid does that sound. I'm looking for kink in my relationship, and trying to intrdouce her into it. If shes not into it, shes not into it. I'm not saying im going to fault her or hate her because of that, so stop. And im not selfish for wanting to have a want/need fulffiled. If you don't ask or communicate how can you know if a person likes something or doesnt. Also, proflificneeds- Im not selfish at all, believe me I please her and make sure she is taken care of before me all the time sexually, so its not like im topping from the bottom or something of the sort.

Honestly, this is why sometimes I hate getting advice in here, because some of you are so quick to jump down someones throat. SOme of you musthave suchh miserable lives that you have to try to insult and judge someone over a forum that you have never met or talked to.. its really sick how rude some of you are

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/15/2012 10:23:42 PM   
SirLangsdorff


Posts: 289
Joined: 12/12/2010
Status: offline 		Asking here isn't going to make it happen there, so tone it down. What I have seen is that you're asking something because you want it to happen with the girl you're "dating" or living with now. You asked, she wasn't interested. That should be end of story, no matter what anyone says. If you love her and you're willing to give up the kinky side, then that's great. No one is going to kick you out of the club just because of that. Personally I don't know what you intend to do and personally don't care, but from the sound of it, you're not entirely happy:
"Anyway, sorry to rant guys. Bottom line is, shes really not into this- and I really like her a lot, but im always looking to scratch that itch.. Always thiking of serving, bdsm, humuliation, reading femdoms blogs, findommes blogs, etc etc.. "
From that, you're saying one thing then getting mad because the advise isn't what you think it ought to be. Calm down, Take a break. If you don't like the advice here, go get it elsewhere. Just don't piss off the girl you love so much.

_____________________________

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(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 3:30:44 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I didn't mean not pleasing her in the bedroom, I meant your efforts to introduce her to kink were really just trying to get her into the kinks YOU want.

What if she'd really rather not bother with the money pig and humiliation shit? Maybe she'd like face sitting, maybe just hand cuffing you, maybe she'd like being able to boss you around the house, or maybe she wants to be a goddess who has her feet or body worshipped.

By selfish I mean stop thinking of the kink you want, and find out if there might be other kinks that do appeal to her. Start smaller, start with simple bedroom concepts. She might very well be kinky, just not YOUR kind of kinky.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 5:29:57 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You make an excellent point. I've seen this a lot in couples who are new to kink. Generally it's the male sub who wants his wife/gf/so to be a domme.

In short order he's very frustrated, b/c she is not doing exactly what he wants !! LOL

It must be very confusing to be told, you're the dom/me you get to do what you want with me in one breath, only to be told you're not doing it right in the next !!

I doubt the OP has a clue if this new gf is kinky or domish, she's most likely just confused.



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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 5:45:56 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Your young, date around.
Unless your married, engaged or promised to not see anyone else, its not cheating. Play the field. Sometimes relationships just become a "habit" . Unless You have some undying love for her, I think it would be in your best interest to try others on for size.
If You constantly find yourself desiring more and not getting it, it will only get worse.
There is probably someone out there much more compatible to you, and if you stay in a relationship your not satisfied in, later you will be cheating. Desires alot of times trumph right or wrong over time.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 4/16/2012 5:48:08 AM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 8:43:29 AM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		It seems a shame that so much between you both is compatible but not this area. I also think that maybe you are putting so much presurre onto her that nothing she tries or agrees to will be enjoyable for her.

I think first of all you need to back off and give it a rest . Then later maybe instead of you making suggestions you could ask your girlfriend what she could imagine doing within the Femdom area that woud be fun for her?


If she say's nothing well then you really do have a problem then it really is down to the 3 posibilities as "myotherself" stated

I wish you both well

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 9:00:10 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Holy shit, first off, you and anybody need to back the fuck off, serious! Stop making assumptions from the LITTLE bit I posted. My profile is OLD from before I had a relationship, I never change it. I just kept this for the message boards, so back the fuck up.


and then you post this?

quote:

Honestly, this is why sometimes I hate getting advice in here, because some of you are so quick to jump down someones throat. SOme of you musthave suchh miserable lives that you have to try to insult and judge someone over a forum that you have never met or talked to.. its really sick how rude some of you are


You feel misunderstood? Present yourself and your profile the way you do - But yet everyone is supposed to sympathize with you? Thanks for the laugh - I needed one this morning.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Isnt this the exact same thing you basically asked in your last post about this very same matter?

And I see in your profile that you dont mention that you have a girlfriend of any kind. Do you happen to mention to any respondents that you are a dishonest person and that you keep trolling for other people (without their knowledge) while you are currently in a relationship?

I cant see why you are having any problems finding anyone - that alone should make women want to flock on you like flies on shit -


Holy shit, first off, you and anybody need to back the fuck off, serious! Stop making assumptions from the LITTLE bit I posted. My profile is OLD from before I had a relationship, I never change it. I just kept this for the message boards, so back the fuck up.

Second to anyone saying im selfish, or making it all about me, or not accepting her, please get the hell out of here with such nonsense. Im into BDSM and im going to hate or not accept someone whos not? C'mon, how stupid does that sound. I'm looking for kink in my relationship, and trying to intrdouce her into it. If shes not into it, shes not into it. I'm not saying im going to fault her or hate her because of that, so stop. And im not selfish for wanting to have a want/need fulffiled. If you don't ask or communicate how can you know if a person likes something or doesnt. Also, proflificneeds- Im not selfish at all, believe me I please her and make sure she is taken care of before me all the time sexually, so its not like im topping from the bottom or something of the sort.

Honestly, this is why sometimes I hate getting advice in here, because some of you are so quick to jump down someones throat. SOme of you musthave suchh miserable lives that you have to try to insult and judge someone over a forum that you have never met or talked to.. its really sick how rude some of you are



_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 9:19:00 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For the love of mike, stop trying to change this woman to suit what you want for kink.  Believe it or not, some people aren't kinky, don't want to be kinky, and can end up resenting the person who is trying to make them kinky.  Your desire for kink doesn't override her desire to be vanilla.





This. (Shit - I'm still surprised at the number of men who don't want a woman to service them for hours and do as she's told.) Not everyone is into what I'm into, and not everyone is into what you're into.

I would be very upfront in telling her why you think you're incompatible in that area. If she is willing to explore it rather than end the relationship, then that means she's feeling just as you are about the strengths of it outside the bedroom and hopefully the two of you could work on it - together. If she responds negatively (as she seems to have so far), then consider ending it now before you both feel even more strongly.

It stinks. It does. I'm sure many of us have heard "You're too kinky for me." Personally, I don't think it should be that hard a sell from the get-go. The interest, if not the experience, is either there or it's not there.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 2:28:09 PM   
Scala


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's what you do.  Knock it off!

For the love of mike, stop trying to change this woman to suit what you want for kink.  Believe it or not, some people aren't kinky, don't want to be kinky, and can end up resenting the person who is trying to make them kinky.  Your desire for kink doesn't override her desire to be vanilla.



Many marriages are made up out of “things” that are compatible and things where a sort of compromise has been reached. Partners do things that is not really in their list of favs for the other partner all the time. In the bedroom it’s called role playing . If his girlfriend found his wishes that abhorrent then SHE can end the relationship and yet according to him she thinks that despite this that he is the one for her. Really it’s not just for him to decide but for his girlfriend to decide here as well, as clearly his “kink” as you put it is a big part of his character and what makes him into what he is and cannot just be turned off. So she needs to decide, can she compromise here and still have all the other bits of the relationship that she likes.?


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 3:37:20 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
It must be very confusing to be told, you're the dom/me you get to do what you want with me in one breath, only to be told you're not doing it right in the next !!

brilliant!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I doubt the OP has a clue if this new gf is kinky or domish, she's most likely just confused.

the fact is, OP is using us to convince himself his 4.5 month relationship is over. he already knows most everything else he needs to know to move on - he's just stalling. i don't take any of that away from him, that's fine. but it is irritating to see people continually give ideas on how to introduce kink to a DOA relationship kink-wise. and the self-righteous angry ones are klassic interwebs.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:08:29 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

the fact is, OP is using us to convince himself his 4.5 month relationship is over. he already knows most everything else he needs to know to move on - he's just stalling. i don't take any of that away from him, that's fine. but it is irritating to see people continually give ideas on how to introduce kink to a DOA relationship kink-wise. and the self-righteous angry ones are klassic interwebs.



It's actually the third time that he's trying to get us to tell him what he wants to hear.


_____________________________

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(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:10:44 PM   
subbyinlosangele


Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Hi all, I have been asking you guys a lot in the past few months about my vanilla relationship im in, and i've gotten some really good feedback. Sorry to keep asking similiar things, just still not happy with the way things are going.

Long story short, i'm with my girlfriend now for about 4 1/2 months.. We have a great connection, care for eachother alot, sshe thinks im the one for her, the vanilla sex is good, etc etc.. Problem is, i've been trying to introduce her to the lifestyle, and trying to be submissive to her, but shes really just not into it.

At first I thought things were going well, we had a little agreement where she was allowed to go out to the bars with her friend who is a total flirt who gets with a lot of guys, and dresses very sexual.. and I wassn't allowed to go to the bars. Minor, i know, but a step in the right direction. Anyway, the other day she said im sick, and she was joking about that.. She told me then if I dont do what she says she will tell her friends i have a small dick, but then again, when we talked about it further I could see she wasn't sincere about that either.

I tried getting her to be my financial domme, and told her I would pay her 100$ every week, but again she wasn't into that either.. I posted asking if paying a findomme online was cheating and you guys said yes, so i tried to to this with her, but it backfired..

The closest i've gotten to bdsm or humiliation with her was when she was totally drunk, didnt really feel my dick inside of her, so i used a strap on.. but the next day i tried to do the samre thing when she was sober but she said it was too big and hurt her..

Anyway, sorry to rant guys. Bottom line is, shes really not into this- and I really like her a lot, but im always looking to scratch that itch.. Always thiking of serving, bdsm, humuliation, reading femdoms blogs, findommes blogs, etc etc..

I dont know what to do..




If you want to try to unleash her inner domme, whatever it might be, you should start by catering to stuff that makes her happy.

And that might not be humiliating you or taking your money.

It might be rubbing her feet or doing the dishes.

That's more likely to guide her to a place you want to go than demanding all the kinky stuff that she needs to get rip-roaring drunk just to have a tiny bit of interest in. However, the place you guide her to may well not be the one that is a fantasy land of kinks that you want.

So basically you have to decide what you want. Will you only be happy with a woman who engages in the list of kinks you want? Are you really looking for a kinky relationship where you nominally assume a sub role, but you're topping from the bottom because you are dictating the activities?

Again, none of that is right or wrong. To each their own. You have to decide what you want.

But I agree with the others: You might be able to guide her to aspects of herself that are already there, but you won't change her into liking things she doesn't.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:14:01 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

It's actually the third time that he's trying to get us to tell him what he wants to hear.


I know it - thats why Im confused on why people are giving him the same answers that they gave him the first two times- I totally rememeber this guy -

His posts havent been that far apart.

I dont get what he is trying to do -

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:15:20 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

the fact is, OP is using us to convince himself his 4.5 month relationship is over. he already knows most everything else he needs to know to move on - he's just stalling. i don't take any of that away from him, that's fine. but it is irritating to see people continually give ideas on how to introduce kink to a DOA relationship kink-wise. and the self-righteous angry ones are klassic interwebs.



It's actually the third time that he's trying to get us to tell him what he wants to hear.


i don't think it's about him wanting us to tell him what he wants to hear. he's already agreed with my advice (to split up) and even thanked me (last thread).

and people have told him things on either side (stay and try, break up). he seems to respond as a reflection of how he's being treated (respect or not). and he's young, dumb and fulla cum, so he's commiserating breaking up a 4.5 month relationship with someone who's name he'll confuse later on in life (making too much of this young love). i give him all that, been there, done that. can be f'ing irritating though.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:16:55 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

It's actually the third time that he's trying to get us to tell him what he wants to hear.


I know it - thats why Im confused on why people are giving him the same answers that they gave him the first two times- I totally rememeber this guy -

His posts havent been that far apart.

I dont get what he is trying to do -

yep. copy/pasted my answer from the last thread. now i'm having fun playing with the likes of you

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:20:25 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		this so reminds me of a Kevin thread - same irritating person coming back over and over again, saying the same thing over and over again- but in one hundred different ways.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:22:01 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

this so reminds me of a Kevin thread - same irritating person coming back over and over again, saying the same thing over and over again- but in one hundred different ways.

say that again?

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:27:31 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Just someone that posted that I hope stays away -

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 4:34:46 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Just someone that posted that I hope stays away -

you can dish jokes but don't get them. i asked you to repeat over and over again.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: My Girl is just not into bdsm.. - 4/16/2012 5:05:04 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		You know... I was in love with a wonderful man. He was (and is) amazing. We loved each other quite a lot. He was TOTALLY not into this. He was shocked when I asked him to talk dirty to me and to bite me. But he tried it and found it wasn't his thing. He couldn't talk dirty to me because for him it was disrespectful. He had too much respect for me. The two were incompatible. He couldn't bite me because it would hurt me, and he just couldn't do that. He wanted to protect me and keep me safe from all harm. The two were incompatible. HE AND I were NOT incompatible. It simply wasn't his thing. But you know what? I LOVED HIM. He was more important than wiitwd.

I was happy to bring him his tea in the evening, to help him with his tie in the morning, to make dinner and listen to his stories. Of course he listened to mine too. We went for the cliche long walks, and we visited interesting events together. We laughed until tears ran down our faces and we held each other when we were hurting. We talked of our pasts and our dreams and we argued on occasion. He taught me that there really are people who are worthy of trust. I taught him what acceptance looks like. We delighted in dancing together and finding each other to pop a surprise kiss on the unsuspecting person. We held hands and helped each other with day to day stuff that needed done, and at night we made love or just fell asleep next to each other. We found a place of comfort that worked for us... because WE LOVED EACH OTHER.

Due to other circumstances, that relationship didn't work out, but it was hands down one of the greatest experiences of my life - maybe the number one best experience. When I think of him, I feel a deep sense of gratitude that he is the man he is. THIS... this ... wiitwd is much lower for me on my list of priorities compared to love, intimacy, and companionship. For love, I could walk away from wiitwd in a heartbeat.

The question for the OP then from my perspective is... Where is wiitwd on your list of priorities? Once you know that, you will have your answer.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 40
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