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The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 11:46:16 AM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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So with the thread that got me to thinking about this being deleted - I thought this might be an interesting topic all on its own -

Have you had online or real life stalkers off of one of these type of sites?

Ive had my fair share - still have a few that shoot by my inbox with words of "LOVE" (cough ~ cough).

So I get it - rejection sucks. We've all been there at one time or another. Sometimes its hard to let go. But with me, there is a "click-off" point where I stop whatever impulses I have to contact the person. They dont want me in their lives. So - I STOP.

What is it about stalkers that dont have this impulse control? - and what makes it so one person limits it to one level, (eg: sending unsolicited mail - viewing your profile on a continuous basis - writing to you under god knows how many different socks ) to actually making plans to watching you and actually inflicting themselves into your physical life?

How do you deal with them?

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The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

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Post #: 1

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 12:17:50 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

Ignore the online ones, and try to kill the ones IRL before they kill you or a loved one. One did happen IRL to my girlfriend, and i sometimes wish i had done more than thought about killing the stalker b4 he killed her.

disclaimer: I'm not advocating for anyone to commit illegal acts or any crime. This is the interwebs, take it at that.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 2

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 1:49:42 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

I was stalked in r/l before - many years ago.

It got to a point where it was dangerous for me and my loved ones.

Since the police could do very little - until something actually "happened" - which I wasnt willing to wait around to see what exactly that was going to be -
I ended up having to get my name legally changed, and move to another state (for several years), until that person had caused enough trouble (something totally unrelated) and ended up in a fed prison for a long time.

Only then could I move back to be closer to my family.

That was then -

Now, I wouldnt run, nor hide - I would just make sure I had a weapon on me at all times.
ah .. the wisdom that comes with age ... :o)

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 3

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:15:12 PM

smartsub10

Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

Yes, indeedy, I've been stalked on this site. I chatted with this guy for a while but after a few chats some alarm bells went off and I told him I wasn't interested. He wouldn't let it go. Naturally, I blocked him, but he would create a new profile and contact me. I recognized his style of writing and would just ignore him (this was before the very helpful ability to hover my mouse over the mail and read it before clicking on it). Over and over he would create new profiles. I finally contacted support and I don't know what they did but he left me alone after that.

I was never afraid since he didn't have personal information but it was fucking annoying and creepy!!

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~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
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(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 4

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:22:56 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Oh yes, I have been stalked on line by someone I had a relationship with for a while. I have mentioned this person before on the boards, you may remember him as the sociopathic liar.

Although I did meet him in real life, I first met him online (we were DJs at the same radio station). Since we were long distance and so spent hours together online. When we broke up, he knew so much about me, he stalked me *literally* for years.

It is the major reason I have such a limited online presence and do not DJ anymore. The only thing for me to do is to not be available, or to be available in a forum such as this where he may read these words, but he would not *dare* respond in the forum. And he knows I have his cmail blocked (or anyone who could be him). It's also why I only respond to very few unsolicted messages anywhere, unless I know the person and know it's not him.

I last heard from him last 4th of July. He sent out a group message on my yahoo (which since I have him blocked, he had to add me with a new nick to send to me) with a general message wishing everyone a happy holiday, mentioning he isn't known for giving a fuck about holidays, but "even I have to change."

Yeah, right, he's changed.

The man is slick as all hell and I fell sorry for anyone involved with him. B/c he will lie, he will cheat, and he will hurt you, it's what he does.

The horrible thing about online stalking is that you never know if the person contacting you, showing strange interest in you, is an actual person or your stalker. It erodes trust very quickly.

If I was stalked real life, I would not handle that well. I have a shotgun, and I would get a large dog. Then I would make myself bait, b/c I just couldn't live that way.

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(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 5

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:30:04 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Oh yes, I have been stalked on line by someone I had a relationship with for a while. I have mentioned this person before on the boards, you may remember him as the sociopathic liar.

Although I did meet him in real life, I first met him online (we were DJs at the same radio station). Since we were long distance and so spent hours together online. When we broke up, he knew so much about me, he stalked me *literally* for years.

It is the major reason I have such a limited online presence and do not DJ anymore. The only thing for me to do is to not be available, or to be available in a forum such as this where he may read these words, but he would not *dare* respond in the forum. And he knows I have his cmail blocked (or anyone who could be him). It's also why I only respond to very few unsolicted messages anywhere, unless I know the person and know it's not him.

I last heard from him last 4th of July. He sent out a group message on my yahoo (which since I have him blocked, he had to add me with a new nick to send to me) with a general message wishing everyone a happy holiday, mentioning he isn't known for giving a fuck about holidays, but "even I have to change."

Yeah, right, he's changed.

The man is slick as all hell and I fell sorry for anyone involved with him. B/c he will lie, he will cheat, and he will hurt you, it's what he does.

The horrible thing about online stalking is that you never know if the person contacting you, showing strange interest in you, is an actual person or your stalker. It erodes trust very quickly.

If I was stalked real life, I would not handle that well. I have a shotgun, and I would get a large dog. Then I would make myself bait, b/c I just couldn't live that way.

it sucks that a sick person can have such a negatively profound effect on someone's life. you have a good attitude about it.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 6

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:35:39 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Thank you, and thank my therapist. It took awhile for me to discover what in me let him use me the way he did, b/c I was his victim there for a bit.

I was thinking with my pussy, bought into his bull shit, and then couldn't admit I was soooooooooo fucking wrong about him.

You know how they say pride is a sin? I know that sin.

_____________________________

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 7

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:42:48 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Thank you, and thank my therapist. It took awhile for me to discover what in me let him use me the way he did, b/c I was his victim there for a bit.

I was thinking with my pussy, bought into his bull shit, and then couldn't admit I was soooooooooo fucking wrong about him.

You know how they say pride is a sin? I know that sin.

yw. cliche but true - you've obviously transformed from a victim into a survivor. i've admired your posts across all subjects - you're the smart purple lady.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 8

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:46:56 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Thank you, and thank my therapist. It took awhile for me to discover what in me let him use me the way he did, b/c I was his victim there for a bit.

I was thinking with my pussy, bought into his bull shit, and then couldn't admit I was soooooooooo fucking wrong about him.

You know how they say pride is a sin? I know that sin.

yw. cliche but true - you've obviously transformed from a victim into a survivor. i've admired your posts across all subjects - you're the smart purple lady.

LOL

You are funny. Yeah I'm the smart (purple) lady pushing 60 who somehow (don't ask me how) got so hooked on someone I thought with my pussy instead of my brains and lost my heart to a sociopath.

Not my best moment, and I paid for it dearly. I nearly lost the man I am with now.

And yeah, I have some serious survivor genes, or he would have taken even more from me.

I am enjoying your posts as well. You are new, learning, discovering, not in the least afraid to put your questions or your opinions out there.

Big surprise, I like that in a person.

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Post #: 9

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:52:33 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

The horrible thing about online stalking is that you never know if the person contacting you, showing strange interest in you, is an actual person or your stalker. It erodes trust very quickly.

I do wish someone would come up with a program where you could at least see what City - the mails were being originated from. Then at least you would have an idea if someone was bothering you/writing under numerous socks - so at least then you would have the knowledge and the option to not respond.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 10

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:54:41 PM

MissToYouRedux

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Joined: 1/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

I was stalked in r/l before - many years ago.

It got to a point where it was dangerous for me and my loved ones.

Ditto. He pulled a gun on me, but didn't fire. In the end, a "retired" Hell's Angel convinced him that it would be better for his health if he left me alone.

Here I just don't respond, though nobody has descended to the level of the thread that got deleted.

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(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 11

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:58:17 PM

punisher440

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Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

I have a very good female friend that set me up on a blind double date with someone she had met and my friend and her bf.They picked her up and we met at a public place to eat and later went to hear a live band at a club.Long story short,I ended the night with my very own stalker.Why? Because I reminded the stalker of her dead husband....the husband that died in their bed after sex.Even though we lived almost 100 miles apart she traced me through different ways,she showed up at my house without me inviting or giving directions.She showed up at my job at the time.She called,wrote snailmail letters and flooded my inbox and messenger.Only after she was warned by local law enforcement did she stop harrassing me.

If you have never had a stalker,count yourself as blessed.Never,ever think that it is cute or funny...for it is not.This one once called me by her dead husbands name and stated God sent me back to her.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 12

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 2:59:20 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I agree, something needs to be done, and you would think that online only stalking has become enough of an issue that it needs to be seriously addressed.

Not that it is *anything* like real life stalking, it is not. Still, it can seriously effect your online life, and the only thing to do about is not have an online life. Which for most of us, really does effect the rest of our lives.

I would love to DJ again, but in the world of online DJs, there are only so many females who play the music I play and have a voice similar to mine. It might be another 5 years before I feel comfortable DJign again, and even then, anyone want to take bets on if my stalker mysteriously reappears?

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Post #: 13

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:02:24 PM

Mupainurpleasure

Posts: 393
Joined: 4/12/2012
Status: offline

I never got it. When I got divorced the last person I wanted to see was the ex. It only caused pain. I think it requires some real fantasy thinking to believe it is going to help "connect" with someone.....I guess that's why stalkers are dangerous they are nuts

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 14

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:05:25 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
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I am enjoying this topic, thank you for starting it.

I have been in precarious situations, especially when I was younger, that could have ended very badly/fatally for me.

So, I will admit, I tend to be more paranoid, than those that have not looked death in the eye.

To my knowledge/I have not been a victim of stalking, but you don't always know when you are being followed, watched or stalked.

I have been on the internet since 1995, and I have never posted a face picture on-line, and I do many other things to attempt to protect my identity.

Anyway, 87% of all stalkers are male.
60% of women and 30% of men, are stalked by a CURRENT partner.

Stalking is a crime, of power and control.
I advise everyone to always be careful, and I rather error on the side of caution, that not.

Here are some facts about stalking.
Stalking/from the Justice Bureau

Great topic and be careful!
Peace

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/15/2012 3:16:51 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 15

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:09:11 PM

punisher440

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Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

I will not bet against your stalker trying to reconnect.My ordeal happened 8 years ago and since then she has been married and divorced since.But my friend does hear from her every once in a while and the stalker always asks if I am still single.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 16

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:13:42 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I actually hope they never do something like make people aware of exactly where emails come from. There are legal ways to find things like that out if someone is being stalked but if it is done before the stalking starts the only thing it does is make it easier on the stalker. I was lucky in a way to have seen someone have thier life destroyed early on when it comes to computers so I never tell anyone the thruth when I am on them until I get to know them very well. It is harder to stalk someone if they don't know....their real name, where they work, where they actually live, what city they are in, etc. If you give people the ablity to see what city someone is in then you make it easier for a stalker to hunt them down.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 4/15/2012 3:14:31 PM >

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 17

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:17:47 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I had one that was kind of both.

Back in AOL days, the SoCal community had a chatroom...and most of us knew each other in real life from attending the socials, etc.

One day in the room, I was joking about receiving cock shots. A guy I was friendly with sent me a picture of a huge rooster. I started making jokes about how big it was and how colorful etc. A creepy guy that I had declined via email apparently was offended that I'd look at someone else's cock and not his. He started sending me photos of his dick every morning. He just made a up a new screen name every day to get around me blocking him.

Finally, at an insanely packed social (at least 100 people on an outdoor patio) he walked up to me and as I was about to shake someone else's hand, he grabbed my right wrist, wouldn't let go and it was so packed that I couldn't get enough leverage to get my hand out. Master at that point was just a friend, had been approaching to say hello and saw what was going on. Master has explained to me that he pinched the tendon at the back of the guy's elbow to make him let go. Creepy guy and I later had a discussion that if he ever touched me again without my permission, I was pressing assault charges. I was angry rather than scared.

He did something similar to another woman in the community and ended up going to jail. It was much worse with her. She told me afterwards that he got off on her being scared.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 18

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:27:51 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline

Question, just for the hell of it.

What is the difference sometimes, between a "stalker", and getting involved in a relationship, with a fucking crazy person?

Facts on stalkers/perpetrators:

Nearly 90 percent of stalkers are men.
Stalkers can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, co-workers, or current or former intimate partners, including spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, and dates.
Current or former intimate partners stalk the majority of female victims.
A minority of stalkers target victims with whom they have no prior connection or relationship.
Stalkers are often socially maladjusted, emotionally immature, insecure and jealous by nature. Like perpetrators of domestic violence, who often stalk their partners, they seek to exert power and control over the victim.
The majority of stalkers are not mentally ill.

I tend to worry more, about allowing an unstable psychopath into my life and opening the fucking door to madness, a lot more than being stalked by a stranger.

I read a thread earlier about people that run out and meet others from the internet real quickly, I thought to each their own, that ain't me!

I don't meet anydamn body male/or female off the internet, until I have known them a good long time, and they seem to be someone that I am willing to meet, and "possibly"allow into my life.

By the way, I met my ex-husband on-line in 1997, dated, married him and moved to Florida.
We are divorced, but still great friends, in fact I am a Godmother to his child.

I think the issue here, is not just stalkers, it's about also about allowing nut cases, and crazy asses into our lives, sometimes a little bit too quickly.

Here are some links, I am posting, as a public service announcement.

How to avoid being stalked-online/and offline
Peace

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/15/2012 3:37:42 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 19

RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 3:36:59 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Let me take a stab at this question, since my stalker is most def a crazy assed person.

A stalker to me is someone who long after the relationship has ended shows up repeatedly in places you don't expect or want him/her.

When I say repeatedly, we are talking hundreds of times over months or years. This is a stalker.

Real life stalkers tend to push that fear envelop, while online ones push the trust envelop. Which means they will do things like approach you online pretending to be a complete stranger.

Anyone who thinks it's easy to eliminate your online presence, think again. There's email, yahoo, messenger, pogo, any other online games you play, to say nothing of chat rooms or message boards (such as this one) you might be a member of. I used to be involved in numerous forums about cooking, music, aromatherapy, gardening, I don't do any of that any more.

Being involved with a crazy ass person is just that. However, I would love to see statistics for how many crazy assed people go on to be stalkers.

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(in reply to Marini)

Post #: 20

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