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Kaliko -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 3:19:55 PM)
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I feel for you in several ways.
My grandmother died of Alzheimer's. Amazingly, she had one bright moment of clarity just before she died when she said a prayer for her husband, who had also just died on the floor above her in the hospital of a different cause. My grandfather had always said the two of them would die together, and turned out, they passed away within a few days of each other. He had always said each needed the other to survive.
My stepfather died a year ago. He was like a father to me, and my respect for him was (is) immense. He was a strong ox of a man who withered away before our eyes. It was harder to watch him in that slow fashion than to handle my father dying relatively suddenly of a heart attack.
I am also geographically distanced from my mother and could not offer support for her as she cared for her husband. It can be a helpless and sometimes guilty feeling, a feeling that neither of our mothers would want for either of us.
For what it's worth, I think your plan is the best one, given the circumstances. At the moment, your mom is busy with caring for him, processing her own emotions, readying and preparing. Right now, she's the caregiver and she can keep herself occupied a bit. When that stops, the void will be felt. You can help her then, when she will really need you, and be there for her to help fill the silence.
It's such a difficult thing to watch those who have been your strong leaders in life need care and nurturing from you, who has been the child. It's a sad experience, but also an opportunity for such growth and to experience love and sharing on a completely different level.
I tend to bounce back quickly from these types of things, and I can sometimes lead my family in strength. You will use your own gifts in handling this in whatever way will best help your mother. You may not be able to offer her your physical presence at the moment, but you will give her what she needs from you when the time comes.
It's an awful disease. My prayers are with you all.
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