RE: My stepfather is dying (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 4:00:48 PM)

Thank you all so much.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 4:27:35 PM)

This is something that no words can help, so I will say I shed a tear reading this, remembering the same journey with my dad.

Hang in there chickie.

(((hugs)))



kallisto -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 4:54:44 PM)

{{{Hugs}}} from me. My thoughts are with you. May your memories give you joy, peace, and comfort as you deal with this.



kitkat105 -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:05:24 PM)

I'm so sorry OsideGirl. You & your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hospice nurses are really lovely and they'll make this transition as comfortable & peaceful as possible. *hugs*



JstAnotherSub -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:12:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

I'm so sorry OsideGirl. You & your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hospice nurses are really lovely and they'll make this transition as comfortable & peaceful as possible. *hugs*

They are angels on earth. They also provide help for you after the passing of your loved one. Take advantage of their knowledge and of their compassion.



OsideGirl -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:23:15 PM)

My mother went and spoke with them today. She feels better about it today (as much as she can). She said that they indicated that the family can receive counseling up to 18 months after. Which is good thing. My mother was very bad after my grandmother died and I expect this will be the same. She is planning everything ahead of time and said she is making me a list, so that I can run the house if she becomes that depressed again. I suspect I'll need someone to talk to as well.



dcnovice -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:30:57 PM)

Warmest sympathies, OG. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.



VanessaChaland -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:32:02 PM)

As one who lost two family members to this disease, I can sympathize. Its very difficult and I am truly sorry.



bamabbwsub -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:37:49 PM)

~FR~

quote:

Dementia and Alzheimers are such difficult diseases. It is like losing your loved one twice. I'm really glad you had a strong relationship with your step-father, and that you are there for your mother during this time (emotionally, even if not physically). There is so much to be thankful for even when our loved ones complete their journey. Keep your and your mother's fond memories of him alive now, and in the future.


^^^^^^^
This, and prayers to you and your family.



xXLithiumXx -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 5:51:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

My mother called yesterday and said they're moving him from the nursing home to the hospice. He is suffering from dementia and Alzheimers.

He was a mechanical engineer. Smart as a whip with a really quick sense of humor. He was steadfast, caring and dedicated. He and my mother adored each other. They were companions for 36 years.

My stepfather has been in the nursing home 2.5 years. It's only the last month that he hasn't known who my mother is and she feels lucky that he knew her for so long.

I'm so sad and so frustrated that I'm 3000 miles away. I feel so awful that my mother is dealing with this. I'm so sad that I'm going to be saying goodbye to this wonderful man.





OSG-

Normally, I do not have a shortage of words...this is one of the few times I find myself searching desperately to find ones that will help...even if in a small way. I am sorry that I have none to offer; I wish, God you do not know how badly, that I could give you just one word...maybe two that would make this better, give him back, or ease the pain. Instead I will say this: I am so, from the bottom of my very soul, sorry for your loss. My heart, my prayers and my thoughts go with you and your family.



DesFIP -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 7:08:05 PM)

My thoughts with your family.

One thing you may not have considered, from friends who have dealt with this, is that your mother's life the last few years has been focused around visiting him. She will be dealing with grief and have to develop new routines for her day at the same time. When someone doesn't know where they should be going or doing anymore, it adds to the hardship immeasurably.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 7:52:11 PM)

Oside Girl-
Having lost my mom to this vicious disease after a 12-year battle, I understand all the conflicting emotions that arise. Grief, guilt and relief in the same breath. There is no official rule book for how to handle it, and no one expects you to know. Stand ready to go hands-on as and when your mother asked, and take the limbo time between now and when he passes to grieve and process your own emotions.

Free hospice counseling can help you now, in your own area. There is no need to wait. They will even counsel over the phone if you're not able to make it to their office.

Sending loving wishes to your step-dad for a peaceful passing, and to you and your family in your time of grief. If I can offer just one platitude...the depth of your grief is inversely related to the depth of your love. It's not likely you'll grieve 36 years, but you loved him that long and will love him still long after he's passed. Imo, a worthy trade-off.

Hugs and hope for a return of joy to you and yours when the time is right.



LadyPact -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/18/2012 11:52:15 PM)

I am so sorry that you and your family are having to struggle in such a difficult time.  Please know that you will be in our thoughts.



Owner59 -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/19/2012 8:10:35 PM)

Sorry........<hugs>



LookieNoNookie -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/19/2012 8:53:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

My mother called yesterday and said they're moving him from the nursing home to the hospice. He is suffering from dementia and Alzheimers.

He was a mechanical engineer. Smart as a whip with a really quick sense of humor. He was steadfast, caring and dedicated. He and my mother adored each other. They were companions for 36 years.

My stepfather has been in the nursing home 2.5 years. It's only the last month that he hasn't known who my mother is and she feels lucky that he knew her for so long.

I'm so sad and so frustrated that I'm 3000 miles away. I feel so awful that my mother is dealing with this. I'm so sad that I'm going to be saying goodbye to this wonderful man.




You just painted a beautiful picture......your Mom loved him.

I don't know what to say.

You're tuned in to your Mom's love.

That's enough.

I think you loved him as well...because she did.

My heart goes out.

I wish your family well :)



OsideGirl -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/20/2012 7:23:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


I think you loved him as well...because she did.



I do love him. But, he earned that love. It's partially because he loved my mother so much. He's an amazing guy.



DaddySatyr -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/20/2012 10:42:07 AM)

OSG,

This horrid affliction has touched my life in many ways over the years. I wish I could give some: "the good news is ..." line but, there is none.

I feel your pain, incredibly and not to take away from what you're going through, I can tell you a little about my step-dad, if you'd like.

Please contact me if you would like to hear what I have to say.

My prayers and well wishes go out to you, your mother, your step-dad and your entire family at this awfully difficult time.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



NuevaVida -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/20/2012 1:19:52 PM)

Thank goodness you and your mother have each other to support and lean on. Sending peace and light to all of you.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/22/2012 3:19:37 AM)

Hang in there. My mother is now in a nursing home with Alzheimer's too and I know how you feel. She is there, but only an empty shell. Hearing her talk, during those brief lucid moments, brings back sweet memories even if what she says doesn't always make sense.



lizi -> RE: My stepfather is dying (4/22/2012 11:33:03 AM)

So sorry for how this has gone OSG, my Dad is on his way with the very same disease. It's not easy by any means. I'm glad you and your Mom have each other, that's something. I don't have much else to say and feel rather incompetent for that, just know that I'm sorry you and your family are feeling the loss that you are and I hope there will be some closure for you all.



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