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would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:05:36 PM

sirfox27

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/26/2012
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What reason would you play with a newbie with little to some knowledge of bdsm. How about some one with some experience and know how. Then we have the very experienced and knowledgeable. They may allready have a dom or sub. Now why do you play with them.

Post #: 1

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:09:46 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

speaking as a newbie dom, I can see several reasons why any one would want to play with us new folk.

1. How the hell else are we going to get any experience if we're not given the chance? Gotta start some where.
2. Some nice Submissives/Doms (depending on which side you're on) Are kind enough to take the newbies under their wing for this experience.
3. Maybe they just like breaking the new folk in?
4. Some of us new folk are naive and can be easily manipulated. So on a more sinister side, we could be easily taken advantage of.

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 2

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:10:13 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Define "play". Is this nonsexual (bondage, flogging, spanking) or sex? Is this private or at a play party?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 3

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:11:23 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Define "play". Is this nonsexual (bondage, flogging, spanking) or sex? Is this private or at a play party?

I took it in the general sense, so everything was taken into consideration when I made my post.

Maybe I should have asked for clarification

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:23:12 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27

What reason would you play with a newbie with little to some knowledge of bdsm. How about some one with some experience and know how. Then we have the very experienced and knowledgeable. They may allready have a dom or sub. Now why do you play with them.

As others have said, it depends partly on what you mean by "play." Personally, I don't engage in public play or casual play with people I hardly know. So for me the personal connection I have with an individual is more important than their level of experience. That said, their experience will influence activities and limits. In some ways, experience can be overrated because every connection is its own exploration. I would much rather explore with a complete newbie I was passionate with than engage with a very experience person about whom I was indifferent.

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 5

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:28:09 PM

CastleRock32

Posts: 29
Joined: 10/2/2010
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I think experience is somewhat overrated, particularly in a sub. What a dominant wants is pretty specific/personal, so no matter how much "training" an experienced sub has, they are still a newbie to that particular dominant.

As a dominant, there are far more ways experience can be helpful, particularly with different implements that require (or benefit from) practice to avoid injury, or specific methods of bondage, etc.

For me personally, experience is far less important than connection.

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)

Post #: 6

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:32:12 PM

sirfox27

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/26/2012
Status: offline

I mean in general. Public or private. I want get people thinking. why do we play with who do.

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)

Post #: 7

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:36:30 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Yes, with restrictions. Clearly, I'm not going to let someone that is brand spankin' new use a single tail on me. But, I'd be up for spanking and non-rope bondage.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 8

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:36:54 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

I play with my boy because I love him, and it's what we both want. Simple as that.

Ask 10 people, get 10 different answers.

Edit because I am a horrible typist.

< Message edited by Bucephalus -- 4/18/2012 3:37:53 PM >

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 9

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:38:49 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CastleRock32

I think experience is somewhat overrated, particularly in a sub. What a dominant wants is pretty specific/personal, so no matter how much "training" an experienced sub has, they are still a newbie to that particular dominant.

As a dominant, there are far more ways experience can be helpful, particularly with different implements that require (or benefit from) practice to avoid injury, or specific methods of bondage, etc.

For me personally, experience is far less important than connection.

I think experience for a submissive can be valuable too. At first I thought you were using the term submissive to mean no S&M, but then you went on to discuss "different implements" so clearly you mean more.

If you are talking about submissives/slaves/bottoms I would make a distinction between experience and "training". Experience means they have experience in certain types of play/kinks/equipment etc. "Training" is an overused term that doesn't really mean anything in my books.

I have introduced Dominants to certain types of play that I had experience in. These Dominants would likely not have ventured there had I not had the confidence from prior experience to allow us to go there as a couple. Several of the Dominants who I know were actually introduced to the lifestyle by experienced submissive/bottoms.

In addition, when I have had experience with the same set of things that a Dominant//Top has experience in, it allows us sometimes to gain trust more quickly because we know what to discuss, what doesn't need to be discussed, etc. There is a different dynamic and it can be a very fun one.

So I strongly disagree with your statement that experience in a submissive is overrated.

To the OP: would I play with a newbie. Only if their interest in BDSM, and their interest in learning about BDSM was genuine enough that they were willing to take the time to learn. But my answer is yes.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to CastleRock32)

Post #: 10

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:46:21 PM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

I play with people that I like. I interact with people that I like.

As a top, I find that bottoms who have some experience often have better technical skills and more self-knowledge, and it makes for better scenes. I imagine that it goes the other way around, too.

Newbies can take a little more time and patience to work with, but that isn't always a bad thing. I find that everyone has something to teach me.

_____________________________

On that other site as Exegesis.

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 11

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:27:31 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

You want to get people thinking? As in... you think we don't think? Or we need to think?

I don't need to think about it. I play only with people I want to play with. If someone needs skill, they have it before hand or it has been worked out that it is safe to go forward without some sort of research or training.

I don't care about experience or the lack of it. I care about the person I am playing with. From there... its whatever we decide to make of it.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 12

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:29:22 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27
What reason would you play with a newbie with little to some knowledge of bdsm. How about some one with some experience and know how. Then we have the very experienced and knowledgeable. They may allready have a dom or sub. Now why do you play with them.

I listen to what someone says about herself, but I don't believe it until I see for myself. A great example of this is, "I am a total pain slut." Well, maybe she is, and maybe she isn't. That just means I don't have to check as often how she's doing while I ramp things up. It doesn't mean I pull out the battery and jumper cables and turn the dial up to 11.

Really, my criteria for playing with someone usually boils down to, "Is she an awesome person, and would it get me hot hot hot?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 13

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:30:54 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
You want to get people thinking? As in... you think we don't think? Or we need to think?

I believe he is indirectly asking for advice about how to get people interested in playing with him, in real life.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:36:32 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

When I was a noob my partner was a noob and we learned together. Fast forward 15 years and I prefer Doms with decades of experience.

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 15

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:37:58 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
You want to get people thinking? As in... you think we don't think? Or we need to think?

I believe he is indirectly asking for advice about how to get people interested in playing with him, in real life.

Well I am not his target audience, but... I don't play with people that aren't forthright and can't honestly state what they want or want to know without pointing out that others need to... think about it.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:44:16 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

i had similar question, and got some good answers here:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4084225/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4084225

the gist of it is that people & relationships come first.

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 17

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:47:46 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

FR

Oh, I think I'll always have fantasies about 'virgin Dommes'. Those women who've been vanilla all their lives, had secret desires to dominate, but suppressed them forever because they thought they'd never be realised. Hoh yes.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 18

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:48:16 PM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

I might play with a noob if I felt that there were limits in place where I couldn't be badly hurt and he/she would respect them, and if I were wanting to get something out of it myself such as being attracted to the person or feeling friendly towards them or wishing to pass on some knowledge. Something would have to be in it for me, what that is will vary.

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 19

RE: would you play with a newbie? - 4/18/2012 5:09:10 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27
What reason would you play with a newbie with little to some knowledge of bdsm.

I would engage in activities with someone if there were sufficient chemistry between us.
If I were to focus solely on his score card, then I couldn't be receptive to potential good vibes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27
How about some one with some experience and know how.

Again, I'm not checking the notches on his bed. If we click, we click. His level of
skill isn't going to elevate my level of interest in him. My concern would be on what
we could experience together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27
Then we have the very experienced and knowledgeable. They may allready have a
dom or sub. Now why do you play with them.

I don't have much interest in playing casually, but hypothetically, I would find their
experience to be of greater importance in this scenario.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to sirfox27)

Post #: 20

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