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how to fall in love ....... - 4/19/2012 11:42:06 PM

tweakabelle

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And finally … how to fall in love
1.Find a complete stranger.
2.Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.
3.Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love.
He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.
http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

Is that all there is to it? What do you think? Does your experience support this claim? And, if it's this easy in theory, why is it so difficult in real life?

< Message edited by tweakabelle -- 4/19/2012 11:43:00 PM >

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/19/2012 11:57:14 PM

kitkat105

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Maybe. I fell in love pretty quickly (not 34 minutes). We spoke online only, then voice skype, then actual skype. I had an inkling I loved him before I left Australia and when I got to the US, and after a few days I knew it was love. I was compoletely, utterly overwhelmed in bliss from being with Him.

If it's going to happen, it's virtually unstoppable. There is very few emotions that are this strong. As cliche as it is, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 4:49:17 AM

ashjor911

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how to fall in love ... in 10 steps or less....
1- find another one is willing to fall in love for you as you willing to fall in love for him.
2- by walking .. near the gap between the love & you step by step.. "baby steps are ok"
3- you may look down into "love" as people there with their loved ones.
4- hold his hand`s, & ley him hold your`s or just a bear hug each other.. for the sake of hugging...
5- without any further delay... jump (fall) into love you 2 at once.. (failure to fall at once can bee..horrible).

& there you go,.... before you know it... he would be on one knee with some 1/2 Carat ring.. willing to lock himself in a golden cage with you....

tips:
1- keep the "panties" where they are for the first date ... for the love of (whatever its holy for ya).
2- dont keep them in their place for too long (more than 3 dates) or you would be tease...
3- I dont know much about relationships... but the most important thing I know is talk.. about whatever make you feel.. when it dose.. not after.. chose the right moment... & talk.. about anything
if he is attracted to ya.. he would listen.... as you 2....

now... if you would exuse me.... i got to go get cold shower...

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 5:14:29 AM

Musicmystery

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quote:

why is it so difficult in real life?

Ego and fear. What if projections that never happen. People's comfort with where they are. Resistance to growth and change. Clinging to past hurts. Negative outlook. Unrealistic expectations.

And a gross misunderstanding about what Love is and just how important it is.

2 cents.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 4/20/2012 5:43:58 AM >

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 5:16:28 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Great article, thank you tweak.

As for the strangers staring into each other's eyes, I want more data !! IMO, they are mimicking falling in love, b/c they are in love with falling in love (Many people are.)

If you are in love with falling in the love, the person doesn't matter as much as the experience of that lovely chemical cocktail that occurs when we are in love.

As the article state, so little of why we fall in love has to do with what someone says. Which is why I keep telling people who have text only relationships that they are not really in love.

But that statement does beg the question: What is being "really" in love?

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 5:22:13 AM

tj444

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well,.. falling in love may be the easy part.. staying in love is another story all together.. but from what i have read, you need to find ways to keep those chemicals happening in your brains/bodies.. if not, then you fall out of love..

For me there has to be more.. there have been men i have been attracted to but so what? does that mean being in a relationship with them/love is gonna last or even be good in the time together? See, for me thats the thing,.. I want my next love to last, so its more than just attraction and a few chemicals sworling around.. there has to be a lot of compatibility between us, goals have to mesh,.. similar lifestyles.. communication,.. etc.. and you cant tell that in 34 minutes.. it can take months to finally see how each other really is after the facade has come down.. once it does, you may not even like him/her..

I was deeply attracted to my ex,.. to me he was very good looking, even when i decided to break up with him, i was still attracted, but there were just too many negatives with him and he wasnt going to go back to the way he was when i fell in love with him.. so bye bye.. attraction and chemicals arent enough.. I shoulda walked a lot sooner..

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 6:59:08 AM

littlewonder

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LOL...yeah ok. No, doesn't work like that for me. I look into people's eyes all the time and reveal intimate details of my life...doctors, therapists, pastors, friends, family....I've not fallen in love with any of them though lol.

When I fell in love with Master it took much more than that. Yeah, the first night we met I fell into lust with him because I thought he was hot but it wasn't love until we continued to date and I got to know him over a period of time.

I think what the doctor set up was an experiment on lust and not love.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 7:09:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

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There is a big difference between love and infatuation. It's easy to be swept along on the chemical tide when you're with someone and there's mutual attraction. And lust.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 7:12:24 AM

Iamsemisweet

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After 3 years of dating, I met my Love about a year ago. We certainly talked for at least half an hour on tht first date, and I am sure there was some staring into each other's eyes going on too. I can't say I left that first date thinking this was going to be the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't find him terribly attractive, although I did think he was pleasant and fun. But, he was persistent and patient, and I kept an open mind, and finally I realized what a catch he was. I think many people are too interested in the quick thrill and are not really open to developing a meaningful relationship. I think I was one of those people, and I am so happy I came to my senses. I have been given a second chance at love and happiness. Now when I look at him, he seems very handsome to me, as well as sweet and good.

Does that sound too much like a Hallmark valentine card?

We had dinner with a friend of ours last night, who is actively dating. She is so willing to reject a potential suitor for the most trivial reasons, in my opinion. One brought her a small gift on the first date, which she found presumptuous. Another ordered two drinks on the first date, instead of one. Another asked her how much she weighed. Ok, that one wasn't all that trivial. My point is, you have to be willing to overlook things and flaws that really aren't important.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 7:49:10 AM

littlewonder

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I have a friend just like that. She would go out on dates and push them away for the smallest thing...his little toe was crooked, his hair had a cowlick, his smile was a little crooked, he lived 5 minutes too far out of her way, etc....she always had some excuse. I told her one day she does it so she has a reason to not ever get involved with someone again after 4 bad marriages.

The last man she dated she would come to me and say "but he's not as attractive as I'd like him to be, he lives too far away, he's just not really the kind of guy I typically like" and all kinds of reasons. I finally told her to give him a chance. She hesitated but finally went out with him a few times.

They're now in a loving relationship and he moved close to her to be near her even though he only lived an hour away. Sometimes you have to push those little trivial things aside if the person is everything else you want in a person and stop making excuses for yourself for not wanting to fall in love again.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 8:09:52 AM

kalikshama

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I wonder if in the cases of rejecting people for trivial things there is actually an aversion happening on the subconscious level that is not able to be verbalized.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 8:34:42 AM

OsideGirl

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Master and I were platonic friends for three years before we dated. One night it just clicked. We've been together 12 years. Our 11th wedding anniversary is tomorrow.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 8:55:32 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

There is a big difference between love and infatuation. It's easy to be swept along on the chemical tide when you're with someone and there's mutual attraction. And lust.

This combined with what Music wrote.

I think that a lot of people are just very unrealistic about love and relationships. I often call it the romance novel effect. Unrealistic expectations and lack of honest communication.

I don't think Generic Dude and I ever 'fell in love'. We became friends, hung out, did stuff together, gained respect for one another, had fun together. Realized we could build something good together.........and have. What I need and expect from a slave is not what I need and expect from him.

Oddly enough neither needs to have anything to do with a romantic 'in love'.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/20/2012 8:56:48 AM >

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:02:03 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I often call it the romance novel effect. Unrealistic expectations and lack of honest communication.

I've always called it "The Hollywood Happily Ever After". They show the wedding....not the day after.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:19:59 AM

sunshinemiss

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Actually, there is a formula for falling in love. I remember learning it in social psychology many years ago. It was like finding the Santa suit in your father's closet. Really takes the magic away when you learn it. :(

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:26:49 AM

ashjor911

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I often call it the romance novel effect. Unrealistic expectations and lack of honest communication.

I've always called it "The Hollywood Happily Ever After". They show the wedding....not the day after.

the day after would be the beginnig of "honey-moon".....

the life is boring... we all know but there is sometimes .... some things that make the "salt" of the life make it more... joyable.... (drama if you liked to call it), after that drama.. if those 2 people can sitdown & talk... or watch some movie without fighting over the "remote".... then that is love..

the day after the wedding is the first day of the rest of "someone" life... ... maybe mein ... someday....

WhenThatMotherFuckerPutRingAroundMyFinger

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:30:47 AM

tsatske

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In my religion, (I'm a Christian, but I don't claim to believe the same thing as every other Christian) we believe that love is a decision, and an action, not a feeling. The idea that love is a feeling is what drives the divorce rate. If love is a feeling, one morning you might wake up and not feel it any more. If love is a decision, you're in it for the long haul, for, as the vows say, better or worse. Do Christains get divorced? Yes, yes they do - and over the whole of Christianity, not even in smaller numbers. But in churches simular to mine, in much smaller numbers, though it does still happen.

It would be interesting if marriage theripists could relate this experiment to a treatment to have their clients fall back in love with one another.

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:31:41 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Lots of hot chicks in my area, Ash! And they speak Arabic!

edited for typo while eating sammich

< Message edited by LadyHibiscus -- 4/20/2012 9:32:50 AM >

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:37:26 AM

ashjor911

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
we believe that love is a decision, and an action, not a feeling

Discribe what you feel when you walk into a store ... to buy anything....

(If you dont Love it in the store... you will not buy it)...

Its a feeling.... not a decision

example: I did not chose My mom.... still I LOVE HER

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RE: how to fall in love ....... - 4/20/2012 9:39:46 AM

ashjor911

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Lots of hot chicks in my area, Ash! And they speak Arabic!

edited for typo while eating sammich

hey, ... that is not fair.... did you get me some "sammich".. I dont know what It Is...

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