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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/3/2008 3:40:05 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


Indeed, I am not allowed to submit to anyone other than him. So me calling anyone else Sir or Master would be a violation of his rules. Now if they call themselves Sir James, I will call them James, or SJ. But I will not submit in any way to someone who does not have the right and the authority to dominate me. Which you don't.


See, now -this- I just don't understand. If someone's name (even if it is a nick) is "Sir James", why the heck not just call him Sir James? Shoot, I'm a d-type and -I- would use his proper (chosen) name (nick) in correspondence/conversation, until such time as he either responded by signing 'James' or said "Please, just call me James." That is basic, common courtesy.

People get so hung up on these titles. It doesn't matter -what- you call someone. What matters is what you do in your relationship with them. I could call someone Master Dodo, but they wouldn't be my master, because I would not be submitting to them... the Nick does NOT make the Master, and behaviors like this make it appear like there is some -validity- to the idea that what a person calls -hirself- infers some level of automatic submission, when it doesn't. A person can call hirself whatever xhe wants, and xhe can be addressed by whatever name or nick xhe chooses, and unless a person actually says "I submit to you", the name is completely irrelevant!

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 11/3/2008 3:41:01 PM >

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/3/2008 6:14:31 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Still all boils down to something sadly lacking in society today.. Good Basic Manners....


Someone acts in an ignorant ill mannered manner to me or mine, they will get no change from us and will be politely ignored. If they persist they will be told why and if needs be, I am very capable of reaming a new anal sphincter in either a very low voice or in my loudest parade ground bellow.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 11/3/2008 6:17:28 PM >

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 2:50:16 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		I like using Sir and Ma'am to address people, i think it is lovely and polite and i find it odd if people tell me they have not deserved this title and that i am taking liberties...i mean what on earth is wrong with being polite? and i actually think it is very impolite or a bit ignorant to tell someone who is merely being polite that they are taking liberties...jeez...
 
Also i do not think that respect is something that has to be earned...i like to show respect unless i realize it is a waste...respect can be very easily lost indeed.
 
And i also am a bit sad that there does not seem to be a polite normal way to address a sub or a slave the same publicly acceptable way...slut or girl or boy just do not hold the same respect as Sir or Madam do, there sure are a few words missing in this language, or am i missing something?

(in reply to kimmysue)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 3:41:33 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I use sir and ma'am out of habit. It is how I was raised and I don't see that changing any time soon. I think it's kinda odd however, that while I have had women tell me that "ma'am" makes them feel old and not to use it, I have never had a man tell me "sir" makes him feel old.

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"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to kimmysue)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 3:52:35 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Damn, there's a lot of "toppers from the bottom" here!


I must have missed a post somewhere....do you have a number so I can go back and check it out?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 4:03:25 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I like using Sir and Ma'am to address people, i think it is lovely and polite and i find it odd if people tell me they have not deserved this title and that i am taking liberties...i mean what on earth is wrong with being polite? and i actually think it is very impolite or a bit ignorant to tell someone who is merely being polite that they are taking liberties...jeez...
 
Also i do not think that respect is something that has to be earned...i like to show respect unless i realize it is a waste...respect can be very easily lost indeed.
 
And i also am a bit sad that there does not seem to be a polite normal way to address a sub or a slave the same publicly acceptable way...slut or girl or boy just do not hold the same respect as Sir or Madam do, there sure are a few words missing in this language, or am i missing something?


I address sub/slaves the same way I do anyone else. If I know them, I use the name they requested, if I don't know them I use sir or ma'am until I do. Again, it really has nothing to do with BDSM and more to do with how I was raised.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 6:11:19 AM   
Lunalay


Posts: 243
Joined: 10/27/2008
Status: offline 		I naturally call people "sir" or "ma'am".

It's not to stroke their egos, it's just because of my upbringing.

Now, if it's to be capitalized, that's a different story.

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 6:40:53 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

Hi, I was just wondering about other people's opinion's on calling a Dom "Sir" from the get go.... I find it uncomfortable & for those who demand it, I find them very unattractive or serious about BDSM.


You never have to call me "sir" -- lol.

But seriously it depends on three things. Your comfort, the expectations of the dom, and the community in which you interact.

If you aren't comfortable with it then you need to find people and community who don't expect that.

If you are comfortable with it, then you need to find people and community who are cool with using "sir" -- they don't have to expect it but they need to be comfortable with it.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to kimmysue)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 7:03:34 AM   
Stroke


Posts: 109
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		I seem to be in the minority here. What is the purpose of not displaying some sort of a courtesy? I get the impression that many subs by their refusal to use some type of honorific are not doing so to make a point. And that point seems to be "you are nothing to me so I'll address you in such a way as to cut you down to size". It seems to be an awfully strange attitude for someone who claims to be submissive to take. What is the harm in being polite? If the person proves to be something you cannot respect then that is another matter. But until such occurs why not show them some respect. I don't need the title for an ego boost but I have seen conflicts occur simply because the sub decides to address someone they are not familiar with in such a way that the Dom has no choice but to see it as a form of disrespect.

(in reply to Lunalay)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 7:42:48 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Damn, there's a lot of "toppers from the bottom" here!


Wrong. I'm not a "bottom" for anyone on this thread to top.

That said, to answer the archived OP, it really depends how I feel about the person. I call the man I'm currently seeing "Sir," but I called him by name for the first month or so that we were talking. In a D/s sense, I typically call someone Sir who I feel a sense of submission to in some degree or other. In the open world, I might use Sir or Ma'am toward the elderly, toward someone who has my respect, or, as someone else mentioned, toward someone who is being a complete asshole (in a customer service sense). Somehow calling someone Sir in a gentle and kind way, who is yelling and irate, tends to calm them a bit.

I have a dom friend whom I will be playing with soon. When the subject of calling him "Sir" came up, I declined, because in that sense it seemed reserved for the man I feel affection toward.

Yeah, I know, I make no sense, lol.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 11/4/2008 7:50:35 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...It seems to be an awfully strange attitude for someone who claims to be submissive to take...


actually, it doesn't, at least not from this slave's perspective.
 
in this slave's experience, choosing to submit within the confines of an established, negotiated relationship (a "submissive") is vastly different than being in posession of a personality that is submissive, and therefore typically deferential to others (and how those others wish to be addressed).
 
the former being far more prevalent than the latter, it does not strike this slave as strange in the least.

(in reply to Stroke)
Profile   Post #: 91
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