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What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 10:29:43 AM   
chrisvirginslave


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/18/2012
Status: offline 		Ok so when you look at a sub and consider them, what puts you off, what things instantly make you go "I am not taking on a sub like that?" equally what makes you want a sub?
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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 10:43:18 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Read the FAQ sticky up top. There are links to threads that will answer these questions for you.

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 10:54:55 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

what things instantly make you go "I am not taking on a sub like that?"


Pictures that have clutter in the background.

But seriously, you're a good looking guy not far from London. Join fetlife, find some events and groups near you, and go out and meet people.








< Message edited by kalikshama -- 4/22/2012 10:55:37 AM >

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 10:57:59 AM   
chrisvirginslave


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/18/2012
Status: offline 		LOL i was not asking for me i just want to get an idea of what people like....and trust me when you have a game collection like mine and a room that was designed as a study....its hard not to clutter lol

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 11:02:02 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

what things instantly make you go "I am not taking on a sub like that?"


Naughty boys who don't read the FAQs after being instructed to do so.

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 11:13:43 AM   
chrisvirginslave


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/18/2012
Status: offline 		lol in fairness the question in FAQs is "why dont people like my profile" im not interested in that, i just want to know what dominants like and dislike, a sort of poll lol

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 11:21:05 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave

lol in fairness the question in FAQs is "why dont people like my profile" im not interested in that, i just want to know what dominants like and dislike, a sort of poll lol


I am universally attracted to capability. It's hard to see in something like a profile or post though. But when a man is really good at something and confident about it, I find that really attractive -- it's a level of confidence I think that attracts me, because while I am very, very into making a man submit, I am not necessarily into "submissive men." I desire a man who will submit to me.

That said, I look for men who are capable, confident (even if it is quiet confidence, and only in certain areas), etc. Especially if he is very good at something that I am not good at. Ie, a musician, or a certain kind of athlete, a performer. Someone who has a high level of competence at something and knows it - I find that extremely sexy. Even something like -- riding and tending to horses, for example. Something I have never done. Just a random thing that popped into my head the other day.

Akasha


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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 11:35:32 AM   
LadyXandreia


Posts: 44
Joined: 6/17/2009
Status: offline 		There are as many different answers as there are women. Personally, if I see bar hopping or cross-dressing listed among things he likes, my response is: Next!

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 11:47:42 AM   
chrisvirginslave


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/18/2012
Status: offline 		thank you they are the sort of viewpoints i wanted!

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 12:11:22 PM   
Ilayda


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/3/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave

lol in fairness the question in FAQs is "why dont people like my profile" im not interested in that, i just want to know what dominants like and dislike, a sort of poll lol


I am universally attracted to capability. It's hard to see in something like a profile or post though. But when a man is really good at something and confident about it, I find that really attractive -- it's a level of confidence I think that attracts me, because while I am very, very into making a man submit, I am not necessarily into "submissive men." I desire a man who will submit to me.

That said, I look for men who are capable, confident (even if it is quiet confidence, and only in certain areas), etc. Especially if he is very good at something that I am not good at. Ie, a musician, or a certain kind of athlete, a performer. Someone who has a high level of competence at something and knows it - I find that extremely sexy. Even something like -- riding and tending to horses, for example. Something I have never done. Just a random thing that popped into my head the other day.

Akasha



This.

I'm not looking for submissives right now, but I'd be a lot less likely to pursue a dynamic with someone who spends most of their profile putting themselves down. I'm not interested in a "worthless" s-type, I'm interested in someone with a lot of good qualities who knows they have them and wants to submit to me anyways. Their submission means more if they know the value of it.

On a similar vein, someone who talks about nothing but sex/kink and who lists NO vanilla interests on their profile is not likely to get my attention - they come off as one dimensional, and I don't want a generic submissive.

All of this is separate from incompatible kink/relationship goals stuff.

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 12:12:35 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		If anything on his "Lives For," "Loves," or "Likes" list is on my "Dislikes," "Hates," or "Hard Limit" lists, that's an automatic "no." If, in his photos, he is unkempt - scraggly facial hair, wrinkled/dirty/torn clothes (unless he's obviously been playing a sport and is dirty from it), hair that looks like it hasn't been washed or combed - that's a "hell no." If he doesn't write well, meaning he uses text speak or improper grammar (Ex. there vs. their vs. they're), if his profile is all about his kinky desires and contains nothing about what he has to offer or the type of relationship he wants, or if he uses language that indicates he is married/involved and cheating (e.g. using terms like "discreet" or "cannot host"), that's gets his profile hidden and possibly blocked.

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 12:16:08 PM   
chrisvirginslave


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

(e.g. using terms like "discreet" or "cannot host"), that's gets his profile hidden and possibly blocked.


In fairness i am none of these things yet i would go along with these terms simply because i live with my parents lol

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 1:16:41 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		Hmm...on message boards things that put me off are onesidedness as stated above (only interested in discussing kink OR totally avoiding kink in conversation)
Snarkyness and unneccessary meanness for the simple reason of being able to hide behind the internet. Frequent spelling or grammatical errors (*no one* is perfect, but screwing up every other word in every other sentance is aggrivating) One liners without explanation (I don't want to read a book, but three words in a post is useless IMO)
That's just a few.
Out in the real world the list is a lot longer, but things that come to mind right away are: bad hygene, bad attitude, not caring for ones self, not being willing to communicate with potential partners, not being transparent in importnant or close relationships (i.e hiding things that could be important or outright lying) Arrogance, self centeredness...yes, much longer list I could go on forever LOL

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 2:12:53 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		There are many things, and to an extent dependant on my mood.

The one universal is this: whether or not they are engaging ME, the person, the mind, the needs/wants/expectations particular to me; and not just the vague idea a Mistress, or an Asian, or female.

Oh, and poor communication skills. Seriously, everything has spellcheck built-in these days. At least do me the courtesy of pretending you and I would be able to communicate.

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 2:30:45 PM   
Boudica


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Jacksonville, Florida
Status: offline 		Form letter intro emails get an automatic block and delete.

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 3:55:12 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave

Ok so when you look at a sub and consider them, what puts you off, what things instantly make you go "I am not taking on a sub like that?" equally what makes you want a sub?

Okay, you must mean things I can see right away without already knowing the person?? Lets see....

I absolutely do not like bad hygiene, slobbiness and smartassiness. I do really appreciate neatness, confidence, good hygiene.

When I get to know a person, I appreciate honesty, integrity, confidence, common interests, a good personality. Looks are not everything, personality is.

If I'm looking at a profile, unkemptness and a slobby trashy-looking background turn me off, as does a laundry list of his kinky interests and nothing more. A profile that tells me more about who a man is, vanilla as well as kinky, is a plus, as I like to know about the whole person.

I also do not like form letters. Every woman wants to feel special and form letters just don't cut it in that department. On the other hand, a well thought out letter that has a personal touch to it, showing that he's read my profile and commented on something in it other than my kinks is very much appreciated.

NBMG

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 6:15:27 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave


quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

(e.g. using terms like "discreet" or "cannot host"), that's gets his profile hidden and possibly blocked.


In fairness i am none of these things yet i would go along with these terms simply because i live with my parents lol


^^^this^^^ would put me off immediately


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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 7:02:23 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

It's a shame that this question wasn't addressed to sub-males, about what puts them off about certain femdoms, too (as, at first and from the thread title, I thought it might be). That would have made it somewhat new and interesting, perhaps even to the femdoms reading.

Very, very occasionally, or so I think I've noticed, you *do* get femdoms who'll zero in on particular sorts of subs, and wonder why they're not able to get, or keep, the desired sorts of subs' interest.

This, to me, is a sad state of affairs. A bit of communication between sensitive, kind and thoughtful people on opposite sides of the kneel required, I think.

Well, just saying.



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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 7:08:56 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Well, just saying.


That phrase ticks me off. Take responsibility for what you're saying, damn you! lol
Go on, Peon, tell us what puts you off :)

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RE: What puts you off? - 4/22/2012 7:17:04 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisvirginslave

Ok so when you look at a sub and consider them, what puts you off, what things instantly make you go "I am not taking on a sub like that?" equally what makes you want a sub?


Anyone that approaches me 'kink first' and hasn't the gumption to carry on a decent conversation. Anyone that approaches me to get their kink wants met without any consideration to what I want.

What makes me want them........them wanting to know ME, take the time, initiative, communication with ME, not just some random kinky person. Someone that is interested in pleasing me and serving me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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