Looking for a "True" .......

Looking for a "True" ....... (Full Version)

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AurumCaminus -> Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 6:26:01 PM)
I keep seeing in many of the profiles here stuff like, I'm only interested in a REAL Dom, or True slaves only, or I want a Master not any of you wannabes. Is it just me or are there others who find the hubris of such comments quite the turn off? Exactly how is it that the writer's of such comments expectations gets to define the validity of how someone wishes to identify themselves? Everyone has different needs and values, and its actually rare for two people's needs to match. However I usually find that the authenticity of how someone defines themselves tends to be more of a function of what they expect of themselves then what they want of others. But what do I know, obviously I'm just another of those wannabe losers.

SirLangsdorff -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 6:32:33 PM)
People who are looking to get a specific thing(s) and have someone that contacts them without that skill, is usually labeled these things. Such as, a person that want's an aggressive verbal Dom and you aren't one, and obviously a fake in their eyes. So specifically, IMO, pass them up, they're not worth the time to write about.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 6:48:36 PM)
Did someone hurt your feelings?

poise -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 6:53:59 PM)
I think the majority of the people that have those comments in their profile do so because it seems to be the popular thing to say, and probably would have trouble defining what a real dom or a true submissive was if asked. I also think there is a portion of those that are not actually who they claim to be, and use that "No fakes" to detract suspicion away from themselves. Welcome to the forum, and may all your pleasures here be real. [:D]

AurumCaminus -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 7:11:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain Did someone hurt your feelings? ... not recently Its just when I see things like that I tend to form the opinion that the writer is far to self centered and judgmental then anyone that I would choose to associate with. I've talked to a few and usually find that my first impression has merit. But as common as it seems to be I was simply curious whether others seemed to think less of someone who writes something like that in their profile.

Karmastic -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 7:21:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AurumCaminus I keep seeing in many of the profiles here stuff like, I'm only interested in a REAL Dom, or True slaves only, or I want a Master not any of you wannabes. Is it just me or are there others who find the hubris of such comments quite the turn off? Exactly how is it that the writer's of such comments expectations gets to define the validity of how someone wishes to identify themselves? Everyone has different needs and values, and its actually rare for two people's needs to match. However I usually find that the authenticity of how someone defines themselves tends to be more of a function of what they expect of themselves then what they want of others. But what do I know, obviously I'm just another of those wannabe losers. lol, great observations! i agree with the concept you mentioned, of how what comments they choose speak more about them rather than anything external. if i may take that further, i would say how they perceive, and the words they choose, and how they choose to communicate and what narrative they live by is all about them. someone being very negative and communicating all the things they *don't want* speaks to the kind of person they are. furthermore, it screams "I don't take responsibility for my bad *dom picker" runs for the hills* granted, some people may have experienced "phonies" or wannabees who are all talk and no game or play. that said, announcing "NO FAKES" doesn't seem like plan A for ensuring that happens.

AurumCaminus -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 7:33:34 PM)
Especially since that is the type that is the first to brag about how "authentic" they are.

DommesLesEnigma -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 8:28:53 PM)
In my profile I put no fakes or wannabe's and a couple other things. No, it does not seem to deter them at all. I can't tell you how many emails I do get. It is also frustrating to spend your time getting to know someone...just to find out they are fake, or just want something to get them off. Some of us do have busy schedules. I hate to waste my time on phonies. That being said my situation may not be what you are speaking of...but I just want to point out that sometimes there are good reasons for those labels in a profile. Do they work. Well I can't tell but they may so I keep those things in my profile.

subbyinlosangele -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 8:30:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AurumCaminus I keep seeing in many of the profiles here stuff like, I'm only interested in a REAL Dom, or True slaves only, or I want a Master not any of you wannabes. Is it just me or are there others who find the hubris of such comments quite the turn off? Exactly how is it that the writer's of such comments expectations gets to define the validity of how someone wishes to identify themselves? Everyone has different needs and values, and its actually rare for two people's needs to match. However I usually find that the authenticity of how someone defines themselves tends to be more of a function of what they expect of themselves then what they want of others. But what do I know, obviously I'm just another of those wannabe losers. You see those on all sorts of Internet boards -- for example, fans of sports teams often use the phrase "true fan." Typically, "true" whatever means nothing more than "this is the way I do things, and I think it's the way everybody should do it." Sure, it's hubris and arrogant, but so what? If someone puts that in their profile and you don't like it, there's no law you have to communicate with or interact with them.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 8:35:34 PM)
I asked because of the last line of your post. The "wanna be losers" part. It had me wondering if someone actually called you that. Then it had me wondering if someone did and you repeated it because it had hit you in some way so badly that you had to ask if you really had to be "real" and "true" to be part of bdsm. A lot of what people say on profiles is blathering bs that has no base in reality. And a large part of it is said by people that have never taken part in any action in the real world. I don't think less of people that put things like that on their profiles. I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for their need to invent ideals that will never be met by anyone. I feel sorry that they feel they must pump themselves up to take part in even the net. I feel sorry knowing that 98% of those people will never find what is needed to make them happy because they are to busy setting rules and ahering to fiction. Don't let those people make you question what you are really looking for, or how you live your life. Just move past them happy that they pointed out their own flaws and saved you time you might have otherwise wasted talking to them. oh besides...you are from OHIO. Ohio is full of very real very kinky people, don't let the net get to you down over the small stuff.

JanahX -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 8:50:18 PM)
quote: Is it just me or are there others who find the hubris of such comments quite the turn off? big time - I just see it as a root to the matter = that its all about them and what they want and what can you give them. Very rarely do I see in these types of profiles anything about what they have to offer to anyone period. Its a me-me-me thing.

AurumCaminus -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 9:01:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain I asked because of the last line of your post. The "wanna be losers" part. It had me wondering if someone actually called you that. Then it had me wondering if someone did and you repeated it because it had hit you in some way so badly that you had to ask if you really had to be "real" and "true" to be part of bdsm. Thank you for your concern. In this particular case that was more preemptive sarcasm since I've been on other forums before and know how the trolls come out of the wood work. quote: A lot of what people say on profiles is blathering bs that has no base in reality. And a large part of it is said by people that have never taken part in any action in the real world. I don't think less of people that put things like that on their profiles. I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for their need to invent ideals that will never be met by anyone. I feel sorry that they feel they must pump themselves up to take part in even the net. I feel sorry knowing that 98% of those people will never find what is needed to make them happy because they are to busy setting rules and ahering to fiction. Don't let those people make you question what you are really looking for, or how you live your life. Just move past them happy that they pointed out their own flaws and saved you time you might have otherwise wasted talking to them. What saddens me most is that often those are the types that get suckered in by the real predators. Unreasonable expectations typically only result in getting lied to. quote: oh besides...you are from OHIO. Ohio is full of very real very kinky people, don't let the net get to you down over the small stuff. Yup, us Buckeyes know how to party. Lol Thank you very much for your compassion. This site can indeed be extremely frustrating but I've been on it for a few years and my expectations are reasonable, informed by experience. I really am fine, thank you.

LadyPact -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 9:02:56 PM)
Actually.... Nope. The deal is that My standards for Myself are far higher than at least 99% of the other folks on this site to determine whether I'm a "real" Dominant or not. I don't care where other people set the bar. I know where I set it. That's all I need to know. I might feel differently if My bar was not quite as high as that of other people's.

JeffBC -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 9:08:17 PM)
~fast reply~ You know I don't read too much into the word "true" other than an inexperienced person doing the writing. I mean sheez, I've barely gotten out into the BDSM community and I'm perfectly well aware that the word has no meaning.

LanceHughes -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 9:09:54 PM)
I have never called myself "Master," much less "true" nor "real." People who know me have formed their OWN opinions of me. I think that cuts to the root of the matter. As you say "hubris." And I share concerns over newbies going along with those types. Sorry to say that now-a-days ANYone can say "I am a Master."

JeffBC -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 9:10:52 PM)
~chuckles~ Some days I think I'm a master at being confused. Does that count?

AurumCaminus -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 10:36:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LanceHughes I have never called myself "Master," much less "true" nor "real." People who know me have formed their OWN opinions of me. I think that cuts to the root of the matter. As you say "hubris." And I share concerns over newbies going along with those types. Sorry to say that now-a-days ANYone can say "I am a Master." Most of those terms are ill defined, which in my opinion is how it should be. While there are a few that do have actual meaning, true sadist/masochist, real fetish, but even those are usually misapplied. The only thing that I seek authenticity with is that I'm looking for a real Person. You know, one that has flaws, shortcomings, those messy things called feelings. The net is full of porn for fantasies. I don't need someone to try and live one for me, nor am I inclined to try and live someone else's for them.

Karmastic -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 11:06:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC ~chuckles~ Some days I think I'm a master at being confused. Does that count? i'm a masturbater sometimes, does that cunt? [:@]

TNDommeK -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/25/2012 11:20:41 PM)
I agree with the word "true" not having any meaning. One person's idea of real and true, may not be the same as another person's ideas. But I feel that when one writes a profile, they are seeking genuine people who want the same things as they want, so those terms come out and find their way on the page.

Alecta -> RE: Looking for a "True" ....... (4/26/2012 1:22:22 AM)
The thing about fakes is... a good deal of them don't think they're fake, or at least they won't own up to it lol The whole "real"/"true" debate is a difficult one. On the one hand it is very tempting, in the heat of passion, to refer to what would be your ideal as "real", however, logically, that "real" is automatically a fantasy construct. I shrug and read on to see if they'd bothered to explain what their idea of a "real" or "true" whatever-it-is is. Could be they're perfectly fine safe that one unsophisticated choice of words; but if the only way they have of explaining what a "true" or "real is, chances are they don't actually know either, so, moving on.

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