quote:

LadyPact to focalss:
That is the submissive's place.  The 'how often' is not the issue.  It is about the submissive putting their own desires aside, understanding that the place they have accepted in life is to follow the wills and desires of another.  If the Dominant wants sexual interaction three times a week, and the submissive five, the s-type learns patience.  It the D-type wants sex five times a week and the s-type only three, they learn service and creativity.  In both cases, the Dominant... leads.  It is not compromise.  It is in authority.

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

I understand your submissives let you decide on the frequency.  If you both agree on the amount to begin with then its not an issue.  If the m truthfully wants more he is in submission in that area of your (plural) life.  If the other reasons you are together outweigh the submission then you will be successful together, if not then you won't be.

I wouldn't /  don't submit to someone in a situation where the frequency of sex was / is unacceptable to me.  For me the submission would come in the power exchange in other areas doing things such as cleaning the bathroom etc I would not ordinarily find pleasurable. 

Again I see it as where it is the F who wants less than the m, usually.  Life is compromise to some degree, especially for the submissive. 

focalss, mostly I see this as a compatibility issue.

Also, you are not a female here at CollarMe and do not get buttloads of mail where 90something% of it is from males begging/demanding to be cuckolded or otherwise kept in chastity. Compared with them, you are one of the minority, not of r/t kinksters nor of the few who make it to the message boards to post, but of the males who have profiles and send out letters. Btw, I am mentoring my slave's sister, a new Domme, and she wants to find a male sub and wear that thang out... Alas, the majority of mail that floods her mailbox is from men who want to be locked up in chastity or cuckolded. Oh, she also gets a lot of mail from guys with micro penises who want to enjoy penis humiliation. Yup, she tells me she is not interested.

Searching is difficult for everyone. It can take a lot of time and a lot of luck...imagine if "mr. right" comes along while we are involved with "mr. right now", and lose the opportunity to get to know him. If I hadn't been an incredibly patient sort, my boy would have missed out on Me...when he came along I had given up the search for a sub or slave and was lining up half a dozen friendly bottoms (I stay dressed at all times with bottoms) to top. He was new and had jumped at the first female Dominant in his area who would take him for training, which wasn't me. It's not just compatibility, but a matter of patience and luck. (I have been at CollarMe off and on for nine years.) I had to wait for something like four months for his "training" to be over before he was a free man and we had a chance to date.

Part of the problem might be that there are a lot of sadists here. Women included. Yeah, I love waiting my boy wait for a week or more till he's climbing the walls and his balls HURT.

Another thing, maybe you're not pushing her buttons the right way to inspire her to want to have sex...my vanilla buttons are kinda disabled and what gets to me is the D/s. When he serves so sweetly and is very attentive...the beast wakes up and I wanna screw him silly.

Hate to bring up this last part, but some here are married and enjoy kink without their spouse knowing about it. Yeah, I can visualize a married cheater (or someone with a vanilla boyfriend who doesn't know) deciding not to ever have sex with her submissive. Or, only a time or two per year when she is between vanilla boyfriends. Possibly a lot of these male cuckolds and chastity subs are also drawing lines in the sand between their vanilla relationship with their wife or significant other...and their kink provider.

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss
I read a quote that in a Mf relationship it is usually accepted or given that the man will have as much sex with the f as he wants.  In the Fm relationship the woman is free to not have sex with the m.  (BTW I don't understand chastity or cuckholding, and never will.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss
Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse.    For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power.

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss
Or are men just a bother to women with their demands for attention, sex, care etc.  I know women care more about emotions (in general). 

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Lady Pact,

quote:

LadyPact to focalss:
That is the submissive's place.  The 'how often' is not the issue.  It is about the submissive putting their own desires aside, understanding that the place they have accepted in life is to follow the wills and desires of another.  If the Dominant wants sexual interaction three times a week, and the submissive five, the s-type learns patience.  It the D-type wants sex five times a week and the s-type only three, they learn service and creativity.  In both cases, the Dominant... leads.  It is not compromise.  It is in authority.

i agree in principle with what You've written, however, i think most experienced Dominants know they cannot use their authority carte blanche.  If a Dominant wants to keep their partner around, they must, at times, address their partner's needs and sometimes this means putting their partner's needs above their own needs.

Example:  You're in the mood for a full-on needle play scene, but for whatever reason Your submissive isn't in the right headspace and respectfully communicates this.  Now it's true, You could use rank and continue anyway, but that might cause irreparable damage to the relationship.  So, with that in mind, i think most Dominants use the information they have (including considering their partner's physical and mental state) and make decisions accordingly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

Ergo, That being acceptance that the desire of another (that being either more or less) will be different than their own, and they have surrendered control of themselves over to another in that area. If the m does not accept the frequency set by the Domme then is that person either not a submissive or are you agreeing that one is not having as much sex as one wants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

Since this can be classified as a sex site I am going to ask what I think is a question I just don't understand about women.


I like sex and don't get enough.  I read a quote that in a Mf relationship it is usually accepted or given that the man will have as much sex with the f as he wants.  In the Fm relationship the woman is free to not have sex with the m.  (BTW I don't understand chastity or cuckholding, and never will.)

Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse.    For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power.

Or are men just a bother to women with their demands for attention, sex, care etc.  I know women care more about emotions (in general).  I heard a woman talk about clothes, and the conversation went something like, "I don't know how I will feel about wearing this color or this dress or blouse tomorrow."