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Aswad -> RE: Training a submissive.... (5/14/2012 8:02:48 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: David519
Does anyone else see the similarities?
I've used a single approach across breeds (including H. sapiens).
In no particular order: Care. Connect. Establish trust. Develop attachment. Learn to understand. Provide security and meet needs. Use feedback for guided development. Foster growth. Allow attachment to mature. Be patient and consistent. Be firm, not hard. Be flexible, not soft. Show appreciation and affection in a way that is honest and appropriate. Ensure you always know their mind inside and out, tailoring the interactions to where they're at and where they need to go, emotionally and intellectually. Tend to their entire being as well as you can. Take pride in your work and in your creation; crucially, act in a manner that leaves you with a relationship you can be proud of with a being you can be proud of.
Understanding the individual is absolutely foundational, and even if you "understand dogs", you don't understand all dogs.
I had a dog with an inborn illness early on. Didn't have any idea, until a stupefied vet told me she'd never seen a dog of that mixed breed live to become even a fraction of that age. By a few months, they are usually so deeply into a constant state of panick that they even attack their owners and just whimper in a corner unable to sleep from the terror. At a couple of years, mine just started to show symptoms. It comes down to attachment, feeling safe and so forth. Do a good job, they may still have some quality of life at one year. On instinct alone, with no input from anyone else, I got three years or so with her, if memory serves. Never did find much useful material in books and courses on dogs, except the same advice I'd been handing out for years.
As for humans, I've been with the same girl for over a decade now. Her mother thought she'd spend her life in an institution, or in an "assisted living" programme. Now she gives lectures at conferences. Can keep a home in order if necessary. Has overcome a majority of the defining characteristics of her disabilities. And so forth. This year, she's had fewer anxiety attacks than an average week back when we first met. In the time we've been together, she has blossomed into a wonderful creature. I will, of course, not take credit for this transformation. She has worked incredibly hard. I would, however, like to think I have played some part in making it happen.
This isn't about submissives or whatever.
It's about how you treat individuals around you, regardless of species and inclinations. Be a gardener, and your surroundings will blossom in porportion to the effort you invest in becoming one with them while tending to- and growing in- your role as caregiver. Humans respond in a certain way to a decent human being. So will a majority of social animals. Dogs. Cats. Rats. Wolves. Even birds, if you have the patience for it. Anything you can wrap yourself around. Your head and your heart, that is. If you can get inside, and care about what you find there, you can be a positive part of their lives. And a significant fraction will want to be a positive part of yours. Some of those are amenable to a collar, and will go a long way to be what you'd like them to be. Most creatures are careful about how much power they let you have over them, others not so much. But if you've proven yourself to them, they'll often give you more power than you're comfortable wielding. Which, I think, is a healthy response, not assuming that responsibility lightly.
I think you're taking a too limited view. It's not that dogs and submissives are similar. It's that both are social mammals. And those share certain traits. Be what they want, and they'll want you. Be what they need, and they'll need you. Be yourself, and you'll end up only with those that actually suit your personality, which is as it should be. But first and foremost, just keep in mind that you've got to care about them individually. If you appreciate and respect them for- and as- who they are, and take good care of them, then you'll have their love and their loyalty. And, if you care to have it, their obedience.
Whatever you can learn about a type of person (e.g. submissives) is irrelevant. The point is to learn about your submissive.
Which is the most important piece of advice I ever give dog owners, too.
IWYW,
- Aswad
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