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How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 1:31:33 PM   
MistressDeeSTL


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		Hello all. My husband and I have been working towards a 24/7 Mistress/Sub relationship for about 8 years. I have come a VERY long way towards enjoying having control and dominating him. (At first I was super against it because I was raised to be polite at all times and respect your Husband.) I have come to love getting my way and having control.

At first he seemed to know way more than I did and was always giving me advice and ideas. Now I feel like I have really settled into my role, but it seems like he gets whiney or gets mad when we don't play every night or when he doesn't get his way. He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!)

I am wondering if there is some sort of training I can do to really get my complete control through his head. I want to completely break his spirit of taking back control.

Hopefully you ladies can help me cook up some good ideas.

Thanks,
Mistress Dee
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 1:47:45 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		You seem to be letting him take control. When he pushes back he gets no D/s from you. Since this is what you say he wants, I guarantee that the power struggle will end asap. You don't withdraw your person to person contact with him, but he gets no D/s. It really is that simple - you don't need special training. It's your way or nothing.

(in reply to MistressDeeSTL)
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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 1:48:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't recommend breaking a spirit even if he is acting out because he isn't getting his way. Until his ways changed and I and the relationship were more important than getting his kink on... I wouldn't do anything with him. Of course that might make him look elsewhere, but why would I care if he did? The reason I say this is... what you have going on isn't dominance to him. It is role play. It may be very real to you, but it cannot be serious if he is manipulating or whining and focused on his needs whether he serves you or not. It isn't in his mind and heart to submit.. but in his cock and the excitement that your role provides him.

You can try setting down your foot and let him know his behavior is inappropriate and hope that does it. If it doesn't, you can do different things to try to modify his behavior, but what you have is someone that isn't serious about submission and I have never seen that work out. If it isn't serious and just role play... cap his ass, lock down his cock, chain him up, do wicked things to his body and deny him and repeat, because that is all it is going to be.

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 1:51:57 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		This sounds to me like he's just being bratty and I've found the best way to deal with bratty behaviour is to withdraw all attention. The brattiness will soon stop if all he's getting is ignored... Good luck.

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 1:56:59 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Put him in chastity. That should do the trick really quick.

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 1:58:37 PM   
MistressDeeSTL


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		He would not look elsewhere. (I have actually sent him to a Mistress before and he did not enjoy it and did not return again.) He said it is a very awkward thing to serve someone else.

We have been married for a little over 9 years and have kids.

He is great at keeping up with the housework and doing things I tell him to do. The problem comes when he wants to play and I don't. I find myself felling bad and like I should do things for him. (Which the next day after apologizing he tells me I SHOULDN'T give in but should correct his attitude.) Very confusing.

He used to be pretty controlling early on in our relationship and in his defense he has come a very long way towards being a real sub. (We just keep getting stuck at his attitude.)

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:01:15 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ignore him when he's pushy and yes, the chastity device might be a great idea...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:01:33 PM   
MistressDeeSTL


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		We have a CB-2000 and a CB-3000.

The 2000 is very easy to keep clean but he says it shows too much under his work pants.

The 3000 hides better but I have to let him out at least once a week to clean it and him cause it smells funky. (Really annoying letting him out that often.)

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:05:21 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Make him wear a diaper then - if he wants to act like a baby.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:06:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Let him out... but slap that baby back on just as fast.

I would give him a choice... real submission or vanilla. No more playing at or learning to be.. he either is or isn't. No sence in struggling or taking another nine years to learn what could have been learned in a few months if he really was submissive.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:06:18 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		NO WHINING.

Is the rule that he is never allowed to initiate play? Or is he just leaping at every moment when the kids are asleep?

If you dont want to play, dont. Takes two to tango. Alternatively, make him entertain you. A bag of those mini hair clips and external genitalia = FUN.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:13:30 PM   
MistressDeeSTL


Posts: 6
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Make him wear a diaper then - if he wants to act like a baby.


Funny but eww. LOL

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:14:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Go to the Garden Shop and get a gigantic terra cotta pot.  Have him stand in the fucking thing and act like a plant.  If he withers, send him to the curb with the rest of the garbage.

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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:15:33 PM   
MistressDeeSTL


Posts: 6
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

NO WHINING.

Is the rule that he is never allowed to initiate play? Or is he just leaping at every moment when the kids are asleep?


We don't have a set list of rules. He says he wants me to write up a list of hard rules that are non negotiable so he knows what he is and is not supposed to do on a regular basis.

I like that idea but it's hard to have a routine with kids and work.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:16:09 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		and when he pees and poops himself - make him go change himself. Tell him that it will stop - when he stops.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to MistressDeeSTL)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:20:38 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		If the devices are uncomfy or show under his work pants - HIS problem....

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:23:12 PM   
MistressDeeSTL


Posts: 6
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

If the devices are uncomfy or show under his work pants - HIS problem....


While I agree with the idea, his income plays a pretty important part of our life so I don't want to risk him losing his job over adjusting it or having and unsightly bulge at work. (Nobody would believe he's THAT big. LOL)

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:23:25 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Okay. You're both grownups with jobs and a family. D/s and what have you, we do it to ENHANCE our lives, not to make them more difficult. Does your husband really need stuff WRITTEN DOWN? Does he need to be TOLD what= needs to be done around the house beyond the normal "honey-do" list? Or is he trying to be an extra child?

Playing is great. I LOVE playing, even when there's no pain involved! But d/s isnt just a bedroom thing UNLESS IT'S WHAT YOU WANT. What do you want when you are not playing? How do you see the relationship?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:24:29 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDeeSTL

Hello all. My husband and I have been working towards a 24/7 Mistress/Sub relationship for about 8 years. I have come a VERY long way towards enjoying having control and dominating him. (At first I was super against it because I was raised to be polite at all times and respect your Husband.) I have come to love getting my way and having control.

At first he seemed to know way more than I did and was always giving me advice and ideas. Now I feel like I have really settled into my role, but it seems like he gets whiney or gets mad when we don't play every night or when he doesn't get his way. He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!)

I am wondering if there is some sort of training I can do to really get my complete control through his head. I want to completely break his spirit of taking back control.

Hopefully you ladies can help me cook up some good ideas.

Thanks,
Mistress Dee


He's testing you. This is very common in male subs. Don't, in any way, buy into his BS if you really want to be his domme.


Have a talk with him, lay down some new rules, and make it clear there will be consequences for bad behavior. (Just like you do with the kids.)

Make sure those consequences are *NOT* something he enjoys. For instance, spanking a maso for bad behavior will only cause the behavior to increase. A time out away from you, being ignored, is always good. But when you mete out this punishment, give him a time line (I will now ignore you for 1 hour), just like with the kids.

Best, CP



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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 5/11/2012 2:24:53 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!)

This is absolutely normal by the way, to seek equilibrium.  So do not marvel here. 

However it is called power exchange....think of it as jujutsu.  If he pushes you turn, if he pulls you push.

Give me an example of a push

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 20
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