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Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 5:03:39 PM

Rayslut4321

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Joined: 5/7/2012
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Hi I'm very submissive. In a vanilla relationship I find pleasure in pleasing so much so that I can sometimes become a doormat in which I'm taken for granted.
Now in Dom /sub relationship I find myself doing the same thing. I love pleasing and I love enduring what my Dom wants me to endure. and I'm worried that because I show my adoration this way a Dom will grow bored or loose repect and I'll be hurt. So question is there such a thing as being too submissive

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 5:17:17 PM

RaspberryLemon

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Joined: 7/18/2011
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The issue is not being "too submissive." Whether or not there is a such thing as "too submissive" is personal opinion and preference. The real issue is finding someone compatible with you who will not abuse your submission nor disrespect you because of it. Frankly, I would never get involved with someone who didn't have utmost respect for me and how I show my devotion and affection.

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 5:26:51 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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If someone becomes "bored and tired" of you in a relationship whether youre too submissive (whatever that means) or too this or too that -and leaves you, is there much to worry about? There was nothing substantial about it in the first place. Fuck them. Find someone who will appreciate you for who YOU are.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 5/12/2012 5:30:33 PM >

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(in reply to Rayslut4321)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 5:27:29 PM

DaddySatyr

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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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I don't know about "too submissive" but, what I have found to be an issue is submissives who "stuff" their opinions or desires. They say that to bring these to the surface would be "selfish".

I call "Bullshit!". It is almost impossible for a dominant (or anyone for that matter) to know what a submissive's hopes, dreams, and desires are unless the submissive is willing to share them. I only mention this here because the ladies I've known that do this say that if they mention these things then they are being "selfish" and not being "submissive". If they're saying that "clamming up" is submissive, then I believe this to be "too submissive".

I am a stickler for this lifestyle being a 24/7 thing but here some people ridicule me is when I mention that the dominant has a responsibility to keep their submissive happy, also. If a submissive is pleasing to me, it behooves me to make sure that I keep her around. Sure, I am not going to acquiesce but, if there's something that I can do to put a smile on my lady's face that is something that I like to do, anyway (cooking dinner, once in a while or making coffee) why wouldn't I do it?

Anyway, if a submissive feels that speaking their desires or wants is "not submissive" then, in my mind, them, not doing so is being "too submissive".

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 6:09:18 PM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayslut4321
So question is there such a thing as being too submissive

In my experience some doms are into the "training the slave" part. Some just want end result. I'm of the latter group -- I just want Carol to obey. The fact that she does so without a lot of fuss & bother is the only way I'd accept it. I don't find it boring. I find it rather exhilarating. If I was to lose respect for Carol for obeying the commands I myself give her what exactly does that say about me?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

Post #: 5

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 6:49:31 PM

tinasback

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Joined: 5/1/2012
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cant possibly be tooo submissive - impossible!! hehe

sissymaid

Tina x

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

Post #: 6

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 8:39:22 PM

littlekitten1

Posts: 160
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i think you can be very submissive and still keep things interesting. You don't have to become a husk with no personality... If someone enjoys you for who you are, then that's all that matters.

I can get extremely submissive, perhaps even to dangerous levels.. But I guess my strong points are my feistyness and creativity and randomness... If someone enjoys those aspects of me, then they are in for a ride =)

(in reply to tinasback)

Post #: 7

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/12/2012 10:50:15 PM

Savelle

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Joined: 4/22/2012
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Anything "too submissive" is a person who puts a desire to submit before a commitment.

If you are in a relationship with someone and your need to obey comes before whats best for a relationship, that is a step too far. Just as it would be for a Dominant who placed the need for control to an extreme that its unhealthy for the relationship that binds his or her self to the submissive. If submission means you cannot speak your mind, you are giving up too much. Its just my take on the matter, but I put the relationship I have with my partner before matters of submission. Talk to your partner and identify what he wants and by giving yourself to his/her goal you will be submitting in a sense that you do so selfishly. A submissive chooses to submit as a selfish act to fulfill the need to obey... One may look upon the situation and say it is selfless to act upon the will of another, particularly if it means something one might not do comfortable on ones own but that is an entirely different breed of internal conflict.

You can only say what you are doing is submitting if in fact your needs are placed secondary- if on the other hand you grovel at the feet of your partner when his/her desire is for you to stand beside him/her as an equal- you are not submitting but exerting your own will. If what your partner needs and what you desire are not on equal terms, you may decide that you are not with the right person. Again, submission is a selfish act and you must find the person who fits the profile of the person you want to have control over you... It seems contradictory but its not. You have to be happy with the place you are at to be your best.

(in reply to littlekitten1)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 5:25:02 AM

ProlificNeeds

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Joined: 5/19/2007
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FR~

Big difference between submissive and spineless in my opinion.

Your fear of being hurt comes from baggage in the past. Learn to be assertive when it comes to knowing what you want and expect in a partner, and THEN please your prospective Dom to the hilt... but make sure he's good for you before you roll over and get rid of the backbone.

(in reply to Savelle)

Post #: 9

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 5:56:51 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlekitten1

i think you can be very submissive and still keep things interesting. You don't have to become a husk with no personality... If someone enjoys you for who you are, then that's all that matters.

I can get extremely submissive, perhaps even to dangerous levels.. But I guess my strong points are my feistyness and creativity and randomness... If someone enjoys those aspects of me, then they are in for a ride =)

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(in reply to littlekitten1)

Post #: 10

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 9:56:17 AM

DarkDreems

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Joined: 5/9/2012
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quote:

In a vanilla relationship I find pleasure in pleasing so much so that I can sometimes become a doormat in which I'm taken for granted. Now in Dom /sub relationship I find myself doing the same thing.... So question is there such a thing as being too submissive

Hmm.... I think its important to be clear on why you are submissive, and what elicits your submission. I'd look beyond just the vanilla and D/s sexual relationships. See if you find yourself leaning into most relationships, e.g. with friends, family, co-workers, etc. If you often feel used or unrewarded in those relationships too, then consider the possibility that you have more going on than just being a submissive. No matter how we identify ourselves, we should always have an emotional equilibrium that allows for healthy, balanced relationships with others.

If you believe that equilibrium is what you have, then I'd agree with comments made by others. There is no such a thing as "too submissive", if that is what you want to be. Its your gift of submission. The D/s relationship should have begun with a clearly communicated understanding between both of Y/you about what dynamics could evolve... or if not discussed before, then definitely now Y/you should be having that discussion. Vanilla relationships plod along with people not talking about what matters. It don't cut it in D/s. If you have a concern, you grit your teeth and bring it out for discussion. Daily D/s challenges don't have to be pretty, but openness and honesty matter. Those grit-your-teeth moments, when they then work out successfully, become part of what builds the trust on both sides of the relationship.

That said, just as His qualities elicit your submission, your qualities need to elicit His dominance. If He gets bored, it suggests that the relationship was one-sided. All any of U/us can do about that is go through life working on becoming better versions of O/ourselves. When that turns out to not be enough, time to move on.

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

Post #: 11

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 10:16:17 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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Submissive is sexy. Can you be too sexy? Can you every please your Dom too much?

Personally, I think not.

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(in reply to Rayslut4321)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 10:35:39 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You're not too submissive, you're lacking healthy boundaries.
Submitting to people who haven't earned your respect and trust means you need to learn to screen others better. And you need to learn to protect yourself from people who aren't healthy for you.
If you can't say no, tell them you'll get back to them. And then text or email a no.

And go find an ACOA group and go to meetings. It will be full of people who are learning the same thing you need to know.

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Post #: 13

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 10:56:34 AM

JeffBC

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
I am a stickler for this lifestyle being a 24/7 thing but here some people ridicule me is when I mention that the dominant has a responsibility to keep their submissive happy

I'm actually curious about that Michael. The people who ridicule this... are they online people or does that happen to you in the real world. If it's in the real world, are these people with any sort of track record of demonstrated success building sustainable relationships? At least for me, I've only ever run into the "don't worry about the s-type" stuff online. I've never ran into it at any serious lifestyle relationship event in the real world (MAsT and the like).

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 14

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 11:55:47 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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If enduring is the main part of your relationship, then it is doomed. Relationships are built on things like being friends, enjoying each other's company, having things in common. It's hard to be bored with someone you like, who is your best friend, who enjoys doing many of the things you enjoy doing.

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(in reply to Rayslut4321)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/13/2012 3:56:20 PM

dMo

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Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

Communication!

In any relationship there must be communication if there is to be any sense of understanding. You should trust yourself enough to ask where and if there is a line, and when it has been crossed. We all evolve in time and desires can changes, and both sides should be aware of each others' evolution.

Never assume someone "should" understand everything about you, some things become necessary to articulate without metaphor.

(in reply to peppermint)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 1:19:31 AM

AngelOfSilence

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Yes, of course you can.

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(in reply to Rayslut4321)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 2:46:35 AM

Just1on1

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Joined: 5/13/2012
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Nope, don't think so if that's what you are. Congratulations your in a perfect situation married and very submissive.

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 8:05:18 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You're not too submissive, you're lacking healthy boundaries.
Submitting to people who haven't earned your respect and trust means you need to learn to screen others better. And you need to learn to protect yourself from people who aren't healthy for you.
If you can't say no, tell them you'll get back to them. And then text or email a no.

And go find an ACOA group and go to meetings. It will be full of people who are learning the same thing you need to know.

Good points.

So, if your Dom wanted to whore you out to strangers from the internet with no protection and you agreed, that would be an example of too submissive / lacking healthy boundaries.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 11:17:49 AM

Englishcrumpet

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
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to a vanilla yes, they will take advantage and see you as a doormat because they dont get the whole submission thing. Dominants, (who are not vanilla's dressed in Dom clothing), do.

when a guy tells you that he wants youre submission, obedience and willingness because he really enjoys the fact that you will submit youre body and mind to his will and whim and the whole idea gets him hard and Dominant...., youll start discovering the difference between vanilla and Ds. the trick is to learn the difference.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 20

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