fucktoyprincess
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kana
The right thing is to tell her straight out.
From my own experience, I'd say that this is utterly wrong and would urge the OP to treat that recommendation with a great deal of caution indeed.
quote:
And if she doesn't have all the facts because he held out (Out of fear, ego, loneliness, whatever) then he's an amoral scumbag because he's just using her as an means for his ends and not giving her the proper value that a person deserves.
Nothing like a whole new level of anxieties to add to the OP's problems. Nice!
The inability to come, for men, is, most likely, in the mind alone and a milder form of impotence.
"The most common causes of the male orgasmic syndrome are psychological in nature. The responsible psychological mechanisms may be "intrinsic" (due to basic internal factors), or "extrinsic" (due to external or environmental factors).
Intrinsic psychological factors that may cause male orgasmic disorder include:
depression
feelings of guilt, anger, fear, low self-esteem, and anxiety
fear of getting the partner pregnant or of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or HIV
Extrinsic psychological factors that may cause male orgasmic disorder include:
living under conditions that cause undue stress
unsatisfactory relationship with sexual partner
past history of traumatic sexual encounters such as sexual abuse, rape or incest
having been raised in an atmosphere of strict sexual taboos"
http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Male-orgasmic-disorder.html
From what I know, failure to come during sex is a temporary thing with most men. It was with me. The best course was to minimise it as an issue. With each and every partner I had with whom I experienced the problem, the problem was compounded as soon as she knew about it. It's very, very difficult to shake the belief in women that a) men never have problems with having orgasms and b) if they do, it can only be because they, the women, aren't attractive enough or are useless in bed. Women pretty often don't ever move beyond that wavelength and into one of seeing the problem in terms of their male partner's own sexuality because they continue to buy into the myth that men's sexuality is too simple, straightforward and unsophisticated for such problems to arise.
I learned the hard way that it was better not to tell the partners in question. By the time they found out, the problem no longer existed anyway.
I'd never demand that a woman give me a frank talk apprising me of her inability to have orgasms so that I could give a 'yay' or 'nay' to whether or not the relationship continues. And I'd consider myself an utter shit were I to do so. I have a sense that most people here would agree with that assessment of myself, too.
This is an interesting perspective. So you are suggesting that failure to cum is something to be addressed psychologically.
I've never reacted badly when I've been with someone and they did not come - although, I must admit that I've never been in an on-going relationship with someone who was never able to cum in the typical ways. So your experience has been that most women when they encounter this blame themselves. I'm just curious if this is a conclusion that comes from having a conversation with your partners about this, or from observing their behavior, or just how are you coming to this conclusion?
My conversations with most men actually suggest that for most men, in most instances, they can cum regardless of whether they even find a woman attractive, or regardless of how good she is in bed. So I've never associated a man's orgasm with my beauty, my technical proficiency, or any other thing that people might think it was related to that had to do with me.
I'm just trying to understand whether this is some women who feel this way, most women who feel this way, or what exactly. I think it's conceivable that a woman of low self-esteem might blame herself. But I'm really having trouble understanding why women in general would blame themselves. I would never blame myself in that situation because I don't see male orgasm as connected to either beauty or technical proficiency of their partner. Am I in the minority??
_____________________________
~ ftp
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RE: Can't cum from sex, how to tell a sub fem partner? - 
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