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Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 3:42:19 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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I have not collared many women in the past two decades and of those few, none were ever made to beg for it. It wasn't my style. However, I do know that others find it appealing.

I would appreciate hearing viewpoints from submissives and slaves (and switches if you're so inclined) as to whether you feel a collar should be begged for.

If so, what say if any should the "bottom" in the dynamic have about this? Would you feel that it was appropriate to ask your potential owner to have you beg for your collar?

If not, what expectations would you have?

I know this will probably generate opinions more than discussion, but all viewpoints are welcomed, and if discourse can be found, so much the better.

Oh - and thank you in advance for those who post.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

Post #: 1

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 3:56:50 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

While begging holds appeal for me in some scenarios, they are usually "in the moment" moments, with only a joyful
memory to show for it. A collar to me means a forever moment, or at least the intent of forever, and I would want to
earn the honor of wearing it, not have it offered because I can whimper convincingly and flash puppy dog eyes.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 2

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 4:10:11 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

JMO...I think begging is....silly. It seems like role playing more than anything from the heart. If someone truly begged for something it would be moving and full of emotion, if it someone asked for another to beg for something, it seems like it is always destined to be pretend emotion. If the desire to ask for something isn't within me to begin with, then I don't' have a vested interest in asking for it beyond the fact that someone else wants to hear to hear me ask for it. I guess that might work to a certain point, but it isn't going to make what I do 'begging', which would indicate that I was motivated to want that thing enough to humiliate myself.

Besides all that, I'm not driven by humiliation and I don't find it appealing. I have an innate sense of self-worth and confidence that would be about impossible to override in order to do something as debasing as begging and I have no interest in it. I just couldn't swallow it. Even if I wanted something badly, like a collar, I'd approach it gracefully and ask from the heart, but you wouldn't find me begging for anything. I'd figure that man was lucky to have me, as I was him, and we'd be meeting on that premise as equals. I don't think I'd ever beg for a collar, but I'd beg for smaller things if my Dom wanted me to, and I have done that during sex, it's just more like playacting than anything real. I didn't care at the time that he wanted to hear something pretend, no way I'd carry that over to something of great importance to me. That just seems to disrespect it way too much. I could beg for my children, and to stay alive, I'm not sure there is anything else that is important enough to me that I'd beg.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 3

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 4:18:28 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I have not collared many women in the past two decades and of those few, none were ever made to beg for it. It wasn't my style. However, I do know that others find it appealing.

I would appreciate hearing viewpoints from submissives and slaves (and switches if you're so inclined) as to whether you feel a collar should be begged for.

If so, what say if any should the "bottom" in the dynamic have about this? Would you feel that it was appropriate to ask your potential owner to have you beg for your collar?

If not, what expectations would you have?

I know this will probably generate opinions more than discussion, but all viewpoints are welcomed, and if discourse can be found, so much the better.

Oh - and thank you in advance for those who post.

Personally, I don't think it matters one way or the other. It's more dependent on the personalities involved than any intrinsic notion of what's good or bad. The notion that a sub should tell a domme/dom that he/she wants to beg for a collar strikes me as a little silly. By the point you are giving someone a collar, in my view, you should have a clear idea of what works for the both of you, and whether or not begging is a part of your relationship.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 4

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 4:45:14 PM

susieqh

Posts: 26
Joined: 9/2/2010
Status: offline

@OP--When I was in a M/s relationship and at one time he wanted me to beg for a collar. I would have for him at the time if life circumstances hadn't intervened. Would I do it again? I am not sure. I have grown up in things I would have done at one time and what I would do now if I was entering into any sort of M/D/s relationship.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 5

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 5:03:12 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

I find the notion of begging for a collar to be more than a little off. If someone is going to own me, I need it to be something we both mutually and equally desire. He should be just as eager as I on the matter. Why would I want to be owned by someone who does not seem passionate about doing so? Begging for a collar--i.e. begging for a form of commitment, just seems desperate and simply sad to me. Sealing the commitment of ownership should be mutually intimate and honoring; not sad, desperate, and one-sided.

(in reply to susieqh)

Post #: 6

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 5:06:56 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

He said that he wanted our relationship to become more committed and said he wanted me collared to him. Then he said that he wanted to hear me say the full sentence back to him. There was no begging, etc. We discussed what we expected from the relationship like adults.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 7

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 5:08:09 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

More Gorean fantasy. Not reality.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 5:25:01 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

I can't say I see much attraction to begging for a collar. Not in the way I'm picturing it in my head, anyway. It seems a little silly.

But..

I found myself once truly begging for something. It was not to be collared, but it was for something somewhat meaningful to me (or could have been, if it had worked out with him). The thing is, there was no planning, no forethought...it just happened. It was extremely intense for me, though looking back, it's hard to put myself back in that place.

So, begging as a condition to be collared? No. But maybe...waiting until the point that a submissive finds herself begging unprompted to be collared, in a very real and hungry way? ...maybe? I don't know...just a thought.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 9

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 5:59:46 PM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline

Interesting. neither Master nor I are into it.

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(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 10

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 6:33:06 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You had better not expect her to know that you're waiting for her to beg for it. Especially, as is likely, she'll be wondering why you haven't offered one.

Honestly, this is just silly. It's a way to prevent honest communication. Sit down and talk about how you both view a collar, and at what point you think it's appropriate to do it. Yeah, I know this is mundane and nothing to wank to, but it works better in the long run.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlecherie)

Post #: 11

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 6:35:13 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Most people that I know that engage in this do not use the word "begging" the way it is being used here. It is closer to the word "ask", such as "I beg your pardon (I'm asking you to forgive me). The sub presents their "argument" (their reasons, what it means to them, whatever) as to why they should become collared.

It's not for me, but it's also not the whining, desperate thing that seems to be thought of here.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to littlecherie)

Post #: 12

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 8:06:29 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I personally would never beg for a collar. He either likes me and wants to own me or he doesn't. I like knowing that he took me because I make him happy and I'm useful to him instead of taking me because he got tired of incessantly hearing me whine for a collar and him feeling like it's an obligation now.

If I would have had a man tell me I had to beg for it I probably would have told him there are a lot more men out there who want me because he wants me for me and has the balls to just take me for his own.

With us, when Master collared me it was extremely casual. We were at the beach. We were looking at jewelry. He saw me looking at a bracelet. He bought it for me, put it on my wrist and it's never left that place since.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 13

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 8:09:55 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Honestly, this is just silly. It's a way to prevent honest communication.

Yup. It's a game playing tactic.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 9:40:08 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

I find the notion of begging for a collar to be more than a little off. If someone is going to own me, I need it to be something we both mutually and equally desire. He should be just as eager as I on the matter. Why would I want to be owned by someone who does not seem passionate about doing so? Begging for a collar--i.e. begging for a form of commitment, just seems desperate and simply sad to me. Sealing the commitment of ownership should be mutually intimate and honoring; not sad, desperate, and one-sided.

This is just what I was thinking.

Begging is actually a big kink of mine. But there's a time and a place for that, and it's not while deciding to commit to a more serious relationship together. At least not for me.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 15

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 9:58:04 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I would never beg for a collar. I would never ask for a collar. I never wanted to be collared at all. I did not need something like that as I was already committed to the relationship. I am collared due to losing a bet. Over time I have realized that the collar is important to him so it has become more important to me.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

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Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 16

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 10:48:55 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

We dated for quite a while, then one evening he brought a leather collar round and told me I was to wear it whenever I could, and always for bed.

Just over a year later it was coming up to my birthday and he asked if there was anything I'd like. I told him I would love something that represented my collar that I could wear 24/7 because I loved the feeling of being 'his'. He smiled, told me he was expecting something like that and we chose a necklace together.

I don't know if that represents 'begging', but to me it was a natural transition to 24/7 slavery.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 17

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/18/2012 10:59:21 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
You had better not expect her to know that you're waiting for her to beg for it. Especially, as is likely, she'll be wondering why you haven't offered one.

Honestly, this is just silly. It's a way to prevent honest communication. Sit down and talk about how you both view a collar, and at what point you think it's appropriate to do it. Yeah, I know this is mundane and nothing to wank to, but it works better in the long run.

I read this as though you might have thought I meant to do this. Just to be clear, I don't. I'm very straightforward, the begging thing is something I haven't ever employed for a reason. It's counter to my own interests. The girl I'm with knows exactly where she stands with me and is quite happy as such.

But the idea is out there; people do mention it; and gathering thoughts and opinions on the subject is a proper method by which to pursue a valid topic.

I've already seen some things I expected - the Gor reference, the taste of impropriety; Cali gave a response I respect but then I was also a fan of hers years ago. (I even have an older pic of her, I think...somewhere...)

The dichotomy of begging only for nonessential things is noted (outside of Kaliko's comment - very interesting by the way, thanks for that). It seems pride (in the form of self-love or self-respect, take your pick, really) might be a key there, and given that begging is totally counter to pride, slightly contradictory. It's even more intriguing if you sit in the camp that equates a collar to a wedding ring. (Just an observation there, food for thought.) Love has had beggars for centuries; why not this?

Thank you for all the responses so far and by all means, please share if you have more.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/19/2012 12:03:27 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Yeah, for me my collar aka bracelet is just as important to me as a wedding ring. I would not be collared by someone who did not feel feel the same for me as if he was my husband.

For me begging is reserved for those things which I truly want and desire. Otherwise it's just drama, fake and role play and I'm just not into that.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 19

RE: Begging & Ownership - 5/19/2012 2:59:02 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

FR\

Master likes to hear me beg so I'm learning to do it (I find it difficult because I feel like a whiny child rather than an adult submissive who accepts what she is given and is grateful for it) however it would never be for something important like a collar. Begging is only used in play.

(in reply to littlecherie)

Post #: 20

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