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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser




I read this as though you might have thought I meant to do this. Just to be clear, I don't. I'm very straightforward, the begging thing is something I haven't ever employed for a reason.


It seems pride (in the form of self-love or self-respect, take your pick, really) might be a key there, and given that begging is totally counter to pride, slightly contradictory. It's even more intriguing if you sit in the camp that equates a collar to a wedding ring. (Just an observation there, food for thought.) Love has had beggars for centuries; why not this?

Thank you for all the responses so far and by all means, please share if you have more.

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP
You had better not expect her to know that you're waiting for her to beg for it. Especially, as is likely, she'll be wondering why you haven't offered one.

Honestly, this is just silly. It's a way to prevent honest communication. Sit down and talk about how you both view a collar, and at what point you think it's appropriate to do it. Yeah, I know this is mundane and nothing to wank to, but it works better in the long run.

I read this as though you might have thought I meant to do this. Just to be clear, I don't. I'm very straightforward, the begging thing is something I haven't ever employed for a reason. It's counter to my own interests. The girl I'm with knows exactly where she stands with me and is quite happy as such. But the idea is out there; people do mention it; and gathering thoughts and opinions on the subject is a proper method by which to pursue a valid topic.

I've already seen some things I expected - the Gor reference, the taste of impropriety; Cali gave a response I respect but then I was also a fan of hers years ago. (I even have an older pic of her, I think...somewhere...)

The dichotomy of begging only for nonessential things is noted (outside of Kaliko's comment - very interesting by the way, thanks for that). It seems pride (in the form of self-love or self-respect, take your pick, really) might be a key there, and given that begging is totally counter to pride, slightly contradictory. It's even more intriguing if you sit in the camp that equates a collar to a wedding ring. (Just an observation there, food for thought.) Love has had beggars for centuries; why not this?

Thank you for all the responses so far and by all means, please share if you have more.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser




I read this as though you might have thought I meant to do this. Just to be clear, I don't. I'm very straightforward, the begging thing is something I haven't ever employed for a reason.


It seems pride (in the form of self-love or self-respect, take your pick, really) might be a key there, and given that begging is totally counter to pride, slightly contradictory. It's even more intriguing if you sit in the camp that equates a collar to a wedding ring. (Just an observation there, food for thought.) Love has had beggars for centuries; why not this?

Thank you for all the responses so far and by all means, please share if you have more.

Generic you.

But I'm serious about the fact that the people who do this usually have this as an unexpressed expectation. From both sides. And it will blow up in their faces.

I'm not sure why you seem to think that a s type having self esteem equates to overweening pride, which requires humiliation to reduce. I know my own worth, and if I didn't, then I wouldn't be as desirable a s type as I am. If I really believed I was a useless incompetent, then the only person who could want me would be someone who was also on that level. Honestly, I deserve someone better than that because I'm better than that.

Basically you seem to be implying that a dominant has to be superior to the s type inferior. That's wrong. We are equal in value, just not in authority. Is an anesthesiologist inferior to a surgeon? Or are they both equal in value if you want a successful outcome?

The begging for love stuff you reference is fiction: Tristan & Ysolde, Guinevere & Lancelot, Romeo & Juliet, Patient Griselda, King Cophetua(sp) & the Beggar Maid. You will notice that they all ended badly.

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ORIGINAL: graceadieu
It's not a pride issue, at least not for me. It's that begging requires a power imbalance (which is what's so hot about it) but agreeing to an ongoing power exchange relationship ought to be something you do as equals. Also, begging someone to love you, regardless of how it's portrayed in romantic fiction, is actually pathetic and unattractive.

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

...what expectations would you have?

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I have not collared many women in the past two decades and of those few, none were ever made to beg for it. It wasn't my style. However, I do know that others find it appealing.

I would appreciate hearing viewpoints from submissives and slaves (and switches if you're so inclined) as to whether you feel a collar should be begged for.

If so, what say if any should the "bottom" in the dynamic have about this? Would you feel that it was appropriate to ask your potential owner to have you beg for your collar?

If not, what expectations would you have?

I know this will probably generate opinions more than discussion, but all viewpoints are welcomed, and if discourse can be found, so much the better.

Oh - and thank you in advance for those who post.

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

- the value we assign to a thing we seek/desire can influence the way in which we wish to possess it; saying "I'm good enough to have this without begging" can be true and still not felt as such (I'm not saying this is right, only accepting that it may be)

- begging shouldn't be about your value and doesn't reflect the value of what you want to your own worth...if it did then that would certainly drag pride into the picture, because you then implement your ego to decide what is 'worth' begging for, as though it is a rational act that can be weighed and measured (I respectfully suggest here that begging is emotionally driven and not logical)

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser
I don't see self esteem and pride as interchangeable definitions. I do, however, believe that anyone who needs something bad enough will ask for it; and that the asking may be begging depending on the depth of the need.

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ORIGINAL: SecretiveWoman

I find begging for the love of someone to be quite serious, and the exact opposite of "pathetic" or "unattractive". I find it sad, desperate, passionate and quite human. I call it karmic..... I call it people who ARE people, and behaving as such. How many of us on this good earth will truly stand up and admit to their deep rooted fears about the pain of love denied them by someone they themselves were desperately in love with OR loved deeply, were denied of it for whatever reason and so put up inpenetrable walls with ridiculous rules for one to abide by, instead of remaining optimstic, knowing that it's simply a part of life...... for EVERYONE. We are none of us exempt from this.... I feel those who are courageous enough to express such feeling should be applauded, for they yet and again still express what makes most of us run from in fear.....
I find it interesting that on sites such as this, most will put up with paddlings, floggings, canings, bestiality, and down right beatings til the mention, and INTENTION of love comes to the forefront; then they run like hell from it in one form or another...,

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


I have no truble and am happy to ask and either get or get rejected and I'm fine with the decisions he makes in that regard. I look at it this way.. If I have earned it, it should be given to me and if I haven't, it shouldn't be offered.

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

This caught my eye and I wanted to quickly comment that I was not saying a person should beg for love, only asking how people feel about begging for a collar.

Collars don't always represent love; they can mean ownership, safety, and symbolize a deep promise like love, but they are not explicitly love.

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ORIGINAL: SecretiveWoman

I find begging for the love of someone to be quite serious, and the exact opposite of "pathetic" or "unattractive". I find it sad, desperate, passionate and quite human. I call it karmic..... I call it people who ARE people, and behaving as such. How many of us on this good earth will truly stand up and admit to their deep rooted fears about the pain of love denied them by someone they themselves were desperately in love with OR loved deeply, were denied of it for whatever reason and so put up inpenetrable walls with ridiculous rules for one to abide by, instead of remaining optimstic, knowing that it's simply a part of life...... for EVERYONE. We are none of us exempt from this.... I feel those who are courageous enough to express such feeling should be applauded, for they yet and again still express what makes most of us run from in fear.....
I find it interesting that on sites such as this, most will put up with paddlings, floggings, canings, bestiality, and down right beatings til the mention, and INTENTION of love comes to the forefront; then they run like hell from it in one form or another...,