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How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 4:19:37 PM   
kalthus


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/17/2012
Status: offline 		Just read an interesting personal add, where someone was saying that she is looking for a good Dom, but then goes on to say that she is bored of people sending her messages saying that they are a good Dom..... er

Got me wondering -

If you can't just SAY you are good, er - how you you make that point?

My feeling is that it's more to do with the tone of the memo. I can't tell whether someone is a good sub or not, but I can pick out a few things about them, like sense of humour - but even then, some people just don't write as effectively as they would like.

So - how do you get across to aportential sub that you know what you are doing, without actually saying anything?

Just curious to know what peoplem think.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 4:32:14 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps you tell her what makes you tick, or you give her examples of how you like to dominate/be dominant.

_____________________________

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

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(in reply to kalthus)
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RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 4:45:15 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Why don't you ask her how she qualifies those emails?

I would suspect it's different. For me it someone that had an opening email that showed they were a human being before anything BDSM D/s related.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 5:07:31 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The very first thing I'd do would be to read her profile and ask myself if she'd be a good match for me and I for her. If her profile and my style mesh, then by the time I contact her, I feel there's a fair possibility things could work.

I'd never tell her I'm a good Dom. If she doesn't feel it, if she doesn't feel compatibility, it doesn't matter what I say or think.

If we did get to that point, I'd be talking with her, asking her about herself, telling her about myself. Finding out what makes her tick and letting her know what makes me tick.

Since she considers herself a straight female sub and I'm a straight male Dom, the D/s interaction will probably work out at least as well as other compatibilities.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 5:24:49 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom?
I bet she would get just as many responses if she said "I'm looking for a man with 2 arms".
I would rephrase it to something like I'm looking for a man who can inspire me...
If I were a male dom, I would follow the same approach as Steven...minus the beard. :)

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to kalthus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 5:51:20 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom?



I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me.

How's that?

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to poise)
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RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 5:54:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Applause!

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 5:55:21 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Que mala!
I sit corrected (and poised!). I should have said most.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 6:01:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If something you say that shows your sense of humor, matches my sense of humor, then I'd feel a click. The same way I would if we met at a party and you said something that just sparked a response in me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 9:54:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You can't.
That's what face to face real life meetings are for.
You can say anything and everything online. Doesn't mean it's true or not true.
I personally take everything, absolutely everything online with a grain of salt.
When I met Master, we spoke online for years, but until I met him offline after many dates and over time, did I know that he is a man of his word and he's not just telling me things to make me fall for him.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 10:16:43 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom?



I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me.

How's that?

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

Your desires warm the cockles of my heart.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 10:52:24 PM   
kalthus


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/17/2012
Status: offline 		Poise, that was hilarious!

Thank you folks, your point is well made.

Just for the record- this was a general comment someone made on their profile, not a response to anything I had written. I have not, nor shall I ever, take time discussing my Dom skills, boy scout ropework badge, complete collection of Gor books, train set transformer, hand carved butt plug in the shape of 'the Scream' or anything else of a kinked up nature. But it got me thinking aboutwhat people include in their introductions.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 10:55:51 PM   
subbyinlosangele


Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline 		You read her profile. And explain why you are writing to her specifically. And you be real. By that I mean, you're not just trying to "get" her. You are genuinely telling who you are to see if you are good match.

(in reply to kalthus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/24/2012 11:31:07 PM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Not mailing 'I R GUD DOM SUBMIT 2 ME NOW. OR I KILLLLLLUNOW' with attached picture of a cheap flogger and cock shot?

Or replicating any of the 'return to sender' mails from fetlife :-)

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/25/2012 6:46:36 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom?



I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me.

How's that?

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

Your desires warm the cockles of my heart.

You want me to call a doctor?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/25/2012 7:51:26 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Who wants a good dom?
1-Settlers-cuz they shoulda gone for the great dom!
Softies for two. That's who. :-)
The gals I like, they wanna bad dom, a guy who can be bad all the way through, he thinks about ways to make her mewl when they sleep, a male who is a bad bad man

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/25/2012 10:31:10 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

How do you make 'snap judgements' online


I form an initial impression based on his profile and pictures, and go from there.

The impression I get from your kink-focused profile and lack of pictures is that you are looking for a fuck buddy and might be married or just can't be arsed to anonymize a picture.

This is NOT the impression I get from your forum posts, into which you've put way more effort than you did your profile.

You mention Gourmet Cooking as a Skill - why not write a few lines about that? Ditto for Yoga, etc, etc - give her an idea of you as a person. You're here - she already knows you are kinky.

(in reply to kalthus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/25/2012 12:53:07 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus
If you can't just SAY you are good, er - how you you make that point?

My own opinion? You can't because you don't have a point to make. As others have noted, the phrase "good dom" is going to be highly subjective. You cannot possibly know whether you are good for some specific person or not until you've had plenty of time to interact with them.

What you CAN do is come to some feeling why you think you and the other person might be a good fit. Then you can attempt to explain that reasoning to the other person. If they agree, move one step forward.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to kalthus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/25/2012 1:19:03 PM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Why not just start talking to her like at a party?

Lead off with I liked this and that in your ad, and then do a little free form bit about what you're doing right at the moment and put in some some possible affinity building details, like "I'm listening to whoever Arcade Fire may or may not be at the moment".

Maybe she loves or hate whoever Arcade Fire are, Maybe she loves or hates your internet picture face. Who knows? She's making snap judgements, you're making snap judgements. It's what scanning the internet personal ads is all about. You can't control her judgement process. Hell, you can't even control your own.

I met my kinky wife on a mutual support forum. Under interests, I put whips and chains. My then-vanilla sweetie had to pull a kinky discussion out of me. It drove her nuts in a good way. Maybe by laying back, you can get more nibbles.

#1 rule in sales is show, don't tell. You don't have to be in dom-voice mode all of the time, just be normally confident.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online - 5/25/2012 1:24:50 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom?



I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me.

How's that?

(Sorry, couldn't resist)


You'd have to move alot closer to be within two hours of me, but once you accomplish that, I will put you under consideration.

Cuz I like that profile. 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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