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What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 7:24:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		My sub and I play with others at play parties. Recently, she was getting spanked by an enthusiastic amateur with a wicked implement, and was about to safeword but she didn't want to safeword to anyone except me.

That took me aback. I had never thought of a safeword as a gift to a partner, so to speak.

How do you view safewording?

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 7:32:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Safewords are an intricate part of how we play. He likes to push me to "yellow" over and over again. He is much more of a sadist than I am a masochist and this system allows him to get much more enjoyment than a scene cut short because of my pain tolerance.

I also know that if I got to the point where I felt I should "red", but didn't out of pride or embarrassment, he'd be mad at for me for days. I have used "red" twice. One was a leg cramp, one was being hit really hard with a cane as the first strike in a scene. (Not by him, although he was nearby) I was unprepared for the strike and he put a permanent end to that scene.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/31/2012 7:49:53 AM >

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 7:47:39 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

How do you view safewording?


Something essential for my safety, which may be physical or emotional. Connected to whoever is wielding the implement. There might be certain acts I'd only do with my primary partner, but safewording certainly isn't one of them.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 7:54:11 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master and i don't play with others.  With him in the over six years we have been together i have only safewoded twice.  Both times he assesed the situation that cause me to safeword and made  adjustments , so i did not  need to safeword again.  He is very protective of me, does not want to harm who belongs to him.

Matt's littleone

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 9:14:22 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Id be much more likely to safe word with a casual play partner than with someone im in a relationship with.

He should be able to read me well enough to avoid it.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 9:31:32 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		In regards to my own relationship in the past, safewording would not have made much of a difference. If he wanted to keep going, he did...nothing I said or did was going to change that.

However, in response to the OP, I would have to agree with Frazzle
quote:

Id be much more likely to safe word with a casual play partner than with someone im in a relationship with.


I am a bit confused as to why your girl would NOT safeword with a stranger...but would with you. That makes no sense at all.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 12:41:24 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		I view my safeword as a means to let Mr know if I have reached my pain threshhold or something is really wrong and I need him to stop and check with me NOWish. I rarely need to use it for pain though, we have been together for a very long time and he reads my body language rather well. As I age however more and more new things come up (like today my ankle for no apparent reason hurts like a mother) aches and pains and crap I just can't anticipate and sometimes during a scene something will happen that needs a little description other than my standard one word (*ASSCRACK!) yelps that I tend to blurt out. SO I will fall back on my safeword so I can tell him what the problem is, he fixes it and merrily continues to beat my ass.

*ok, now he explanation of "asscrack" LOL...Mt has very large hands and when he spanks me tends to cover all of one and part of the other cheek. When he smacks down, it catches the crack of my ass so that it pinches. That is NOT a fun hurt. So, when he does that I will often yell "asscrack" so he knows to move his hand slightly.
Of course when he is punishing me, I can yell asscrack all day long and he ignores me until he is satisfied.

Lucifyre

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 1:34:10 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I gotta admit DS, that's a new one for me. While I don't use safe words myself (no SM, what's the point? She can just hand the collar back). But I had at least thought I'd understood their meaning when others used them. I kind of thought it was a way to say "no" when an actual verbal "no" might really mean "yes" -- the whole consensual non-consent gig.

But that viewpoint should've made it MORE likely she'd safeword with someone other than you. Do you have any explanation from her? I'm fascinated.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 2:24:56 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		We don't use safewording. We're a couple who have been together over 6 years. He knows my signs and signals of when something is wrong. If he misses it somehow, I just tell him what's wrong and then he decides what to do.

I guess if you're sceneing with strangers, you are both a brand new couple who have never done anything before, then I'd say sure, use one if you want.

I'm more keen on just someone telling someone else is wrong instead of someone who is tied up, in pain or whatever and can't remember for the fuck of it what her safeword is.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 5/31/2012 2:27:13 PM >

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 3:32:04 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I have a safe word for one purpose only, and it's not S&M related. I still have some emotional land mines from past experiences. They are rare, but they do happen from time to time. And when they do, I'm simply at a loss for words as the anxiety starts to take over. Since I'm not crying or in visible pain, he has no idea when he's digging a land mine up, and the last time this happened, the reaction was so ugly it almost killed us. My response elicited a response in him that pretty much ended us (temporarily anyway, until we figured out what had happened).

So I do have a safe word for those rare instances - when I feel that adrenaline taking over and can't voice my anxiety, I can say "Red" to alert him of what's going on, internally, so we can bring me back to a calm place and work through it.

I haven't felt the need to use it since we put it in place. I honestly hope I remember it when the adrenaline/anxiety kicks in.

We don't have a safe word for S&M play. We don't play severely enough to the point I can't find words to communicate if something is going wrong. I'd imagine if I screamed out RED though, he'd stop to see what the heck was going on.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 4:47:55 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		i dont use safewords as such.

nearest i get is. f**K hold off a mo my hip/shoulder is about to dislocate i need to move.

But then i dont have casual play partners, its someone i know and trust.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 5:45:38 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		In the very beginning of my current relationship with the man who became Master to me, He gave me safe words.
He made sure that he needed to know he could depend on me to use them for any needed reason.

I have used them for emotional reasons, I have used them when something has become too intense: either pain or pleasure.

We have not played publicly.

If we ever were to play publicly, I know he would want me to maintain the same things to keep me safe.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 6:41:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I just remembered that when we first started seeing each other he slipped the safeword issue an gave me one. Obviously I just shrugged it off and continued our meal lol. To this day I still have zero clue as to what it was. HHmm...I think I'll ask him tonight tonight. I think I already know his answer though...you're done when I think you are done. lol He's always hyper aware when we're playing. It's probably one of the reasons why he does like to play hard.

ETA: forgive my typng tonight. Even with spellcheck I'm missing stuff because meds are starting to kick my ass tonight.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 8:00:20 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Safewording is a way to have control over what is happening.
That's something I have never wanted any part of.
Never had one. Never used one. Never will.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 8:25:18 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I've never been into specific safewords. If something's wrong that I haven't picked up on, just tell me, no need to yell 'aardvark' or whatever.

That said, the time to safe out is absolutely with a stranger who has no fucking clue. And STOP THAT NOW would do nicely.


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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 8:50:33 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I am an advocate of safewords but I would truly hope my partner recognizes when I am in trouble. I have never had to call mine out.

No 'aardvark....but how about 'capybara'???

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 9:06:57 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		If someone yelled capybara, and there was no capybara? It wouldnt be pretty.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 9:08:30 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I am sitting here chuckling.....because I can just see you stopping and looking around and saying where?

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 5/31/2012 10:04:13 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		SO WHAT'S YOUR POINT?



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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 6/1/2012 1:08:07 AM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		We have a safeword, but thats because we're fairly new to this and I think we will till our body laguage is understood completely and our relationship progresses naturally to not needing one.

ETA: I'm a masochist and he's a sadist, but we still have a safeword. I assume thats because he wants me still have physical & sexual enjoyment from what we are doing.

I don't think I could play with casual play partners because of trust issues.

< Message edited by kitkat105 -- 6/1/2012 1:11:15 AM >

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