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Aftercare - 6/4/2012 4:54:15 AM   
CreepyStalker


Posts: 265
Joined: 2/12/2011
Status: offline 		Hello collarme, long time no see. :-) Just popping back briefly to get some opinions...

Aftercare.
Some people need fucktonnes of specific stuff happening and some people don't need anything at all. So when nothing has been planned in advance, do we generally..

a) Assume they will need it - aftercare is a default action, the other person has to actively opt out of if they don't want it.

b) Assume they won't need it – aftercare is always available, but it's not automatic unless the other person indicates (either directly, or just looks kinda like) they want it.

Yes, yes, everyone's a unique snowflake and in an ideal world everything would be so beautifully negotiated before play that everyone would know exactly what everyone else needs and have a 44 point plan of action in place. But in general casual playing terms, aside from any specific communications, which approach would you err on the side of?

(Don't worry, no terrible fuck up has occurred. In giving someone feedback on a scene it just struck me that I have no idea what the norm is here. I've always been very quick to flop on the nearest person squealing 'CUDDLEZ ME NOWWWWW!' if I've needed anything.).

< Message edited by CreepyStalker -- 6/4/2012 4:56:05 AM >

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 5:32:35 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Great to see you, Creepy !!

Aftercare always seems to come up as a debatable topic. Some people crave it, some don't want it, some see people playing hard and then not offering it and think they're a dick.

One of the reason why I rarely play casually is that I never know if I'm going to "click" with someone. When I do, no problem, we have a nice intense scene and I don't mind cuddling them up a bit afterwards. Then there are those I don't really connect with and frankly don't want to provide aftercare for.

This is more an issue with male subs than females. Females can *always* find someone to cuddle them up, males, not so much.

JMO, YMMV



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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 5:39:16 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Water and a blankie. Beyond that, they have to use their words.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 5:41:50 AM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		Cold drink & snuggles. Chocolate and sweet nothings whispered in my ear is nice too.

I think a cold drink and some positive affirmations would be good at the very least for anyone.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 6:43:21 AM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		I opt for a) personally, if they don't want/need it they typically tell me lol

Even then I tend to keep half an eye on them and settle down nearby

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 7:01:45 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		For me, chuck a blanket over me and make sure i have a drink and then let me process is best, i'm not the cuddling type when i am coming down so to speak

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 7:21:57 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

For me, chuck a blanket over me and make sure i have a drink and then let me process is best, i'm not the cuddling type when i am coming down so to speak


Same for me, just add some fruit or something to bring my blood sugar back up. After, I'm up and moving around I need someone to keep an eye on me to just make sure I'm okay to walk or drive.


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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 7:27:53 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't play casually so this has always been something that comes naturally in my relationships. I've never discussed it or assumed. I just let it flow naturally. Some days I need it, some days I don't. It just depends on my mood, how hard we've played, etc....and he seems to just know and if he happens to miss it, well my emotions are usually obvious to him lol.

For me subspace includes being cold, my eyes glaze over, I get extremely quiet, and usually roll myself up in a ball. It' quite noticeable and he can tell in a heartbeat.

I guess if you're playing casually, ask them what usually happens with them. If it's in a relationship, watch for the signs and/or discuss it beforehand.


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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 7:50:01 AM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		I always go on the assumption they will need aftercare. Some don't, and that is fine, but I am right there if needed.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 8:58:43 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Great to see you, Creepy !!

Aftercare always seems to come up as a debatable topic. Some people crave it, some don't want it, some see people playing hard and then not offering it and think they're a dick.

One of the reason why I rarely play casually is that I never know if I'm going to "click" with someone. When I do, no problem, we have a nice intense scene and I don't mind cuddling them up a bit afterwards. Then there are those I don't really connect with and frankly don't want to provide aftercare for.
This is more an issue with male subs than females. Females can *always* find someone to cuddle them up, males, not so much.

JMO, YMMV




The bit I bolded....yup yup. I am weird in that, I don't like people that I don't really REALLY like A LOT, in my personal space. As in, most are repulsive up close and personal, especially guys. I can talk to them, have fun with them, but I just do not want to touch them.

If I know you, love you, want you close, then I am gonna snuggle the snot out of you until you beg 'red!'.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 9:01:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I honestly can't remember the last time it wasn't negotiated before playing.  LOL.

However, if I dropped the ball, I'd actually be more likely to err on the side of caution and not get all touchy and hugging.  Some people react very badly when not wanting to be touched after playing and that can be worse than somebody wanting to be cuddled, etc and not receiving it.

Water?  I don't even really consider that after care.  That's more like standard practice. 



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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 12:03:12 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

(Don't worry, no terrible fuck up has occurred. In giving someone feedback on a scene it just struck me that I have no idea what the norm is here.


aftercare = taxi fare home

lol, j/k

i'm certainly no expert, but i think this goes for most things - when in doubt, ask.

re "here" - not sure what context this is, but everyone is different.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 12:10:32 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Toss'em a bag of M&Ms and blankie whether you think they need it or not.

Pat them on the head and tell them they were a "good girl" (or boy).

Tell them it was the best session you ever had and they made all your dreams come true.

Did I miss anything?

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 12:13:12 PM   
Zensualista


Posts: 41
Joined: 3/18/2012
Status: offline 		As a pro domme as well as in my private life, 9 times out of 10, at least some transition is needed to get back to the world and temper the endorphins. Sometimes it needs to be subtle and other times it's blatant, but as a dominant, it's one's responsibility to meet those needs of the person who is your responsibility.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 12:26:04 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Karm and RS's idea of aftercare is spot on,lol.

I have to say I agree with LaT on this one. I'm like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. I don't like personal contact. And yes water is def a must have afterwards.

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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 1:23:37 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I've always been very quick to flop on the nearest person squealing 'CUDDLEZ ME NOWWWWW!' if I've needed anything.



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RE: Aftercare - 6/4/2012 1:27:57 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Females can *always* find someone to cuddle them up


Alas, I have learned the hard way to negotiate for this before hand.

When I was playing casually, I brought my own vitamin water, chocolate, nuts, and warm clothes (cuz I get cold afterwards.)

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RE: Aftercare - 6/5/2012 12:34:11 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Toss'em a bag of M&Ms...........

Did I miss anything?

Only that the above works for certain tops, too.


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RE: Aftercare - 6/5/2012 2:28:43 AM   
thursdays


Posts: 143
Joined: 7/28/2011
Status: offline 		OOPS

< Message edited by thursdays -- 6/5/2012 2:29:18 AM >

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RE: Aftercare - 6/5/2012 6:02:34 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		After a play party at the dungeon, just a chocolate doughnut and either diet Pepsi or water.

After private play with my sweetie, the 3 S's will do: SportsCenter, snuggling, & sleep.

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