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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 5:33:26 PM

JstAnotherSub

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I had thought that I might be slave material one day, but, if the man I dedicated my life to went away for 3 weeks with anyone and refused to take my calls, I would be gone when he got back.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 6:10:08 PM

angelikaJ

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My question to you is this: Is this new or unusual behavior?

In other words, has he gone off on vacations with his kids and his ex before?

If so, why are you having a harder time now, and if not, did he explain why this time was different?

Also, did he make a promise of fidelity to you?

Meanwhile, other people have touched on self-esteem, and have had excellent input.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 6:17:35 PM

ProlificNeeds

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Regardless of whether it's him being an asshole, or her being overly insecure and clingy, there's only one thing to be done.

Get over it.

Either suck it up and stop nagging at his choices of lifestyle, or move on and go find someone who fits your relationship needs. It's a lot easier to find a new lover than it is to try and change someone who doesn't want to be changed.

As for the emotionally broken shit, only you, OP, can make the decision to stop being broken, fragile, or insecure. It doesn't happen over night, but the decision to change things for the better takes less than a heartbeat.
Best of luck.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 6:36:28 PM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

the decision to change things for the better takes less than a heartbeat.

QFT

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:16:24 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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My old neighbor had and ex wife and a new wife. The new wife was insecure about the ex wife and his kids. She was often jealous. He warned her to never try to come between him and his children, she would loose. She did not heed his warning and eventually he kicked her out and divorced her. So I will warn you never try to come between a man and his children, you will loose. At least if he is a decent father you will. Now I am not saying that is what you are doing but I just saw you were mad he is going to spend 3 weeks with them.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:29:50 PM

LafayetteLady

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Honestly, I don't think the OP is mad about him spending three weeks with his kids, but three weeks with his ex, coupled with the fact that he won't take calls when he is with the ex.

I have read and understand where everyone is coming from on the one side of the story deal, but honestly, it sounds like this guy is still fooling around with his ex. If the kids don't like her, that is not a "new" things, and he should have chosen them over her long ago. If it is the ex who doesn't like her, well tough shit to the ex, it isn't her business. After ten years? The kids should always come first in his life, but the ex shouldn't be coming in second after them, no matter how close they are.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:36:44 PM

MsLadySue

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Am I wrong in wondering what Dom worth his salt ignores his slave for 3 weeks?

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:39:25 PM

littlewonder

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one that maybe is fed up with the slave's drama over the years? It's a possibility. I tend to see people who air their dirty laundry on here usually are some kind of drama llama.

As for the kids and the ex, I think that when your kids come first, the ex comes with that if you want your kids to not grow up in a way where there is trauma and hurt and arguing. It's just not a good thing and I've found that the children end up harmed in some way emotionally. So I see having good relations with an ex being part of the package.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:39:59 PM

LanceHughes

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Once again, Lance puts one of the tag lines in his signature block up into the post. Read this carefully, OP. You'll see that you KNOW the answer to ALL your questions.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 6/26/2012 7:41:29 PM >

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:40:45 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am hoping someone can give me some good old fashioned advice.
I have been with Master for 10yrs, and everything seemed to be great, even to the point of Him saying to me 3 months ago that he is thinking of marrying me. All through our relationship He has been in contact with His ex (due to the kids), and has now left to go on a "family holiday" with them for 3 weeks. There wasn't much of a discussion with me about it, only he didn't want to hurt me.....
I feel gutted, and when I try and explain my feelings, I am met with hostility and threats of Him moving on from me. I can't seem to get my point across. I know if I smiled and agreed, I wouldn't be having this problem, but it hurts me sooo much. I am doubting myself for being such a fool, for giving myself to Him as I have, I'm questioning wether his training was becoming increasingly harsher and more severe because of this....I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, what I'm expected to do. I don't trust easily, and feel that that has been obliterated too. Each time I've spoken with him he gets angry at me, and I cannot ring him because he will not answer my calls in his ex's company. I know I will not deal with it very well at all......but maybe this is the beginning of the end?

My thoughts (purely my own):

"Nice knowing you...listen, if you ever come 'round my way, do us both a favor....take a nice little leap off the Sydney Bridge....call me when you hit the pavement".

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:47:12 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

As for the emotionally broken shit, only you, OP, can make the decision to stop being broken, fragile, or insecure. It doesn't happen over night, but the decision to change things for the better takes less than a heartbeat.
Best of luck.

Exactly. Master has a saying, "Pain in life is mandatory, but misery is optional."

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 7:48:43 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

one that maybe is fed up with the slave's drama over the years? It's a possibility.

I'm thinking that too. If she calls when he's with the ex and she's being all melodramatic, over clingy and demanding, I get the part about not wanting to talk to her.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:03:04 PM

kalikshama

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I've been waiting to comment because I sense there could be much more to the story, but this really rang true for me:

quote:

It is very possible for divorced parents to be active together in their children's lives without taking a 3 week vacation together that excludes the new significant others.

Agreed. After 10 years, this seems quite strange.

quote:

He won't answer her calls when he is with the ex? Your first thought on whether the divorce decree exists seems more likely.

The only times men wouldn't take my calls when they were with another woman was when they still had something going on with that woman.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:22:37 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Either way if she is being overly clingly or he is being an ass, I would say the time has come to end things. That is just my opinion. Anyone who spoke of marriage to me and took off with an ex for 3 weeks could keep on going.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:35:38 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

one that maybe is fed up with the slave's drama over the years? It's a possibility. I tend to see people who air their dirty laundry on here usually are some kind of drama llama.

As for the kids and the ex, I think that when your kids come first, the ex comes with that if you want your kids to not grow up in a way where there is trauma and hurt and arguing. It's just not a good thing and I've found that the children end up harmed in some way emotionally. So I see having good relations with an ex being part of the package.

Yes, but the ex doesn't come second. You have an amicable relationship with them, and both exes understand that the other has the right to have someone new in their life. While that should never supercede the kids, it should supercede the ex. If it doesn't then that new relationship is going to have problems.

After being supposedly divorced for 10 years, you can have good relations with your ex for the sake of your children, but a 3 week vacation? No. The "new" SO having a problem with that has little to do with insecurity and everything to do with the exes not really having separated. Just like after 10 years, those kids should have met the new SO. I'm willing to bet the "ex" wife doesn't have a new man in her life, because he wouldn't be so agreeable to his new wife/partner taking a 3 week vacation not only without him, but with her ex husband, regardless of the excuse of it being "for the kids."

Incidentally, such "family" vacations can be detrimental to the kids as opposed to "healthy." It can lead the kids to believe mommy and daddy will get back together, which certainly would make those kids "hate" daddy's new SO (although I seriously doubt they know the OP exists).

As for the OP's *possible* behavior when he is on the phone with her while around the ex...it really isn't that difficult to step away from everyone (even the kids) for 10 minutes to call the OP in private. Let's face it, at the very youngest, these kids are 13, 12 and 11 if they have been divorced for 10 years, likely older than that, or of course, the OP has been with him for 10 years and part of that time he was married, in which case, on of the children could be an infant, and that shit certainly shouldn't fly either.

ETA: to fix quotes

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 6/26/2012 9:36:24 PM >

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:44:53 PM

NuevaVida

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~ Fast Reply ~

I won't speculate on the personalities involved in this relationship. None of us know. I will, however, comment on how I would handle a situation like this.

My owner has an ex, who has been his ex for 9 years. They have a daughter together. I get along with his ex, I get along with his daughter. He lives a 5 minute walk from his ex, and has 50% custody of their daughter.

If he did not talk to me while with his ex, that would not work for me. In our first year together, they took their daughter out (all three of them together) for her jr. high graduation. I had no issue with that (this was prior to my meeting either the ex or the daughter).

We are over three years into this relationship. I have been included in his family. If there was a family vacation, I would be included in that. If he and his ex chose to take their daughter on an overnight outing without me, I would not be comfortable with that. For three weeks? And not talking to me during that time? No fucking way. I deserve better.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:46:30 PM

sexyred1

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Totally agree with Lafayette Lady.

I know many amicably divorced couples with new significant others and they have kids.

NONE of them would go on a vacation with their ex. Their kids, sure thing. NEVER the ex.

Something is up with that.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:47:14 PM

LafayetteLady

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That is my point exactly Nueva. While I am using the OP as the example, since it is her post, for the most part, I am talking about in general what would be appropriate or inappropriate.

It sounds like you and your partner have it right (along with his ex). Their daughter is very lucky to have all of you.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 9:55:53 PM

NuevaVida

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Totally agree with your point, LafayetteLady. That situation would not work for me at all.

This isn't to say there aren't conflicts in our own little family, but they are not dealt with with threats - in either direction.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 10:13:48 PM

littlewonder

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I have a girlfriend I've known for over 15 years. She has 3 children and has been divorced for about 10 years now. She and her kids still get together with the ex husband and will all go on vacations for weeks at a time. When she has been dating someone for a long period of time she always felt that she shouldn't need to call that person while she's on vacation with the kids because she felt it was needy and clingy and they were acting childish. According to my friend her children are her priority and that means the ex becomes part of that priority. He's part of the package whether either of them like it or not. Oh and the ex does not bring his new wife along ever because the wife and my friend despise each other so if he ever does call her while they're on vacation she gets angry and will usually get into a tiff with her ex. So the last I knew they came to an agreement that wives and boyfriends would no longer be a part of their vacations in any way. It seems to work for them.

I kinda feel the same way. If Master went off with someone else for a few weeks, while I may not be thrilled with it, I accept it. If he doesn't want to call or email, that's his choice whether I was his slave or girlfriend. I would feel as if I was interrupting him from having a good time while away.

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