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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 10:46:16 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

Hey I know a lady that still slept with her ex after she remarried. I did a hey whatever floats your boat kinda shrug since her husband knew, but me no way. I do not share.

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Post #: 41

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 10:58:01 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

FR
As a person who had to endure my parents
bitter divorce and who has been involved
with men who had very antagonistic
relationships with their ex wives I'm
all in favor of couples who rise above
it.

I've known couples who after they split
still celebrated the holidays together
and did things together with the kids.
I believe you have to love your kids
more than you hate your ex.

As for the calling thing. It's hard to know
without hearing his side of it. If she's
calling constantly and being a pain
when she calls I don't blame him.

If it were me and my partner was
away with kids I wouldn't call him.
I'd hope he'd call or text me but I
wouldn't interupt him while he was
with his kids.
I'm bit of a nut about respecting peoples
privacy to begin with.
I've never been threatened by a man
being friends with his ex. I find it
reassuring.
Not really getting a clear idea of what
is going except the OP sounds unhappy.

If as she says he doesn't want to talk
about the relationship it would seem like
it's fork in the road time.

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Post #: 42

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/26/2012 11:01:52 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

Also in the ten years they've been together has he
always spent time with the kids and the
ex-wife?

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Post #: 43

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 5:26:26 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

Thi man has done more harm by emotional abuse!
Which is harder to recover from this a punch in the face!

He pick apart everything she felt bad about whether is was 'hidden
or what ever she said!

He is the most evil of men and this happen in vanilla relationships!
My twin still can not listen to songs, her husband took her far from me and
our family, it took two years for him to make her feel bad and he emotionally
"abuse her, her weight (she have not weight problem) and he had everyone thinking she was so jealous!

I came and change her thinking! He hated me I felt the same! Thank god she
left him, and remarried someone who was a true man!

It takes a man who hates woman to do this to a woman! There is a book
Men who hate woman and the woman who love them"

It is a good read and it will show just what type of men there and it show how to spot them

I wish you well op it is not lost, your strong but right now it will take time!

mons

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 44

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 7:29:57 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Totally agree with Lafayette Lady.

I know many amicably divorced couples with new significant others and they have kids.

NONE of them would go on a vacation with their ex. Their kids, sure thing. NEVER the ex.

Something is up with that.

My parents did, for two weeks every year over July 4th. And not once did I think they were getting back together.

Matter of fact, 43 years after the divorce, they still call each other just to chat.

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Post #: 45

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 7:54:02 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I commend your parents. More should strive for a similar relationship.

I've bopped in to read this thread off and on. I may have missed a relevant post or two but yanno..........I'm not buying into the whole "oh the poor OP" drama llama bullshit just quite.

If after 10ish years (if I remember correctly) this person isn't getting exactly what they asked for, shame on them. We are only getting one side of a drama laden, immature sounding, story. For all we know, the s-type's demands and expectations may be ridiculous. There may be a lot of other bullshit that would cause the reaction the guy has supposedly given her. If I wanted to, I could probably think of a dozen different scenarios where his behaviour is not all that horrible. I'm not going to fuel her pity party.

She needs to figure out what her priorities are and what kind of relationship she wants, what kind of person she wants to be in the relationship with. If the current dude isn't that guy, isn't going to have that sort of relationship, then she needs to end it and move on.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 46

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 8:19:45 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I wish the poster would come back and tell us how she is doing.
She obviously was in great pain, I hate to see people suffer with such wounds inflicted.
This man has no excuse for leaving her hanging and treated her like this. Call her for Gods sake and sooth her insecurity. If he cared he would want to assure her. 3 weeks vacation with the kids........beautiful. 3 weeks with the ex and not calling ..............bullshit. It sounds very fishy.
Poster if you do come back the sad truth is when someone treats you in such a way the level of care isnt where it should be. Its pure disrespect.
If he has always treated you this way, then its much more of the same. But if this is new treatment he is sending a message girlfriend, Ive sent that message myself before. And been on the recieving end too. God does it hurt!

COMPASSION PEOPLE!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 47

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 8:55:08 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
Call her for Gods sake and sooth her insecurity. If he cared he would want to assure her.

For all you know, he has, six ways to Sunday and has now reached a frustration level where the only way to have some peace is to make the browbeating stop.

You've just made a judgement based on only one side of the story......and a very incomplete side at that.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 48

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 9:31:11 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

THats true, but she is the one who was posting and looking for understanding. Sometimes people just need a sympathic ear and not brow beat. IT can make them feel even worse. She hasnt been back.

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Post #: 49

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 9:43:29 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

THats true, but she is the one who was posting and looking for understanding. Sometimes people just need a sympathic ear and not brow beat. IT can make them feel even worse. She hasnt been back.

Agreed. Most of them need a heavy smack upside the head instead of more 'oh poor you' to feed their already over flowing cup. From what I read, she is doing a plenty good job feeling sorry for herself. She doesn't need any help in that department.

Brow beating only gives them another reason to feel more sorry for themselves. I'd prefer something alot more painful.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/27/2012 9:45:07 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 50

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 9:51:45 AM

conflicted

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

The relationship is RT, and yes I have a great relationship with the children. No, I am not in his face about the issue, but I do have a voice. In everything he does, he asks my opinion, alarm bells went off with me when he didn't want to discuss anything, and perhaps he felt a degree of guilt, I don't know. His relationship with his ex has been extremely stormy for many years, then hey presto out of the blue comes this! That's why it's such a shock

(in reply to conflicted)

Post #: 51

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 9:52:58 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Based on your profile the relationship you have with him has also been rather stormy.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to conflicted)

Post #: 52

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:11:32 AM

conflicted

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

The only reason I got on here for advice is because as a submissive, I don't have anyone else to talk to, because I am not out there with my lifestyle. (due to the fact that I have children of my own)
If I were the drama queen type which has been implied here, I wouldn't have bothered posting. I am not some rattle head that's been doing this for 5 minutes, as you all know there is major trust in all aspects of this lifestyle, and the journey I have been on has tested that many times.
I don't know how to deal with the hurt that has totally encompassed my soul. I don't ring him constantly, or nag, or anything like that. However I did get a call from him telling me that his son was angry at him and that he was going to tell me his mum and dad were getting back together, and that it wasn't true :S

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 53

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:17:58 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

You go take care of you and forget the mess. You are dragging this out and on. If you fall for that or are creating it, you need more help than we or anyone on a message board can offer.

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Post #: 54

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:22:45 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

The relationship is RT, and yes I have a great relationship with the children. No, I am not in his face about the issue, but I do have a voice. In everything he does, he asks my opinion, alarm bells went off with me when he didn't want to discuss anything, and perhaps he felt a degree of guilt, I don't know. His relationship with his ex has been extremely stormy for many years, then hey presto out of the blue comes this! That's why it's such a shock

Okay: Pain in life is mandatory, misery is optional. You're making yourself miserable, even though he might have caused the pain. The "but I do have a voice" part is what has my attention now. When discussing something that has hurt us, we frequently couch thing in a manner that places blame on the other in an accusatory manner. "You did this" as opposed to "When you did this, I felt that". You also need to figure out what part of this hurt you and why it hurt you.

Then you need to sit down and CALMLY discuss this without getting over dramatic or making accusations. (Your previous posts and entries here show that you're inclined to go for the drama)

If he still refuses after a calm and logical attempt, then you have bigger issues than this vacation. Honestly, I think you two may want to see a counselor. You're clearly having communication issues.

I'm not really in the camp of those that believe there is something between the ex and him. Ten years has gone by and you said yourself that their relationship is acrimonious. I believe this may merely be an attempt to make a better situation for his children.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to conflicted)

Post #: 55

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:27:06 AM

conflicted

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

It has been stormy in parts, but goodness knows, it was nothing like his and the ex's! I felt we were at a good place. I didn't post on here because I feel sorry for myself, or I'm on the pity train.
I posted because I was sure others may have felt the same way, or get advice on how to deal with, or should I deal with it, would their Master/Mistress do this to them?
I do thank you all for taking the time to respond, it is greatly appreciated xx

(in reply to conflicted)

Post #: 56

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:34:12 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

WOuld still love to hear HIS side of the story.

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Post #: 57

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:43:10 AM

conflicted

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

P.sp I have a great relationship with my ex also, however he is the last person I would want to go away with :)

(in reply to conflicted)

Post #: 58

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 10:49:07 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

P.sp I have a great relationship with my ex also, however he is the last person I would want to go away with :)

The leisure agents sell a lot of trips to exes that go on vacation together, especially big trips. It also solves the issue of who gets to take the kids on a long vacation.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to conflicted)

Post #: 59

RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 12:41:54 PM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

Conflicted:

1. Do you trust that he's telling you the truth?
2. If this continues, can you see yourself living with him going off with his ex and kids for weeks at a time?

Can you live with these feelings? If not, you need to tell him that you're going to leave.. because ultimately that will happen. Stuff like this has a cumulative effect and at some point you will hit threshold. You'll either totally lose it with him or you'll become immune to the pain. That latter results in indifference and nothing will kill a relationship faster.

Being dominant is about who's in charge, who has final say. People will (ab)use it to so that they don't have to act with conscience, they'll act as if it makes them all-knowing or all-wise, or clairvoyant, and they'll use their power as a cop out for not acting with integrity. It's nothing more than "I say, you do". When in doubt, refer to rule #1. But keep in mind that absolute power corrupts absolutely, even in this world where we behave "as if" there is ownership.

If you are not happy with the way you are being treated, if you don't like the man he is today, then you have to look down the road, and ask yourself if looking back another 10 years from now would you be glad you stayed even though things didnt change. Better yet, you know the story more than any of us here: if your best friend was in your situation.... what would you advise her? Would you tell her to stay? Would you tell her to suck it up?

good luck

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Post #: 60

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