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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 12:58:43 PM

chatterbox24

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Glad you came back poster hope it works out for you.

Hands you a tissue and one of my bon bons. :)

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 12:58:44 PM

littlewonder

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To me it sounds like you don't trust your Master. If you don't trust him to go on vacation with his ex, you've got bigger fish to fry.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 2:10:16 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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Sure, maybe exes go off on vacation for three weeks with the kids and nothing untoward is happening. Is it possible? I guess. But I am going to assume those people are still in phone contact with the current partner. That he is telling you not to call, now *that* is a red flag.

Also, conflicted said this:

However I did get a call from him telling me that his son was angry at him and that he was going to tell me his mum and dad were getting back together, and that it wasn't true :S

I assume she means this guy is going to tell his son that he's getting back together with his ex, but per him it's not true? Is this correct, OP?

I think it is. Which means he's planning on or trying to get back with her. There just isn't any other reason for not being available for three weeks AND the lying to his son. Let me guess? This son is the youngest? Still young enough to spill the beans?

I may be wrong, but seriously this is my take on it. If it were merely an attempt to make a better situation for the children, well really, why start that with lying?

Lying to kids about crap like this *never* works. It just pisses them off even more, b/c now, on top of everything else, you're lying.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 2:15:44 PM

Lockit

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I took it as the son is mad at dad and the son is going to tell current lover that his dad is going to get back together with his mother, to get even with dad for making him mad. So dad calls current lover to warn her not to believe the son, when he tells her that. If this in fact happened... I would believe the son. Or, the dad is covering his ass or tormenting the op from a distance keeping the drama going. He had to tell her that... when he could use the remainder of the vacation to settle things so the son didn't say anything. Or... it is all made up to start with.

No phone calls to current lover while with his ex??? Yeah! Okay, and I have a million bucks in a fire safe box under my bed. If everything was on the up and up... no past drama filled relationships with ex and current lover... there would be no need to not call and let current know all is well. Why would the ex care unless something is there?

If... If this is the story... it is a biggy! Somebody... op... lover... somebody isn't being straight here and I see ten years, plus one of more drama before someone gets smart.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/27/2012 2:18:41 PM >

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 3:27:57 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I have a girlfriend I've known for over 15 years. She has 3 children and has been divorced for about 10 years now. She and her kids still get together with the ex husband and will all go on vacations for weeks at a time. When she has been dating someone for a long period of time she always felt that she shouldn't need to call that person while she's on vacation with the kids because she felt it was needy and clingy and they were acting childish. According to my friend her children are her priority and that means the ex becomes part of that priority. He's part of the package whether either of them like it or not. Oh and the ex does not bring his new wife along ever because the wife and my friend despise each other so if he ever does call her while they're on vacation she gets angry and will usually get into a tiff with her ex. So the last I knew they came to an agreement that wives and boyfriends would no longer be a part of their vacations in any way. It seems to work for them.

I kinda feel the same way. If Master went off with someone else for a few weeks, while I may not be thrilled with it, I accept it. If he doesn't want to call or email, that's his choice whether I was his slave or girlfriend. I would feel as if I was interrupting him from having a good time while away.

I notice you say "when" she was in long term relationships which means they didn't continue. Betting, that is a big part of why.

Kids are a priority, no question. Getting along with the ex for the sake of the kids is a wonderful thing. Making the ex a priority and using the kids as an excuse? That is simply disrespecting your current partner.

So your friend's ex's new wife and her don't get along, so I guess it is perfectly fine to exclude her from everything in the children's lives, right? Weddings, graduations? Sorry, it isn't. It means that the two women, don't need to like each other, but they need to learn to act like adults (which sorry, your friend is not) and be civil to each other for the sake of the kids.

As for the OP, "suddenly" they are taking a 3 week vacation when things have been acrimonious for 10 years, when they haven't done it before? No way. You don't suddenly go away with someone for nearly a month when for the last 10 years you haven't been able to be civil to each other, even if it is for the kids. You start with a weekend maybe.

I get the whole concept that the slaves here have agreed to have no say in what their partner does. But then there is the rest of the world where that kind of respect for your partner is part and parcel of what makes the relationship successful.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 3:49:19 PM

littlewonder

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She doesn't keep guys because she was married 4 times and now she's skittish and afraid to commit to anyone but she only had children to the one ex husband. She keeps in contact with the others as well as friends. Some she still goes on vacations with because they're still good friends. As for the wife of the one ex, my friend has offered to be polite if she wanted to come but the ex's wife refuses to because she wants nothing at all to do with my friend. So that's why they decided no wives or husband allowed on their trips so it makes everything stable and peaceful while away on those vacations. It keeps the kids from having to choose summer vacations between mom and dad and then there being arguments over it all. This just simply cuts any risk and everyone's friends...except the wife of the ex but she's had her chances.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 4:55:49 PM

Browneyes99

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i haven't read the journal entries and there's things i'd like to know about the situation. do you live with him or separately? if separately, it is quite possible you know nothing about him. is this your first and only D/s relationship? if so, you may have stayed so long with him because you think you'll never find another that makes you feel the way he does or maybe it's because he knows you so well and you've never been so intimate with anyone before. get over it, real Doms will make you feel like that, it's not just him.
you must not be totally broken - you know when to reach out for help. take the opinions of all and seek the truth within you. go see a therapist and talk it out, they do wonders to get your thoughts straight.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 5:16:25 PM

Winterapple

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FR
A guy doesn't have to go on vacation with
his ex or anyone else to have sex with them.

It's still a little murky to me what the
issues are other than he's on vacation
with his ex and doesn't want to talk to
her in front of his ex. I don't think that's
very strange , I find it awkward talking
to my partner if other people can hear.
I'd prefer to talk to him when he's alone.
If he's calling her and he must be
considering the story with his son,
he's staying in contact.

Is it the vacation thing that has her
so upset or is it just the thing that's
brought other issues to the surface?

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 5:22:11 PM

Winterapple

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I took the story about the son as the son was going
to tell her his dad was getting back with
his mom to get back at his dad.
But could be he is trying get back with
his ex and the son thinks his dad is
being a louse. Or it's true and he's
threatening to tell cause he's pissed.

Hard to have a relationship where there's
no trust. If he is trying to get back with
the ex and she's his plan b that sucks.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 5:33:11 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Winterapple

I took the story about the son as the son was going
to tell her his dad was getting back with
his mom to get back at his dad.
But could be he is trying get back with
his ex and the son thinks his dad is
being a louse. Or it's true and he's
threatening to tell cause he's pissed.

Or the son is trying to break up the relationship....

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 5:41:14 PM

littlewonder

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I've seen that happen A LOT! Kids either don't like the new person or they don't the new person because they want mom and dad back together. If that's the case, both you and his dad and even the mom, should all sit down with the kids and really explain to them how it is and how it will be.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 6:12:54 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

The only reason I got on here for advice is because as a submissive, I don't have anyone else to talk to, because I am not out there with my lifestyle. (due to the fact that I have children of my own)
If I were the drama queen type which has been implied here, I wouldn't have bothered posting. I am not some rattle head that's been doing this for 5 minutes, as you all know there is major trust in all aspects of this lifestyle, and the journey I have been on has tested that many times.
I don't know how to deal with the hurt that has totally encompassed my soul. I don't ring him constantly, or nag, or anything like that. However I did get a call from him telling me that his son was angry at him and that he was going to tell me his mum and dad were getting back together, and that it wasn't true :S

Many therapists/counselors are either kink aware or kink friendly.

I would suggest looking into that as a backup plan.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/27/2012 6:20:19 PM

Winterapple

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True, but I don't know if he'd tell his dad if
that was he was up to.
Dating a divorced parent is a minefield.
I've found that when the exes get along
it is easier for everybody including the
new partners.

When it gets to the point where everyone
can go to the school play it's nice.
But even when the kids like the new
SO's they sometimes like to do things
with just their parents.
I had a friend who was very jealous of
her boyfriends kids. That's a sucky
situation to.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/28/2012 9:23:06 PM

JanahX

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So I suppose this is the first time he's treated you like shit? Its always a good thing to know TEN YEARS AFTER THE FACT -

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/28/2012 9:47:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

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JANAH!! ~bouncing~

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/28/2012 9:53:19 PM

GreedyTop

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JANAH!!! YAY!!

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/29/2012 7:58:19 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

So I suppose this is the first time he's treated you like shit? Its always a good thing to know TEN YEARS AFTER THE FACT -

Hey stranger! Welcome back!

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Many therapists/counselors are either kink aware or kink friendly.

I would suggest looking into that as a backup plan.

I wouldn't even suggest that as the back up plan. I would suggest that as the primary plan. It truly sounds like they need an intermediary to help them learn to communicate.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/29/2012 8:23:14 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Many therapists/counselors are either kink aware or kink friendly.

I would suggest looking into that as a backup plan.

I wouldn't even suggest that as the back up plan. I would suggest that as the primary plan. It truly sounds like they need an intermediary to help them learn to communicate.

I agree, OsideGirl, but I was basing a [new] backup plan on her premise that she said: "The only reason I got on here for advice is because as a submissive, I don't have anyone else to talk to, because I am not out there with my lifestyle."
I saw us as her backup plan and was suggesting she create a new one, only I was not clear on that.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/29/2012 8:33:53 AM

GotSteel

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My advice is not to take advice from the internet. Your friends having actually seen this dynamic should be able to give you much more informed opinions on the subject and you knowing and hopefully trusting your friends should find their advice more meaningful than that of random strangers.

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RE: Emotionally broken - 6/29/2012 9:03:56 AM

littlewonder

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Even better, you're family. From experience your family will absolutely see things that you refuse to recognize and they will let you know under no terms or circumstances. I'm would be surprised if your family hasn't said something about him in over 10 years unless you have no family or you don't speak to them at all, don't make them a part of your life.

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