RE: Should I or Shouldn't I????

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RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 5:01:59 PM

NuevaVida

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Since you are unsure if you should do this or not I'm thinking you haven't yet developed a firm and strong moral code about infidelity. I know for my own personal reasons it took me a long time to figure it out. I was very conflicted about the subject.

Only you can figure this out for yourself. So I'll just ask you to ask yourself, do you want to live an honest or dishonest life? The choice is yours.

I'll also say that being the other woman is pretty much guaranteed to end in heartache.

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Post #: 21

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 5:23:04 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
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You have to be able to look at your self in the mirror. If it doesn't bother you, then why worry about what folks on an internet message board say?

I have to say though, if you were as ok with it as you say you are, this post would have never been made.

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Post #: 22

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 6:24:06 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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Normal912,

My opinion is cheating is wrong and you're cheating whether you're the cheating spouse or the one he/she is cheating with. That's my moral code but evidently it's not yours. I don't have to live with what you do, so it's really none of my business. But you asked for opinions and input, so here goes.

You say you've been the other woman in a vanilla relationship. Were you okay with it? If so, what's the difference between cheating for a vanilla relationship and cheating for a D/s relationship? It's still cheating. Whether you're having actual sex or not, he is lying to his wife to be with you and you're having to sneak around behind her back, which makes you both liars because you're lying to her, even if it's by omission.

Also, consider this: if he's cheating on his wife with you, what makes you think you're the only one he's cheating with? I know of one married man that I know for a fact is cheating on his wife with two other women, he's told me he is and I've met one of them. He's in his mid-40s and I haven't a clue how he can keep up with them all.

Another thing too: Pretty much all cheaters say the spouse doesn't understand them or neglects them. That's NOT always true. I'm the ex-wife of a compulsive cheater. When we were married I doted on him, gave him everything he said he wanted in the bedroom and out of it and he was in no way neglected. He still cheated.

Do you want to spend all your birthdays, holidays, and other important days in your life alone because he's with his wife and family? Do you want to spend all your nights alone while he's sleeping with his Mrs? Do you think it's right for him to be cheating on his wife and kid(s) when he promised her before their families and friends to be faithful to her and her only?

The only way I can really see this working out is if the three of you - you, him and his wife - all sit down together and come to an agreement. Otherwise, in the long run, you will be the one who gets disappointed when it ends. Even if he said he would leave his wife for you and he does, history does tend to repeat itself and he would probably cheat on you too.

Sorry about my rant, but you did ask for opinions and input.

NBMG

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Post #: 23

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:05:29 PM

DesFIP

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Of course she can't be fulfilling his kinks. She just had a baby. She's lucky to get two hours sleep at a time and he's being a creep because she won't be his sex slave.

OP, if your best friend came to you, just a few months after her first child was born, saying her husband was cheating on her, would you tell her she had no right to feel betrayed? Would you tell him to go for it, and to hell with her?

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Post #: 24

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:16:08 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Of course she can't be fulfilling his kinks. She just had a baby. She's lucky to get two hours sleep at a time and he's being a creep because she won't be his sex slave.

I totally agree.

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Post #: 25

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:43:33 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Of course she can't be fulfilling his kinks. She just had a baby. She's lucky to get two hours sleep at a time and he's being a creep because she won't be his sex slave.

OP, if your best friend came to you, just a few months after her first child was born, saying her husband was cheating on her, would you tell her she had no right to feel betrayed? Would you tell him to go for it, and to hell with her?

This ^^^^

How would you feel, OP, if YOU were his wife and he took the same entitled attitude about hooking up with an old/new playmate...or both...without your consent while you're at home trying to raise an infant by yourself while he f*cks about? Shoe on the other foot doesn't fit so well, does it?

My opinion? There was a REASON you and he didn't make it in the first round. Whether you consciously knew then or not, now you do. He's a f*ckwad. Thank your lucky stars you got out in time (sheesh, now I'm wondering if he was married or partnered on some level the first time.)

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 26

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:52:44 PM

HurtMyTitsPls

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Give it up

< Message edited by HurtMyTitsPls -- 6/27/2012 7:53:25 PM >

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Post #: 27

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:55:26 PM

Normal912

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Joined: 6/12/2012
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I guess I am just rationing it.

I feel that after all this time I owe it to myself and to him to see what happens.

I am not a believer in marriage. Coming from a family whose parents have been married for 35 years, I honestly don't see the this as necessary.

So he's married... He's dominant but can't be this way for his wife. They have a child and he is stuck with her. She doesn't want to be part of his bdsm life.

I do not want to marry this man. I simply want him to have an on and off again dom/sub relationship with me. I guess I am scum of the earth for wanting a married man.

I find it interesting that most of the responses are from sub/domme females. I have yet to hear a males side.

(in reply to HurtMyTitsPls)

Post #: 28

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:56:45 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
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he says he can't be dominant for his wife. What the hell do you think he is gonna say? "Oh my wife rocks my world and I love her enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her, but hey, if you are willing to give me some pussy, come on I will take it?"

Seriously, if you are that hellbent on fucking him then just do it, but do not use the bullshit lines that he is giving you about his marriage as an excuse to do it.

< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 6/27/2012 8:00:07 PM >

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Post #: 29

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 7:57:39 PM

littlewonder

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give it time. They're all asleep or at work right now. Ya know, things that responsible Doms do.

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Post #: 30

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:25:49 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Normal912
He's dominant but can't be this way for his wife. They have a child and he is stuck with her. She doesn't want to be part of his bdsm life.

If she were to see that he is saying that about her, she would likely be quite surprised.

Look, Normal912, you're 26 and not bad-looking. Out of all the men in the world, why would you even be thinking about this guy? If you do hook up with him, you will waste several years of your life with someone who cannot give you the time and attention you deserve.

It's not like Dominant men are an endangered species or anything.

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(in reply to Normal912)

Post #: 31

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:30:25 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Normal912
I find it interesting that most of the responses are from sub/domme females. I have yet to hear a males side.

there is a reason for that, many of the sub/domme females have either been the wife being cheated on or have been the other woman.. And too, you are only 26 so in a different phase of your life than many of the females that have posted..

If you are gonna do it with the dude, then at least use condoms and play safe.. no guarantee that you arent the only one he sees.. and be prepared for fallout if the wife finds out.. you may only want him on and off but if his wife kicks him out he might end up on your doorstep with his bags, wanting to move in!

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Post #: 32

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:33:37 PM

Normal912

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Joined: 6/12/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It's not like Dominant men are an endangered species or anything.

They are endangered where I'm from lol thanks for calling me "not bad looking"

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 33

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:37:14 PM

littlewonder

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Go to fetlife and look around. It looked like there was a ton there and quite a few munches and parties.

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Post #: 34

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:43:47 PM

punisher440

Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Normal912

I guess I am just rationing it.

I feel that after all this time I owe it to myself and to him to see what happens.

I am not a believer in marriage. Coming from a family whose parents have been married for 35 years, I honestly don't see the this as necessary.

So he's married... He's dominant but can't be this way for his wife. They have a child and he is stuck with her. She doesn't want to be part of his bdsm life.

I do not want to marry this man. I simply want him to have an on and off again dom/sub relationship with me. I guess I am scum of the earth for wanting a married man.

I find it interesting that most of the responses are from sub/domme females. I have yet to hear a males side.

Ok,you want to hear a male's side? I tend to agree with the females on this subject.The ONLY way you could ever justify this in my book was to sit down with both the wanna-be cheating hubby and his wife and if she gives you her blessing,then have at it.What you are hearing is HIS side of this story,I bet her side sounds a lot different.If I had a dollar for every time I have heard other guys laughing about the times they've told women that their wives didn't understand them and their needs or that they are just together for the kids and we both see others I could retire a rich man.But you are the one that has to look at yourself every morning in the mirror,not us.For the life of me,I can not see why single submissive woman would resort to a fling with a married man when there are plenty of single dominant men looking.Very rarely has a situation like this ever turned out well for everyone involved when a single starts a relationship with a married person.And if you break them up either by choice or by mistake,I'll bet you any amount you care to lose that if you end up with him,in a few months or years some other woman will hear him tell this same tale you are hearing right now.

(in reply to Normal912)

Post #: 35

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:47:36 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

I want someone I can have an actual loving relationship with, someone who can be my best friend as well as my dominant.

Married (and with a child) = neither of those.
You already know that from being 'the other woman' in previous alliances. Where are those married douches you diddled now? If they were still a significant part of your life you wouldn't be asking this question. Do you actually PREFER to play second (third, fourth, of fifth) fiddle? As an attractive submissive woman, you DO know you are in high demand and have a variety of choices, right?

I don't think you're a bad person for wanting what you want. I'd like to eat an entire key lime pie or caramel cheesecake, and I can if I want to. But I know I'm better off in the long run not giving in to this urge. Hey...you don't need us to give you permission to go for your married putz so all FOUR of you (including an innocent baby) can end up getting pissed on. I think you're a nicer person than that. And more mature and responsible...no?!

Take the high road. When it's your turn, karma's a ruthless bitch.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 6/27/2012 9:35:21 PM >

(in reply to Normal912)

Post #: 36

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:48:12 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
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There is a saying, something like "The best revenge on a woman who steals your man is to let her keep him"

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Post #: 37

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:53:39 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

Posts: 3907
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I am not certain I understand the meaning behind this post, but then again I'm probably stupid. Are you looking for permission, then permission granted... you have already made up your mind it sounds like. Do you want insight into what it means to be the "other woman"? Or to say, it doesn't really matter... she doesn't give him _______ and it's not like I want _______.

Personally, I believe this is a question of ethics. What follows is just my own fucking opinion and doesn't mean anything... I think that this type of paradigm involves trust, honesty, transparency. I find myself spending more time than I ever did when I just "dated" trying to learn about the person and I find that the decisions that people make, the actions they take, in public and private are reflective of who they are as well as who they see themselves to be.

I personally believe you need to sit down and consider your decision and what it means to you, for you, what it says of you... to you.

Personally, and it has been a difficult decision to realize, though I have known it for decades... and yet I have acted counter to it, but I live with intention, I live honestly and I no longer, ever, compromise in what I will accept.

You, will need to make your own decisions and the flow that comes from that... as well as realize your actions affect everyone around you, yes, in this case, even his wife that you will never meet.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 38

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 8:57:38 PM

Lockit

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Wow... that poor baby. A daddy that cheats... women that will cheat with him and one day... most likely a broken home. Fuck the ol man, take him now while the baby is still young. That's what you could be doing Normal. You could be taking a bad daddy away.

Think of that little face. Think of the life he/she will have. Be a ruthless enabler... but I hope every time you talk to him you think of that baby... you think of the orgasm his mama had when the babe was conceived and you remember what it was like to live in a non broken home with your parents.

I don't give a shit if you don't respect marriage... I dare you to say you don't respect the child's right to have what you had, (two parents at home)... and to have a dad, at home, paying attention rather than with you.

When you go out and figure... some woman isn't taking care of her man and that is an open door for ruthless wenching... I hope you remember the children you might be helping to fuck up.

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Post #: 39

RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 6/27/2012 9:12:41 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: Normal912
I find it interesting that most of the responses are from sub/domme females. I have yet to hear a males side.

there is a reason for that, many of the sub/domme females have either been the wife being cheated on or have been the other woman.. And too, you are only 26 so in a different phase of your life than many of the females that have posted..

If you are gonna do it with the dude, then at least use condoms and play safe.. no guarantee that you arent the only one he sees.. and be prepared for fallout if the wife finds out.. you may only want him on and off but if his wife kicks him out he might end up on your doorstep with his bags, wanting to move in!

Normal as well as what Tj444 says,
They are also the ones who 90%+ actually have given birth to a child(and 99.99999*% of men NEVER have or will) and know JUST what its like to have post partum depression/baby blues/trouble with intimacy or illness after having a baby. Let alone the lack of sleep, all hours feeding, and that body, OMG...Good Fathers have problems too, but the really good guys make allowances for it.
Tell you what, try talking to your hero into letting you get permission from the wife to take care of his "need for domination"...see what happens. I bet you wont even bring it up with him.
If you dont care, then... be prepared for a problem ridden life.

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(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 40

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