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RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 7:23:20 AM   
Char2688


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Ding dong
The judgement bell rings again

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 8:21:09 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Char2688
Ding dong. The judgement bell rings again.

Not so. I merely noted that the OP was acting not out of some sense of honor but rather out of a sense of self-gratification. In my experience, such people find other like-minded people and they get on doing whatever it is they are going to do. Nothing's going to stop it. Perhaps nothing should. I didn't demand that the OP have honor. I simply said it doesn't matter what they all collectively do because in the absence of honor, all that's left is self.

Out of curiosity, how do YOU define "honor"? Other than a pretty word that gets tossed around a lot on BDSM sites, what do you think it means in a practical, day-to-day, implementation?


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Char2688)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 8:40:05 AM   
Char2688


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Honor is not defined by others viewpoints. It is a standard that is self imposed, often misunderstood by others....back to the religion....the honorable people who started most religions were, well, honorable.....and they did not judge but accepted people's shortcomings and viewpoints.......modern interpretations of these teachings have corrupted viewpoints that lead to common people jumping to judgements.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 8:50:05 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I am okay with having an affair (I've been the other woman in a vanilla relationship (please don't judge!)) I am just wondering if this is a normal thing.... are married men able to have a bdsm relationship seperate from their marital relationship?


Withholding any other comment and simply answering the OP's question, yes, of course they can.
It happens, every day across America.
You know, just like many many men keep mistresses, escorts, trysts, pieces of strange, one nights stands and/or gay love affairs separate from their marriages too.
BDSM ain't no different. Wrap it up in pretty paper, cloak it in leather and mystique, in the end it's just a relationship between two (or possibly many more ) people (Unless you are into the farm thing, which is OK by me as long as the dog is at least 3.... :-O ...I tease, I tease), just like any other.
Hope that helps.

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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 9:19:56 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		There is no honor in cheating. A spade is a spade. I've did it, its about fulfilling needs, self gratification. Definitely no honor in it.
IM also a hypocirte, lol. Also calling a spade a spade again. Why? Because although someone was willing to cheat with me while married, if I was single I would not i repeat WOULD NOT cheat with a married man.


< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 7/11/2012 9:20:50 AM >

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 9:38:20 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
(Unless you are into the farm thing, which is OK by me as long as the dog is at least 3.... :-O ...I tease, I tease)


Muttley is very disappointed with you.

~ Snidely W.


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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 2:44:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Char2688

Cheating happens
Lying is a fact of life
Acceptance of others faults is at the enter of all major religions
Ritious indignation is a sin in all major religions
Lots of stones cast here!
Should I assume that the stones were cast by the perfect people only!


Just people who have morals, values and character.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/11/2012 4:39:51 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Just people who have morals, values and character.

Well actually, I never claimed to be a perfect person and I'm well known here for being blunt about the fact that I have, in fact, lied at various points in my life and otherwise failed my own code of honor. But I don't think I ever did so with this level of premeditation. There are lots and lots of people here who are WAY more truthful, honorable, etc. than me.

I was still willing to "throw stones" here although I don't think I actually did that. I just asserted a lack of honor and I asserted that what the honorless people do among themselves really isn't of interest to me.




_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 9:35:44 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		I freely confess I haven't read the whole thread. If this repeats something someone else has said, then, I guess I agree with them.

In general, if you have to ask yourself: "Should I or shouldn't I?", you shouldn't.

I reserve the right to be wrong.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 10:24:21 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Put your city in fetlife to find the groups closest to you. There's 126 of them in your state: https://fetlife.com/search/groups?q=Tennessee

As a young, single, attractive female, you will be very much in demand.



well until she gets a reputation for going after other womens men. Then not so much.

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 10:26:45 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

I freely confess I haven't read the whole thread. If this repeats something someone else has said, then, I guess I agree with them.

In general, if you have to ask yourself: "Should I or shouldn't I?", you shouldn't.

I reserve the right to be wrong.


It's the whole "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should".


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 10:27:46 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Char2688

Cheating happens
Lying is a fact of life
Acceptance of others faults is at the enter of all major religions
Ritious indignation is a sin in all major religions
Lots of stones cast here!
Should I assume that the stones were cast by the perfect people only!


She came to the forums and she asked for peoples opinions. That is what she got.

_____________________________

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Char2688)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 10:30:57 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Char2688

I am not outraged
Simply stating facts
I also thought it would stir the pot a little
Stirring the pot keeps forums from getting boring



Isn't that the definition of a troll....someone who says something just to stir up shit?

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(in reply to Char2688)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 11:29:29 AM   
MsGypsey


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		I'm late to this, but was any of the advice supplied to the OP considered and/or taken?

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 4:02:31 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		She hasn't been back since the day she posted her question.

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Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 7/12/2012 6:29:55 PM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		I don't think she should not do the married guy because it's wrong, I think she should not do the married guy because it has too much crazy-potential. And crazy almost always blows up in your face.

So Joe Blow repressed Dom finally gets in, gets obsessed and starts calling you at work, or passive aggressively lets his wife know and then she starts calling you at work, or he just falls in the BDSM honeypot and is as sloppy with limits as he is with the rest of his shambling mess of a life, or, well, just fill in your own disaster scenario. You can have kinky sex with a lot less grief-potential -and I, a passing internet stranger hope you do.

So whether you're a good person or a bad person is of not much interest to me.

That you're an obvious 'walk into the helicopter blades' kinda girl does however, potentially elevate you to must-click status if you get a real train wreck going and post a lot about it here.



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I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 1/1/2013 8:19:17 PM   
whatuneedtocum


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/4/2012
Status: offline 		My wife and I used to play but now she won't. So now I too am torn since I love her and do not want to be without her. So the memories I cherish but currently am not fulfilled. Ah but I once was. I will not , I cannot advise a yes or no















(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 1/2/2013 7:53:11 AM   
InnerExtrovert


Posts: 12
Joined: 12/31/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulbyte

You may get attached to him and you will always come in second to his wife and children, no matter how bad he says it is at home.

quote:

You may get attached to him and you will always come in second to his wife and children, no matter how bad he says it is at home.


Nothing like spending Christmas and your birthday alone waiting in anticipation for that one text he sneaks in.
You will spend every holiday and birthday alone, you will be sick alone, in the hospital alone. If he gets sick, it will be her taking care of him, not you. You will have no way of knowing if he's out of the hospital or in intensive care or dead. Just endless waiting and waiting. You can't even have the satisfaction of a decent argument since time is short. The vast majority of your relationship will be spent in bed since you have such limited time together, sex will be first and movies and dinner will be lower priority. In relationships between single people there is a progression, not so in affairs. It is dead-end from the first hotel meeting. It will be very exciting and intense at first, but once things settle in, you will want more---you will face the agonizing up stream struggle with 10 million years of pair-bonding evolutionary instinct.

You can't hug him too closely because your perfume and make up will get on his clothes. If you get in his car you have to pay attention to every tiny thing that might fall out of your purse or clothes and be potential evidence. Non stop hair strands are hard to explain. All dates have a look around and clean up moment which will remind you of what you are.

Then the doubts set in. Your friends ask what you plan on doing during the holidays, they bring dates to functions while you sit alone. In the beginning it was a rush to be his dirty little secret, to be so desired he couldn't help himself. Now you start to feel a little used as he has his orgasm and is off to the soccer game or to fix his lawn sprinkle system, or "I gotta pick up some groceries for her on the way back so this will have to be short." You will see all the tiny things that take priority over his time with you and it will eat away at your soul. If by some rare event he does divorce her and makes you his primary relationship, your old job position will be vacant and that will poison you with doubts.

(in reply to bashfulbyte)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 1/2/2013 8:26:14 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		The mods frown on resurrecting threads that are more than three months old.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to InnerExtrovert)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Should I or Shouldn't I???? - 1/2/2013 12:26:42 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Too lazy to read everything that's been posted right now, so I'll just address the OP:

Sure, folks do it. Sure, it's possible. Whatever you choose to do is what you choose to do, others can't make life choices for you.

But personally, I'd suggest weighing the risk of future drama against immediate and likely impermanent gratification. Cuz things like this have a risk of big old drama and you have to decide if that's something you're willing to realistically accept and deal with... because as sneaky as you two could be, there's always the possibility of getting caught. Make your decision without lying to yourself about this.

edited to add: Oops, didn't see it was an old thread! Nevermind!

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 1/2/2013 12:29:47 PM >

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 100
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