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lizi -> RE: Being snubbed and not given a reason (6/29/2012 10:16:29 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bashfulbyte
The relationship you are referring to from another thread ended October last year and I have not been with anyone since other than the man in this post. I have "talked to" many in between and had coffe/lunch/dinner but not decided to move forward with one untill I met this gentleman and fell for him. He is 49 although his profile said 45. I don't think there is anything wrong with an age gap. There are certain traits, more common to older men than younger, that I make a priority in a potential partner. I have my reasons for appreciating older men as well as understand the trade-offs involved; there is nothing wrong with me for it. There is also nothing wrong with me for not letting bad experiences make me close myself off and stop searching. I take the bad as learning experiences and hopelessly believe that, by improving, it will be better the next time.
After listening to the helpful adivse in this thread I can see some places I went wrong and other things I need to improve on. Next time, I will communicate that I will need a couple days just to get to know him in person because regardless of how close I feel to him on the phone I am much too bashful to go full steam ahead the first time I am in someone's presence. I have no doubt that I bruised his ego and it could have been avoided. Myself, could use lots of improvement in the communication department because I've never been good with words and speaking. He was very good at reading me over the phone and I expected too much in that regard.
Otherwise, I did have a great vanilla week there with him and he was very kind to me and I thought we had a good time and enjoyed eachother's company. I did see some things in his interactions with others that hinted at some undesireable personality traits but it wasn't enough to judge how severe it was; I don't however expect anyone to be perfect. For instance, he used me to hurt a woman who he knew was in love with him. He told me she was coming over and it was because he wanted her to see me and "get the rumor mill" started. Shortly after coming to his home and meeting me, she professed her love for him and said that men taking up with younger women made her sick. He invited her and her sponsor to have icecream with us the next day. Afterwards, this woman called him and asked straight up "do you like [bashfulbyte] more than me?" And I watched him give her an evasive answer that wasn't an answer.. same as he did to me.... Then hang up the phone and tell me how undesireable she was. This really bothered me because I have been in that other woman's position; I wouldn't wish it on anyone. He did admit he is habitually incorrigable and likes to get people worked up.
Regardless of his motives I am apparently better off without someone who would do something as immature and cruel as the silent treatment or slow fade, much less be so frustrating as to be unable to answer questions directly. I think it speaks volumes about his ability to control himself and if he cannot master himself I should not let him master me. I have met this type of man before and it is true, they will never provide closure or admit wrong or apologize for anything.
My best revenge is to live well.
His actions from the quote above are juvenile and disgusting. I'm really glad you see them as negative. Can you imagine what he'd do you at some point down the line? Game playing is so immature, the fact that he not only seeks it out but instigates to make it happen is a huge red flag. Also, him evading answers so he doesn't close off any doors and how he puts people down in order to build himself up is just incomprehensible considering that he's almost 50. He's not going to change, this is obvious.
Thank goodness you found out now and can save yourself from getting more invested.
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