quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

If I gave up financial control, then I'd be handing over a future inheritance, control of my children's college funds, signing over title to my house etc.

Yeah, I have this kind of stuff too but if today he said he wanted control over it all, I would have no problem at all with it. Here's the thing...I trust him with my life and anyone else's life for that matter. That's how trustworthy he is. So, that being said, of course I would trust him with all of that.

quote:

More importantly, he feels that dominants who do this are thieves, plain and simple. If you both only have paychecks and live week to week then it's not a big deal to be the one who writes the check to the phone company and so on. Once you have assets, things change significantly.

This I find funny. He's never stolen anything ever from me and like he says to me, "you're a slave. You don't own anything". Good because I don't like having to worry about it all. I have assets, he has assets. So what? Nothing has ever changed between us and neither of us really make it a big deal.

quote:

If your sub owned her own business, would you expect to be able to take control of that? Would you also say it was yours and not hers?

He would allow for me to run it because he trusts in my decisions but if he saw I was doing something he felt was not right then he would make the decision...whether it's my business or not. He knows more about this kind of stuff than I do. Again, I trust his judgment.

quote:

Now, if I was in the market for a car, he probably would pick which one based on what I need in a car.

I don't drive...one less concern. lol

I just really really don't understand this concept of trusting someone with your life but not your money lol.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/2/2012 3:57:05 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I've always liked being the traditional, old fasioned guy
when it comes to money, I pick up the bill for eating out,
I pay for everything really, and thats how I run my
relationships, I think it came from when I was a teen
and had no money, when my girlfriends wanted to do
Something and I couldn't afford it, I felt small when they
Would pay.
Now I am a financial control freak, although sometimes it
Feels like in al bundey from married with children...

I have found that I get some kind of psychological boost
From being not only depended on but also controlling who
Does what, and who buys what, having my partner come
and try to sweet talk me and be well behaved because there
Is something she wants.

I suppose this sort of thing is how alot of normal husbands
And fathers feel?
Anyone have any similar situations?
Im most interested in hearing from those in a D/s, M/s
relationship about how money is handled in their household.

-ARIES

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

JJ. Enough with being the proofreading bitch. I want bourbon and cupcakes, what are you going to do about it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83



I suppose this sort of thing is how alot of normal husbands
And fathers feel?
Anyone have any similar situations?
Im most interested in hearing from those in a D/s, M/s
relationship about how money is handled in their household.

-ARIES

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I've had men tell me that they want me to take over EVERYTHING... and after watching my parents, I give that a NO. My dad couldn't write a check to save his soul. When mom got sick (well the first time she got REALLY sick) it was me that was scrambling to find coupon books and bills and such. That would get really tiring after awhile. Sure, I'll write all the checks and make sure things are paid, but I need someone aware that can help me make decisions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I've always liked being the traditional, old fasioned guy
when it comes to money, I pick up the bill for eating out,
I pay for everything really, and thats how I run my
relationships, I think it came from when I was a teen
and had no money, when my girlfriends wanted to do
Something and I couldn't afford it, I felt small when they
Would pay.
Now I am a financial control freak, although sometimes it
Feels like in al bundey from married with children...

I have found that I get some kind of psychological boost
From being not only depended on but also controlling who
Does what, and who buys what, having my partner come
and try to sweet talk me and be well behaved because there
Is something she wants.

I suppose this sort of thing is how alot of normal husbands
And fathers feel?
Anyone have any similar situations?
Im most interested in hearing from those in a D/s, M/s
relationship about how money is handled in their household.

-ARIES

Did you write this on MS Word just to make sure you spelled everything correctly?

('cause if you did....you need to read the help files again).

Also....when you do this...."write" and paste....take the time to lose the caps on each follow on.

quote:

I just really really don't understand this concept of trusting someone with your life but not your money lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Oh fuck... So common sense and mutual trust and respect are important then?

Doomed, doomed I tell you!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

I just really really don't understand this concept of trusting someone with your life but not your money lol.

Me either, littlewonder.

And I have to say, this thread is helping me with my own mental struggles with the he controls the money thing.

Yes, we have common assets.

Yes, in the past I have made way more money than him.

This is not about him stealing from me, SHESH. He would no more steal from me than I would steal from him. We take care of each other.

And although he pays all the bills and makes the monetary decisions, that doesn't mean he stripped me of all my brain cells. I do know what is going on day to day. I do have things I spend money on, like grocery shopping and clothes shopping (I buy all his clothes). He trusts me to know what we need when, and to spend an appropriate amount of money.

Aside from the general day to day shopping expenses, I report to him. I tell him, "we need to buy a new <whatever>, so let's discuss how and when we will make that purchase." We discuss, he decides. I support the decision.

Of course part of this is planning for our future retirement. We are both on board for what we need to do for this.

I don't expect this relationship to end until one of us dies, but if it did BOTH of us would be falling all over ourselves to be fair to the other in every way, including financially. Now, I know this is the way this man is, he and I have been through a *lot.*

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I don't expect this relationship to end until one of us dies, but if it did BOTH of us would be falling all over ourselves to be fair to the other in every way, including financially. Now, I know this is the way this man is, he and I have been through a *lot.*

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

If I am casually dating someone, I prefer to pay for my own food and movie tickets. And, while I will accept gifts, I won't accept anything expensive or extravagant. At that stage in the game, when you are just getting to know someone, I feel icky about letting the man pay. Because, hell, on the third date you may find out you two are not compatible, and now he's spent all this money on you? It just doesn't feel right to me. If you each pay for your own half of the date, if it doesn't work out, you can shrug your shoulders and say, "At least it was a nice dinner. It was worth the $20 I spent on myself." I'll only budge if the man really, really insists.